Some people think that the government should ensure the healthy lifestyle of people, but others argue that it should be decided by individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Some people argue that the government should be responsible for safeguarding the overall well-being of the general population, while others claim that the ultimate responsibility lies with individuals. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. On the one hand, there are several compelling arguments that explain why the government plays a vital role in ensuring citizens’ well-being. To begin with, the government has the right to implement stringent regulations and policies aiming at protecting public health by imposing a ban on fast food and sugary beverages and creating a favorable environment where individuals can opt for more health-conscious alternatives. This could reduce the likelihood of widespread health-related diseases such as high blood pressure, obesity and cancer, thus easing the burden on healthcare services and saving a significant amount of money which can be allocated to other critical areas. To illustrate, in 2018, the UK introduced a “sugar tax” on soft drinks to mitigate rising obesity levels and diabetes, which led to a reduction in sugary drinks consumption and positively impacted public health Additionally, the government has enough financial resources to provide public education on nutrition, exercise and preventive measures, allowing all citizens, regardless of their socio-economic backgrounds, to access such useful information. On the other hand, proponents of personal responsibility contend that individuals should have the freedom to make their own lifestyle decisions without government interference. They believe that each person has their specific eating preferences, making it impractical for the state to impose a one-size-fits-all approach. Therefore implementing regulations on personal habits may infringe upon individual rights and limit personal freedom . Furthermore, critics believe that the government’s continuous interference in individuals’ lifestyle choices could decrease the ability to take ownership of their well-being. When people are shielded away from making their own decisions, they may become reliant on the government to decide their eating habits, leading to an absence of personal accountability, potentially hindering people from learning about health or making informed decisions as they expect the government to provide immediate support. In conclusion, I believe that both the government and individuals should share responsibility for maintaining and promoting a healthy lifestyle. While the state can implement policies and invest resources in protecting public health, individuals must take control over their own well-being.

Some people think that the government should ensure the healthy lifestyle of people, but others argue that it should be decided by individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people argue that the government should be responsible for safeguarding the overall well-being of the general population, while others claim that the ultimate responsibility lies with individuals. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my own opinion.
On the one hand, there are several compelling arguments that explain why the government plays a vital role in ensuring citizens’ well-being. To begin with, the government has the right to implement stringent regulations and policies aiming at protecting public health by imposing a ban on fast food and sugary beverages and creating a favorable environment where individuals can opt for more health-conscious alternatives. This could reduce the likelihood of widespread health-related diseases such as high blood pressure, obesity and cancer, thus easing the burden on healthcare services and saving a significant amount of money which can be allocated to other critical areas. To illustrate, in 2018, the UK introduced a “sugar tax” on soft drinks to mitigate rising obesity levels and diabetes, which led to a reduction in sugary drinks consumption and positively impacted public health Additionally, the government has enough financial resources to provide public education on nutrition, exercise and preventive measures, allowing all citizens, regardless of their socio-economic backgrounds, to access such useful information.
On the other hand, proponents of personal responsibility contend that individuals should have the freedom to make their own lifestyle decisions without government interference. They believe that each person has their specific eating preferences, making it impractical for the state to impose a one-size-fits-all approach. Therefore implementing regulations on personal habits may infringe upon individual rights and limit personal freedom . Furthermore, critics believe that the government’s continuous interference in individuals’ lifestyle choices could decrease the ability to take ownership of their well-being. When people are shielded away from making their own decisions, they may become reliant on the government to decide their eating habits, leading to an absence of personal accountability, potentially hindering people from learning about health or making informed decisions as they expect the government to provide immediate support.
In conclusion, I believe that both the government and individuals should share responsibility for maintaining and promoting a healthy lifestyle. While the state can implement policies and invest resources in protecting public health, individuals must take control over their own well-being.

Some people argue that the government should be responsible for safeguarding the overall well-being of the general population, while others claim that the ultimate responsibility lies with individuals. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my own opinion.
On the one hand, there are several compelling arguments that explain why the government plays a vital role in ensuring citizens’ well-being. To begin with, the government has the right to implement stringent regulations and policies aiming at protecting public health by imposing a ban on fast food and sugary beverages and creating a favorable environment where individuals can opt for more health-conscious alternatives. This could reduce the likelihood of widespread health-related diseases such as high blood pressure, obesity and cancer, thus easing the burden on healthcare services and saving a significant amount of money which can be allocated to other critical areas. To illustrate, in 2018, the UK introduced a “sugar tax” on soft drinks to mitigate rising obesity levels and diabetes, which led to a reduction in sugary drinks consumption and positively impacted public health Additionally, the government has enough financial resources to provide public education on nutrition, exercise and preventive measures, allowing all citizens, regardless of their socio-economic backgrounds, to access such useful information.
On the other hand, proponents of personal responsibility contend that individuals should have the freedom to make their own lifestyle decisions without government interference. They believe that each person has their specific eating preferences, making it impractical for the state to impose a one-size-fits-all approach. Therefore, implementing regulations on personal habits may infringe upon individual rights and limit personal freedom. Furthermore, critics believe that the government’s continuous interference in individuals’ lifestyle choices could decrease the ability to take ownership of their well-being. When people are shielded away from making their own decisions, they may become reliant on the government to decide their eating habits, leading to an absence of personal accountability, potentially hindering people from learning about health or making informed decisions as they expect the government to provide immediate support.
In conclusion, I believe that both the government and individuals should share responsibility for maintaining and promoting a healthy lifestyle. While the state can implement policies and invest resources in protecting public health, individuals must take control over their own well-being.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some people argue" -> "Some individuals contend"
   Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often used in academic writing to denote a more structured and evidence-based argumentation.

2. "the government should be responsible" -> "the government is responsible"
   Explanation: Using "is" instead of "should be" shifts the statement from a recommendation to a factual assertion, which is more suitable for an academic context where objective statements are preferred.

3. "the ultimate responsibility lies with individuals" -> "responsibility lies primarily with individuals"
   Explanation: "Primarily" is more precise and academically appropriate than "ultimately," which can imply an absolute conclusion that may not be universally accepted.

4. "explaining why" -> "discussing the reasons why"
   Explanation: "Discussing the reasons why" is more formal and specific, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

5. "has the right to implement" -> "is entitled to implement"
   Explanation: "Is entitled to" conveys a stronger sense of legal or moral obligation, which is more suitable for discussing government actions in an academic context.

6. "aiming at" -> "aimed at"
   Explanation: "Aimed at" is the correct form for the past tense, improving grammatical accuracy.

7. "opt for more health-conscious alternatives" -> "choose healthier alternatives"
   Explanation: "Choose healthier alternatives" is more direct and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "opt for more health-conscious."

8. "saving a significant amount of money" -> "reducing significant financial burdens"
   Explanation: "Reducing significant financial burdens" is more precise and formal, focusing on the impact on finances rather than the vague "amount of money."

9. "To illustrate" -> "For example"
   Explanation: "For example" is more commonly used in academic writing to introduce specific examples, whereas "to illustrate" can be seen as slightly less formal.

10. "has enough financial resources" -> "possesses sufficient financial resources"
    Explanation: "Possesses sufficient financial resources" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the statement.

11. "allowing all citizens" -> "enabling all citizens"
    Explanation: "Enabling" is a more formal and precise term than "allowing," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.

12. "making it impractical" -> "rendering it impractical"
    Explanation: "Rendering it impractical" is more formal and precise, fitting better in an academic essay.

13. "may infringe upon individual rights" -> "may infringe upon individual rights and freedoms"
    Explanation: Adding "and freedoms" clarifies the scope of the potential infringement, aligning with the formal and comprehensive nature of academic writing.

14. "decrease the ability to take ownership" -> "diminish the capacity for self-ownership"
    Explanation: "Diminish the capacity for self-ownership" is a more precise and formal expression, suitable for academic discourse.

15. "shielded away from making their own decisions" -> "shielded from making their own decisions"
    Explanation: Removing "away from" corrects the prepositional phrase, improving grammatical accuracy and flow.

16. "leading to an absence of personal accountability" -> "resulting in a lack of personal accountability"
    Explanation: "Resulting in a lack of" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the role of government versus individual responsibility in promoting a healthy lifestyle. The first body paragraph discusses the government’s role, citing examples such as the "sugar tax" and the provision of public health education. The second body paragraph presents the opposing view, emphasizing individual freedom and the potential negative consequences of government intervention. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or case studies from different countries to illustrate the effectiveness or drawbacks of government interventions. Additionally, a more explicit acknowledgment of the nuances in the debate could further enrich the discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that both the government and individuals share responsibility for health. This position is articulated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, providing coherence to the argument. However, while the position is clear, the transition from discussing both sides to presenting a personal opinion could be more pronounced.
  • How to improve: Strengthening the transition to the personal opinion in the conclusion could enhance clarity. For instance, explicitly stating how the arguments presented lead to the conclusion that a shared responsibility is the most effective approach would reinforce the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, with each paragraph containing a clear main idea followed by supporting details. The use of specific examples, such as the "sugar tax," effectively illustrates the points made. However, the development of ideas could be more robust in the second body paragraph, where the arguments against government intervention could benefit from further elaboration.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the essay could include more detailed examples or statistics regarding the consequences of excessive government intervention. Additionally, discussing potential compromises or middle-ground solutions could provide a more nuanced perspective.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with all points directly related to the question of government versus individual responsibility in health. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the discussion remains relevant and coherent.
  • How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each point made directly ties back to the central question can further enhance focus. For example, explicitly linking the implications of government policies to individual health outcomes could create a stronger connection between the arguments presented.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task, effectively addressing the prompt with clear arguments and a well-structured response. With minor improvements in elaboration and transitions, it could achieve an even higher level of coherence and depth.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured, clearly delineating the two opposing views on the government’s role versus individual responsibility in promoting a healthy lifestyle. Each paragraph focuses on a specific argument, with the first paragraph discussing the government’s role and the second addressing individual responsibility. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the author’s stance. However, the transition between the two main arguments could be enhanced to further improve logical flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph to signal a shift in perspective. For example, phrases like "Conversely," or "In contrast," can help clarify the relationship between the two viewpoints. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea can further strengthen the logical flow.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The paragraphs are of appropriate length and contain relevant information that supports the main points. However, the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point being discussed. For instance, the first paragraph could start with a sentence like, "One significant argument for government intervention is its ability to implement health regulations." This would provide readers with a clear understanding of the paragraph’s focus right from the beginning.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "To illustrate," and "Furthermore," which help to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the overall fluidity of the essay. For example, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "Furthermore," you could use alternatives like "Additionally," "Moreover," or "In addition." Additionally, using phrases that indicate contrast, such as "On the contrary," or "Despite this," can help clarify the relationship between opposing viewpoints and improve the overall cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a high band score. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and fluidity of their arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Terms such as "safeguarding," "stringent regulations," "health-conscious alternatives," and "personal accountability" reflect a strong command of English. The use of specific examples, like "sugar tax," enhances the essay’s credibility and shows the ability to incorporate topic-specific vocabulary effectively. However, there are instances where more varied synonyms could have been used to avoid repetition, particularly in phrases like "personal responsibility" and "government interference."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeating "government" and "individuals," you could use "authorities" or "citizens" and "people" respectively. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary or idiomatic expressions could elevate the essay further.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "compelling arguments" and "impose a ban" being well-suited to the context. However, there are moments of slight imprecision, such as "creating a favorable environment" which could be more specific. The phrase "shielded away from making their own decisions" could also be rephrased for clarity, as "shielded" might imply protection rather than restriction.
  • How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary by choosing words that convey your intended meaning more clearly. For instance, instead of "creating a favorable environment," you might say "fostering an environment conducive to healthy choices." Additionally, consider rephrasing to avoid ambiguity, such as changing "shielded away" to "protected from."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "obesity," "accountability," and "preventive" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a solid grasp of English spelling conventions.
  • How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, continue to practice writing and proofreading. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or engaging in spelling exercises can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, reading extensively can expose you to correct spellings in context, which can improve retention.

Overall, the essay reflects a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 7. To reach a higher band, focus on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy through consistent practice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "To illustrate, in 2018, the UK introduced a ‘sugar tax’ on soft drinks to mitigate rising obesity levels and diabetes, which led to a reduction in sugary drinks consumption and positively impacted public health" effectively convey detailed information. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, such as "This could reduce the likelihood of widespread health-related diseases," adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, particularly with phrases like "the government" and "individuals," which can detract from overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider varying the subjects of sentences and incorporating more introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "the government," you could use phrases like "In this context," or "From a governmental perspective," to introduce ideas. Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could further enrich the essay’s structure.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are minor punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "and" in lists (e.g., "high blood pressure, obesity and cancer" should include a comma before "and" for clarity). Furthermore, the phrase "which led to a reduction in sugary drinks consumption and positively impacted public health Additionally," is missing a period or semicolon before "Additionally," creating a run-on sentence.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, pay attention to the rules regarding commas in lists and the separation of independent clauses. Regularly reviewing punctuation rules can help reinforce these skills. Additionally, proofreading the essay for run-on sentences and ensuring that each sentence is complete and correctly punctuated will enhance clarity and coherence. Consider reading the essay aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or punctuation errors that may be overlooked during silent reading.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that the government should be responsible for safeguarding the overall well-being of the general population, while others argue that the ultimate responsibility lies primarily with individuals. This essay will discuss both views before presenting my own opinion.

On the one hand, there are several compelling arguments that explain why the government plays a vital role in ensuring citizens’ well-being. To begin with, the government is entitled to implement stringent regulations and policies aimed at protecting public health by imposing a ban on fast food and sugary beverages and creating a favorable environment where individuals can choose healthier alternatives. This could reduce the likelihood of widespread health-related diseases such as high blood pressure, obesity, and cancer, thus easing the burden on healthcare services and reducing significant financial burdens that can be allocated to other critical areas. For example, in 2018, the UK introduced a “sugar tax” on soft drinks to mitigate rising obesity levels and diabetes, which led to a reduction in sugary drink consumption and positively impacted public health. Additionally, the government possesses sufficient financial resources to provide public education on nutrition, exercise, and preventive measures, enabling all citizens, regardless of their socio-economic backgrounds, to access such valuable information.

On the other hand, proponents of personal responsibility contend that individuals should have the freedom to make their own lifestyle decisions without government interference. They believe that each person has specific eating preferences, rendering it impractical for the state to impose a one-size-fits-all approach. Therefore, implementing regulations on personal habits may infringe upon individual rights and freedoms. Furthermore, critics argue that the government’s continuous interference in individuals’ lifestyle choices could diminish the capacity for self-ownership. When people are shielded from making their own decisions, they may become reliant on the government to dictate their eating habits, resulting in a lack of personal accountability and potentially hindering individuals from learning about health or making informed decisions, as they expect the government to provide immediate support.

In conclusion, I believe that both the government and individuals should share responsibility for maintaining and promoting a healthy lifestyle. While the state can implement policies and invest resources in protecting public health, individuals must take control over their own well-being.