Task 2: Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Many individuals are of the claim that the governments should take the responsibility for conducting research in science rather than letting private organizations take over. In my view, although the latter offers some short-term advantages, the former should be encouraged in regard to long-term benefits.

On the one hand, private enterprise can be an optimal option in some circumstances. First and foremost, scientific research projects led by private units are more flexible in comparison to those of the government agencies. Since private companies are established and operated by individuals, they are not under pressure to fulfill the needs and aspirations of a whole society. As a result, these organizations easily adapt to market changes. Furthermore, many scientists, either professional or amateur, opt for private agencies due to their efficiency and innovation. In this day and age, with the intense rivalry between different organizations, private companies sometimes encounter financial burdens. Therefore, they often have strong incentives to innovate and develop products quickly, driven by the desire for profit.

Despite the above arguments, there are some major persuasive rationales which explain why scientific research controlled by governments should be prioritized. The most obvious reason is ethical considerations. Government oversight can help ensure that research is conducted ethically and responsibly, especially in areas with potential moral dilemmas. Stem cell research is a prime example, where the use of embryonic stem cells involves the destruction of a potential human life, raising moral and philosophical questions. Another facet worth mentioning is human rights, since government-funded research can prioritize projects that benefit society as a whole, rather than those that concentrate on immediate financial returns. For instance, climate change research from government agencies contributes significantly to the well-being of citizens worldwide.

In conclusion, in spite of the flexibility, creativity and efficiency that private-funded research provides, I strongly agree that the government should be in charge of research when it comes to science due to ethical concerns and mutual interest.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many individuals are of the claim that" -> "Many individuals claim that"
Explanation: The phrase "are of the claim that" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. Simplifying it to "claim that" improves the sentence structure and clarity, aligning with formal academic language.
"the governments should take the responsibility" -> "governments should assume the responsibility"
Explanation: "Take the responsibility" is a bit informal and vague. "Assume the responsibility" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"the latter offers some short-term advantages" -> "the latter provides some short-term benefits"
Explanation: "Advantages" can be replaced with "benefits" to maintain a more formal tone and to align with the context of discussing scientific research.
"optimal option" -> "optimal choice"
Explanation: "Option" is slightly informal and less specific in this context. "Choice" is more precise and commonly used in formal academic writing.
"are more flexible in comparison to" -> "are more flexible than"
Explanation: "In comparison to" is verbose and can be simplified to "than" for a more direct and formal comparison.
"are not under pressure to fulfill the needs and aspirations of a whole society" -> "are not obligated to meet the needs and aspirations of society"
Explanation: "Under pressure to fulfill" is somewhat informal and vague. "Obligated to meet" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"opt for private agencies" -> "choose private agencies"
Explanation: "Opt for" is slightly informal and less direct. "Choose" is straightforward and appropriate for formal academic discourse.
"In this day and age" -> "currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and fits the academic style better.
"encounter financial burdens" -> "face financial challenges"
Explanation: "Encounter financial burdens" is slightly informal and less precise. "Face financial challenges" is more commonly used in formal writing and is clearer.
"strong incentives to innovate and develop products quickly" -> "strong incentives to innovate and rapidly develop products"
Explanation: "Quickly" is somewhat informal and vague. "Rapidly" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic contexts.
"government-funded research can prioritize projects" -> "government-funded research prioritizes projects"
Explanation: "Can prioritize" is less definitive and less formal. "Prioritizes" is more assertive and appropriate for academic writing.
"contributes significantly to the well-being of citizens worldwide" -> "significantly contributes to the global well-being of citizens"
Explanation: "Contributes significantly to the well-being of citizens worldwide" is a bit wordy and informal. "Significantly contributes to the global well-being of citizens" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of government versus private control of scientific research. The author acknowledges the benefits of private research, such as flexibility and innovation, while also providing strong arguments for government oversight, particularly concerning ethical considerations and societal benefits. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a more explicit discussion of the disadvantages of government-controlled research, which would provide a clearer contrast to the advantages of private research. Additionally, more specific examples of both government and private research outcomes could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that government control of scientific research is preferable due to ethical and societal considerations. The author consistently supports this viewpoint throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, where they reaffirm their stance. The use of phrases like "I strongly agree" reinforces this clarity.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the potential benefits of private research, perhaps by acknowledging that there are contexts in which private research could be beneficial. This would not only demonstrate a well-rounded perspective but also enhance the essay’s argumentative depth.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of ethical considerations and societal benefits of government-funded research. The use of examples, such as stem cell research and climate change, provides concrete support for the arguments made. The author also extends their ideas by discussing the implications of private research’s flexibility and innovation.
- How to improve: To further develop ideas, the author could include more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the consequences of both government and private research. This would provide additional depth and context to the arguments, making them more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, consistently addressing the question of whether the advantages of government control outweigh the disadvantages. The structure of the essay, with clear paragraphs dedicated to each side of the argument, helps maintain this focus.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central question. For instance, when discussing the advantages of private research, it could be beneficial to explicitly link these points back to the overall question of whether they outweigh the disadvantages. This would reinforce the relevance of each argument to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-reasoned argument. By incorporating more specific examples and ensuring that all points are directly tied to the prompt, the author could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The arguments are organized into two main sections: the advantages of private research and the reasons for government control. Each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the flexibility and innovation of private research, while the second body paragraph addresses ethical considerations and societal benefits of government-controlled research. This organization aids the reader in following the writer’s line of reasoning.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, the writer could consider using more explicit transitional phrases between points within paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "In addition to this," or "Conversely," could help clarify the relationship between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, while the body paragraphs each tackle a different viewpoint. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments and reiterates the writer’s stance. The paragraphing is clear and contributes to the readability of the essay.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could benefit from ensuring that each paragraph has a clear concluding sentence that reinforces the main point. For example, after discussing the advantages of private research, a sentence summarizing how these advantages compare to government oversight could strengthen the transition to the next paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "despite the above arguments," and "in conclusion." These devices help to signal shifts in argument and clarify the writer’s position. Additionally, the use of examples, such as "Stem cell research" and "climate change research," provides clarity and supports the arguments made. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to further enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more varied linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "however," and "for instance." This would not only improve the fluidity of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used appropriately and not repetitively would enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a Band Score of 8. By focusing on enhancing transitions, reinforcing paragraph conclusions, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further elevate the clarity and effectiveness of their arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "optimal option," "ethical considerations," and "financial burdens" effectively conveying complex ideas. The use of phrases like "in this day and age" and "major persuasive rationales" shows an ability to use less common lexical items. However, there are instances where vocabulary choices could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "private" and "government" could be diversified with synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases for "private" (e.g., "commercial," "corporate") and "government" (e.g., "public sector," "state-run") to avoid repetition and enrich the vocabulary. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary in some areas, such as "financial incentives" instead of "strong incentives," could elevate the lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, with terms like "ethical considerations" and "moral dilemmas" clearly conveying the intended meaning. However, there are moments of imprecision, such as the phrase "the latter offers some short-term advantages," where "the latter" could be more explicitly defined to avoid ambiguity. Additionally, the phrase "the destruction of a potential human life" could be seen as overly vague; specifying "embryonic stem cells" earlier in the sentence would clarify the context.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that all references are clear and unambiguous. For instance, instead of using "the latter," explicitly restating "private organizations" would improve clarity. Furthermore, the writer should aim to use more specific terms when discussing complex topics, such as "ethical implications of embryonic research" instead of "destruction of a potential human life," to provide a clearer understanding of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words like "responsibility," "conducting," and "innovation" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: While the spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to practice spelling through regular reading and writing exercises. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers and engaging in vocabulary-building activities can help maintain this level of accuracy. Additionally, proofreading the essay for any overlooked typographical errors can further ensure that spelling remains impeccable.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band 7 score. By focusing on enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "on the one hand" and "despite the above arguments" effectively introduces contrasting ideas. Additionally, the sentence "Since private companies are established and operated by individuals, they are not under pressure to fulfill the needs and aspirations of a whole society" showcases a complex structure that enhances clarity and depth. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be further diversified, particularly in the use of passive voice or conditional clauses, which are less frequently employed.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more passive constructions (e.g., "Research should be conducted by governments" instead of "the government should take the responsibility for conducting research"). Additionally, using conditional sentences (e.g., "If private companies were in charge, ethical concerns might be overlooked") could provide more nuanced arguments and demonstrate a broader grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains high grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "the governments should take the responsibility" could be more succinctly stated as "governments should take responsibility." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "especially in areas with potential moral dilemmas" to separate the clause more clearly. Overall, the essay reflects a strong command of grammar and punctuation, which contributes positively to the overall coherence of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on eliminating unnecessary words for conciseness. For example, revise "the responsibility for conducting research in science" to "responsibility for scientific research." Additionally, reviewing comma usage in complex sentences can help clarify meaning and improve readability. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on common errors can also reinforce accurate usage.

In summary, the essay effectively utilizes a wide range of grammatical structures and demonstrates strong accuracy, justifying the Band 8 score. By diversifying sentence structures further and refining grammatical precision, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals claim that governments should assume the responsibility for conducting scientific research rather than allowing private organizations to take over. In my view, although the latter provides some short-term benefits, the former should be encouraged in regard to long-term advantages.

On the one hand, private enterprises can be an optimal choice in certain circumstances. First and foremost, scientific research projects led by private entities are more flexible than those conducted by government agencies. Since private companies are established and operated by individuals, they are not obligated to meet the needs and aspirations of society as a whole. As a result, these organizations can easily adapt to market changes. Furthermore, many scientists, whether professional or amateur, choose private agencies due to their efficiency and innovation. Currently, with the intense rivalry among different organizations, private companies sometimes face financial challenges. Therefore, they often have strong incentives to innovate and rapidly develop products, driven by the desire for profit.

Despite the above arguments, there are some major persuasive reasons why scientific research controlled by governments should be prioritized. The most obvious reason is ethical considerations. Government oversight can help ensure that research is conducted ethically and responsibly, especially in areas with potential moral dilemmas. Stem cell research is a prime example, where the use of embryonic stem cells involves the destruction of a potential human life, raising moral and philosophical questions. Another important aspect is human rights, as government-funded research can prioritize projects that benefit society as a whole, rather than those that focus solely on immediate financial returns. For instance, climate change research from government agencies significantly contributes to the global well-being of citizens.

In conclusion, despite the flexibility, creativity, and efficiency that private-funded research provides, I strongly agree that the government should be in charge of scientific research due to ethical concerns and the mutual interest of society.