Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

College students often face the dilemma of how best to allocate their time. Should they prioritize studying, or should they diversify their efforts into extracurriculars and other experiences? This essay will discuss both perspectives, as I’m convinced that taking some time to relax and recharge is just as important as studying.

On the one hand, it’s understandable that college time is a critical period to master specialized knowledge and achieve good academic performance, which lays the foundation for future career opportunities. For example, students in STEM fields, such as engineering or medicine, face demanding coursework that requires intense focus. Medical students, for instance, dedicate countless hours to study and clinical practice to master life-saving knowledge. Similarly, top tech students who excel academically often credit their rigorous work ethics for securing positions at leading companies like Google or Facebook. Therefore, prioritizing academics, even at the expense of social activities, is often seen as necessary.

On the other hand, excessive studying can be counterproductive. The rise of “studyholism” or extreme over-studying culture has become a clinical concern, with students who cut off social interactions facing increased risks of burnout. Engaging in extracurricular activities such as clubs, internships, or volunteer work not only provides essential mental breaks but also fosters problem-solving and communication skills, enhancing employability. Moreover, networking, a key factor in career success, can be gained through diverse campus involvement, offering students valuable connections and opportunities beyond graduation.
In conclusion, while academic achievement is important, it should be balanced with activities that promote personal growth and prepare students for life beyond the classroom. Otherwise, limiting oneself to academics will only stifle personal growth and can lead to burnout, undermining overall success.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "often face the dilemma of how best to allocate their time" -> "frequently encounter the challenge of allocating their time effectively"
   Explanation: Replacing "often face the dilemma of how best to allocate their time" with "frequently encounter the challenge of allocating their time effectively" refines the phrase by using more formal vocabulary ("challenge" instead of "dilemma") and specifying the action ("effectively") to enhance the academic tone.

2. "Should they prioritize studying, or should they diversify their efforts into extracurriculars and other experiences?" -> "Should they prioritize academic pursuits or diversify their efforts into extracurricular activities and other experiences?"
   Explanation: Replacing "studying" with "academic pursuits" and "extracurriculars" with "extracurricular activities" provides a more precise and formal terminology, aligning better with academic language.

3. "as I’m convinced" -> "as I am convinced"
   Explanation: Removing the contraction "I’m" to "I am" adheres to the formal tone required in academic writing.

4. "taking some time to relax and recharge" -> "allowing for periods of relaxation and rejuvenation"
   Explanation: "Allowing for periods of relaxation and rejuvenation" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of taking time to rest and refresh, fitting the academic style better.

5. "it’s understandable" -> "it is understandable"
   Explanation: Replacing the contraction "it’s" with "it is" maintains the formal tone and avoids colloquial language.

6. "master specialized knowledge" -> "acquire specialized knowledge"
   Explanation: "Acquire" is a more precise and formal term than "master" in this context, suggesting the process of gaining knowledge rather than achieving mastery.

7. "top tech students" -> "high-achieving technology students"
   Explanation: "High-achieving technology students" is more specific and formal than "top tech students," which is somewhat informal and vague.

8. "credit their rigorous work ethics" -> "attribute their rigorous work ethic"
   Explanation: "Attribute" is more appropriate than "credit" in this context, and "work ethic" should be singular to maintain consistency in formality.

9. "studyholism" -> "study addiction"
   Explanation: "Study addiction" is a more commonly recognized and accepted term in academic and medical contexts than "studyholism," which is less widely used and may be considered informal.

10. "cut off social interactions" -> "sever social interactions"
    Explanation: "Sever" is a more formal and precise term than "cut off" in this context, suggesting a complete disconnection rather than just a reduction.

11. "fosters problem-solving and communication skills" -> "enhances problem-solving and communication skills"
    Explanation: "Enhances" is a more precise and formal verb than "fosters" in this context, indicating a strengthening or improvement in skills.

12. "limiting oneself to academics" -> "confining oneself solely to academic pursuits"
    Explanation: "Confining oneself solely to academic pursuits" is more formal and precise, emphasizing the exclusivity and restriction of focus on academics.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and tone of the essay to better align with academic standards, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the importance of studying and the benefits of engaging in extracurricular activities. The introduction clearly sets the stage for a balanced discussion, while the body paragraphs present arguments for both sides. The conclusion reiterates the necessity of a balanced approach, which aligns well with the prompt’s request to evaluate the extent of agreement or disagreement. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit statement of the author’s position in relation to the extent of agreement or disagreement, as it currently leans towards a balanced view without a definitive stance.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response to the prompt, the author should explicitly state their degree of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. For instance, they could clarify whether they believe students should prioritize one aspect over the other or if a specific balance is ideal.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position that emphasizes the importance of balancing academic pursuits with other activities. However, the position could be more pronounced. While the author acknowledges the necessity of academic success, the argument for extracurricular activities could be more assertively linked back to the main thesis to reinforce the author’s stance.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author should consistently refer back to their main argument throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I strongly believe" or "It is crucial that" can help reinforce their viewpoint. Additionally, summarizing the position in each paragraph can help maintain focus.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-developed ideas supported by relevant examples, such as the reference to STEM students and the concept of "studyholism." The examples effectively illustrate the points made, particularly in discussing the risks of excessive studying and the benefits of extracurricular involvement. However, the essay could further extend its arguments by including more varied examples or statistics to bolster claims about the benefits of a balanced approach.
  • How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the author could incorporate additional examples or data that illustrate the positive impacts of extracurricular activities on academic performance or mental health. Including quotes from studies or expert opinions could also lend credibility to the arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the balance between studying and other activities without deviating into unrelated areas. The structure is logical, with clear transitions between the discussion of both perspectives. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt, particularly in emphasizing the implications of the balance on students’ overall success.
  • How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of the extent to which they agree or disagree. They could also consider summarizing how each point contributes to their overall argument in the conclusion to reinforce relevance.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view. By clarifying the position, extending support for ideas, and ensuring tight relevance to the prompt, the author can further enhance the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, effectively introducing the topic and outlining the two perspectives on the issue. The first body paragraph focuses on the importance of academics, providing relevant examples from STEM fields to support the argument. The second body paragraph counters this by discussing the drawbacks of excessive studying and the benefits of extracurricular activities. This clear delineation between the two viewpoints allows the reader to follow the argument easily. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; for instance, a more explicit linking sentence at the end of the first paragraph could enhance the logical flow to the second paragraph.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transition phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first paragraph, a sentence like "However, this intense focus on academics can lead to significant drawbacks, which brings us to the other side of the argument" would help create a more seamless transition.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph is focused on a single main idea, which contributes to the overall clarity of the essay. The introduction sets the stage well, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from more internal structure, such as topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the internal structure of each body paragraph by starting with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could begin with a sentence like, "The primary argument for prioritizing academics is the critical role that specialized knowledge plays in career readiness." This would provide a clearer guide for the reader about what to expect in that paragraph.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," and "for example," which help to guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, the use of phrases like "similarly" and "moreover" effectively links ideas and adds depth to the discussion. However, while the essay does use some cohesive devices, there is room for a broader range to enhance the flow and connection between ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," you could use alternatives such as "conversely" or "in contrast" to introduce opposing viewpoints. Additionally, using phrases like "furthermore" or "in addition" can help to connect supporting ideas more fluidly.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced argument. By focusing on improving transitions between paragraphs, enhancing internal paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "allocate their time," "diversify their efforts," and "critical period to master specialized knowledge" showcase a strong command of academic language. The use of specific terms related to the context, such as "STEM fields," "studyholism," and "employability," further illustrates the writer’s ability to incorporate relevant vocabulary effectively.
  • How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource even further, the writer could incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "students" multiple times, alternatives like "learners," "scholars," or "individuals" could be used. Additionally, integrating idiomatic expressions or more sophisticated phrases could enhance the richness of the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. Terms such as "counterproductive" and "burnout" are used accurately in context. However, there are moments where the choice of words could be more precise. For example, the phrase "cut off social interactions" might imply a more extreme action than intended; "reduce social interactions" could be a more accurate depiction of the situation.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should consider the connotations of certain words and choose those that best fit the context. Engaging in peer review or utilizing thesauruses can help identify more fitting vocabulary choices. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing could aid in developing a more nuanced vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "allocate," "prioritize," and "networking" are all spelled correctly, reflecting the writer’s attention to detail and command of English orthography.
  • How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and engaging in regular writing practice can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can be beneficial.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, with room for improvement in the variety of vocabulary, precision of word choice, and continued attention to spelling accuracy. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can aim for an even higher level of lexical sophistication in their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "On the one hand, it’s understandable that college time is a critical period to master specialized knowledge and achieve good academic performance" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, such as "if students cut off social interactions," adds depth to the argument. The essay also employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which helps maintain a good flow and keeps the reader engaged.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, using phrases like "Another perspective to consider is…" or "In contrast to this view…" can help diversify the way arguments are presented. Additionally, experimenting with passive voice constructions or more complex clauses could enrich the essay’s grammatical range.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy. Most sentences are well-structured, and punctuation is used correctly, such as in the complex sentence structures and lists. For instance, the use of commas in "students in STEM fields, such as engineering or medicine," is appropriate and enhances clarity. However, there are minor issues, such as the informal contraction "I’m" in an academic essay, which could detract from the formal tone expected in IELTS writing.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and maintain a formal tone, avoid contractions and opt for full forms, such as "I am" instead of "I’m." Additionally, pay attention to subject-verb agreement in complex sentences. For example, ensure that plural subjects are matched with plural verbs consistently. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common pitfalls can also help solidify understanding and application of grammatical rules.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced argument, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and maintaining formal grammatical conventions.

Bài sửa mẫu

College students frequently encounter the challenge of allocating their time effectively. Should they prioritize academic pursuits, or should they diversify their efforts into extracurricular activities and other experiences? This essay will discuss both perspectives, as I am convinced that allowing for periods of relaxation and rejuvenation is just as important as studying.

On the one hand, it is understandable that college is a critical period for acquiring specialized knowledge and achieving good academic performance, which lays the foundation for future career opportunities. For example, students in STEM fields, such as engineering or medicine, face demanding coursework that requires intense focus. Medical students, for instance, dedicate countless hours to study and clinical practice to master life-saving knowledge. Similarly, high-achieving technology students who excel academically often attribute their rigorous work ethic to securing positions at leading companies like Google or Facebook. Therefore, prioritizing academics, even at the expense of social activities, is often seen as necessary.

On the other hand, excessive studying can be counterproductive. The rise of “study addiction” or extreme over-studying culture has become a clinical concern, with students who sever social interactions facing increased risks of burnout. Engaging in extracurricular activities such as clubs, internships, or volunteer work not only provides essential mental breaks but also enhances problem-solving and communication skills, thereby improving employability. Moreover, networking, a key factor in career success, can be gained through diverse campus involvement, offering students valuable connections and opportunities beyond graduation.

In conclusion, while academic achievement is important, it should be balanced with activities that promote personal growth and prepare students for life beyond the classroom. Otherwise, confining oneself solely to academic pursuits will only stifle personal development and can lead to burnout, undermining overall success.