The diagram below shows the process of making cheese. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The provided picture highlights the steps and apparatus involved in manufacturing cheese. Overall, this process consists of multiple stages, commencing with adding raw milk to a component, then moving through various processing steps, and culminating in collecting ripened cheese.

The process is broadly categorized into two distinctive ways: modern cheesemaking and traditional cheesemaking. Regarding the most cheese-making processes, milk first undergoes a pasteurization system and is then given to a special machine in order to standardize the quality and filtrate the liquid. Contrastly, in the traditional method, all of these aforementioned procedures are dispensable. In both methods, rennet and fermenting microorganisms are added to the milk to initiate coagulation. The resulting curd is then processed by cutting, stirring, and cooking.

Once the cheese has been already drained of whey, it will turn into curds before being milled and being seasoned with salt. After that, this texture will be consumed by making fresh cheese (cottage and cream cheese), or they will be poured into molds, preparing for a pressing step. After draining additional whey, the cheese is then aged and ready to be consumed or sold to consumers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The provided picture" -> "The illustration provided"
Explanation: "The illustration provided" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the introduction.
"Overall, this process consists of multiple stages" -> "This process comprises multiple stages"
Explanation: "Comprises" is a more formal synonym for "consists of," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"adding raw milk to a component" -> "adding raw milk to a component"
Explanation: The phrase "to a component" is vague and unclear. Adding a specific detail about the component would enhance clarity and precision.
"moving through various processing steps" -> "progressing through various processing steps"
Explanation: "Progressing" is more formal and precise than "moving," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"culminating in collecting ripened cheese" -> "culminating in the collection of ripened cheese"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "collection" and changing "collecting" to "collection" aligns with formal grammatical structure and clarity.
"Regarding the most cheese-making processes" -> "Regarding most cheese-making processes"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "most" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the intended meaning.
"pasteurization system" -> "pasteurization process"
Explanation: "Process" is more specific and accurate in this context than "system," which can imply a broader or more complex setup.
"special machine" -> "specific equipment"
Explanation: "Specific equipment" is more precise and formal than "special machine," which is vague and less specific.
"filtrate the liquid" -> "filter the liquid"
Explanation: "Filter" is the correct verb for this context, as "filtrate" is typically used as a noun or in the passive voice.
"Contrastly" -> "Contrastingly"
Explanation: "Contrastingly" is the correct adverbial form for contrasting ideas, whereas "Contrastly" is not a word.
"all of these aforementioned procedures are dispensable" -> "all these procedures are unnecessary"
Explanation: "Unnecessary" is a more straightforward and formal term than "dispensable," which can be confusing in this context.
"Once the cheese has been already drained of whey" -> "Once the cheese has been drained of whey"
Explanation: Removing "already" corrects the redundancy and maintains the formal tone.
"this texture will be consumed by making fresh cheese" -> "this texture is used to produce fresh cheese"
Explanation: "Is used to produce" is more precise and formal than "will be consumed by making," which is awkward and unclear.
"or they will be poured into molds, preparing for a pressing step" -> "or they are poured into molds, ready for pressing"
Explanation: "Are" corrects the tense consistency, and "ready for pressing" is more concise and formal than "preparing for a pressing step."

These changes enhance the academic tone, improve clarity, and correct grammatical errors, ensuring the text adheres to formal writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the cheese-making process. It presents information appropriately selected from the diagram, including the main stages and key features. However, the essay lacks clarity in some areas, particularly when describing the differences between modern and traditional cheesemaking. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the specific types of fresh cheese (cottage and cream cheese), which are not directly related to the main features of the process.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer and more concise explanation of the differences between modern and traditional cheesemaking. The essay should also focus on the main features of the process and avoid including irrelevant details. The essay could also benefit from using more precise language and avoiding unnecessary repetition. For example, instead of saying "the cheese has been already drained of whey," the essay could say "the cheese is drained of whey."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a coherent arrangement of information and ideas, with a clear overall progression from the introduction to the conclusion. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, particularly in the transition between sentences and ideas. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some ideas could be better grouped together for clarity. For example, the discussion of the two methods of cheesemaking could have been more distinctly separated into separate paragraphs to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by ensuring that each paragraph clearly presents a single central topic. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring they enhance rather than disrupt the flow of information would be beneficial. More explicit referencing and substitution could also help reduce repetition and improve cohesion. Finally, organizing the essay into clearly defined sections for each method of cheesemaking would enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It uses terms relevant to the cheese-making process, such as "pasteurization," "coagulation," and "curd." However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary, but inaccuracies are present, such as "dispensable" in the context of traditional methods, which may not convey the intended meaning clearly. Additionally, there are some errors in word formation and phrasing, such as "the most cheese-making processes" and "will turn into curds before being milled and being seasoned," which affect the overall clarity and fluency. While the communication is generally effective, these issues prevent the essay from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. They should also aim to minimize errors in word choice and formation. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common lexical items in context can help improve flexibility and sophistication in language use. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity can further strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. There are several grammatical errors present, such as "the most cheese-making processes" (which should be "most cheese-making processes") and "the cheese has been already drained" (which is awkwardly phrased). While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they do indicate a lack of control over grammatical structures. The use of a variety of sentence forms is evident, but the inaccuracies in grammar and punctuation detract from the overall effectiveness of the essay.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy and control over complex structures. This can be done by practicing more complex sentence constructions and ensuring that they are used correctly. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical errors and awkward phrasing would enhance clarity and coherence. Expanding the range of vocabulary and sentence variety while maintaining accuracy will also contribute to a better score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided picture illustrates the steps and equipment involved in cheese production. Overall, this process consists of multiple stages, beginning with the addition of raw milk to a component, followed by various processing steps, and culminating in the collection of ripened cheese.

The process is broadly categorized into two distinct methods: modern cheesemaking and traditional cheesemaking. In most cheese-making processes, milk first undergoes a pasteurization process and is then transferred to a specialized machine to standardize the quality and filter the liquid. In contrast, the traditional method does not require these procedures. In both methods, rennet and fermenting microorganisms are added to the milk to initiate coagulation. The resulting curd is then processed through cutting, stirring, and cooking.

Once the cheese has been drained of whey, it transforms into curds before being milled and seasoned with salt. Subsequently, this mixture can be used to produce fresh cheese (such as cottage and cream cheese), or it can be poured into molds in preparation for the pressing stage. After draining any additional whey, the cheese is then aged and becomes ready for consumption or sale to consumers.