We can not help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is argued that each individual is not able to assist everyone around the world who needs help. Thus, we should only be interested in the societies where we live. I completely disagree with this assertion for many reasons I would outline below.

First of all, I posit that it is essential to be concerned with many issues in our communities and countries. It means that we always want our habitat to be more and more developed and our lives will be more progressive. For instance, in Viet Nam, there are many people who are artists, businessmen, or even ordinary citizens assisting a million impoverished people in rice, victuals, water,… annually. Thus, if it still continues gradually in the future, we will live in a community which has a conducive environment to educate next generations.

Secondly, I reckon that most people wish to help as many people as they can. I considered that there are many countries that are more difficult than ours, so to increase friendship between countries, the governments of developed countries usually authorize some policies to assist other regions. Besides, residents of some countries are also participating in volunteering activities to help citizens in challenging nations. That means they want to create a world where love spreads.

To conclude, I accept that we can not help all people all over the world; nevertheless, we should assist as many as we can. It will bring us a lot of advantages in our mentality to help a person.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is argued that each individual is not able to assist everyone around the world who needs help." -> "It is argued that each individual cannot assist all those in need globally."
Explanation: Simplifying "around the world" to "globally" and replacing "is not able to" with "cannot" streamlines the sentence and enhances the formal tone.
"Thus, we should only be interested in the societies where we live." -> "Therefore, we should focus solely on the societies in which we reside."
Explanation: Replacing "be interested in" with "focus solely on" and "where we live" with "in which we reside" refines the language to be more precise and formal.
"I completely disagree with this assertion" -> "I strongly disagree with this proposition"
Explanation: "Proposition" is a more formal term than "assertion," and "strongly" is more academically appropriate than "completely."
"I posit that it is essential to be concerned with many issues in our communities and countries." -> "I contend that it is crucial to address numerous issues within our communities and nations."
Explanation: "Contend" is more formal than "posit," and "address" is more specific than "be concerned with." Also, "nations" is more formal than "countries."
"It means that we always want our habitat to be more and more developed and our lives will be more progressive." -> "This implies that we continually strive for the development of our environment and the advancement of our lives."
Explanation: "This implies" is more formal than "It means," and "continually strive for" and "advancement" are more precise and formal than "always want" and "progressive."
"in Viet Nam, there are many people who are artists, businessmen, or even ordinary citizens assisting a million impoverished people in rice, victuals, water,… annually." -> "in Vietnam, numerous individuals, including artists, businesspeople, and ordinary citizens, annually assist millions of impoverished individuals with food, provisions, and water."
Explanation: "Numerous individuals" is more formal than "many people," and "businesspeople" is more specific than "businessmen." Also, "millions of impoverished individuals" is more precise than "a million impoverished people," and "food, provisions, and water" is more formal than "rice, victuals, water."
"I reckon that most people wish to help as many people as they can." -> "I believe that most individuals aspire to assist as many people as possible."
Explanation: "Believe" is more formal than "reckon," and "aspire to assist" is more formal and precise than "wish to help."
"I considered that there are many countries that are more difficult than ours" -> "I consider that there are numerous countries that face greater challenges than our own."
Explanation: "Consider" is more formal than "considered," and "face greater challenges" is more precise and formal than "are more difficult."
"the governments of developed countries usually authorize some policies to assist other regions." -> "governments of developed nations typically enact policies to support other regions."
Explanation: "Typically enact" is more formal than "usually authorize," and "support" is more specific than "assist."
"That means they want to create a world where love spreads." -> "This implies that they aim to foster a world where love prevails."
Explanation: "This implies" is more formal than "That means," and "aim to foster" and "prevails" are more formal and precise than "want to create" and "spreads."
"we can not help all people all over the world" -> "we cannot assist all individuals globally"
Explanation: "Cannot assist" is more formal than "can not help," and "globally" is more precise than "all over the world."
"It will bring us a lot of advantages in our mentality to help a person." -> "This will yield numerous benefits in our mentalities for assisting others."
Explanation: "Yield numerous benefits" is more formal than "bring a lot of advantages," and "mentalities" is plural to match "others," enhancing the formality and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear disagreement with the notion that we should only be concerned with our own communities. However, the response lacks depth in exploring the complexities of the statement. For instance, while the author mentions the importance of helping others, there is insufficient discussion on the implications of focusing solely on local communities versus a global perspective. The examples provided, such as the assistance given by Vietnamese citizens, are somewhat relevant but do not fully illustrate the broader argument against the statement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly discuss both sides of the argument. This could involve acknowledging the challenges of helping globally while emphasizing the importance of a balanced approach that includes both local and global concerns. Including more specific examples or case studies could also strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay begins with a clear position of disagreement, stating, "I completely disagree with this assertion." However, the clarity of this position wavers in the body paragraphs. For example, the first paragraph suggests a focus on local issues, which may confuse readers about the author’s stance. The conclusion reiterates the disagreement but does not effectively summarize the key points made in the body.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently link back to their main argument throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using clear topic sentences that reflect the thesis and summarizing how each point supports the overall stance. Additionally, the conclusion should encapsulate the main arguments made in the body paragraphs to reinforce the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the importance of local development and the desire of individuals to help others. However, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported with robust evidence. For instance, the mention of Vietnamese citizens helping impoverished people lacks specific details or statistics that would make the argument more compelling. Additionally, the reasoning behind why helping others is beneficial is underdeveloped.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with more detailed explanations and relevant examples. This could include statistics, studies, or anecdotes that illustrate the impact of helping others, both locally and globally. Using a variety of sources to support claims can also enhance the credibility of the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the importance of helping both local and global communities. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, such as when discussing the motivations of governments and citizens to help others. This could lead to confusion about the main argument and distract from the central thesis.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every paragraph directly relates back to the main argument. This can be achieved by regularly referencing the prompt and ensuring that all examples and explanations align with the thesis. Creating an outline before writing can help in organizing thoughts and maintaining a clear trajectory throughout the essay.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic, maintain a consistent position, provide well-supported ideas, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the prompt. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word limit can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the assertion that we should only focus on our own communities. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the argument, and the body paragraphs are organized to support this viewpoint. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing local community support to international aid could be more seamless. The argument about the benefits of helping others is somewhat abrupt and could benefit from clearer connections between ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing local community support, a sentence like "While local efforts are crucial, it is equally important to extend our compassion beyond borders" would create a smoother transition to the next point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s position, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into specific examples and reasoning. However, the second paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on local efforts and the other on international assistance, which would allow for more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Consider starting a new paragraph when introducing a new concept or example. For instance, after discussing local assistance in the first paragraph, a new paragraph could begin with a topic sentence about international aid, followed by supporting details.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "secondly," and "to conclude." These devices help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "That means they want to create a world where love spreads" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify how it relates to the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "consequently." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used effectively to clarify relationships between ideas. For instance, instead of "That means," you could use "This illustrates that" to provide a clearer connection to the preceding statement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on enhancing logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate the clarity and effectiveness of their writing, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "assist," "impoverished," "volunteering activities," and "conducive environment." However, the vocabulary choices are sometimes repetitive, particularly with the use of "help" and "assist," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. For example, instead of repeatedly using "assist," synonyms such as "support," "aid," or "provide for" could be employed to diversify the language.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. Engaging with vocabulary lists or thesauruses can help identify alternative words that convey similar meanings. Additionally, practicing writing with prompts that encourage the use of varied vocabulary can aid in this development.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "our habitat to be more and more developed" could be more accurately expressed as "our communities to thrive" or "our living conditions to improve." Additionally, the phrase "a conducive environment to educate next generations" could be simplified to "a supportive environment for educating future generations," which enhances clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. This can be achieved by reviewing the context in which words are used and ensuring they convey the intended meaning. Reading high-quality essays and noting how authors select their words can also provide insight into precise vocabulary usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Viet Nam" (should be "Vietnam") and "victuals" (which is an uncommon term that may confuse readers). Additionally, the phrase "can not" should be written as "cannot" for correct spelling. These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud and using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Regularly engaging in writing exercises that focus on spelling can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute significantly to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "It is argued that each individual is not able to assist everyone around the world who needs help" showcases a complex structure with a subordinate clause. Additionally, the phrase "I posit that it is essential to be concerned with many issues in our communities and countries" effectively uses a formal tone and complex structure. However, some sentences are somewhat repetitive in structure, such as "Thus, we should only be interested in the societies where we live" and "That means they want to create a world where love spreads," which could benefit from more varied constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If we focus on our communities, we can…") and participial phrases (e.g., "Having recognized the need for global assistance, many individuals…"). Additionally, varying the placement of clauses can create more dynamic sentence flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "to assist everyone around the world who needs help" is grammatically correct, yet the use of "we can not" should be written as "we cannot" for standardization. Additionally, the use of commas in lists, such as "rice, victuals, water,… annually," is inconsistent; the ellipsis is not appropriate in formal writing. The phrase "I considered that there are many countries that are more difficult than ours" should use "consider" instead of "considered" to maintain present tense consistency.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, such as verb tense consistency and punctuation in lists. It may be helpful to practice writing lists with correct punctuation and to familiarize oneself with the rules of comma usage in complex sentences. Additionally, reviewing the rules for contractions (e.g., "cannot" instead of "can not") will enhance the overall professionalism of the writing.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially increasing the overall band score in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that each individual cannot assist everyone around the world who needs help. Therefore, we should focus solely on the societies in which we reside. I strongly disagree with this proposition for several reasons that I will outline below.

First of all, I contend that it is crucial to address numerous issues within our communities and nations. This implies that we continually strive for the development of our environment and the advancement of our lives. For instance, in Vietnam, numerous individuals, including artists, businesspeople, and ordinary citizens, annually assist millions of impoverished individuals with food, provisions, and water. If this trend continues, we will create a community that fosters a conducive environment for educating future generations.

Secondly, I believe that most individuals aspire to assist as many people as possible. I consider that there are numerous countries that face greater challenges than our own. To enhance friendship between nations, the governments of developed countries typically enact policies to support other regions. Additionally, residents of various countries are also participating in volunteering activities to help citizens in challenging nations. This implies that they aim to foster a world where love prevails.

To conclude, I accept that we cannot assist all individuals globally; nevertheless, we should strive to help as many as we can. This will yield numerous benefits in our mentalities for assisting others.