It is difficult for people to care for their elderly family members. What are the reasons for this, and what solutions can you suggest?

It is difficult for people to care for their elderly family members. What are the reasons for
this, and what solutions can you suggest?

It is true that the problem of taking care of the elderly family members is a challenging. In spite of several reasons leading to these difficulties, many effective strategies can help minimize the pressure on families.
There are two staple difficulties which families easily encounter while taking care of elderly member. First of all, the demand of helping will be increased by elderly relatives that lead to the supporter has to ready to help them all the time. This need of uninterruptedly help can cause stressful and demand most of time and effort, which would restrict one's freedom to commute or pursue personal habits. The second difficulty is the financial burden that involves in looking after elderly person. In several instances, families need to pay money for medical services, home-care services or innovate house to satisfy the need of the elderly; according to these payment, it may lead to a huge pressure on financial burden.
Nevertheless, there are numerous measures that governments and communities can take to tackle these issues. One realizable solution is provide financial support or subsidies to families caring for the elderly. This could reduce pressure on the cost of care and financial burden. A different approach is expand access to affordable, high-quality facilities and home care services. This approach would allow families to share responsibilities with nursing home, which can create the balance between personal lives and family cares.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is true that the problem of taking care of the elderly family members is a challenging." -> "It is acknowledged that the challenge of caring for elderly family members is significant."
   Explanation: The phrase "It is true that" is somewhat redundant and informal for academic writing. "It is acknowledged that" is more formal and appropriate for academic discourse. Additionally, "a challenging" should be "significant" to correctly describe the nature of the problem.

2. "In spite of several reasons leading to these difficulties" -> "Despite several factors contributing to these challenges"
   Explanation: "In spite of" is less formal and slightly awkward in this context. "Despite" is more direct and formal, and "factors" is a more precise term than "reasons" in this context.

3. "the demand of helping will be increased by elderly relatives" -> "the need for assistance from elderly relatives will increase"
   Explanation: "The demand of helping" is awkward and unclear. "The need for assistance" is more precise and formal, and "will increase" is grammatically correct.

4. "the supporter has to ready to help them all the time" -> "the caregiver must be prepared to assist them at all times"
   Explanation: "The supporter has to ready" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "The caregiver must be prepared" is grammatically correct and more formal. "Assist" is also more specific than "help."

5. "This need of uninterruptedly help" -> "This requirement for continuous assistance"
   Explanation: "This need of uninterruptedly help" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "This requirement for continuous assistance" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.

6. "demand most of time and effort" -> "require significant time and effort"
   Explanation: "Demand most of time and effort" is informal and imprecise. "Require significant time and effort" is more formal and precise.

7. "which would restrict one’s freedom to commute or pursue personal habits" -> "which could limit one’s freedom to travel or engage in personal activities"
   Explanation: "Restrict one’s freedom to commute or pursue personal habits" is somewhat informal and vague. "Limit one’s freedom to travel or engage in personal activities" is more specific and formal.

8. "the financial burden that involves in looking after elderly person" -> "the financial burden of caring for an elderly person"
   Explanation: "That involves in looking after elderly person" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The financial burden of caring for an elderly person" is grammatically correct and more formal.

9. "In several instances, families need to pay money for medical services, home-care services or innovate house to satisfy the need of the elderly;" -> "In some cases, families must pay for medical services, home-care services, or innovative housing to meet the needs of the elderly."
   Explanation: "In several instances" is less formal and vague. "In some cases" is more precise and formal. "Innovate house" is incorrect; "innovative housing" is the correct term. "Satisfy the need of the elderly" should be "meet the needs of the elderly" for grammatical correctness and clarity.

10. "according to these payment" -> "according to these costs"
    Explanation: "According to these payment" is grammatically incorrect. "According to these costs" is grammatically correct and more appropriate in this context.

11. "One realizable solution is provide financial support or subsidies to families caring for the elderly." -> "One feasible solution is to provide financial support or subsidies to families caring for the elderly."
    Explanation: "One realizable solution" is less formal and slightly awkward. "One feasible solution" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. Also, "is provide" should be "is to provide" for grammatical correctness.

12. "expand access to affordable, high-quality facilities and home care services" -> "expand access to affordable, high-quality facilities and home-care services"
    Explanation: "home-care services" should be hyphenated as "home-care" to maintain consistency in terminology.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by identifying two main difficulties families face when caring for elderly relatives: the demand for constant support and the financial burden. However, it does not fully explore the reasons behind these difficulties or provide a comprehensive list of solutions. For instance, while the essay mentions financial support and improved access to care facilities, it lacks depth in discussing other potential solutions, such as community support programs or the role of technology in elderly care.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed. This includes elaborating on the reasons for the difficulties and providing a wider range of solutions. Incorporating specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general position that acknowledges the challenges of caring for elderly family members and suggests solutions. However, the position lacks clarity and consistency. For example, the transition between discussing difficulties and solutions is abrupt, which may confuse the reader about the writer’s stance on the issue.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use clear topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs. Each paragraph should begin with a statement that reflects the main idea, followed by supporting details. This structure will help reinforce the writer’s position and guide the reader through the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the difficulties and solutions but does not extend or support them effectively. For instance, the mention of financial burdens is not backed by specific examples or data, which weakens the argument. Additionally, the solutions proposed are somewhat vague and lack elaboration on how they could be implemented.
  • How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. Each point made should be followed by elaboration that explains its significance. For instance, discussing how financial support could be structured or providing examples of successful community programs would enhance the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the challenges and potential solutions for caring for elderly family members. However, some sentences are convoluted and could lead to confusion about the main points. For example, the phrase "the supporter has to ready to help them all the time" is awkwardly phrased and may distract from the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should aim for clarity and conciseness in their writing. Avoiding overly complex sentences and ensuring that each sentence contributes directly to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will improve overall coherence.

In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should focus on addressing all parts of the prompt comprehensively, maintaining a clear position throughout, presenting and supporting ideas more effectively, and ensuring clarity and relevance in their writing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing the difficulties, and proposed solutions. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing difficulties to solutions is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph outlines two main difficulties, but the second body paragraph does not explicitly connect to these points, making it less cohesive.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the difficulties to the proposed solutions. For example, after discussing the financial burden, you could introduce the solutions by stating, "To alleviate these financial pressures, governments can implement…" This would create a smoother transition and reinforce the connection between the problems and their solutions.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, which is a strength. However, the first paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the emotional and time demands of caregiving, and the other on the financial burdens. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each difficulty.
  • How to improve: Consider dividing the first body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs. The first could detail the emotional and time-related challenges, while the second could focus on the financial aspects. This would not only improve clarity but also allow for more thorough development of each point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all" and "nevertheless," which help guide the reader through the text. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "according to these payment" is awkward and unclear, detracting from the overall cohesion of the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of "according to these payment," you could use "as a result of these costs" or "due to these financial obligations." Additionally, consider using more transitional phrases to connect sentences within paragraphs, enhancing the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices would elevate the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "challenging," "difficulties," "financial burden," and "effective strategies." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in the phrases used to describe difficulties and solutions. For instance, the use of "elderly" and "elderly family members" appears multiple times without variation, which can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing. For example, instead of repeatedly using "elderly," you might use "senior citizens," "aged relatives," or "older adults." Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary related to care and support could elevate the essay. For instance, terms like "geriatric care," "caregiving," or "support systems" could be beneficial.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the demand of helping will be increased by elderly relatives" is awkward and unclear. It could be interpreted in multiple ways, which may confuse the reader. Similarly, the phrase "the supporter has to ready to help them all the time" lacks clarity and grammatical accuracy.
  • How to improve: Aim for clarity and precision in word choice. For instance, instead of "the demand of helping will be increased," consider "the demands for assistance from elderly relatives often increase." This revision clarifies the subject and improves the overall flow. Additionally, ensure that verbs are used correctly; for example, "the supporter has to be ready" instead of "has to ready."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "innovate house" (which should likely be "renovated house") and "realizable" (which is less common; "feasible" may be more appropriate). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the credibility of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch errors before submission. Regularly practicing spelling through exercises or vocabulary quizzes can also reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise language use, and enhancing spelling practices, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly improved.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For instance, the use of "In spite of several reasons leading to these difficulties" introduces a complex idea effectively. However, the essay primarily relies on straightforward constructions, which limits the overall variety. Phrases like "the demand of helping will be increased" and "the supporter has to ready to help them all the time" indicate a lack of complexity and sophistication in sentence formation.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For example, instead of saying "the demand of helping will be increased," a more complex structure could be "the demand for assistance increases significantly as elderly relatives often require constant support." Additionally, using varied sentence beginnings and incorporating more dependent clauses would contribute to a richer grammatical range.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that detract from its clarity. For instance, the phrase "the problem of taking care of the elderly family members is a challenging" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "is challenging" or "is a challenge." Furthermore, the sentence "This need of uninterruptedly help can cause stressful and demand most of time and effort" contains awkward phrasing and grammatical inaccuracies, such as "uninterruptedly help" which should be "uninterrupted help," and "demand most of time" which should be "demands most of the time." Punctuation errors are also present, such as missing commas that could clarify sentence structure.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practicing sentence restructuring to avoid awkward phrases will also be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly concerning the use of commas in complex sentences, would enhance clarity. For example, breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help prevent run-on sentences and improve overall readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is significant room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and the accuracy of grammar and punctuation. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the future.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that the challenge of caring for elderly family members is significant. Despite several factors contributing to these difficulties, many effective strategies can help minimize the pressure on families.

There are two main difficulties that families commonly encounter while taking care of elderly relatives. First of all, the need for assistance from elderly relatives will increase, which means that the caregiver must be prepared to assist them at all times. This requirement for continuous assistance can be stressful and demand significant time and effort, which could limit one’s freedom to travel or engage in personal activities. The second difficulty is the financial burden involved in looking after an elderly person. In several instances, families must pay for medical services, home-care services, or innovative housing to meet the needs of the elderly. According to these costs, it may lead to a substantial financial strain on families.

Nevertheless, there are numerous measures that governments and communities can take to tackle these issues. One feasible solution is to provide financial support or subsidies to families caring for the elderly. This could alleviate the financial burden associated with care. Another approach is to expand access to affordable, high-quality facilities and home-care services. This strategy would allow families to share responsibilities with nursing homes, creating a balance between personal lives and family care.