At the outset, some advocates of the crucial role of companies appear to assert that several benefits would be brought about by public fitness levels. To elucidate further, companies tend to gain the beneficial outcomes from the place where they operate sports facilities, in terms of sales supporting their products and services. In addition, the contribution of building sports centers is seemingly to attract more potential customers due to improving their health via advertisements of products and services. For instance, the urban residents living in the United States are deprived from the opportunity to exercise and easily suffer from chronic health conditions such as obesity in light of the lack of sports facilities. On the other hand, businesses should not be obligated to take responsibility for this particular pressing social issue. Specifically, corporations pay heed to raising the profits for the national economy and delivering results for shareholders. In contrast, the governments are tasked to interfere with the safeguarding public interests and the allocation of the national budget should deservedly return to the public, who paid taxes. Another point to make is that the authorities not only have the potential to identify reasonable locations to erect sports facilities, they also have the ability to undertake large scale obstacles, which cannot be handled by corporations. Companies should provide sports facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree ?

At the outset, some advocates of the crucial role of companies appear to assert that several benefits would be brought about by public fitness levels. To elucidate further, companies tend to gain the beneficial outcomes from the place where they operate sports facilities, in terms of sales supporting their products and services. In addition, the contribution of building sports centers is seemingly to attract more potential customers due to improving their health via advertisements of products and services. For instance, the urban residents living in the United States are deprived from the opportunity to exercise and easily suffer from chronic health conditions such as obesity in light of the lack of sports facilities.

On the other hand, businesses should not be obligated to take responsibility for this particular pressing social issue. Specifically, corporations pay heed to raising the profits for the national economy and delivering results for shareholders. In contrast, the governments are tasked to interfere with the safeguarding public interests and the allocation of the national budget should deservedly return to the public, who paid taxes. Another point to make is that the authorities not only have the potential to identify reasonable locations to erect sports facilities, they also have the ability to undertake large scale obstacles, which cannot be handled by corporations.

Companies should provide sports facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree ?

The matter of whether the responsibility concerning providing sports facilities to improve public health belong to companies or governments has drawn much intense debate among the general public. From my perspective, while I acknowledge the significance of businesses’ investments, it should be primarily a governmental responsibility.

At the outset, some advocates of the crucial role of companies appear to assert that several benefits would be brought about by public fitness levels. To elucidate further, companies tend to gain the beneficial outcomes from the place where they operate sports facilities, in terms of sales supporting their products and services. In addition, the contribution of building sports centers is seemingly to attract more potential customers due to improving their health via advertisements of products and services. For instance, the urban residents living in the United States are deprived from the opportunity to exercise and easily suffer from chronic health conditions such as obesity in light of the lack of sports facilities.

On the other hand, businesses should not be obligated to take responsibility for this particular pressing social issue. Specifically, corporations pay heed to raising the profits for the national economy and delivering results for shareholders. In contrast, the governments are tasked to interfere with the safeguarding public interests and the allocation of the national budget should deservedly return to the public, who paid taxes. Another point to make is that the authorities not only have the potential to identify reasonable locations to erect sports facilities, they also have the ability to undertake large scale obstacles, which cannot be handled by corporations.

In conclusion, albeit with the advantages from the investments of companies to construct sports facilities for the communities, leading to advance the public health, this elementary responsibility should be commissioned to the governmental officials.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The matter of whether" -> "The question of whether"
   Explanation: "The question of whether" is a more precise and formal way to introduce a topic of debate, aligning better with academic style.

2. "concerning providing sports facilities" -> "regarding the provision of sports facilities"
   Explanation: "Regarding the provision of" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

3. "belong to" -> "should belong to"
   Explanation: Adding "should" clarifies the conditional nature of the statement, making it more appropriate for an academic discussion.

4. "has drawn much intense debate" -> "has generated considerable debate"
   Explanation: "Generated considerable debate" is more formal and avoids the colloquialism of "much intense," which is less precise.

5. "advocates of the crucial role of companies" -> "proponents of the pivotal role of companies"
   Explanation: "Proponents" is more specific and formal than "advocates," and "pivotal" is a more precise adjective than "crucial" in this context.

6. "tend to gain the beneficial outcomes" -> "are likely to derive benefits"
   Explanation: "Are likely to derive benefits" is more formal and avoids the vague "beneficial outcomes."

7. "the place where they operate sports facilities" -> "the locations where they operate sports facilities"
   Explanation: "Locations" is more specific and formal than "place," and it avoids the redundancy of "operate sports facilities."

8. "the contribution of building sports centers" -> "the contribution of constructing sports facilities"
   Explanation: "Constructing" is a more precise verb than "building" in this context, and "facilities" is more appropriate than "centers."

9. "to attract more potential customers" -> "to attract additional customers"
   Explanation: "Additional" is more precise and formal than "more potential," which is vague and informal.

10. "deprived from the opportunity" -> "deprived of the opportunity"
    Explanation: "Of" is the correct preposition to use with "deprived," correcting a grammatical error.

11. "easily suffer from chronic health conditions" -> "are prone to chronic health conditions"
    Explanation: "Are prone to" is a more formal and accurate expression than "easily suffer from," which is colloquial.

12. "should deservedly return to the public" -> "should rightfully be allocated to the public"
    Explanation: "Rightfully be allocated" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "deservedly return."

13. "the authorities not only have the potential to identify reasonable locations" -> "authorities not only have the capability to identify suitable locations"
    Explanation: "Capability" and "suitable" are more precise and formal than "potential" and "reasonable," enhancing the academic tone.

14. "undertake large scale obstacles" -> "address significant challenges"
    Explanation: "Address significant challenges" is a clearer and more formal way to express overcoming difficulties, replacing the awkward and unclear "undertake large scale obstacles."

15. "leading to advance the public health" -> "leading to the advancement of public health"
    Explanation: "The advancement of public health" is grammatically correct and more formal than "advance the public health."

These changes refine the vocabulary and structure of the essay to better align with academic standards, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the role of companies and the responsibilities of governments in providing sports facilities. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position that while companies have a role, the primary responsibility lies with the government. The body paragraphs present arguments for both sides, with a focus on the government’s obligations, which aligns well with the prompt’s request to assess the extent of agreement.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples of how companies can contribute to public health, alongside the government’s role. This would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic. Additionally, discussing potential consequences of not involving companies could strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the government should primarily be responsible for providing sports facilities. The writer consistently refers back to this stance, particularly in the conclusion. However, the introduction could be clearer in stating the position upfront, as it initially discusses the benefits of companies before clearly stating the writer’s viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the introduction could explicitly state the writer’s position in the first sentence. Additionally, using transitional phrases that reinforce the main argument throughout the essay would help maintain focus and coherence.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of sports facilities for companies and the government’s role in public health. However, some points, particularly regarding the government’s responsibilities, could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the mention of the government’s ability to identify locations for sports facilities is a good point but lacks elaboration on how this impacts public health.
  • How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the writer could include more detailed examples or statistics to substantiate claims. For instance, discussing specific health outcomes related to the availability of sports facilities would provide stronger evidence for the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the responsibilities of companies versus governments regarding sports facilities. However, there are moments where the discussion of companies’ potential benefits feels somewhat tangential, particularly in the first body paragraph. This could distract from the main argument about responsibility.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the question of responsibility. This can be achieved by clearly linking each argument back to the central thesis and avoiding overly detailed discussions about the benefits to companies unless they directly support the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some adjustments to clarity, depth of examples, and focus, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the responsibilities of companies and governments in providing sports facilities. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining the debate. The body paragraphs are organized to first present the argument supporting corporate involvement, followed by a counterargument emphasizing governmental responsibility. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, particularly in the second paragraph where the shift from discussing benefits to the responsibilities of businesses feels abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly. For instance, at the beginning of the second paragraph, a phrase like "Despite the potential benefits companies might gain from investing in sports facilities, it is crucial to recognize that…" would provide a clearer transition.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the second paragraph could be further divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the benefits to companies and the other on the responsibilities of governments. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability and focus. Each paragraph should ideally explore a single idea in depth. For example, after discussing the benefits to companies, a new paragraph could begin with a clear topic sentence that introduces the idea of government responsibility, allowing for a more structured argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand," and "In addition," which help in connecting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "Another point to make is that" could be replaced with a more sophisticated cohesive device to enhance the flow.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," "In contrast," and "As a result." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "beneficial outcomes," "pressing social issue," and "safeguarding public interests." These phrases reflect an understanding of the topic and contribute to the clarity of the argument. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the phrase "sports facilities," which appears multiple times without variation. This limits the lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "sports facilities," alternatives like "recreational centers," "fitness amenities," or "exercise venues" could be employed. This would not only diversify the vocabulary but also enrich the essay’s overall expression.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are some instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "deprived from the opportunity" should be "deprived of the opportunity." Additionally, "the allocation of the national budget should deservedly return to the public" could be clearer; the adverb "deservedly" feels somewhat awkward in this context.
  • How to improve: Focus on refining word choice to ensure clarity and precision. Reviewing phrases for grammatical correctness and contextual appropriateness is crucial. For instance, replacing "deservedly" with "rightfully" or restructuring the sentence could enhance clarity. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and using resources like thesauruses can also help in selecting the most appropriate words.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with only minor errors. However, the phrase "large scale obstacles" should be hyphenated as "large-scale obstacles." Such errors, while not numerous, can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial, allowing for targeted practice and reinforcement of correct spelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary suitable for an IELTS Task 2 response. By addressing the areas of improvement outlined above, particularly in expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, it effectively employs complex sentences, such as "On the other hand, businesses should not be obligated to take responsibility for this particular pressing social issue," which showcases the use of subordinate clauses. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the allocation of the national budget should deservedly return to the public" reflects a good command of more sophisticated structures. However, the essay tends to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the first two paragraphs, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and vary the placement of clauses. For example, starting sentences with adverbial phrases (e.g., "In light of this," or "Despite the challenges,") could add variety. Additionally, using different sentence lengths and types (interrogative or exclamatory sentences) could enhance the overall dynamism of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are some instances where grammatical precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "deprived from the opportunity" should be corrected to "deprived of the opportunity." Additionally, the sentence "the allocation of the national budget should deservedly return to the public, who paid taxes" could be clearer if rephrased, as the placement of "deservedly" feels awkward. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are a few areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "who paid taxes" to set off the non-defining relative clause.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review common prepositional phrases and ensure correct usage (e.g., "deprived of" instead of "deprived from"). Additionally, proofreading for clarity and punctuation can help; for instance, reading sentences aloud can assist in identifying areas where commas might improve readability. Engaging in grammar exercises focusing on complex sentence structures and punctuation rules could also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay presents a solid argument with a good range of grammatical structures and mostly accurate grammar and punctuation. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

The question of whether the responsibility regarding the provision of sports facilities to improve public health should belong to companies or governments has generated considerable debate among the general public. From my perspective, while I acknowledge the significance of businesses’ investments, it should primarily be a governmental responsibility.

At the outset, some proponents of the pivotal role of companies assert that several benefits would arise from enhanced public fitness levels. To elucidate further, companies are likely to derive benefits from the locations where they operate sports facilities, particularly in terms of increased sales supporting their products and services. In addition, the contribution of constructing sports centers is seemingly aimed at attracting more potential customers by promoting health through advertisements of their products and services. For instance, urban residents living in the United States are deprived of the opportunity to exercise and are prone to chronic health conditions such as obesity due to the lack of sports facilities.

On the other hand, businesses should not be obligated to take responsibility for this pressing social issue. Specifically, corporations focus on raising profits for the national economy and delivering results for shareholders. In contrast, governments are tasked with safeguarding public interests, and the allocation of the national budget should rightfully return to the public, who pay taxes. Another point to consider is that authorities not only have the capability to identify suitable locations to erect sports facilities, but they also have the ability to address significant challenges that cannot be managed by corporations alone.

In conclusion, although the investments from companies to construct sports facilities for communities can lead to the advancement of public health, this fundamental responsibility should be entrusted to governmental officials.