In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. What are the causes? How should these young criminals be punished?

In various parts of the world, there's a noticeable rise in teenagers getting involved in offenses. This trend is linked to family backgrounds and the prevalence of technology. Imposing stricter penalties on these young offenders is crucial.

The surge in juvenile delinquency stems from a few significant reasons. Firstly, disadvantaged family backgrounds play a pivotal role. Growing up in such settings where necessities and job opportunities are scarce can lead youngsters to resort to survival crimes like mugging or shoplifting. Another factor is the easy access teenagers have to technological gadgets, exposing them to violent content in movies or short videos across various social media platforms. Given their impressionable nature, this exposure can normalize illegal activities, leading them to participate actively in such behaviors.

To combat this issue, effective measures must be implemented. For minor crimes like shoplifting, enrolling these teenagers in reform schools tailored to their needs can make a difference. These schools provide specialized education to deter reoffending. Additionally, severe penalties should be applied to those involved in serious crimes like violent attacks or sexual assaults. Lengthier prison sentences imposed by the government can serve as a deterrent, discouraging potential offenders or those planning to engage in illegal acts upon release.

To sum up, the surge in teenage crimes is primarily linked to impoverished backgrounds and widespread access to technology. Implementing strategies like reform schools for minor offenses and stricter punishments for serious crimes can help address this concerning trend.

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Errors and Improvements:

"In various parts of the world, there’s a noticeable rise in teenagers getting involved in offenses." -> "In diverse regions globally, there is a discernible increase in adolescents engaging in criminal activities."
Explanation: Replacing "various parts of the world" with "diverse regions globally" and "getting involved in offenses" with "engaging in criminal activities" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.
"Imposing stricter penalties on these young offenders is crucial." -> "Enforcing more stringent penalties on these juvenile offenders is imperative."
Explanation: Substituting "imposing" with "enforcing" and "crucial" with "imperative" contributes to a more formal and authoritative tone in discussing the need for stricter penalties.
"The surge in juvenile delinquency stems from a few significant reasons." -> "The upsurge in juvenile delinquency arises from several notable factors."
Explanation: Replacing "surge" with "upsurge" and "significant reasons" with "several notable factors" elevates the language’s formality and precision.
"Growing up in such settings where necessities and job opportunities are scarce can lead youngsters to resort to survival crimes like mugging or shoplifting." -> "Maturing in environments where essential resources and employment prospects are limited can drive young individuals to resort to survival crimes such as mugging or shoplifting."
Explanation: Enhancing the clarity and formality by specifying "environments" instead of "settings" and using more precise language, like "young individuals," contributes to the academic tone.
"Given their impressionable nature, this exposure can normalize illegal activities, leading them to participate actively in such behaviors." -> "Owing to their impressionable nature, this exposure has the potential to normalize illicit activities, prompting active participation in such behaviors."
Explanation: Substituting "Given" with "Owing to" and "illegal" with "illicit" improves the formality and precision of the statement.
"To combat this issue, effective measures must be implemented." -> "To address this issue, efficacious measures must be instituted."
Explanation: Replacing "combat" with "address" and "effective" with "efficacious" contributes to a more formal and precise expression of the need for effective measures.
"For minor crimes like shoplifting, enrolling these teenagers in reform schools tailored to their needs can make a difference." -> "For minor transgressions such as shoplifting, enrolling these adolescents in specialized reform schools can yield positive outcomes."
Explanation: Substituting "crimes" with "transgressions" and refining the language to "adolescents" and "specialized reform schools" enhances the formality and specificity of the suggestion.
"Additionally, severe penalties should be applied to those involved in serious crimes like violent attacks or sexual assaults." -> "Moreover, stringent penalties should be imposed on individuals engaged in grave offenses such as violent attacks or sexual assaults."
Explanation: Using "Moreover" for transition and replacing "applied" with "imposed" contributes to a more formal and authoritative tone.
"Lengthier prison sentences imposed by the government can serve as a deterrent, discouraging potential offenders or those planning to engage in illegal acts upon release." -> "Extended prison sentences instituted by the government can function as a deterrent, dissuading potential offenders or those contemplating involvement in unlawful acts upon release."
Explanation: Employing "Extended" instead of "Lengthier" and refining the language enhances formality and precision in discussing prison sentences as a deterrent.
"To sum up, the surge in teenage crimes is primarily linked to impoverished backgrounds and widespread access to technology." -> "In conclusion, the upsurge in teenage crimes is predominantly associated with impoverished backgrounds and pervasive access to technology."
Explanation: Replacing "To sum up" with "In conclusion" and "primarily linked" with "predominantly associated" contributes to a more formal and conclusive tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does a commendable job of addressing both aspects of the prompt. It discusses the causes of juvenile delinquency, citing family backgrounds and technology, and proposes specific measures for punishment, such as reform schools and stricter penalties for different levels of offenses.
- How to improve: While the essay is well-rounded, it could benefit from more nuanced exploration of the family background aspect and perhaps delve into potential preventive measures related to family support or community programs.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by attributing the surge in teenage crimes to impoverished backgrounds and technological exposure. This stance is consistently upheld, providing a solid foundation for the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the main thesis or stance in the introduction to guide the reader and reinforce the essay’s overall coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports its ideas. It provides examples and explanations for the causes of juvenile delinquency, offering a logical progression of thoughts. The mention of reform schools and stricter penalties is well-elaborated.
- How to improve: To further enhance idea development, consider including more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the impact of family backgrounds or the effectiveness of reform schools in reducing recidivism.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains focus on the topic of juvenile delinquency, discussing its causes and proposing solutions. There are no significant deviations from the central theme.
- How to improve: To strengthen relevance, ensure that each example or piece of evidence directly relates to the main argument, avoiding any tangential discussions.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, presenting a coherent and well-supported argument. To improve further, consider refining the introduction for explicit thesis statement, providing more nuanced exploration of family backgrounds, incorporating additional examples for illustration, and ensuring absolute relevance in supporting details.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It follows a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and proposed punishments, and a concise conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, maintaining a logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider explicitly signaling transitions between ideas. Connect sentences and paragraphs more explicitly to ensure a smoother transition between different parts of the essay. For instance, use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the progression of your argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize content. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately brief, while the body paragraphs delve into specific causes and solutions, facilitating a clear understanding.
- How to improve: Maintain consistency in paragraph length and structure. While the current essay maintains a balance, ensure that future essays maintain a similar structural coherence. Consider incorporating a variety of sentence structures within paragraphs to add richness to your writing.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "Firstly," and "Additionally," which guide the reader through the logical progression of the essay. Pronouns and conjunctions are used effectively to link sentences and maintain a smooth flow.
- How to improve: Explore a wider variety of cohesive devices to add nuance to your writing. While your current use is effective, consider incorporating synonyms for commonly used transitional phrases. This will showcase a more advanced command of language and contribute to a more varied and engaging writing style.

Overall, the essay effectively demonstrates coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To further improve, focus on strengthening transitions between ideas, maintaining paragraph consistency, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. These refinements will contribute to an even more polished and sophisticated essay structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is a sufficient variety of words used to convey ideas, but some repetition and reliance on common phrases are noticeable. For instance, the repeated use of "teenagers" and "crimes" could be diversified for a richer expression.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more synonyms and exploring alternative expressions. For instance, instead of frequently using "teenagers," experiment with terms like "adolescents" or "youth." This can contribute to a more nuanced and varied presentation of ideas.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are instances where more precise terminology could be employed. For example, the term "surge" might be broad; specifying the nature of the increase in crimes could add precision to the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on using specific language that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Replace general terms with more detailed and context-specific vocabulary. In this case, providing specific examples of crimes or delinquent activities would add depth and clarity to the discussion.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits generally correct spelling throughout, with only minor errors observed (e.g., "In various parts of the world, there’s a noticeable rise…"). However, it is essential to maintain consistent accuracy to meet the higher band criteria.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay more thoroughly, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words and typos. Additionally, consider utilizing spelling and grammar-check tools to catch any overlooked errors. Developing a habit of revising written work systematically can contribute to sustained spelling precision.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid but improvable performance in lexical resource. Enhancing vocabulary variety, employing more precise terminology, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy will contribute to an overall improvement in the lexical aspect of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Grammatical RangeBand Score for Grammatical Range andBand Score for Grammatical Range and AccuracyBand Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy:Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 9Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 9