The diagram below shows the stages in the food production chain of the United States. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given diagram illustrates generally methodology for food production in the United States.
Overall, the process consists of five stages, beginning with raw materials being produced and cumulating in final dishes eaten at home or at restaurants.
In the first stage, initial raw materials which include, but are not limited to, fattened livestock, fish, agricultural produce or poultry, are yielded and collected from different sources. They then are the main inputs at various processing centers, which follow their respective methodologies to achieve outputs of predetermined quality. Subsequently, these products are delivered to distribution sites and further transported to the customers. The buyers of this procurement process are typically classified into two categories: retail outlets and restaurants. The end users of the aforementioned groups are citizens, albeit the difference of the person who will make the dishes. For the former, the Americans will purchase these processed products, prepare and consume the food at home. In the latter case, the hospitality businesses employ a team of in-house professionals to cook and serve the diners.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given diagram illustrates generally methodology" -> "The diagram illustrates the general methodology"
Explanation: Removing "generally" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with formal academic style by using the singular form "methodology" to refer to the overall process.
"cumulating in final dishes eaten at home or at restaurants" -> "culminating in the preparation of final dishes for consumption at home or in restaurants"
Explanation: Replacing "cumulating" with "culminating" corrects the verb choice, which is more appropriate for describing the culmination of a process. Also, specifying "the preparation of final dishes" clarifies the action involved.
"initial raw materials which include, but are not limited to, fattened livestock, fish, agricultural produce or poultry" -> "initial raw materials, encompassing but not limited to fattened livestock, fish, agricultural produce, and poultry"
Explanation: Changing "which include, but are not limited to" to "encompassing but not limited to" refines the phrasing for a more formal tone. Also, adding "and" after "produce" corrects the list format to maintain consistency.
"are yielded and collected" -> "are harvested and collected"
Explanation: Replacing "yielded" with "harvested" provides a more precise term for the action of gathering raw materials from agricultural sources.
"are the main inputs at various processing centers" -> "serve as the primary inputs at various processing centers"
Explanation: "Serve as" is more formal and precise than "are," enhancing the academic tone of the description.
"follow their respective methodologies" -> "employ their respective processes"
Explanation: "Employ" is more specific and formal than "follow," and "processes" is more appropriate than "methodologies" in this context.
"are delivered to distribution sites and further transported to the customers" -> "are shipped to distribution centers and subsequently transported to customers"
Explanation: "Shipped" is more specific and formal than "delivered," and "distribution centers" is more precise than "distribution sites."
"The buyers of this procurement process are typically classified into two categories" -> "The customers of this procurement process are typically categorized into two groups"
Explanation: "Customers" is more specific than "buyers" in this context, and "categorized" is more formal than "classified."
"The end users of the aforementioned groups are citizens, albeit the difference of the person who will make the dishes" -> "The end users of these categories are citizens, despite the difference in the individuals preparing the dishes"
Explanation: "Despite" is more formal than "albeit," and "individuals preparing the dishes" is clearer and more formal than "the person who will make the dishes."
"The Americans will purchase these processed products, prepare and consume the food at home" -> "Consumers purchase these processed products, prepare, and consume them at home"
Explanation: Removing "The Americans" avoids a generalization and instead uses "Consumers," which is more neutral and appropriate for formal writing. Also, "prepare, and consume them" is more concise and formal than "prepare and consume the food at home."
"the hospitality businesses employ a team of in-house professionals to cook and serve the diners" -> "hospitality establishments employ in-house professionals to prepare and serve meals to diners"
Explanation: "Hospitality establishments" is more formal than "hospitality businesses," and "prepare and serve meals" is more precise and formal than "cook and serve the diners."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the stages in the food production chain. However, the essay does not fully cover all the key features of the diagram. For example, the essay does not mention the different types of raw materials that are produced, nor does it make any comparisons between the different stages. The essay also recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the stages in the food production chain. The essay should also make comparisons between the different stages, such as the different types of raw materials that are produced or the different methods of processing. The essay should also avoid recounting detail mechanically and instead provide a clear overview of the information presented in the diagram.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the initial stage of food production to the final consumption. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved, leading to some mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transition between stages could be clearer. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for Band 6, demonstrating a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion but lacking the sophistication required for higher bands.

How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow between ideas by using a wider range of cohesive devices more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph clearly presents a distinct stage of the process and connects smoothly to the next would strengthen the overall coherence. More varied sentence structures and clearer referencing would also contribute to a more cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task. It uses terms related to food production such as "raw materials," "processing centers," "distribution sites," and "hospitality businesses." However, the attempt to use less common vocabulary is limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing and inaccuracies in word choice, such as "yielded and collected" and "the aforementioned groups." While the vocabulary does not impede communication, there are noticeable errors in word formation and some awkward constructions that detract from clarity.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary and phrases that convey precise meanings. More attention should be given to collocation and the natural use of vocabulary. Additionally, reducing errors in word formation and ensuring that less common lexical items are used accurately would improve the overall quality of the essay. Engaging with a variety of sources and practicing paraphrasing can also help in developing a more flexible and nuanced vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. There are some grammatical errors present, such as awkward phrasing ("initial raw materials which include, but are not limited to") and issues with sentence structure that may cause slight confusion for the reader. While the meaning is generally clear and communication is maintained, the errors in grammar and punctuation are noticeable and detract from the overall fluency of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the variety and complexity of sentence structures while ensuring that they are used accurately. Reducing grammatical errors and improving punctuation will enhance clarity. Additionally, practicing the use of more sophisticated vocabulary and refining sentence transitions can contribute to a more polished and coherent essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given diagram illustrates the methodology for food production in the United States. Overall, the process consists of five stages, beginning with the production of raw materials and culminating in the final dishes consumed at home or in restaurants.

In the first stage, initial raw materials, which include but are not limited to fattened livestock, fish, agricultural produce, and poultry, are sourced and collected from various suppliers. These materials serve as the main inputs at different processing centers, which employ specific methodologies to achieve outputs of predetermined quality. Subsequently, these products are delivered to distribution sites and further transported to customers. The buyers in this procurement process are typically classified into two categories: retail outlets and restaurants. The end users of these groups are citizens, although there is a distinction in who prepares the dishes. For retail outlets, Americans purchase these processed products, prepare, and consume the food at home. In contrast, hospitality businesses employ a team of in-house professionals to cook and serve the diners.