Some people believe that children who commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that children who commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Dealing with juvenile delinquency has been one of the most concerning matters of modern society. While some claim that young individuals should be held responsible for their wrongful actions, I truly believe that it is the parents who should be punished.
On the one hand, juvenile criminals should bear the responsibility for their actions. Even though they might not be mature enough to understand their wrongdoings, they must be punished so that they can have a life-long lesson about how the world works, and they must know that every action comes with consequences. This can be done in several forms: rehabilitation programs, as in South Korea, or a short prison sentence for more serious crimes, such as in the USA.
On the other hand, parents or legal guardians should bear the consequences of their children’s actions. Ultimately, it is their duty to raise their sons and daughters, to help their young ones to differentiate what is right and wrong. Hence, failing to do so should result in some form of punishment. For instance, in Vietnam, a woman was sentenced to five years in prison for allowing her underaged son to ride a motorbike and he caused a fatal accident, killing two people. In addition, if some parents or convicted of allowing their children to commit crimes, it will warn other parents to self-reflect on their teaching methods; thus, they could be more aware of their children.
To conclude, while young criminals should be punished for their crimes since they are the ones who fail to abide by the law, the parents should be blamed for their negligence and therefore more deserving of punishment. I believe that this would tackle the root cause of juvenile delinquency, which is the lack of education and lack of care from parents.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Dealing with juvenile delinquency has been one of the most concerning matters of modern society." -> "Addressing juvenile delinquency is a significant concern in contemporary society."
   Explanation: The phrase "Addressing juvenile delinquency is a significant concern" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "Dealing with" and enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

2. "I truly believe" -> "I firmly believe"
   Explanation: "I firmly believe" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the more conversational "truly believe."

3. "young individuals should be held responsible for their wrongful actions" -> "young individuals should be held accountable for their illegal actions"
   Explanation: "Accountable" is more specific and formal than "responsible," and "illegal" is more precise than "wrongful," which can be vague.

4. "must be punished so that they can have a life-long lesson" -> "must be penalized to serve as a lifelong deterrent"
   Explanation: "Penalized to serve as a lifelong deterrent" is more formal and precise, focusing on the purpose of punishment rather than the vague "life-long lesson."

5. "rehabilitation programs, as in South Korea, or a short prison sentence for more serious crimes, such as in the USA" -> "rehabilitation programs, as exemplified in South Korea, or shorter prison sentences for more serious offenses, such as in the United States"
   Explanation: "Exemplified" and "offenses" are more formal and precise than "as in" and "crimes," and "United States" is the formal name of the country.

6. "parents or legal guardians should bear the consequences of their children’s actions" -> "parents or legal guardians should be held accountable for their children’s actions"
   Explanation: "Be held accountable" is a more formal and precise expression than "bear the consequences," aligning better with academic style.

7. "to help their young ones to differentiate what is right and wrong" -> "to educate their children in distinguishing right from wrong"
   Explanation: "Educate their children in distinguishing right from wrong" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "young ones."

8. "failing to do so should result in some form of punishment" -> "such failure should incur some form of penalty"
   Explanation: "Incur some form of penalty" is more formal and specific than "result in some form of punishment," enhancing the academic tone.

9. "a woman was sentenced to five years in prison for allowing her underaged son to ride a motorbike and he caused a fatal accident" -> "a woman was sentenced to five years in prison for permitting her underage son to operate a motorbike, which resulted in a fatal accident"
   Explanation: "Permitting" and "operate" are more precise and formal than "allowing" and "ride," and the rephrasing clarifies the causal relationship between the mother’s actions and the accident.

10. "if some parents or convicted of allowing their children to commit crimes" -> "if parents are convicted of permitting their children to commit crimes"
    Explanation: "Are convicted of permitting" is grammatically correct and more formal than "or convicted of allowing," which is awkward and incorrect.

11. "lack of education and lack of care from parents" -> "insufficient education and inadequate parental care"
    Explanation: "Insufficient education and inadequate parental care" uses more precise and formal vocabulary, enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether children or their parents should be punished for juvenile crimes. The first paragraph discusses the perspective that children should be held accountable, providing a rationale for this view. The second paragraph presents the opposing viewpoint, emphasizing parental responsibility and providing a relevant example from Vietnam. However, while both views are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the arguments, as the emphasis on parental punishment is more pronounced.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a more detailed examination of the arguments for punishing children, perhaps by discussing the potential benefits of rehabilitation or the impact of juvenile records on future opportunities. This would create a more balanced discussion that fully addresses all aspects of the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear from the outset, stating a preference for punishing parents over children. This stance is consistently maintained throughout the essay, with the concluding paragraph reiterating this viewpoint. However, the transition between discussing both sides and returning to the writer’s opinion could be smoother to reinforce clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly signal shifts between discussing opposing views and returning to their own opinion. For example, phrases like "Despite these arguments for punishing children…" can help guide the reader through the essay’s structure.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented clearly, with supporting examples that enhance the arguments. The use of specific examples, such as the case in Vietnam, effectively illustrates the point about parental responsibility. However, the essay could benefit from further elaboration on the implications of the arguments presented, particularly regarding the consequences of punishing parents and how it might affect child-rearing practices.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer could include additional examples or statistics that highlight the effectiveness of parental punishment in reducing juvenile crime rates. Additionally, discussing potential counterarguments and addressing them could further extend the depth of the analysis.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of juvenile delinquency and the responsibilities of children versus parents. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the arguments presented are relevant to the prompt. However, the conclusion could be more explicitly tied back to the prompt to reinforce the overall discussion.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer could restate the prompt in the conclusion and summarize how their arguments support their position. This would create a stronger connection between the essay’s content and the original question, ensuring that the reader is reminded of the central issue being addressed.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in balance, clarity, and depth of support, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with a logical progression of ideas. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs are well-defined, with the first paragraph discussing the viewpoint that children should be punished, followed by the contrasting perspective that parents should be held accountable. This structure allows the reader to easily follow the argument. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be more explicit to enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve the logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal shifts in perspective. For example, phrases like "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help clarify that the second paragraph presents a different viewpoint. Additionally, summarizing the main points at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the logical connections between ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. The introduction and conclusion are also clearly delineated, framing the discussion well. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of the paragraph.
  • How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each body paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Many argue that parents should be held accountable for their children’s actions, as they play a crucial role in their upbringing." This would provide a clearer focus for the reader and improve the overall coherence of the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. Additionally, examples are well-integrated into the discussion, providing concrete support for the arguments. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied linking words and phrases, which would enhance the fluidity of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "for instance," to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help avoid repetition and maintain coherence. For example, instead of repeatedly referring to "parents," you could use "guardians" or "caregivers" in some instances to add variety.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and fluidity of their argument, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "juvenile delinquency," "rehabilitation programs," and "consequences." However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive or simplistic, such as the repeated use of "punished" and "responsibility." This limits the overall lexical variety and sophistication of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "punished," alternatives like "held accountable," "sanctioned," or "disciplined" could be employed. Additionally, the writer could explore more advanced vocabulary related to crime and parenting, such as "culpability," "rehabilitation," or "negligence."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where the precision of word choice could be improved. For instance, the phrase "life-long lesson about how the world works" is somewhat vague and could be interpreted in multiple ways. The term "young individuals" is also a bit formal and could be replaced with "youth" or "young people" for clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to use more specific language that clearly conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of saying "life-long lesson," the writer could specify "a lasting understanding of the consequences of their actions." This would enhance clarity and ensure that the reader fully grasps the argument being made.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with only minor errors. However, there is a notable mistake in the phrase "if some parents or convicted of allowing their children to commit crimes," where it appears that a word is missing, leading to confusion. This affects the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling and overall writing accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully to catch any typographical errors or missing words. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing or mistakes that may have been overlooked during the writing process. Additionally, practicing spelling through targeted exercises can further improve accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing the range and precision of vocabulary, as well as ensuring spelling accuracy, will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "Even though they might not be mature enough to understand their wrongdoings" and "Ultimately, it is their duty to raise their sons and daughters" showcases the ability to form complex sentences. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as inversion or varied clause placements, which could enhance the overall complexity.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "On the one hand" or "On the other hand," the writer could use alternatives like "Conversely" or "In contrast," which would add variety. Additionally, employing a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay can create a more engaging and dynamic writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "if some parents or convicted of allowing their children to commit crimes" contains a grammatical mistake; it should read "if some parents are convicted." Additionally, punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "and therefore" in the concluding sentence.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly subject-verb agreement and verb forms. It would be beneficial to read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing or grammatical mistakes. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help improve clarity and readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. Engaging in targeted practice, such as writing exercises focusing on complex sentence formation and grammar drills, can significantly enhance the writer’s skills in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

Addressing juvenile delinquency is a significant concern in contemporary society. While some argue that young individuals should be held accountable for their illegal actions, I firmly believe that it is the parents who should face punishment instead.

On the one hand, juvenile criminals should bear responsibility for their actions. Even though they might not be mature enough to fully comprehend their wrongdoings, they must be penalized to serve as a lifelong deterrent about how the world operates, and they must understand that every action has consequences. This can be achieved through various means: rehabilitation programs, as exemplified in South Korea, or shorter prison sentences for more serious offenses, such as in the United States.

On the other hand, parents or legal guardians should be held accountable for their children’s actions. Ultimately, it is their duty to educate their children in distinguishing right from wrong. Therefore, such failure should incur some form of penalty. For instance, in Vietnam, a woman was sentenced to five years in prison for permitting her underage son to operate a motorbike, which resulted in a fatal accident that claimed two lives. Furthermore, if parents are convicted of allowing their children to commit crimes, it will serve as a warning to other parents to self-reflect on their teaching methods; thus, they could become more aware of their children’s behavior.

To conclude, while young criminals should be punished for their crimes since they are the ones who fail to abide by the law, parents should also be held accountable for their negligence and are therefore more deserving of punishment. I believe that this approach would tackle the root cause of juvenile delinquency, which stems from insufficient education and inadequate parental care.