Full-time University students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the modern era, allocating a significant amount of time to study is universities' primary goal, while some argue that they should also get involved in other activities. Personally, I completely agree with this statement based on several reasons that will be elucidated further in this essay.

It is plausible why students spend almost their time sticking to study schedules. This is because, nowadays, the amount of technical knowledge of specific sectors has surged recently due to considerable and various requirements in the job market, asking for certain specialized expertise in every field. As a result, students must prioritize their studies in order to understand specific knowledge, including technical applications. This is why students have to put priority on allocating sufficient time to acquire knowledge and pay attention to their progress at school due to their footholds in the job market.

However, getting engaged in other activities should not be overlooked, as they can help students raise their likelihood of reaching their success. Numerous universities contain several academic environments that lack competence in social situations, which play a vital role in their future work performance, requiring pragmatic approaches and problem-solving skills. Hence, participating in activities such as doing a part-time job or becoming an intern at a firm enables them to perceive real-life experiences from diverse social situations, which could strengthen specific abilities for their careers later on. For instance, a student becoming a marketer would enhance communication skills if they had an internship at PR and making events businesses.

In conclusion, while students spend a considerable amount of time dedicated to studying at school, they are also advised to participate in different kinds of activities. From my perspective, striking a balance between learning and joining other activities would yield the optimal outcomes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"allocating a significant amount of time to study is universities’ primary goal" -> "devoting substantial time to academic pursuits is a primary goal of universities"
Explanation: The phrase "devoting substantial time to academic pursuits" is more precise and formal than "allocating a significant amount of time to study," which sounds somewhat informal and vague. The term "academic pursuits" encompasses a broader range of activities beyond just studying, aligning better with the context of university life.
"get involved in other activities" -> "engage in extracurricular activities"
Explanation: "Engage in extracurricular activities" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "get involved in other activities," which is too vague and informal for academic writing.
"Personally, I completely agree" -> "I strongly concur"
Explanation: "I strongly concur" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the more conversational "Personally, I completely agree."
"sticking to study schedules" -> "adhering to their academic schedules"
Explanation: "Adhering to their academic schedules" is more precise and formal than "sticking to study schedules," which is colloquial.
"the amount of technical knowledge of specific sectors has surged recently" -> "the volume of technical knowledge in specific sectors has recently increased"
Explanation: "The volume of technical knowledge in specific sectors has recently increased" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward construction of "the amount of technical knowledge of specific sectors."
"asking for certain specialized expertise in every field" -> "requiring specialized expertise in each field"
Explanation: "Requiring specialized expertise in each field" is more direct and formal than "asking for certain specialized expertise in every field," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"put priority on allocating sufficient time" -> "prioritize allocating sufficient time"
Explanation: "Prioritize allocating sufficient time" is grammatically correct and more formal than "put priority on allocating sufficient time," which is awkwardly phrased.
"getting engaged in other activities" -> "participating in other activities"
Explanation: "Participating in other activities" is a more formal and precise term than "getting engaged in other activities," which is informal.
"raise their likelihood of reaching their success" -> "enhance their chances of achieving success"
Explanation: "Enhance their chances of achieving success" is more formal and academically appropriate than "raise their likelihood of reaching their success," which is awkwardly phrased.
"contain several academic environments that lack competence in social situations" -> "feature several academic environments that lack competence in social situations"
Explanation: "Feature" is more appropriate than "contain" in this context, as it correctly describes the presence of certain environments within the university setting.
"doing a part-time job or becoming an intern at a firm" -> "pursuing part-time employment or internships at firms"
Explanation: "Pursuing part-time employment or internships at firms" is more formal and precise than "doing a part-time job or becoming an intern at a firm," which is informal and vague.
"making events businesses" -> "organizing events for businesses"
Explanation: "Organizing events for businesses" is clearer and more specific than "making events businesses," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
"striking a balance between learning and joining other activities" -> "achieving a balance between academic pursuits and extracurricular activities"
Explanation: "Achieving a balance between academic pursuits and extracurricular activities" is more formal and specific than "striking a balance between learning and joining other activities," which is somewhat vague and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the importance of studying and the necessity of engaging in other activities. The writer clearly states their agreement with the idea that students should participate in activities beyond their studies. The first paragraph introduces the topic, while the second and third paragraphs provide a rationale for both sides of the argument. However, while the essay acknowledges the importance of studying, it could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the extent to which the writer believes students should engage in other activities.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could specify the balance they advocate for between studying and other activities. Including a clear statement about how much time should be allocated to each could provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that students should engage in activities outside of their studies. The writer consistently supports this stance throughout the essay, particularly in the second and third paragraphs, where they emphasize the benefits of practical experience. However, the introduction could be more direct in stating the extent of agreement, which would reinforce the position from the outset.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could refine the introduction to explicitly state their viewpoint on the balance between studying and other activities. Additionally, reiterating this position in the conclusion would reinforce the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the necessity of technical knowledge and the benefits of practical experience. The use of examples, such as internships, effectively illustrates the points made. However, some ideas could be further developed. For instance, the discussion of social skills could be expanded with more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to include more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the benefits of engaging in activities outside of academics. This could involve discussing specific skills gained from various activities or citing studies that show the positive impact of such involvement on career success.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the balance between studying and engaging in other activities. The writer does not deviate from the main argument and maintains relevance throughout. However, the transition between discussing the necessity of studying and the importance of other activities could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and improve coherence, the writer could use transitional phrases that clearly link the importance of studying to the benefits of engaging in other activities. This would help create a more fluid argument and reinforce the connection between the two aspects of the discussion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggested areas for improvement, the writer could enhance the clarity, depth, and coherence of their response, potentially raising their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the importance of balancing study with other activities. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs are structured to support this position. However, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the necessity of studying to the benefits of extracurricular activities feels abrupt. The ideas are generally well-organized, but a clearer connection between the two main points would enhance the overall logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the importance of studying, you could introduce the next paragraph with a phrase like, "While academic success is crucial, engaging in extracurricular activities is equally important for holistic development." This would help guide the reader through your argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the necessity of studying, while the second emphasizes the value of other activities. However, the second paragraph could be further divided to enhance clarity, especially where it shifts from discussing the general benefits of extracurricular activities to providing a specific example.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, consider breaking the second body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the general benefits of extracurricular activities and another dedicated to specific examples, such as internships or part-time jobs. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "as a result," and "for instance," which help to link ideas and provide examples. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For example, the phrase "this is why" is used in a way that could be varied to maintain reader interest.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "this is why," you might use alternatives like "therefore," "consequently," or "thus." Additionally, consider using more complex cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" or "in contrast," to enrich the text and clarify relationships between ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, but there are opportunities for improvement in logical organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay could achieve a higher level of clarity and engagement for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "allocating," "technical knowledge," "pragmatic approaches," and "likelihood of reaching their success." These choices reflect an ability to express complex ideas effectively. However, some phrases could be more varied. For instance, the repeated use of "students" could be replaced with synonyms like "learners" or "scholars" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "students," they could alternate with terms like "undergraduates" or "pupils." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "extracurricular activities" or "holistic development," could further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the amount of technical knowledge of specific sectors has surged recently" could be more clearly stated as "the demand for technical knowledge in specific sectors has increased." This change would clarify that it is the demand that has surged, not the knowledge itself.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity in their word choices. They could practice rephrasing sentences to ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed accurately. For instance, instead of "students must prioritize their studies," they could say "students must prioritize their academic commitments." This not only clarifies the meaning but also adds variety to the language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "allocation," "considerable," and "competence" are spelled correctly, contributing positively to the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: While spelling is not an issue in this essay, the writer should continue to practice proofreading their work for any potential errors, especially in longer essays. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or engaging in regular reading can help maintain and improve spelling skills. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can be beneficial.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. By incorporating a wider range of synonyms, ensuring clarity in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource further and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "This is because, nowadays, the amount of technical knowledge of specific sectors has surged recently due to considerable and various requirements in the job market" effectively convey detailed ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures like "if they had an internship at PR and making events businesses" shows an attempt to incorporate different grammatical forms. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and redundancy, such as "surged recently" (the word "recently" is unnecessary when "surged" already implies a recent increase).
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This is because," try using introductory phrases or clauses to create more fluidity. Additionally, reducing redundancy will improve clarity and conciseness.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from its overall quality. For example, the phrase "the amount of technical knowledge of specific sectors has surged recently" could be more clearly expressed as "the amount of technical knowledge required in specific sectors has surged." Punctuation is mostly correct, but the sentence "For instance, a student becoming a marketer would enhance communication skills if they had an internship at PR and making events businesses" contains a grammatical inconsistency; "making" should be replaced with "managing" to maintain parallel structure.
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring subject-verb agreement and maintaining parallel structure in lists or comparisons. Regularly reviewing common grammatical rules and practicing with exercises can help solidify these concepts. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and awkward phrasing can significantly enhance the clarity of your writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are areas for improvement that could elevate the score. By diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the essay can achieve a higher level of sophistication and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern era, devoting substantial time to academic pursuits is a primary goal of universities, while some argue that students should also engage in extracurricular activities. Personally, I strongly concur with this statement for several reasons that will be elucidated further in this essay.

It is understandable why students spend most of their time adhering to their academic schedules. This is because, nowadays, the volume of technical knowledge in specific sectors has recently increased due to considerable and varied requirements in the job market, which demand specialized expertise in each field. As a result, students must prioritize allocating sufficient time to their studies in order to grasp essential knowledge, including technical applications. This is why students have to focus on acquiring knowledge and pay attention to their progress at school, given their footholds in the competitive job market.

However, participating in other activities should not be overlooked, as they can significantly enhance students’ chances of achieving success. Numerous universities feature several academic environments that lack competence in social situations, which play a vital role in future work performance, requiring pragmatic approaches and problem-solving skills. Hence, engaging in activities such as pursuing part-time employment or internships at firms enables students to gain real-life experiences from diverse social situations, which could strengthen specific abilities for their careers later on. For instance, a student aspiring to be a marketer would enhance their communication skills by interning at a public relations firm and organizing events for businesses.

In conclusion, while students spend a considerable amount of time dedicated to studying at school, they are also advised to participate in various activities. From my perspective, achieving a balance between academic pursuits and extracurricular activities would yield the optimal outcomes.