Write an essay of 250 words on the following topic. Drug addiction is becoming an increasing problem. In order to reduce this problem, anyone caught using drugs should be automatically sentenced to time in prison. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Write an essay of 250 words on the following topic.

Drug addiction is becoming an increasing problem. In order to reduce this problem, anyone caught using drugs should be automatically sentenced to time in prison.
Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Drug addiction has been an ubiquitous many nations. One suggestion that has been discussed is imprisoning spontaneously anyone caught using daug. I totally agree with this statement and the following essay will discuss about some possible reasons to explain my opinion
In terms of drug addiction, once it is used, user will have the hidden ability to reuse it. Thus, they are one of the major factors leading to negative effect on ton society serious social evils. That is why, it is recommended that they should be sent to prison as they are educated about the consequences of drug addiction and acquired mosal training at that place. Thus, when they are released, they will have the will to develop themselves again by having occupation of studying. As a result, the do not return to using drug.Moreover, this case can limit the number of people who have the potential to influence the society negatively. Then bore, the living" condition can be promoted due to some factors.
Due to the reduction of people who have the potential to influence negatively after using drug, society can develop comprehensively as the government's concern about social evil's decreases significantly. Therefore, they pay more attention on mare essential fulds such as education with the aim of raising students' awareness in order not to get involved in social evils. Therefore, they have the will to develop themselves in their strength so as to contribute to the promotion of society.
In conclusion, I strongly agree with the given notion due to the mosal effect that it brings to drug users and the further result it has on the society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Drug addiction has been an ubiquitous many nations." -> "Drug addiction is prevalent in many nations."
   Explanation: The original phrase "an ubiquitous many nations" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The corrected phrase "is prevalent in many nations" uses the correct verb form and preposition to convey the intended meaning in a more formal and natural way.

2. "imprisoning spontaneously anyone caught using daug." -> "imprisoning individuals immediately upon detection of drug use."
   Explanation: The original phrase "imprisoning spontaneously anyone caught using daug." is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies the action and corrects the spelling of "daug" to "drug."

3. "I totally agree with this statement" -> "I strongly support this proposition"
   Explanation: "Totally agree" is somewhat informal and vague for academic writing. "Strongly support" is more precise and appropriate for formal essays.

4. "the following essay will discuss about some possible reasons to explain my opinion" -> "this essay will explore the rationale behind my opinion"
   Explanation: "Discuss about" is a redundancy and informal. "Explore the rationale behind" is more precise and academically formal.

5. "user will have the hidden ability to reuse it" -> "users may develop a propensity to reuse it"
   Explanation: "Hidden ability" is vague and informal. "Develop a propensity" is more specific and academically suitable.

6. "one of the major factors leading to negative effect on ton society serious social evils" -> "a significant factor contributing to serious societal evils"
   Explanation: "Negative effect on ton society" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Contributing to serious societal evils" is grammatically correct and more formal.

7. "they should be sent to prison as they are educated about the consequences of drug addiction and acquired mosal training at that place" -> "they should be incarcerated to receive education on the consequences of drug addiction and vocational training"
   Explanation: "Mosal training" is likely a typographical error and unclear. "Vocational training" is the correct term and more specific.

8. "the do not return to using drug" -> "they do not return to drug use"
   Explanation: "The do not return to using drug" is grammatically incorrect. "They do not return to drug use" corrects the subject-verb agreement and uses the correct term "use."

9. "Then bore, the living" -> "Furthermore, the living conditions"
   Explanation: "Then bore" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "Furthermore, the living conditions" is clear and grammatically correct.

10. "the government’s concern about social evil’s decreases significantly" -> "the government’s concern about social evils decreases significantly"
    Explanation: "Social evil’s" is grammatically incorrect. "Social evils" is the correct plural form.

11. "they pay more attention on mare essential fulds" -> "they focus more on more essential fields"
    Explanation: "Pay more attention on mare essential fulds" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Focus more on more essential fields" corrects these issues and uses more precise language.

12. "mosal effect" -> "major impact"
    Explanation: "Mosal" is likely a typographical error. "Major impact" is the correct term and more appropriate for formal writing.

These changes enhance the clarity, grammatical accuracy, and formality of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by expressing agreement with the idea that anyone caught using drugs should be imprisoned. However, the response lacks a thorough exploration of the implications of this stance. The reasons provided are vague and do not fully engage with the complexities of drug addiction or the potential consequences of imprisonment. For instance, while it mentions that imprisonment can educate users about the consequences of drug addiction, it fails to discuss alternative approaches or the potential for rehabilitation outside of prison.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly address both sides of the argument, including potential counterarguments. The writer could explore the effectiveness of imprisonment versus rehabilitation programs and provide more nuanced reasons for their position. Including specific examples or statistics about drug addiction and its impacts would also strengthen the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position of agreement with the prompt; however, the clarity of this position is undermined by the convoluted language and structure. Phrases like "the hidden ability to reuse it" and "the will to develop themselves again by having occupation of studying" are unclear and detract from the overall message. The position is somewhat lost in the poorly structured arguments.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use straightforward language and ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument. A clear thesis statement in the introduction and a summarizing statement in the conclusion would help reinforce the position throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the negative effects of drug addiction on society and the potential benefits of imprisonment. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with concrete examples. The argument that imprisonment can lead to moral training is introduced but not effectively explained or backed up with evidence.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to develop each point more fully. This could involve providing specific examples of how imprisonment has worked in other contexts or discussing the potential for rehabilitation programs. Each idea should be clearly linked to the main argument and elaborated upon to demonstrate its relevance.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing drug addiction and the proposal of imprisonment. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion of societal development becomes somewhat tangential. The phrase "the living condition can be promoted due to some factors" is vague and does not directly relate back to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to the central argument. It may help to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content is relevant. Additionally, avoiding vague statements and ensuring that each point ties back to the thesis will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, to improve the score for Task Response, the writer should aim for clearer articulation of their position, more robust development and support of ideas, and a more comprehensive engagement with the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure, but the organization of information is somewhat unclear. For example, the introduction states the writer’s agreement with the statement but fails to clearly outline the main points that will be discussed. The body paragraphs contain ideas that are not well connected, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. The transition from discussing the effects of drug addiction to the benefits of imprisonment lacks clarity and logical progression.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main arguments. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting details that logically connect to the topic. Using linking phrases such as "firstly," "in addition," and "finally" can help guide the reader through the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation, leading to confusion. The second paragraph also lacks a clear focus and mixes different points, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer should clearly separate the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. For instance, the first body paragraph could focus solely on the negative effects of drug addiction, while the second could discuss the benefits of imprisonment. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear beginning, middle, and end will improve the overall structure.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the flow of ideas. Phrases like "Moreover" and "Therefore" are used, but there is a lack of variety and appropriate context for these transitions. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that disrupt cohesion, such as "the do not return to using drug" and "Then bore, the living’ condition can be promoted."
  • How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "As a result." Additionally, attention should be paid to grammatical accuracy and clarity in expressions. For example, revising sentences for grammatical correctness and clarity will enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in different contexts can also help the writer become more comfortable with their application.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic but requires significant improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "drug addiction has been an ubiquitous many nations" and "the hidden ability to reuse it" indicate attempts to use varied vocabulary, but they are often awkward or incorrect. For instance, "an ubiquitous many nations" should be "ubiquitous in many nations," and "the hidden ability to reuse it" lacks clarity. The use of terms like "social evils" appears repetitively without sufficient variation or sophistication.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should practice using synonyms and antonyms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "drug addiction," alternatives like "substance abuse" or "narcotic dependency" could be employed. Engaging with a thesaurus and reading a variety of texts can help in acquiring new vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, "they are one of the major factors leading to negative effect on ton society serious social evils" is confusing and contains grammatical errors. The phrase "the will to develop themselves again by having occupation of studying" is also vague and poorly constructed. Additionally, "moral training" is misspelled as "mosal training," which detracts from the overall precision of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. Using simpler, more direct language can often convey ideas more effectively. For example, instead of "the will to develop themselves again," one could say "the motivation to improve their lives." Regular practice in writing and revising sentences for clarity can also help.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, such as "daug" instead of "drugs," "ton" instead of "the," "bore" instead of "more," and "fulds" instead of "funds." These errors not only disrupt the flow of reading but also undermine the credibility of the argument being presented.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing exercises that emphasize spelling can also contribute to improvement.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear stance on the issue of drug addiction, the lexical resource is limited by a narrow vocabulary range, imprecise usage, and frequent spelling errors. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, improving precision, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can significantly elevate the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Drug addiction has been an ubiquitous many nations.") and compound sentences ("As a result, the do not return to using drug."). However, the range is limited, and many sentences are either incomplete or poorly constructed. For example, "one suggestion that has been discussed is imprisoning spontaneously anyone caught using daug" contains awkward phrasing and a misspelling ("daug" instead of "drugs"). Additionally, the use of phrases like "the hidden ability to reuse it" lacks clarity and sophistication.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "Thus, they are one of the major factors leading to negative effect on ton society serious social evils," a more complex structure could be, "Because drug users often contribute to serious social evils, it is crucial to address their behavior through imprisonment." Regularly reading high-quality essays and practicing paraphrasing can also help in developing a more varied sentence structure.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains numerous grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "the do not return to using drug" is incorrect; it should be "they do not return to using drugs." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement ("user will have the hidden ability" should be "users will have the hidden ability") and incorrect article usage ("an ubiquitous many nations" should be "an ubiquitous problem in many nations"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and periods, further detract from clarity and coherence.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on reviewing basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practicing with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can help identify and correct common mistakes. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors before submission would enhance overall clarity. Using tools like grammar checkers can also assist in identifying errors that may be overlooked during writing.

In summary, while the essay shows some understanding of the topic, there are significant areas for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical correctness, the writer can enhance the quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Drug addiction is prevalent in many nations. One suggestion that has been discussed is imprisoning individuals immediately upon detection of drug use. I strongly support this proposition, and this essay will explore the rationale behind my opinion.

In terms of drug addiction, once a user engages with drugs, they may develop a propensity to reuse it. This behavior is a significant factor contributing to serious societal evils. Therefore, it is recommended that these individuals should be incarcerated to receive education on the consequences of drug addiction and vocational training while in prison. As a result, when they are released, they will have the motivation to rebuild their lives through education and employment. Consequently, they do not return to drug use.

Moreover, this approach can limit the number of people who have the potential to negatively influence society. Furthermore, the living conditions in communities can be improved due to several factors.

With the reduction of individuals who may negatively impact society after using drugs, society can develop comprehensively as the government’s concern about social evils decreases significantly. Therefore, they can focus more on more essential fields such as education, aiming to raise students’ awareness to avoid involvement in social evils. This proactive approach encourages individuals to develop their strengths and contribute positively to society.

In conclusion, I strongly agree with the notion of imprisoning drug users due to the moral impact it has on them and the positive outcomes it can generate for society.