Task 2: Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extend do you agree or disagree with statement. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and exprience.

It's belive that if people live in development citys, they will have bad health problems. From my point of view, I agree with statement, because of the fllowing reasons.
Firstly, living evironment in big cities influnece bad physical problems. It include dust and smoke which some people suffer from serious lung problems. Currently, many factory was builded in town rather than countryside. Besides, moto and car be used popular. Industry and transport exhaust gas main cause of fine dust, environmental pollution influencing bad people health.
Next, urban people under pressure the mind. Town city include pression from study, employment, position, competition. For example, competition on the urban universitys tenser than rural life. That is cause of serious depression.
All in all, Urban life enable bad mind and physical problems. For this reason, I can accede opinion that living in big cities to impact on people health. In addition, community should give a hand protect evironment. So that our life more and more green and clean.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It’s belive" -> "It is believed"
Explanation: "It’s" is a contraction of "it is," which is informal and inappropriate in academic writing. "It is believed" is the correct form for formal expression of opinion or belief.
"development citys" -> "developing cities"
Explanation: "Development citys" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Developing cities" is the correct term, which refers to cities undergoing growth and development.
"bad health problems" -> "health problems"
Explanation: "Bad" is an adjective that is too informal and vague for academic writing. Using "health problems" alone is more precise and neutral.
"From my point of view, I agree with statement" -> "I concur with this statement"
Explanation: "From my point of view, I agree with statement" is awkwardly phrased and lacks precision. "I concur with this statement" is more direct and formal.
"fllowing reasons" -> "following reasons"
Explanation: "fllowing" is a typographical error. "Following" is the correct spelling.
"living evironment" -> "living environment"
Explanation: "Evironment" is a typographical error. "Environment" is the correct term.
"influnece" -> "influence"
Explanation: "Influnece" is a typographical error. "Influence" is the correct spelling.
"bad physical problems" -> "physical health problems"
Explanation: "Bad physical problems" is vague and informal. "Physical health problems" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing.
"many factory was builded" -> "many factories were built"
Explanation: "Factory was builded" is grammatically incorrect. "Factories were built" corrects the verb tense and pluralizes "factory" to match the context.
"moto and car be used popular" -> "motor vehicles are widely used"
Explanation: "Moto and car be used popular" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Motor vehicles are widely used" is grammatically correct and formal.
"Industry and transport exhaust gas main cause of fine dust" -> "industrial and transportation emissions are the primary cause of fine dust"
Explanation: "Exhaust gas main cause of fine dust" is awkward and unclear. "Industrial and transportation emissions are the primary cause of fine dust" is clearer and more formal.
"urban people under pressure the mind" -> "urban residents face mental pressure"
Explanation: "Urban people under pressure the mind" is awkward and unclear. "Urban residents face mental pressure" is more precise and formal.
"Town city include pression" -> "urban areas experience pressure"
Explanation: "Town city include pression" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Urban areas experience pressure" corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"competition on the urban universitys" -> "competition at urban universities"
Explanation: "Competition on the urban universitys" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Competition at urban universities" corrects the grammar and pluralizes "university" to match the context.
"All in all, Urban life enable bad mind and physical problems" -> "In summary, urban life leads to mental and physical problems"
Explanation: "Enable bad mind" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Leads to mental and physical problems" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"I can accede opinion" -> "I concur with this opinion"
Explanation: "Accede opinion" is incorrect and unclear. "Concur with this opinion" is the correct expression of agreement.
"give a hand protect evironment" -> "assist in protecting the environment"
Explanation: "Give a hand protect evironment" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Assist in protecting the environment" is grammatically correct and formal.
"So that our life more and more green and clean" -> "Thus, our lives will become increasingly green and clean"
Explanation: "So that our life more and more green and clean" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Thus, our lives will become increasingly green and clean" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by agreeing with the statement that living in big cities is detrimental to health. However, it lacks a comprehensive exploration of the topic. The response primarily focuses on two main points: environmental pollution and mental stress, but these points are not sufficiently developed or supported with specific examples. The essay does not adequately address the "to what extent" aspect of the question, which requires a more nuanced discussion of both sides of the argument.
- How to improve: To better answer all parts of the question, the writer should clearly state their position and explore both the advantages and disadvantages of living in big cities. Including counterarguments and acknowledging the potential benefits of urban living would provide a more balanced view. Additionally, the writer should ensure that they elaborate on their points with relevant examples and personal experiences.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that agrees with the statement, but this position is not consistently clear throughout the text. Phrases like "I agree with statement" are vague and lack specificity. The conclusion reiterates the main argument but does not reinforce the writer’s stance effectively.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. Using phrases such as "I firmly believe" or "I strongly agree" can help clarify the position. Additionally, each paragraph should link back to the main argument, ensuring that the reader understands the writer’s stance at all times.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For instance, while the writer mentions pollution and mental stress, these points are not elaborated upon with specific examples or data. The use of vague terms like "bad health problems" and "serious depression" does not provide a clear picture of the issues being discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide specific examples and evidence to back up their claims. This could include statistics on health issues in urban areas, studies linking city living to mental health problems, or personal anecdotes that illustrate the points being made. Each idea should be clearly linked to the main argument and expanded upon to demonstrate its relevance.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the health implications of living in big cities. However, there are moments where the writing becomes vague or strays slightly from the main argument, such as the mention of "community should give a hand protect evironment," which feels disconnected from the earlier points.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the argument. Avoiding unrelated statements and ensuring that all points are relevant to the discussion of health impacts will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph can guide the reader and reinforce the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires significant improvements in development, clarity, and support of ideas to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the organization of ideas lacks clarity and logical progression. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses physical health issues but does not clearly connect to the second paragraph, which addresses mental health. The transition between these two points is abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points discussed in the body.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the thesis statement and that there is a logical flow between paragraphs. Using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help outline the main idea. Furthermore, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "In addition," "Moreover," "On the other hand") can improve the flow between different points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure is not fully effective. Each paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better organized. For example, the first paragraph combines various aspects of physical health issues without clearly delineating them, which can confuse the reader. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively encapsulate the arguments made in the body paragraphs, leading to a disjointed final impression.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea supported by relevant examples. The writer could separate the discussion of physical health and mental health into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear topic sentence. This would help maintain focus and improve clarity. The conclusion should summarize the key points made in the essay, reinforcing the writer’s position.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices, but their application is limited and at times incorrect. For example, phrases like "it include" and "that is cause" are grammatically incorrect and disrupt the flow of ideas. The use of cohesive devices such as "Firstly," "Next," and "All in all" is present, but they do not effectively link ideas within and between paragraphs.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "Furthermore" to add information, "However" to contrast ideas, and "Consequently" to indicate results can enhance the essay’s coherence. Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy in the use of these devices is crucial for maintaining clarity and professionalism in writing.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant points, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Words like "bad," "problems," and "city" are repeated frequently without variation. For instance, phrases such as "bad health problems" and "bad mind and physical problems" lack sophistication and variety. The use of terms like "development citys" and "urban people" also reflects a simplistic approach to vocabulary.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more descriptive language. For example, instead of "bad health problems," alternatives like "adverse health effects" or "negative health outcomes" could be used. Additionally, expanding vocabulary related to urban living, such as "metropolitan areas," "congestion," or "urbanization," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "development citys" is unclear and should be corrected to "developed cities." The phrase "moto and car be used popular" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. Furthermore, "pression from study" should be "pressure from studies," which would convey the intended meaning more accurately.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their ideas. This includes ensuring that nouns and verbs are used correctly and that phrases are grammatically sound. Regularly practicing vocabulary exercises and using a thesaurus can help the writer find more appropriate words for their arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous spelling errors, which detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. Words such as "belive" (believe), "citys" (cities), "fllowing" (following), "influnece" (influence), "builded" (built), "moto" (motor), "pression" (pressure), "universitys" (universities), and "accede" (agree) are misspelled. These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or reading it aloud can help catch spelling mistakes before submission. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial for future writing.

In summary, to improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary, using words more precisely, and ensuring correct spelling throughout their writing. Regular practice and revision will greatly aid in achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and engagement. For example, the sentence "It include dust and smoke which some people suffer from serious lung problems" is a compound sentence but lacks the sophistication of varied structures. The use of phrases like "living environment in big cities influence bad physical problems" shows an attempt at complexity, but the overall execution is flawed due to grammatical errors.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include dependent clauses. For instance, instead of saying "living environment in big cities influence bad physical problems," the writer could say, "Although living in big cities can offer numerous opportunities, it often leads to serious health issues due to environmental factors such as dust and smoke." This not only varies the structure but also improves clarity and coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall effectiveness. For example, "It’s belive that if people live in development citys" contains spelling errors ("belive" should be "believed" and "citys" should be "cities"). Additionally, the phrase "many factory was builded" is incorrect; it should be "many factories have been built." The use of punctuation is also inconsistent, with some sentences lacking necessary commas to separate clauses, which can lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of verb tenses. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for spelling and punctuation errors before submission can significantly improve the overall quality. For instance, revising "urban universitys tenser than rural life" to "the competition at urban universities is tenser than that in rural areas" corrects both grammatical and clarity issues.

In summary, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. By diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision, the writer can create a more compelling and coherent argument.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is believed that living in developing cities can lead to significant health problems for individuals. From my perspective, I concur with this statement for the following reasons.

Firstly, the living environment in big cities influences various physical health problems. This includes exposure to dust and smoke, which can cause serious lung issues for some individuals. Currently, many factories have been built in urban areas rather than in the countryside. Additionally, motor vehicles are widely used, contributing to air pollution. Industrial and transportation emissions are the primary cause of fine dust, which adversely affects people’s health.

Next, urban residents often face mental pressure. Life in cities includes stress from studies, employment, and competition. For example, competition at urban universities is much more intense than in rural areas, which can lead to serious mental health issues such as depression.

In summary, urban life can lead to both mental and physical health problems. For this reason, I concur with the opinion that living in big cities negatively impacts people’s health. Furthermore, communities should assist in protecting the environment to ensure that our lives become increasingly green and clean.