cost of living
cost of living
Nowadays, some countries can increase their cost and it can cause many difficult for people’s life. In this essay, I will discuss about the effect on individuals and society, and I will give solution to solve this issues.
If the cost in some countries increase, the people’s life can deal with numerous things about their money. First, it can difficult for people to save money. For example, when people pay more money to serve their lives, they can face to face more difficult to keep money for their goal in their future like emergency fund. Last, it can effects for poor families. For example, some families have low income can deal with severe impact because they must spend more cash to help their life. It can make them even more miserable and poor.
Beside, It can result for society. First, increase demand for social services. For example, currency increase can cause more problems like more poor people need to help them from social services, and it can make financial burden government. Last, it can become not equal for people economy. For example, when the cost rise, the gap between high and low salary may become terrible. So, it can effect high social inequality and cause social unrest.
This essay is the big problems, so I have 2 solution for this issues. Firstly, the government should support for goods and services because it can decrease burden from economic. Lastly, the government may provide the cash for health care because this way can help people reduce the burden of medical costs.
In conclusion, increase cash is the terrible problem for many people in many countries, so the government should intervene to promptly handle.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays." -
"can increase their cost" -> "may increase their costs"
Explanation: "May" is more appropriate than "can" in formal writing, indicating possibility rather than certainty. Also, "costs" is plural to reflect the generalization about multiple aspects of life being affected. -
"it can cause many difficult for people’s life" -> "it can pose numerous challenges to people’s lives"
Explanation: "Pose numerous challenges" is a more precise and formal way to describe the difficulties caused by increased costs, replacing the awkward and incorrect "many difficult for people’s life." -
"I will discuss about" -> "I will discuss"
Explanation: "Discuss about" is grammatically incorrect; "discuss" alone is sufficient and more formal. -
"solve this issues" -> "address this issue"
Explanation: "Address" is more specific and formal than "solve," and "issue" should be singular to match the singular verb "address." -
"it can difficult for people to save money" -> "it can be difficult for people to save money"
Explanation: Adding "be" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence grammatically correct and more formal. -
"face to face more difficult" -> "face more difficulties"
Explanation: "Face to face more difficult" is incorrect; "face more difficulties" is grammatically correct and clearer. -
"effects for poor families" -> "affects poor families"
Explanation: "Affects" is the correct verb form to use in this context, indicating the impact on poor families. -
"Beside" -> "Besides"
Explanation: "Besides" is the correct adverbial form to use in formal writing, indicating addition or another point. -
"increase demand for social services" -> "increase in demand for social services"
Explanation: Adding "in" before "demand" corrects the prepositional phrase, making the sentence grammatically correct and clearer. -
"make financial burden government" -> "create a financial burden on the government"
Explanation: "Create a financial burden on the government" is grammatically correct and more formal, clarifying the direction of the burden. -
"become not equal for people economy" -> "create economic inequality among people"
Explanation: "Create economic inequality among people" is a more precise and formal way to express the impact on economic equality. -
"So, it can effect high social inequality" -> "This can exacerbate high social inequality"
Explanation: "Exacerbate" is a more precise and formal term than "effect," and it correctly indicates the worsening of social inequality. -
"This essay is the big problems" -> "This essay addresses significant problems"
Explanation: "Addresses significant problems" is grammatically correct and more formal, replacing the awkward and incorrect "This essay is the big problems." -
"support for goods and services" -> "support for goods and services"
Explanation: "Support for goods and services" is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone. -
"the government may provide the cash for health care" -> "the government could provide financial assistance for healthcare"
Explanation: "Could provide financial assistance for healthcare" is more precise and formal, replacing the informal "cash" and the less formal "health care." -
"increase cash is the terrible problem" -> "the increase in cash is a significant problem"
Explanation: "The increase in cash is a significant problem" corrects the grammatical structure and uses more formal language.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt regarding the cost of living by discussing its effects on individuals and society, as well as proposing solutions. However, the response lacks depth and clarity in fully addressing the complexities of the issue. For instance, while the author mentions the difficulties faced by individuals and families, the explanations are vague and do not sufficiently explore the nuances of how rising costs impact different demographics. Additionally, the proposed solutions are not elaborated upon, making it difficult to understand their feasibility or effectiveness.
- How to improve: To better answer all parts of the question, the writer should ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored. This includes providing specific examples and data to illustrate the effects of rising costs on various groups, as well as detailing the proposed solutions with clear rationale and potential outcomes.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that rising costs are problematic and require government intervention. However, the position is not consistently clear throughout the essay. The introduction states the intention to discuss effects and solutions, but the transitions between these sections are abrupt, leading to confusion about the main argument. For instance, the shift from discussing individual impacts to societal impacts lacks a clear connective thread.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion can reinforce the writer’s stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the effects of rising costs, such as difficulties in saving money and increased demand for social services. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For example, the claim that rising costs lead to increased social inequality is mentioned but not explored in detail, leaving the reader wanting more explanation and context.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, statistics, or case studies. Each idea should be clearly linked to the overall argument, and the writer should aim to explore the implications of each point more thoroughly.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the cost of living and its effects. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the solutions section, which feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding discussion. For instance, the solutions presented do not directly relate back to the specific issues raised earlier in the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made is directly relevant to the topic of the cost of living. Each solution should clearly link back to the problems identified, reinforcing the connection between the issues and the proposed remedies. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a generally logical order, moving from the impact of rising costs on individuals to societal implications and potential solutions. However, the transitions between points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing individual impacts to societal impacts lacks a clear linking sentence that would help the reader follow the progression of ideas more seamlessly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that summarize the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Consequently," can help guide the reader through the argument and clarify the relationships between different points.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure could be improved. Each paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be more effectively separated. For example, the first paragraph combines the effects on individuals and society without clear distinction, which may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: Aim for one main idea per paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. For instance, separate the discussion of individual impacts into one paragraph and societal impacts into another. This will not only clarify your argument but also make it easier for the reader to digest the information presented.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "last," and "beside," but the range is limited, and some phrases are used incorrectly (e.g., "it can cause many difficult"). The use of cohesive devices is essential for guiding the reader through the essay, but the current usage does not sufficiently enhance clarity or coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases. For example, use "Moreover," "Additionally," or "On the other hand" to introduce new ideas or contrast points. Also, ensure that all cohesive devices are used correctly in context. Regular practice with different cohesive devices in writing exercises can help improve this aspect.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, focusing on improving the organization, paragraph structure, and variety of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to the topic of cost of living, such as "cost," "difficult," "impact," "social services," and "inequality." However, the range is limited, and there are instances of repetition (e.g., "difficult" and "poor"). Additionally, phrases like "increase their cost" could be more precisely articulated as "increase in the cost of living" to enhance clarity and variety.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "difficult," consider alternatives like "challenging," "arduous," or "problematic." Expanding vocabulary through reading and practice can help in this regard.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "can deal with numerous things about their money" is vague and could be more directly expressed as "face various financial challenges." Additionally, "it can effects for poor families" is grammatically incorrect and should be "it can have effects on poor families." The phrase "currency increase" is also misleading; it would be clearer to refer to "increased living costs" or "inflation."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by practicing paraphrasing and using contextually appropriate terms. Reviewing grammar rules related to verb forms and prepositions will also aid in achieving more precise language.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "difficult" (used as "difficult" in the context of "many difficult for people’s life"), "effects" (should be "effects on" instead of "effects for"), and "issues" (used as "this issues" instead of "these issues"). These errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct spelling mistakes. Reading more extensively can also reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "it can cause many difficult for people’s life" and "it can make them even more miserable and poor" reflect a basic sentence construction. There are few complex sentences that could enhance the depth of the argument, such as "Although the cost of living is rising, there are ways to mitigate its effects." The lack of variety in sentence types leads to a monotonous reading experience.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "It can make them even more miserable and poor," the writer could say, "As the cost of living increases, families may find themselves in a more precarious financial situation, which exacerbates their misery." Practicing the use of conjunctions (e.g., although, because, since) and relative clauses (e.g., which, that) can help create more complex and engaging sentences.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "it can cause many difficult for people’s life" should be "it can cause many difficulties for people’s lives." The phrase "it can difficult for people to save money" is missing a verb, which should read "it can be difficult for people to save money." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the misuse of commas, are present, particularly in the sentence "Beside, It can result for society," where "Beside" should be "Besides," and "It" should not be capitalized.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and the correct use of articles (e.g., "the" vs. "a"). Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct these errors. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and sentence boundaries, will improve clarity. Reading well-structured essays can also provide insights into proper grammar and punctuation usage.
In summary, while the essay presents a relevant discussion on the cost of living, it requires significant improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical correctness will enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Nowadays, some countries may increase their cost of living, which can pose numerous challenges to people’s lives. In this essay, I will discuss the effects on individuals and society, and I will provide solutions to address this issue.
If the cost of living increases in some countries, individuals may face numerous difficulties regarding their finances. First, it can be difficult for people to save money. For example, when individuals have to spend more to maintain their daily lives, they may find it challenging to set aside funds for future goals, such as an emergency fund. Additionally, this situation affects poor families significantly. Families with low incomes may experience severe impacts because they must spend more cash to meet their basic needs, which can make them even more miserable and impoverished.
Besides, the increase in living costs can also have repercussions for society as a whole. First, there may be an increase in demand for social services. For instance, rising costs can lead to more individuals requiring assistance from social services, which can create a financial burden on the government. Furthermore, this situation can lead to economic inequality among people. As costs rise, the gap between high and low salaries may widen, exacerbating social inequality and potentially causing social unrest.
This essay addresses significant problems, and I have two solutions for these issues. Firstly, the government should provide support for goods and services, as this can alleviate some of the economic burdens faced by individuals. Lastly, the government could offer financial assistance for healthcare, as this approach can help people reduce the burden of medical costs.
In conclusion, the increase in living costs is a significant problem for many people in various countries, and the government should intervene promptly to address this issue.
