The Charts Below Give Information About World Spending and Population. Summarise the Information by Selecting and Reporting the Main Features, and Make Comparisons Where Relevant.

The graphs depicts world population and how people allocate their budget for various purposes.
Overall, it is obvious that people spend the smallest amount of their money on clothing. In addition, the majority of the world population is Asian.
As for world spending, top of the list was the spending on food, claiming 24%. This is then followed by that of housing, amounting to 12%. Ranked in third place is the percentage of transport, taking up 18%, which is 6% higher than that of housing. Besides, people allocate the largest amount of their money for other purposes, claming 40%.
Looking at the world population, 57% of the population in the world is Asian, which is fifth as much as that of Africa. Meanwhile, the population distributed in two regions including America and Europe is similar, occupying 14%. Finally, there is only 5% population in other regions.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The graphs depicts" -> "The graphs depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is the correct verb form when referring to multiple graphs, requiring the plural form "graphs depict."
"how people allocate their budget for various purposes" -> "how individuals allocate their budgets for various purposes"
Explanation: Using "individuals" instead of "people" enhances the formality of the language, and "budgets" (plural) is necessary to match the plural context of "various purposes."
"people spend the smallest amount of their money on clothing" -> "individuals allocate the smallest proportion of their budgets to clothing"
Explanation: "Allocate" is a more precise verb than "spend" in this context, and "proportion" is more specific than "amount," aligning better with academic style.
"the majority of the world population is Asian" -> "the majority of the global population is Asian"
Explanation: "Global" is a more precise and formal term than "world," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"top of the list was the spending on food" -> "the top category was food expenditure"
Explanation: "Category" is more specific than "list," and "expenditure" is a more formal term than "spending."
"This is then followed by that of housing, amounting to 12%" -> "This is followed by housing expenditure, which accounts for 12%"
Explanation: "Expenditure" is more specific than "that of housing," and "accounts for" is a more formal way of expressing the proportion.
"Ranked in third place is the percentage of transport" -> "Ranked third is transportation expenditure"
Explanation: "Transportation expenditure" is a more precise and formal term than "percentage of transport."
"people allocate the largest amount of their money for other purposes, claming 40%" -> "individuals allocate the largest proportion of their budgets to other purposes, amounting to 40%"
Explanation: "Individuals" is preferred over "people" for formality, and "proportion" and "amounting to" are more precise and formal than "amount of" and "claming."
"fifth as much as that of Africa" -> "approximately one-fifth the size of that of Africa"
Explanation: "Approximately one-fifth the size of" is a more precise and formal way to express the comparison.
"the population distributed in two regions including America and Europe" -> "the population distributed across two regions, including North America and Europe"
Explanation: "Across" is more precise than "in" for describing distribution, and "North America" is more specific than "America."
"occupying 14%" -> "accounting for 14%"
Explanation: "Accounting for" is a more formal expression than "occupying" in this context, which is typically used for physical space rather than percentages.
"there is only 5% population in other regions" -> "there is only 5% of the population in other regions"
Explanation: Adding "of the population" clarifies the meaning and maintains grammatical correctness.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main features of the charts. The essay recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay needs to be more focused on presenting an overview of the main features of the charts. The essay should also avoid recounting details mechanically. The essay should present a clear overview of the main trends, differences, or stages. The essay should also clearly present and highlight key features/bullet points. The essay should be more fully extended.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization; however, there is a lack of overall progression in the ideas presented. While it attempts to compare spending and population statistics, the connections between the two topics are not clearly articulated, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as the phrase "this is then followed by that of housing," which could be clearer. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay does not clearly separate the discussion of spending from that of population, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay should establish clearer connections between ideas and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and avoiding repetition would also help. Additionally, organizing the information in a more logical sequence and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic would improve the overall clarity and flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the graphs depicts" (should be "depict") and "claming" (should be "claiming"). Additionally, phrases like "the majority of the world population is Asian" could be expressed more precisely. While the vocabulary used does not impede communication, the presence of errors in spelling and word formation suggests that the essay falls within the Band 6 criteria.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more sophisticated lexical items accurately. They should also ensure grammatical accuracy, particularly in subject-verb agreement and spelling. Practicing the use of collocations and refining their word choice will enhance clarity and precision in conveying ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with the criteria for Band 6. While there are some attempts at using complex structures, the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "the graphs depicts" (should be "the graphs depict") and "claming" (should be "claiming"). These errors do not severely hinder communication, but they do indicate a lack of control over grammatical accuracy.

How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety of sentence structures used, ensuring that complex sentences are constructed accurately. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes would help improve overall clarity and coherence. Practicing writing with a focus on accuracy and complexity can lead to a stronger command of grammar and a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graphs depict world population and how people allocate their budgets for various purposes. Overall, it is evident that individuals spend the smallest proportion of their money on clothing. Additionally, the majority of the world population is Asian.

In terms of world spending, the highest expenditure is on food, which accounts for 24%. This is followed by housing, which amounts to 12%. Ranked in third place is transport, taking up 18%, which is 6% higher than housing. Furthermore, people allocate the largest portion of their budget to other purposes, claiming 40%.

Regarding world population, 57% of the global population is Asian, which is five times that of Africa. Meanwhile, the populations in the two regions of America and Europe are similar, each occupying 14%. Finally, only 5% of the population resides in other regions.