Task 1: The table below gives information about the situation of marriage and age from 1960 to 2000 in Australia. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below illustrates data about the number of religious and non- religious marriages and the average age of them between 1960 and 2000 in Australia. Overall, it is clear that, the number of religious marriages was far higher than civil cases and most of the grooms were older than the brides over this period. Additionally, both figures for marriage situations and average ages of the couples increased throughout the period of 40 years, except in 1990. In 1960, a total of 25.000 of religious marriages in Australia, the figure doubled in 1980, the highest number throughout this period. However, it then fell steadily to 32.000 cases in 1990, and saw a a modest increase again to 34.000 cases in 2000. Whereas, there were 8.000 Civil marriages in 1960, which the lowest number throughout this period. This number also rose two times more in 1980, and gradually increased by 7.000 before sharply reaching a peak of 40.000 at the end of the period. In contrast , a similar trend can be seen in the figures for the average age of the couples who got married during this time. In 1960 the majority of the bride were 21 years old, whereas the bridegrooms were 24 years old. There were then rises to 25 and 27 respectively in 1980, and reaching the highest ages in both genders at 30 and 32 respectively in 2000.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The chart below illustrates data about" -> "The chart below presents data on"
Explanation: "Presents data on" is more precise and academically formal than "illustrates data about," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing.
"the number of religious and non- religious marriages and the average age of them" -> "the number of religious and non-religious marriages and the average age of the couples"
Explanation: Adding "the couples" clarifies that the average age refers to the age of the individuals in the marriages, enhancing the precision of the statement.
"it is clear that, the number of religious marriages was far higher than civil cases" -> "it is evident that the number of religious marriages significantly exceeded that of civil cases"
Explanation: "Significantly exceeded" is a more precise and formal way to describe the difference between the numbers, and removing the comma after "that" corrects the grammatical structure.
"most of the grooms were older than the brides" -> "the majority of the grooms were older than the brides"
Explanation: "The majority" is more specific and formal than "most," aligning better with academic style.
"both figures for marriage situations and average ages of the couples increased" -> "both the numbers of marriages and the average ages of the couples increased"
Explanation: "The numbers of marriages" is more specific and formal than "figures for marriage situations," which is vague and less commonly used.
"except in 1990" -> "except in 1990, when"
Explanation: Adding "when" clarifies the exception and improves the flow of the sentence.
"a total of 25.000 of religious marriages" -> "a total of 25,000 religious marriages"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "25.000" corrects the punctuation error, and capitalizing "religious" is unnecessary as it is not a title or proper noun.
"the figure doubled in 1980, the highest number throughout this period" -> "the number doubled in 1980, the highest recorded throughout this period"
Explanation: "The number" is more precise than "the figure," and "recorded" specifies that this is a documented fact.
"a a modest increase again" -> "a modest increase again"
Explanation: Removing the duplicate "a" corrects the grammatical error.
"In contrast, a similar trend can be seen" -> "In contrast, a similar trend is observed"
Explanation: "Is observed" is more formal and academically appropriate than "can be seen," and removing the space before the comma corrects the punctuation.
"the majority of the bride were 21 years old" -> "the majority of the brides were 21 years old"
Explanation: Correcting "bride" to "brides" fixes the grammatical error, and "were" is the correct verb form.
"There were then rises to 25 and 27 respectively in 1980" -> "They then rose to 25 and 27 respectively in 1980"
Explanation: "They" is the correct pronoun to use instead of "There were," and "rose" is the correct verb form for the singular subject "they."

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. There is no data to support the description. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay should provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also provide more data to support the description. The essay should avoid focusing on details and instead focus on the main features of the data. The essay should also be more concise and avoid repetition.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. The main features of the data are summarized effectively, and comparisons are made where relevant. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, with instances of awkward phrasing and repetition (e.g., "the number of religious marriages was far higher than civil cases"). Additionally, there are some issues with referencing and clarity in paragraphing, as the transitions between ideas could be smoother and more logical.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the clarity and variety of cohesive devices used. This includes avoiding repetitive phrases and ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are more fluid. Additionally, improving the logical structure of paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph presents a clear central topic would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay. Lastly, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing would also contribute to a more polished response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, allowing for some flexibility and precision in conveying information. There are attempts to use less common vocabulary, but inaccuracies are present, such as "a total of 25.000" instead of "25,000" and "the figure doubled" which could be more precisely expressed. Additionally, there are some errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the highest number throughout this period" which could be more clearly stated. Spelling errors, like "a a modest increase," also detract from the overall quality but do not impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and ensuring the accuracy of word choice and collocation. Paying attention to spelling and punctuation, particularly with numbers and terms, will also improve clarity. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures can further demonstrate a higher level of lexical control.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. There are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, such as "25.000" instead of "25,000" and "a a modest increase" which indicates a lack of accuracy. While these errors do not significantly hinder communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. The essay generally maintains a coherent structure and presents the information logically, but the grammatical inaccuracies and occasional awkward phrasing prevent it from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors and ensuring proper punctuation. Expanding the range of complex sentence structures and reducing the frequency of errors would also help. Additionally, practicing the use of more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence beginnings could elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart below illustrates data about the number of religious and non-religious marriages and the average age of couples between 1960 and 2000 in Australia. Overall, it is clear that the number of religious marriages was significantly higher than civil marriages, and most of the grooms were older than the brides throughout this period. Additionally, both the figures for marriage types and the average ages of the couples increased over the 40 years, with the exception of 1990.

In 1960, there were a total of 25,000 religious marriages in Australia; this figure doubled to 50,000 in 1980, marking the highest number during this period. However, it then fell steadily to 32,000 cases in 1990, followed by a modest increase to 34,000 cases in 2000. In contrast, there were only 8,000 civil marriages in 1960, the lowest number recorded throughout this period. This figure also rose to 16,000 in 1980 and gradually increased by 7,000 before sharply reaching a peak of 40,000 at the end of the period.

Similarly, a comparable trend can be observed in the average ages of the couples who married during this time. In 1960, the majority of brides were 21 years old, while the bridegrooms were 24 years old. By 1980, these ages had risen to 25 and 27, respectively, reaching their highest ages in both genders at 30 and 32 in 2000.