the diagram below shows the energy lost per 100 units when the electricity is generated from black coal and when the electricicty is generated from brown coal

The diagrams illustrate how much energy is lost for every 100 units during electricity generation from black coal versus brown coal.

Overall, the processes comprise a number of steps that are almost identical, with some differences in energy loss percentages, beginning with processing the coal and ending with consumer consumption.

At the beginning of the processes, both the kinds of coal are put into generation for 100 units after which black coal and brown coal lost 68 units and 73 units, respectively, at the power station.
After these stages, the black coal remains 32 units, while for the brown coal, it is 5 unit less.

The processes continue with both kinds of coal similarly going through transmission and distribution stages. The amount of energy loss at these stages from both sources is the same, standing at 3 units. At the final stages of the processes, there are 29 units of black coal left, compared to 24 units left of brown coal for the consumers to use.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagrams illustrate how much energy is lost for every 100 units during electricity generation from black coal versus brown coal." -> "The diagrams depict the energy losses per 100 units of electricity generated from black coal and brown coal."
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal and vague. The revised version is more precise and formal, clearly specifying the context and the comparison being made.
"Overall, the processes comprise a number of steps that are almost identical, with some differences in energy loss percentages, beginning with processing the coal and ending with consumer consumption." -> "The processes involve a series of steps that are largely identical, with varying energy loss percentages, from coal processing to consumer consumption."
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat awkward and informal. The revision streamlines the sentence structure and enhances the academic tone by using more formal vocabulary.
"At the beginning of the processes, both the kinds of coal are put into generation for 100 units after which black coal and brown coal lost 68 units and 73 units, respectively, at the power station." -> "Initially, both types of coal are used to generate 100 units of electricity, resulting in 68 units and 73 units of energy loss, respectively, at the power station."
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and uses informal phrasing. The revision clarifies the sequence of events and uses more precise language.
"After these stages, the black coal remains 32 units, while for the brown coal, it is 5 unit less." -> "Following these stages, 32 units of energy remain for black coal, whereas brown coal retains 5 units less."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning, enhancing readability and formality.
"The processes continue with both kinds of coal similarly going through transmission and distribution stages." -> "The processes proceed with both types of coal undergoing transmission and distribution stages."
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal and imprecise. The revision uses more formal language and clarifies the action of the processes.
"The amount of energy loss at these stages from both sources is the same, standing at 3 units." -> "The energy losses at these stages from both sources are identical, amounting to 3 units."
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal and lacks precision. The revision uses more formal language and specifies the nature of the equality.
"At the final stages of the processes, there are 29 units of black coal left, compared to 24 units left of brown coal for the consumers to use." -> "At the conclusion of the processes, 29 units of black coal and 24 units of brown coal remain for consumer use."
Explanation: The original sentence is wordy and informal. The revision is concise and maintains a formal tone, focusing on the outcome rather than the process.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and structure to better suit an academic context, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the information in the diagram, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences between the two types of coal. It also does not adequately highlight the key features of the diagram. For example, the essay does not mention that the energy loss at the power station is significantly higher for brown coal than for black coal.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the information in the diagram. The essay should also highlight the key features of the diagram, such as the differences in energy loss between the two types of coal. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary repetition.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay arranges information and ideas coherently and demonstrates a clear overall progression. The use of cohesive devices is effective but somewhat mechanical, and there are minor issues with cohesion within and between sentences. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically, as the essay could benefit from more distinct separation of ideas and stages in the process.

How to improve:

Enhance Paragraphing: Clearly separate the stages of the process into distinct paragraphs to improve logical flow and readability.
Improve Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs more naturally. Avoid mechanical repetition of phrases.
Clarify Referencing: Ensure that references to quantities and stages are clear and consistent to avoid confusion. For example, specify which "stages" are being referred to when discussing energy loss.
Detail and Specificity: Add more specific details and examples to illustrate the differences between the processes, which can help in creating more coherent and cohesive paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It uses terms related to energy generation and loss, such as "processing," "generation," "transmission," and "distribution." However, the vocabulary is somewhat basic and lacks the sophistication or variety expected at higher band levels. There are attempts to use less common vocabulary, but inaccuracies are present, such as "5 unit less" instead of "5 units less," which detracts from the overall clarity. Additionally, there are minor errors in word formation and spelling, such as "electricity" being misspelled as "electricicty," which could cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and precise terms related to energy generation. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and grammatical errors would improve clarity. Using varied sentence structures and more complex vocabulary would also help demonstrate greater lexical flexibility and control.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While the writer attempts to convey the information clearly, there are several grammatical errors present, such as "the black coal remains 32 units, while for the brown coal, it is 5 unit less," where "unit" should be pluralized to "units." Additionally, the phrase "both the kinds of coal are put into generation for 100 units" could be more clearly articulated. These errors do not significantly impede communication, but they do indicate a lack of control over grammatical structures.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety and complexity of sentence structures while ensuring grammatical accuracy. This could involve practicing the use of subordinate clauses and more sophisticated linking phrases. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors in grammar and punctuation would enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams illustrate the energy lost per 100 units during electricity generation from black coal compared to brown coal.

Overall, the processes consist of several steps that are nearly identical, with some differences in energy loss percentages, starting with the processing of coal and concluding with consumer consumption.

At the outset of the processes, both types of coal are input for generation at 100 units, after which black coal loses 68 units, while brown coal loses 73 units at the power station. Following these stages, black coal retains 32 units, whereas brown coal has 5 units less.

The processes continue with both types of coal undergoing similar transmission and distribution stages. The energy loss at these stages from both sources is identical, amounting to 3 units. In the final stages of the processes, 29 units of black coal remain, compared to 24 units of brown coal available for consumers.