Many people are now spending more and more time traveling to work or school, some people believe that this has negative development while others think there are some benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The amount of time commuting to the workplace or educational institutions is rapidly growing. Meanwhile, others argue that there are some positive aspects to this tendency but I believe it has far more significant negatives.
On the one hand, there is no denying that this is an excellent opportunity for both employees and students to enjoy themselves.For example, students or colleges spend nearly thirty minutes or a hour each day traveling to school by bus or public transport, which is the great moment for them to learn by heart their knowledge or get their assignments done. Similarly, office workers also complete their plans and prepare for work on this day. Moreover, spending time commuting on public transport is one of the best ways to unwind since passengers not only solely engage in exciting activities such as listening to music or reading book, but they are also immersed in nature with many beautiful scenes along the long road to recharge and fulfill energy.
On the other hand, there are some drawbacks in spending time traveling to work or school. Firstly, prolonged sitting for a long time on a means of transport directly impacts on health. This can be exemplified that commuting by bus in the long-term has resulted in variety of health problems, including heart disease, backache and so on. Furthermore, if people driving their private vehicles, it is very dangerous because they are exhausted and cannot concentrate on driving, which lead to accidents.
In conclusion, although there are some benefits to spending long traveling time everyday to work or study, there is no doubting that the disadvantages have a directly impact on the quality of human life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The amount of time commuting to the workplace or educational institutions is rapidly growing." -> "The duration of commuting to workplaces and educational institutions is increasing rapidly."
Explanation: The phrase "The amount of time" is somewhat vague and informal. "Duration" is more precise and formal, and using "workplaces and educational institutions" instead of "the workplace or educational institutions" provides a clearer and more inclusive reference.
"Meanwhile, others argue that there are some positive aspects to this tendency" -> "Meanwhile, some argue that there are certain benefits to this trend"
Explanation: "Tendency" is less specific than "trend," which is more commonly used in academic discourse to describe ongoing patterns. "Certain benefits" is more precise than "some positive aspects," which is somewhat vague.
"I believe it has far more significant negatives" -> "I contend that the negatives far outweigh the positives"
Explanation: "I contend" is a stronger, more academic expression than "I believe," and "the negatives far outweigh the positives" is a more precise and formal way to describe the imbalance.
"there is no denying that this is an excellent opportunity" -> "it is undeniable that this presents an excellent opportunity"
Explanation: "It is undeniable" is a more formal and assertive way to express certainty, and "presents" is more precise than "is" in this context.
"spend nearly thirty minutes or a hour each day" -> "spend nearly thirty minutes or an hour each day"
Explanation: "An hour" should be used instead of "a hour" for grammatical correctness.
"the great moment for them to learn by heart their knowledge" -> "an ideal time for them to commit their knowledge to memory"
Explanation: "Commit their knowledge to memory" is a more formal and precise way to describe the act of memorizing, replacing the colloquial "learn by heart."
"get their assignments done" -> "complete their assignments"
Explanation: "Get their assignments done" is informal; "complete their assignments" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"spending time commuting on public transport is one of the best ways to unwind" -> "commuting on public transport is an effective means of relaxation"
Explanation: "An effective means of relaxation" is more formal and academically appropriate than "one of the best ways to unwind."
"passengers not only solely engage in exciting activities" -> "passengers not only engage in various activities"
Explanation: "Solely" is redundant when used with "not only," and "various" is more precise than "exciting" in this context.
"recharge and fulfill energy" -> "recharge and replenish their energy"
Explanation: "Replenish their energy" is a more precise and formal way to describe the replenishment of energy.
"prolonged sitting for a long time on a means of transport" -> "prolonged sitting on public transport"
Explanation: "On a means of transport" is redundant; "on public transport" is more concise and clear.
"This can be exemplified that commuting by bus in the long-term has resulted in variety of health problems" -> "This is exemplified by the fact that long-term bus commuting has led to a variety of health problems"
Explanation: "This is exemplified by the fact that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce an example, and "led to a variety of health problems" corrects the grammatical error in "has resulted in variety of health problems."
"if people driving their private vehicles" -> "if individuals drive their private vehicles"
Explanation: "If individuals drive" is grammatically correct and more formal than "if people driving."
"which lead to accidents" -> "which can lead to accidents"
Explanation: Adding "can" makes the statement conditional and more accurate, reflecting the possibility rather than certainty of accidents occurring.
"there is no doubting that the disadvantages have a directly impact" -> "there is no doubt that the disadvantages have a direct impact"
Explanation: "No doubting" is incorrect; "no doubt" is the correct idiom. Also, "direct" should be used instead of "directly" for grammatical correctness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding the time spent commuting to work or school. The first paragraph discusses the positive aspects, such as opportunities for personal enjoyment and productivity during the commute. The second paragraph outlines the negative impacts, particularly on health and safety. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced discussion of both views, as the positive aspects are less developed compared to the negatives.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide equal weight to both perspectives. This could involve adding more examples or elaborating on the benefits of commuting, such as social interactions or the potential for learning new skills during travel. Additionally, a clearer transition between the two viewpoints could help create a more cohesive argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is stated clearly in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, indicating a belief that the negatives outweigh the positives. However, the essay could benefit from a more consistent reinforcement of this position throughout the body paragraphs. For instance, while the positives are mentioned, the writer does not explicitly counter these points with their own arguments, which could lead to confusion about their stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently link back to their opinion after discussing each point. For example, after presenting the benefits of commuting, they could follow up with a statement that emphasizes how these benefits are overshadowed by the negatives. This would create a stronger argumentative thread throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the potential for productivity during commutes and health issues related to prolonged sitting. However, some ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the mention of health problems could be expanded with more specific data or studies to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the examples provided are somewhat generic and could benefit from more specific instances or personal anecdotes.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on key points by providing more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing health impacts, they could include statistics or research findings to substantiate their claims. This would not only enhance the credibility of the argument but also engage the reader more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay remains focused on the topic of commuting and its effects. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the phrase "immersed in nature with many beautiful scenes along the long road" could be seen as slightly tangential, as it does not directly relate to the core argument about the benefits and drawbacks of commuting.
- How to improve: To maintain tighter focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. They could also consider using topic sentences that clearly outline how each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, reinforcing the relevance of each point to the discussion of commuting’s benefits and drawbacks.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant points, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion, clearer reinforcement of the writer’s position, deeper development of ideas, and tighter focus on the topic. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of commuting to the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" helps to delineate the two perspectives, but the connection between ideas within paragraphs could be stronger. For example, the mention of students and office workers in the same sentence without a clear transition can confuse readers about the focus of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using topic sentences that clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point logically follows from the previous one. For instance, after discussing the benefits of commuting, a sentence summarizing these benefits before transitioning to the drawbacks could help maintain coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and content. The first body paragraph discussing the benefits is quite lengthy and contains multiple ideas, while the second paragraph on drawbacks is shorter and less developed. This imbalance can disrupt the flow and make it harder for readers to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by ensuring that each paragraph contains a similar amount of information and depth. Consider breaking down the first body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the benefits for students and another for office workers. This would allow for a more thorough exploration of each point and improve overall clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "meanwhile," "for example," and "moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For instance, the phrase "spending time commuting" is used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall fluidity of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate synonyms and alternative phrases to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "spending time commuting," consider variations like "the commute," "traveling," or "the journey to work/school." Additionally, using more advanced cohesive devices such as "consequently," "in contrast," or "furthermore" can enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the overall coherence.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "commuting," "educational institutions," and "prolonged sitting." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "spending time commuting" and "traveling to work or school," which could be varied further. Additionally, phrases such as "great moment" and "long road" lack sophistication and could be expressed with more nuanced vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "spending time commuting," alternatives like "the daily commute" or "traveling to one’s workplace" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary such as "journey" instead of "road" or "opportunity for personal growth" instead of "great moment" would elevate the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "get their assignments done," which could be more formally expressed as "complete their assignments." The phrase "immersed in nature with many beautiful scenes" is also vague and could be articulated more clearly to convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the context. For example, instead of "engage in exciting activities," a more precise phrase could be "participate in enjoyable pastimes." Additionally, the writer should avoid vague descriptors and aim for specificity, such as "enjoying scenic views" instead of "many beautiful scenes."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "colleges" (should be "college students"), "a hour" (should be "an hour"), and "variety" (should be "a variety"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and familiarizing oneself with the correct forms can help reduce errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both views effectively, improvements can be made in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "there is no denying that this is an excellent opportunity" and "spending time commuting on public transport is one of the best ways to unwind" showcases the ability to construct varied sentences. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in listing benefits and drawbacks, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For example, instead of saying "students or colleges spend nearly thirty minutes or a hour each day traveling to school by bus," the writer could use a relative clause: "students, who often spend nearly thirty minutes to an hour each day traveling to school by bus, find this time beneficial." Additionally, varying the introductory phrases of sentences can help maintain reader interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "students or colleges" is incorrect; it should be "students or college students." The phrase "which is the great moment for them to learn by heart their knowledge" is awkwardly constructed and could be improved for clarity. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases (e.g., "Meanwhile, others argue…") and before conjunctions in compound sentences (e.g., "but I believe…").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper noun usage. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify meaning. For punctuation, the writer should review rules regarding commas, particularly in complex sentences and lists. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for corrections before final submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the noted weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The duration of commuting to workplaces and educational institutions is increasing rapidly. Meanwhile, some argue that there are certain benefits to this trend, but I contend that the negatives far outweigh the positives.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that this presents an excellent opportunity for both employees and students to enjoy themselves. For example, students or college attendees spend nearly thirty minutes to an hour each day traveling to school by bus or public transport, which is an ideal time for them to commit their knowledge to memory or complete their assignments. Similarly, office workers can also use this time to finalize their plans and prepare for the day ahead. Moreover, commuting on public transport is an effective means of relaxation, as passengers not only engage in various activities such as listening to music or reading books, but they are also immersed in nature, enjoying many beautiful scenes along the route to recharge and replenish their energy.

On the other hand, there are significant drawbacks to spending time traveling to work or school. Firstly, prolonged sitting on public transport directly impacts health. This is exemplified by the fact that long-term bus commuting has led to a variety of health problems, including heart disease and back pain. Furthermore, if individuals drive their private vehicles, it can be very dangerous, as they may become exhausted and unable to concentrate on driving, which can lead to accidents.

In conclusion, although there are some benefits to spending long periods traveling to work or study, there is no doubt that the disadvantages have a direct impact on the quality of human life.