while many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Agree or disagree

There is a common belief that student finish high school programme be advised to attend university. However, having a tends to go in the oppsite direction that people should go to an occupation education because currently, businesses very need labours work in fields such as electricians and plumbers. While there is no denying the benefits of vocational course, I contend that attending college would bring more benefits.
It is understandable why some people subscribe to the view that third-level education would help undergraduates have upsides rather than vocational education. First and foremost, college education help students entering university have a more comprehensive or multi-dimensional view of the world lead to facilitate their future career preparation. As a result, they would have access to more and better job opportunities. For example, undergraduates would have been learned a wide range of subjects include the knowledge spans many fields result in coulding apply that knowledge to your future work. In addition, tertiary education help student learn important skills such as problem-solving skills…which is very useful for job's student.
While there is some truth to this statement, I believe it is impossible to discount for downsides of job-relating training. Firstly, student take part in vocational qualifications would have only learned main subject for the future work lead to they would suffer from boredom and even drop out. Moreover, participating in occupational course could limit creative ability as well as develop essential skills. Therefore, leading to lack of productivity and effective in their work.
In conclusion, for the reason outlined above, it stands to reason that college education are necessity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"student finish high school programme be advised to attend university" -> "students completing high school programs are advised to attend university"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammatical structure and uses the plural form "programs" to match the plural subject "students."
"having a tends to go in the oppsite direction" -> "there is a trend towards the opposite direction"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and grammatically incorrect. The suggested revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar.
"currently, businesses very need labours work in fields such as electricians and plumbers" -> "currently, businesses require laborers in fields such as electricians and plumbers"
Explanation: "Very need" is an informal and incorrect expression. "Require" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. Also, "labours" should be "laborers" for grammatical correctness.
"vocational course" -> "vocational training"
Explanation: "Course" is too vague and informal for this context. "Training" is more specific and appropriate for describing educational programs.
"college education help students entering university" -> "college education helps students entering university"
Explanation: "Help" should be "helps" to agree with the singular subject "college education."
"have a more comprehensive or multi-dimensional view of the world lead to facilitate their future career preparation" -> "provide a more comprehensive or multidimensional view of the world, thereby facilitating their future career preparation"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity. The revision clarifies the meaning and improves the flow of the sentence.
"would have been learned" -> "would have learned"
Explanation: "Would have been learned" is grammatically incorrect. "Would have learned" is the correct form for hypothetical past tense.
"include the knowledge spans many fields result in coulding apply that knowledge to your future work" -> "encompass knowledge from various fields, enabling them to apply that knowledge to their future work"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"tertiary education help student learn" -> "tertiary education helps students learn"
Explanation: "Help" should be "helps" to agree with the singular subject "tertiary education." Also, "student" should be "students" to match the plural subject.
"job’s student" -> "students in the workforce"
Explanation: "Job’s student" is incorrect and unclear. "Students in the workforce" is a more precise and formal way to refer to individuals in employment.
"it is impossible to discount for downsides of job-relating training" -> "it is impossible to overlook the downsides of job-related training"
Explanation: "Discount for" is incorrect; "overlook" is the correct verb to use in this context, and "job-related" is the correct adjective form.
"student take part in vocational qualifications would have only learned main subject for the future work" -> "students participating in vocational qualifications learn only the core subjects relevant to their future work"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"leading to lack of productivity and effective in their work" -> "resulting in reduced productivity and ineffectiveness in their work"
Explanation: "Leading to lack of productivity and effective" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"college education are necessity" -> "college education is a necessity"
Explanation: "Are" should be "is" to agree with the singular subject "college education," and "necessity" should be "a necessity" to correctly use the article.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both vocational training and university education. However, it primarily focuses on the benefits of university education while only briefly mentioning vocational training. The argument lacks a thorough exploration of the reasons why more people should be encouraged to pursue vocational training, which is a crucial part of the prompt. For instance, while the essay mentions the need for qualified workers, it does not elaborate on this point or provide specific examples of how vocational training can fulfill this need.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the essay should include a more balanced discussion. The writer should clearly outline the advantages of vocational training, perhaps by providing statistics or examples of successful vocational programs. Additionally, it would be beneficial to directly compare the two educational paths, emphasizing the importance of vocational training in today’s job market.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that favors university education over vocational training, but this stance is not consistently maintained throughout. The introduction suggests that vocational training is important, yet the body paragraphs primarily argue for the merits of university education without adequately reinforcing the initial claim. For example, the phrase "I contend that attending college would bring more benefits" indicates a clear preference, but the subsequent discussion lacks a strong rebuttal to the benefits of vocational training.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their stance in the introduction and consistently refer back to it in each paragraph. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that reflect the main argument and by ensuring that each paragraph contributes to supporting that argument. Additionally, acknowledging counterarguments and addressing them effectively can strengthen the overall position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat underdeveloped and lack sufficient support. For instance, the claim that "college education helps students have a more comprehensive view of the world" is not backed by specific examples or evidence. The essay also contains vague statements, such as "students would have access to more and better job opportunities," without explaining how or why this is the case. Furthermore, the discussion of vocational training is minimal and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate their points. Each claim should be followed by an explanation or evidence that elaborates on the idea. For instance, when discussing the benefits of vocational training, the writer could include examples of successful vocational programs or testimonials from individuals who have benefited from such training.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly when discussing the drawbacks of vocational training. While it is important to acknowledge these drawbacks, the focus should remain on the argument that more people should be encouraged to pursue vocational training. The mention of boredom and lack of creativity in vocational training feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument and could confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main ideas before writing to ensure that all content is relevant. Additionally, the writer should avoid introducing new ideas that do not directly support the main argument, as this can lead to a lack of coherence in the essay.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on providing a balanced discussion of both educational paths, maintaining a clear and consistent position, elaborating on ideas with specific examples, and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the benefits of university education over vocational training. However, the organization of ideas could be improved. For instance, the introduction states the author’s position but lacks a clear outline of the main points that will be discussed. The body paragraphs do present arguments, but the transition between ideas is sometimes abrupt, making it harder for the reader to follow the logical progression. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of university education to the downsides of vocational training could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the author should consider using a clear outline in the introduction that previews the main arguments. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through contrasting points more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, which is a positive aspect. However, the structure within the paragraphs could be more effective. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of university education but lacks a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Similarly, the second body paragraph on vocational training does not clearly delineate its main argument, making it less impactful.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Following this, supporting sentences should provide evidence or examples. For example, in the first body paragraph, a sentence like "University education provides students with a broad range of knowledge and skills that are essential for their future careers" would set a clearer focus for the paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Moreover," and "In addition," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences lack clear connections, making the text feel disjointed at times. For example, phrases like "which is very useful for job’s student" are awkwardly constructed and do not effectively link back to the previous sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the author should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In contrast," and "Consequently." Additionally, ensuring that all sentences within a paragraph logically connect to one another will enhance overall cohesion. For example, rephrasing sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy will improve the flow and coherence of ideas.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will elevate the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "vocational training," "tertiary education," and "problem-solving skills." However, the range is limited, and there are instances of repetitive language, particularly with terms like "education" and "students." The phrase "common belief" is a good example of an appropriate expression, but the overall vocabulary does not reflect a wide enough range to achieve a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "education," alternatives like "learning," "instruction," or "academic training" could be employed. Additionally, using more specific terms related to vocational training, such as "apprenticeship" or "skilled trades," would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "having a tends to go in the opposite direction" is unclear and awkwardly constructed. The term "labours work" should be corrected to "labor" or "workers." Additionally, "coulding apply" is a grammatical error that affects comprehension.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of "having a tends to go," a clearer expression would be "there is a tendency for." Furthermore, reviewing vocabulary for grammatical correctness and ensuring that phrases are idiomatic will enhance precision. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and reading academic texts can also help improve this aspect.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "oppiste" (opposite), "labours work" (labor), "course" (courses), and "coulding" (could). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can confuse the reader, impacting the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through exercises can also be beneficial. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use a variety of vocabulary, improvements in lexical range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on these areas will enhance the overall quality of the writing and better convey the writer’s arguments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it largely relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "it is understandable why some people subscribe to the view that third-level education would help undergraduates" show an attempt at complexity, but many sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "having a tends to go in the oppsite direction that people should go to an occupation education." This affects the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses (e.g., "Although vocational training is beneficial, it may not provide the same breadth of knowledge as university education"). Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and using different conjunctions can help create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder comprehension. For example, "student finish high school programme" should be "students finishing high school programs," and "having a tends to go in the oppsite direction" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. There are also punctuation errors, such as the misuse of ellipses in "problem-solving skills…which is very useful for job’s student," which should be revised for clarity and correctness.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement (e.g., "students" instead of "student"), correct article usage (e.g., "a vocational education" instead of "an occupation education"), and proper pluralization (e.g., "jobs" instead of "job’s"). Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on sentence construction can also help. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly for commas and periods, will enhance clarity and readability.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, addressing these specific areas will significantly improve the grammatical range and accuracy, potentially raising the band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a common belief that students completing high school programs are advised to attend university. However, there is a trend towards the opposite direction, suggesting that people should pursue vocational training because currently, businesses require laborers in fields such as electricians and plumbers. While there is no denying the benefits of vocational courses, I contend that attending college would bring more advantages.

It is understandable why some people subscribe to the view that tertiary education helps students learn valuable skills that can lead to better job prospects compared to vocational education. First and foremost, college education helps students entering university to provide a more comprehensive or multidimensional view of the world, thereby facilitating their future career preparation. As a result, they would have access to more and better job opportunities. For example, undergraduates would have learned a wide range of subjects, encompassing knowledge from various fields, enabling them to apply that knowledge to their future work. In addition, tertiary education helps students learn important skills such as problem-solving, which is very useful for those entering the workforce.

While there is some truth to this statement, I believe it is impossible to overlook the downsides of job-related training. Firstly, students participating in vocational qualifications learn only the core subjects relevant to their future work, which could lead to boredom and even dropping out. Moreover, participating in occupational courses could limit creative ability as well as the development of essential skills. Therefore, this could result in reduced productivity and ineffectiveness in their work.

In conclusion, for the reasons outlined above, it stands to reason that college education is a necessity.