Accommodation and transport problems are increasing in many large cities. Businesses are encouraged to move to rural areas. Do advantages outweigh disadvantages?

With the increasing prevalence of accommodation and commuting issues in urban areas, entrepreneurs are motivated to gravate towards the contryside. the drawbacks of this pursuit are eclipsed by forsrable benefits which will be presented in this essay.
Regarding the advantages, firms moving to rural regions standd a high chance of facing economic insecurities. This is on the grounds that thinly-populated rural areas, make businesses challenging to boast sales figures and approach prospective customers, potentially leading to the downfall of business in these areas as a result.
Furthermore, this shift can negatively affect rural areas by influcting serve damage on the local environment and agricutural sectors which are the main contributors to people's likelihood
However , the drawbacks of this one outstripped by its potential benefits. Since the economic benefits its confer are far more significant. Rural areas having more firms, means that more financial resources can be alloted to public facilities, industrial practices and transport infrastructure. This has the potential to boost economic growth in these regions and contribute to the enhancement of rural dwellers. In addition to this, the industry's shift towards rural areas can address the city issues associated with accommodation and transport. By erecting more homestay, housings, the shortage of accommodation in municipal areas can be alleviated. Similarly, the rising of people graviating towards the contryside is conducive to traffic alleviation.
In summary, while the drawbacks of this motivation are significant, the benefits for prevail the drawbacks from my point of view

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"gravate towards the contryside" -> "migrate to the countryside"
Explanation: "Gravate" is not a standard English word and "contryside" is a misspelling of "countryside." Using "migrate to the countryside" corrects these errors and employs a more formal and precise term.
"the drawbacks of this pursuit are eclipsed by forsrable benefits" -> "the drawbacks of this trend are outweighed by numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Forsrable" is a typographical error and "eclipsed" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "Outweighed by numerous benefits" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic discourse.
"standd a high chance of facing" -> "face a high likelihood of encountering"
Explanation: "Standd" is a typographical error and "face a high likelihood of encountering" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"thinly-populated rural areas, make businesses challenging" -> "thinly populated rural areas, make it challenging for businesses"
Explanation: Adding "it" clarifies the subject of the sentence, improving readability and grammatical accuracy.
"boast sales figures" -> "achieve sales figures"
Explanation: "Boast" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Achieve" is more neutral and appropriate for formal contexts.
"influcting serve damage" -> "inflicting severe damage"
Explanation: "Influcting" is a typographical error and "serve" is incorrect. "Inflicting severe damage" corrects these errors and uses more precise language.
"agricutural sectors" -> "agricultural sectors"
Explanation: "Agricutural" is a misspelling of "agricultural," correcting this typographical error improves the professionalism of the text.
"the drawbacks of this one outstripped by its potential benefits" -> "the drawbacks of this trend are outweighed by its potential benefits"
Explanation: "This one" is vague and informal; "this trend" is more specific and formal. "Outweighed" is also more appropriate than "outstripped" in this context.
"Since the economic benefits its confer" -> "Since the economic benefits it confers"
Explanation: "Its" is incorrectly used as a possessive pronoun; "it" is the correct subject pronoun to use with "confers," aligning with grammatical rules.
"means that more financial resources can be alloted" -> "means that more financial resources can be allocated"
Explanation: "Alloted" is a misspelling of "allocated," correcting this typographical error improves the text’s accuracy.
"the rising of people graviating" -> "the rising number of people gravitating"
Explanation: "The rising of people graviating" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "The rising number of people gravitating" corrects these issues and clarifies the meaning.
"the shortage of accommodation in municipal areas can be alleviated" -> "the shortage of accommodation in urban areas can be alleviated"
Explanation: "Municipal" is less commonly used to refer to urban areas; "urban" is more precise and widely accepted in academic contexts.
"the rising of people graviating towards the contryside" -> "the increasing number of people migrating to the countryside"
Explanation: "The rising of people graviating towards the contryside" is awkward and contains errors. "The increasing number of people migrating to the countryside" corrects these issues and uses more formal language.
"benefits for prevail the drawbacks" -> "benefits outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Benefits for prevail the drawbacks" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Benefits outweigh the drawbacks" is grammatically correct and clearer, enhancing the formal tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of businesses moving to rural areas. However, it does not adequately explore both sides of the argument. For instance, while it mentions economic insecurities and environmental impacts as drawbacks, it fails to provide a balanced view by elaborating on specific advantages beyond economic growth. The conclusion also lacks a definitive stance on whether the advantages truly outweigh the disadvantages, which is central to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are thoroughly explored. This could involve providing specific examples of how businesses can thrive in rural areas and the potential benefits to local communities, as well as a more detailed analysis of the drawbacks. A clear comparison of the two sides, culminating in a definitive conclusion, would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is somewhat unclear. While it suggests that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, the argument is not consistently presented. Phrases like "the drawbacks of this one outstripped by its potential benefits" are vague and do not clearly articulate the author’s stance. Additionally, the conclusion does not convincingly reaffirm the position taken in the body of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using clear topic sentences for each paragraph that reflect the main argument can help guide the reader. The conclusion should also restate the position in a more assertive manner, summarizing the key points that support this stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, but they are often underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For example, the mention of "economic insecurities" is not elaborated upon, leaving the reader unclear about the specific challenges businesses might face in rural areas. The benefits discussed are also not adequately supported with examples or evidence, which weakens the overall argument.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the advantages and disadvantages of moving businesses to rural areas. Additionally, using clear transitions between ideas can help create a more cohesive argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly when discussing the negative impacts on rural areas without directly linking them back to the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. For instance, the mention of "serve damage on the local environment" is relevant but lacks a direct connection to the overall argument.
- How to improve: To stay focused on the topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the question posed in the prompt. This can be achieved by regularly referring back to the advantages and disadvantages of businesses moving to rural areas and how they impact the overall situation. Creating an outline before writing can help maintain focus and ensure that all points are relevant to the central argument.

Overall, the essay needs to be more comprehensive in addressing the prompt, with clearer articulation of the position, better-supported ideas, and a stronger focus on the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of businesses moving to rural areas. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by unclear transitions and a lack of clear distinctions between points. For example, the transition from discussing the drawbacks of rural relocation to the benefits is abrupt, which can confuse the reader. The introduction sets the stage well, but the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the main argument. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. Structuring the essay to first discuss all disadvantages followed by all advantages, or vice versa, could also improve clarity.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness vary. The first paragraph introduces the topic, while the subsequent paragraphs attempt to address both sides of the argument. However, the paragraphs are not well-defined, and some sentences within them are overly long or convoluted, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For instance, the second paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation, which can lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into shorter ones to enhance readability. Each paragraph should ideally have a clear beginning, middle, and end, with the concluding sentence summarizing the main point or linking to the next paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Furthermore" and "In addition to this," which help to connect ideas. However, there is a noticeable reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, and some phrases are used incorrectly or awkwardly, such as "the drawbacks of this one outstripped by its potential benefits," which lacks clarity. Additionally, there are instances of grammatical errors that hinder the effectiveness of cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of connectors and linking phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," and "As a result." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly within the context of the sentence. Regular practice with sentence structures and cohesive devices can help improve fluency and coherence in writing. Revising sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy will also enhance the overall cohesiveness of the essay.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a better band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary related to the topic of accommodation and transport issues. Phrases like "economic insecurities," "potential benefits," and "traffic alleviation" show some variety. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. For example, the term "rural areas" is used multiple times without variation, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "rural areas," you could use "countryside," "less populated regions," or "outlying areas." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions could elevate the essay’s overall quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from clarity. For example, "gravate" should be "gravitate," and "forsrable" is likely intended to be "favorable." The phrase "influcting serve damage" appears to be a misspelling or misuse of "inflicting severe damage," which obscures the intended meaning. Such inaccuracies can confuse the reader and weaken the argument.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that the vocabulary used is not only correct but also appropriate for the context. Double-check the meanings of words and their correct forms before using them. Reading more academic texts can help familiarize you with precise vocabulary and its usage in context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "contryside" (should be "countryside"), "standd" (should be "stand"), "agricutural" (should be "agricultural"), and "alloted" (should be "allotted"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing regularly and utilize tools like spell checkers. Additionally, consider creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them frequently. Reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use varied vocabulary, it falls short in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and improving spelling, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "the drawbacks of this pursuit are eclipsed by forsrable benefits" and "this shift can negatively affect rural areas" show basic sentence construction. However, there is a noticeable lack of complex sentences that could add depth to the argument. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "the economic benefits its confer are far more significant" indicates a misunderstanding of subject-verb agreement and sentence complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For example, instead of saying "this shift can negatively affect rural areas," the writer could say, "While this shift can negatively affect rural areas, it also presents opportunities for economic growth." Practicing the use of subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because, since) can help create more varied and sophisticated sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "gravate towards the contryside" should be "gravitate towards the countryside," and "the drawbacks of this one outstripped by its potential benefits" lacks proper structure and agreement. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the missing comma after "However" and the incorrect use of commas in phrases like "thinly-populated rural areas, make businesses challenging." These errors detract from the overall readability of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. It is also advisable to revise punctuation usage, particularly with commas. For instance, the sentence "This is on the grounds that thinly-populated rural areas, make businesses challenging to boast sales figures" should be corrected to "This is on the grounds that thinly populated rural areas make it challenging for businesses to boost sales figures." Engaging in targeted grammar exercises and seeking feedback on drafts can also help strengthen grammatical skills.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

With the increasing prevalence of accommodation and commuting issues in urban areas, entrepreneurs are motivated to migrate to the countryside. The drawbacks of this trend are outweighed by numerous benefits, which will be presented in this essay.

Regarding the advantages, firms moving to rural regions face a high likelihood of encountering economic insecurities. This is due to the fact that thinly populated rural areas make it challenging for businesses to achieve sales figures and approach prospective customers, potentially leading to the downfall of enterprises in these locations.

Furthermore, this shift can negatively affect rural areas by inflicting severe damage on the local environment and agricultural sectors, which are the main contributors to the livelihoods of many residents.

However, the drawbacks of this trend are outweighed by its potential benefits. Since the economic benefits it confers are far more significant, having more firms in rural areas means that more financial resources can be allocated to public facilities, industrial practices, and transport infrastructure. This has the potential to boost economic growth in these regions and contribute to the improvement of rural living standards.

In addition to this, the industry’s shift towards rural areas can help address the accommodation and transport issues faced by cities. By constructing more housing options, the shortage of accommodation in urban areas can be alleviated. Similarly, the increasing number of people migrating to the countryside is conducive to traffic alleviation.

In summary, while the drawbacks of this trend are significant, the benefits outweigh the disadvantages from my point of view.