The chart below show the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a book seller between 1972 and 2012

Three pie charts illustrate data about the proportion of various types of books sold by a book seller for a period of 40 years
Overall, it can be seen that the figures for adult fiction, children’s fiction witnessed an upward trend while the opposite was true for other books. Another striking point is that the distribution of adult fiction outnumbered other categories in the year 2012
In 1972, the percentage of adult fiction allocated exactly a fifth, which as much as that for children fiction and Biography. After two decades, the portion for adult fiction improved marginally by 5%, took up a quarter of the pie chart. A quite similar pattern was repeated for the ratio of children’s fiction to 22%. Thereafter, there was a boom in the distribution of adult fiction by 20%, constituted almost half of the pie chart which emerged as the most popular choice in comparison with other genres of books at the end of the period. Regarding children’s fiction, its portion grew minimally by a small fraction to a quarter
Concerning the rest kinds of books, travel went through an erratic period, starting at 15% then climb gently by 3% before sliding to a ten from 1992 onwards. In the first period, the percentage of biography was 20%, 5% lower than that for others. The year 1992 witnessed a diminishment in both figures until the end of the period, from 20% to below a ten for biography and by half for others respectively

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Three pie charts illustrate data about the proportion of various types of books sold by a book seller for a period of 40 years" -> "Three pie charts depict data on the proportion of various book types sold by a bookseller over a 40-year period"
Explanation: "Depict" is more precise and formal than "illustrate," and "bookseller" is the correct term for a business that sells books, whereas "book seller" is less formal. Additionally, "over a 40-year period" is a clearer and more formal way to express the duration.
"the figures for adult fiction, children’s fiction witnessed an upward trend while the opposite was true for other books" -> "the figures for adult fiction and children’s fiction exhibited an upward trend, whereas those for other categories declined"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is more formal than "witnessed," and "declined" is a more precise term than "the opposite was true." This change also clarifies that the trend is specific to other categories, not just "other books."
"Another striking point is that the distribution of adult fiction outnumbered other categories in the year 2012" -> "Notably, adult fiction dominated the other categories in 2012"
Explanation: "Notably" is a more academic term than "Another striking point," and "dominated" is more precise than "outnumbered" in this context, which refers to the proportion of sales.
"the percentage of adult fiction allocated exactly a fifth" -> "the percentage of adult fiction accounted for exactly one-fifth"
Explanation: "Accounted for" is a more precise term in this context, indicating the proportion of the whole, whereas "allocated" is less commonly used in this sense.
"took up a quarter of the pie chart" -> "constituted a quarter of the pie chart"
Explanation: "Constituted" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "took up," which is somewhat colloquial.
"A quite similar pattern was repeated for the ratio of children’s fiction to 22%" -> "A similar pattern was observed for the proportion of children’s fiction, which reached 22%"
Explanation: "Observed" is more formal than "repeated," and specifying "proportion" clarifies the type of data being discussed.
"boom in the distribution of adult fiction" -> "surge in the sales of adult fiction"
Explanation: "Surge" is a more precise term than "boom," which can be seen as informal and vague in this context. "Sales" is also more specific than "distribution."
"constituted almost half of the pie chart" -> "accounted for nearly half of the pie chart"
Explanation: "Accounted for" is more precise and formal than "constituted," which can be vague in this context.
"Concerning the rest kinds of books" -> "Regarding the remaining types of books"
Explanation: "Regarding" is more formal than "Concerning," and "remaining" is more precise than "rest kinds," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.
"climb gently by 3%" -> "increased by 3%"
Explanation: "Increased" is a more straightforward and formal term than "climb," which is metaphorical and less suitable for academic writing.
"sliding to a ten from 1992 onwards" -> "decreasing to less than 10% from 1992 onwards"
Explanation: "Decreasing" is more precise and formal than "sliding," and specifying "less than 10%" clarifies the exact percentage change.
"from 20% to below a ten" -> "from 20% to less than 10%"
Explanation: "Less than 10%" is a clearer and more formal expression than "below a ten," which is colloquial and vague.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses all the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the data. The writer has selected information appropriately and presented key features/bullet points. However, some details are irrelevant, inappropriate, or inaccurate. For example, the writer states that the percentage of adult fiction "improved marginally by 5%" between 1972 and 1992, but the actual increase is 10%. The writer also states that the percentage of children’s fiction "grew minimally by a small fraction to a quarter" between 1972 and 2012, but the actual increase is 7%.

How to improve: The writer should focus on providing accurate information and avoid making generalizations or assumptions. The writer should also be more precise in their language and avoid using vague terms like "marginally" and "minimally."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances of mechanical cohesion, particularly in the transitions between sentences and ideas. The referencing could be clearer, as some terms are repeated without adequate substitution, which may lead to confusion. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it is not always logical, particularly in the way that some ideas are grouped together.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas. Ensuring that referencing is clear and varied will help avoid repetition. Additionally, organizing paragraphs more logically by grouping related ideas together will improve the overall flow of the essay. Finally, providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the distribution of adult fiction outnumbered other categories," which could be better expressed. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "climb gently by 3% before sliding to a ten," which may cause some difficulty for the reader but do not completely impede communication. Overall, while the vocabulary used is sufficient for the task, the inaccuracies and errors prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring precise word choice. They should also pay attention to collocations and expressions that are more natural in context. Reducing spelling and word formation errors will enhance clarity and coherence. Practicing with a wider variety of texts and seeking feedback on word usage can help in achieving a more sophisticated control of lexical features.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there are some attempts at complex structures, the grammatical accuracy is inconsistent, with several errors present in grammar and punctuation. For example, phrases like "the percentage of adult fiction allocated exactly a fifth" and "the portion for adult fiction improved marginally by 5%" contain awkward constructions that could confuse the reader. Additionally, there are instances of missing articles and incorrect verb forms, such as "constituted almost half of the pie chart" where "constitutes" would be more appropriate in the present tense. Overall, while the communication is generally clear, the errors do occasionally hinder understanding.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice using more varied sentence structures, ensuring that complex sentences are grammatically correct.
Punctuation: Review punctuation rules to minimize errors, particularly with commas and periods.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing before submission.
Grammar Practice: Engage in targeted grammar exercises to strengthen understanding and application of complex structures and verb tenses.

Bài sửa mẫu

Three pie charts illustrate data about the proportion of various types of books sold by a bookseller over a period of 40 years. Overall, it can be seen that the figures for adult fiction and children’s fiction witnessed an upward trend, while the opposite was true for other categories. Another striking point is that the distribution of adult fiction outnumbered other categories in the year 2012.

In 1972, the percentage of adult fiction accounted for exactly one-fifth, which was the same as that for children’s fiction and biography. After two decades, the portion for adult fiction improved marginally by 5%, taking up a quarter of the pie chart. A similar pattern was observed for the ratio of children’s fiction, which rose to 22%. Subsequently, there was a significant increase in the distribution of adult fiction by 20%, constituting almost half of the pie chart and emerging as the most popular choice compared to other genres of books by the end of the period. Regarding children’s fiction, its portion grew minimally by a small fraction to a quarter.

Concerning the other types of books, travel experienced an erratic trend, starting at 15% and then climbing gently by 3% before sliding to 10% from 1992 onwards. In the initial period, the percentage of biography was 20%, which was 5% lower than that for other categories. The year 1992 witnessed a decline in both figures until the end of the period, with biography dropping to below 10% and the percentage for other categories halving, respectively.