Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other
people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss
both views and give your own opinion.

Many people argue that young people must take a realistic view of their future and select a job
that will enable them to pursue a successful career, whereas others consider that they should
be allowed to decide what job they want. In today’s world, I agree with the view that young
people should choose a job which they want and which they will enjoy.
On the one hand, some adults advise youngsters to think of the future when applying for work.
They stress the benefits of having a steady job, with promotion opportunities and a chance to
move up the career ladder. They may advise youngsters to do a vocational course or to obtain
a university degree which will offer good job prospects. For example, though a child may be
interested in drama or philosophy, adults may insist on a course such as business studies or
accounting.
On the other hand, there are two reasons why I agree with those who believe that young people
should follow their interests and find a job that they will enjoy. Firstly, in today’s world of
rapid socio-economic changes, there is no longer any job security. Work is precarious owing
to the digital revolution, and future planning is impossible. For instance, robotics technology,
although still in its infancy, has already transformed the workplace. Secondly, young people
who prioritise job satisfaction are more likely to perform their work well. This is a much
stronger motivation than money or career status.
In conclusion, the future of work is unpredictable and planning a career is a waste of time. I
support the argument that young people should be free to decide which job will bring them
enjoyment and satisfaction.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Many people argue" -> "It is widely argued"
   Explanation: "It is widely argued" shifts the focus from the vague "many people" to a more formal and precise expression, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "young people must take a realistic view of their future" -> "young individuals should adopt a pragmatic perspective on their future"
   Explanation: Replacing "young people" with "young individuals" and "must take a realistic view" with "should adopt a pragmatic perspective" elevates the formality and specificity of the language, aligning better with academic style.

3. "select a job that will enable them to pursue a successful career" -> "choose a profession that will facilitate a successful career"
   Explanation: "Choose a profession" is more precise and formal than "select a job," and "facilitate" is a more academic term than "enable," improving the sophistication of the language.

4. "be allowed to decide" -> "be permitted to choose"
   Explanation: "Be permitted to choose" is more formal and precise than "be allowed to decide," which sounds slightly informal and vague in this context.

5. "young people should choose a job which they want and which they will enjoy" -> "young individuals should select a profession that aligns with their preferences and interests"
   Explanation: "Select a profession that aligns with their preferences and interests" is more formal and specific than "choose a job which they want and which they will enjoy," which is somewhat informal and vague.

6. "some adults advise youngsters" -> "some adults counsel young individuals"
   Explanation: "Counsel" is a more formal verb than "advise," and "young individuals" is a more formal term than "youngsters," enhancing the academic tone.

7. "having a steady job" -> "securing a stable employment"
   Explanation: "Securing a stable employment" is more formal and precise than "having a steady job," which is somewhat colloquial.

8. "move up the career ladder" -> "progress in their professional careers"
   Explanation: "Progress in their professional careers" is a more formal and precise alternative to the idiomatic "move up the career ladder," which is less suitable for academic writing.

9. "do a vocational course" -> "pursue a vocational course"
   Explanation: "Pursue" is more formal and appropriate in academic contexts than "do," which is too informal and vague.

10. "which will offer good job prospects" -> "that provides promising career opportunities"
    Explanation: "That provides promising career opportunities" is more formal and specific than "which will offer good job prospects," aligning better with academic style.

11. "there is no longer any job security" -> "job security is no longer assured"
    Explanation: "Job security is no longer assured" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea, improving the academic tone.

12. "work is precarious" -> "employment is precarious"
    Explanation: "Employment" is a more formal term than "work," fitting better in an academic context.

13. "young people who prioritise job satisfaction" -> "young individuals who prioritize job satisfaction"
    Explanation: "Young individuals" is more formal than "young people," and "prioritize" is the correct form in formal writing, unlike the contraction "prioritise."

14. "a waste of time" -> "inefficient"
    Explanation: "Inefficient" is a more formal and precise term than "a waste of time," which is colloquial and vague in this context.

15. "which job will bring them enjoyment and satisfaction" -> "which profession will yield them enjoyment and satisfaction"
    Explanation: "Yield" is more formal than "bring," and "profession" is preferred over "job" in formal academic writing to maintain consistency with the earlier use of "profession."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether young people should choose jobs based on their interests or adopt a more pragmatic approach. The introduction clearly states the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs provide a balanced discussion. The first body paragraph outlines the rationale for choosing a realistic job, mentioning the importance of stability and career progression. The second body paragraph presents the counterargument, emphasizing the significance of job satisfaction and the unpredictability of future job markets. However, while both views are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint in the conclusion.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could briefly summarize the opposing view in the conclusion, reinforcing the discussion of both perspectives and demonstrating a more comprehensive engagement with the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, favoring the idea that young people should pursue jobs they enjoy. This stance is articulated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. The writer uses phrases like "I agree with the view" and "I support the argument," which effectively signal their position. However, the transition between discussing both views and the author’s opinion could be smoother to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the discussion of both views to their own opinion, such as "While acknowledging the importance of job security, I believe…" This would help reinforce their stance while maintaining a balanced discussion.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, with clear examples and reasoning. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of a steady job, while the second provides two strong arguments for pursuing job satisfaction. The use of examples, such as the mention of vocational courses and the impact of robotics, adds depth to the arguments. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from more detailed examples to further substantiate the claims made about job satisfaction.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer could include specific examples of careers that align with personal interests and how they lead to job satisfaction. Additionally, citing studies or statistics related to job satisfaction and performance could provide further evidence for the claims made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the importance of both job choice and future considerations. The arguments presented are relevant to the prompt, and the writer does not deviate from the main topic. The structure is logical, with clear distinctions between the two viewpoints. However, the conclusion could be perceived as slightly dismissive of the opposing view, which might detract from the overall balance.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that the conclusion reflects a balanced perspective. Acknowledging the validity of the opposing view while reiterating their own position would enhance the essay’s overall coherence and depth.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the writer’s perspective while addressing both sides of the argument. With minor adjustments to the conclusion and further elaboration on supporting examples, the essay could achieve an even higher level of sophistication.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, effectively contrasting the two viewpoints regarding young people’s job choices. The introduction succinctly outlines the topic and states the author’s opinion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the discussion, with the first paragraph presenting the argument for realism in job selection and the second paragraph advocating for personal choice. The progression from one idea to the next is smooth, with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could include transitional phrases that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the beginning of the second paragraph, a phrase such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" could reinforce the shift in perspective. Additionally, summarizing the main points at the end of each paragraph could help reinforce the logical connections.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific viewpoint. The first paragraph discusses the realistic approach to job selection, while the second paragraph presents the case for personal choice. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reiterates the author’s stance. However, the paragraphs could be further developed with more detailed examples or explanations to enhance their effectiveness.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer could ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples. For instance, in the second paragraph, the author could elaborate on how job satisfaction translates into better performance with specific examples or statistics. This would provide a more robust argument and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," and "for example," which help to clarify the relationships between ideas. These devices effectively guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied linking words and phrases, which would enhance the overall fluidity of the text.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate additional transitional phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "however" to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, when transitioning from discussing the drawbacks of job security to the benefits of job satisfaction, using "Moreover" could strengthen the connection between these points. Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating more complex sentences could further improve cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can elevate their essay to an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively conveying the writer’s arguments. Terms such as "vocational course," "promotion opportunities," and "socio-economic changes" reflect a solid grasp of relevant terminology. Additionally, phrases like "move up the career ladder" and "precarious owing to the digital revolution" showcase the ability to use idiomatic expressions and more complex vocabulary. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "young people" could be substituted with synonyms like "youth" or "adolescents" to enhance lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and phrases throughout the essay. This can be achieved by brainstorming alternative expressions before writing and actively seeking to replace commonly used terms with more varied vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "job security" and "job satisfaction" used appropriately within context. However, there are moments where the precision could be enhanced. For instance, the phrase "the future of work is unpredictable" could be more effectively articulated as "the future job market is increasingly uncertain," which provides a clearer picture of the subject matter.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on context-specific vocabulary that conveys their ideas more clearly. This can be achieved by reading more academic articles or essays on similar topics to see how experts articulate their points, and then practicing incorporating those expressions into their writing.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in spelling throughout the text. Words such as "successful," "opportunities," and "satisfaction" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing.
  • How to improve: While spelling is strong, the writer can maintain this level of accuracy by continuing to proofread their work carefully. Additionally, engaging in spelling exercises or using spelling apps can help reinforce correct spelling habits, especially for more complex or less frequently used vocabulary.

In summary, the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Lexical Resource due to its effective use of a wide range of vocabulary, generally precise usage, and strong spelling accuracy. By focusing on expanding vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving an even higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is prevalent, such as "In today’s world, I agree with the view that young people should choose a job which they want and which they will enjoy." This sentence effectively combines clauses to convey a nuanced opinion. Additionally, the writer employs conditional structures, as seen in "They may advise youngsters to do a vocational course or to obtain a university degree which will offer good job prospects." This variety enhances the overall readability and engagement of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and varied introductory phrases. For example, using phrases like "While some argue that…" or "In contrast to this perspective…" can help create a more dynamic flow. Additionally, experimenting with different sentence lengths and structures can add rhythm to the writing, making it more engaging.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For example, the phrase "which they will enjoy" is correctly used, but the sentence could be streamlined for clarity. Punctuation is generally well-handled, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and enhance readability. However, there is a slight inconsistency in comma usage, particularly in longer sentences where additional commas could clarify meaning.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review the use of commas in complex sentences. For instance, in the sentence "For instance, robotics technology, although still in its infancy, has already transformed the workplace," the placement of commas is correct, but ensuring consistency in using commas for non-defining clauses throughout the essay would strengthen clarity. Additionally, the writer could benefit from revisiting subject-verb agreement in more complex sentences to ensure precision. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on these areas can lead to improved accuracy.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. With minor adjustments and continued practice, the writer could further enhance their writing proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people argue that young individuals must adopt a pragmatic perspective on their future and select a profession that will facilitate a successful career, whereas others believe they should be permitted to choose the jobs they desire. In today’s world, I align with the view that young individuals should select a profession that aligns with their preferences and interests.

On the one hand, some adults counsel young individuals to consider their future when applying for work. They emphasize the advantages of securing stable employment, with promotion opportunities and the potential to progress in their professional careers. They may advise youngsters to pursue a vocational course or obtain a university degree that provides promising career opportunities. For example, although a child may be interested in drama or philosophy, adults may insist on a course such as business studies or accounting.

On the other hand, there are two reasons why I agree with those who believe that young individuals should follow their interests and find a job that they will enjoy. Firstly, in today’s world of rapid socio-economic changes, job security is no longer assured. Employment is precarious due to the digital revolution, making future planning challenging. For instance, robotics technology, although still in its infancy, has already transformed the workplace. Secondly, young individuals who prioritize job satisfaction are more likely to perform their work effectively. This is a much stronger motivation than money or career status.

In conclusion, the future of work is unpredictable, and planning a career can be inefficient. I support the argument that young individuals should be free to decide which profession will yield them enjoyment and satisfaction.