Recent advances in technology lead to the fact that human workforce is gradually replaced with machinery. What are some problems caused by this trend, and how can they be dealt with?

Technology is more and more popular in modern life. It clearly that technology's appearance creates a strong change in human life. Modern devices are replacing human labor in daily that leading argumentative problems. This essay will discuss, analyze and the influence of replacement then propose suitable solutions.
The increase of machinery lead to high-rate unemployment along with the hard requirement in situation. The first affected object is employee especially manual laborer. Many business obviously hire staff with degree rather than those who are just physically fit. Lack of employment is immediately impact to economy and national GDP. According in recent survey , the rate of criminal is go up rapidly in last 2 years. It is the result from unemployment and economic imbalance. This has put pressure on the government, and forced the state to pay unemployment benefits to the people.
On the other hand, the machines require fossil fuels like gas, coal, and oil to be gradually exhausted. In addition, machinery during operation will cause air pollution and harm to the environment. Nowadays, global countries are encouraged using replace resources for fossil fuel to reduce the negative impact on Earth. Therefore, this trend become outdated in the future and humans will use it for more necessary purposes.
Up to now, technology not only stop in manufacture industries but also expand to services. China has already given robots to this sector for a long time. It's no surprise that many restaurants in China are using robots to replace waiters to bring food for customers. It was an innovation but the robots lacked hospitality towards customers and were slow to serve food and difficult to operate. Obviously, the Convenience and inconvenience is depend on customers.
Government can improve the situation by opening more sectors related to machinery operation. For instance, mechanical engineering is also very popular. Similarly, training high-quality workforce to create more changes to people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Technology is more and more popular in modern life." -> "Technology is increasingly prevalent in modern life."
Explanation: The phrase "more and more" is informal and vague. "Increasingly prevalent" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"It clearly that technology’s appearance creates a strong change in human life." -> "It is evident that the advent of technology has significantly impacted human life."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version corrects the grammar and uses "advent" and "significantly impacted" to enhance formality and precision.
"Modern devices are replacing human labor in daily that leading argumentative problems." -> "Modern devices are replacing human labor in daily activities, leading to contentious issues."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning, using "contentious issues" to specify the type of problems.
"The increase of machinery lead to high-rate unemployment along with the hard requirement in situation." -> "The increased use of machinery has led to high rates of unemployment, particularly in situations requiring manual labor."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the relationship between machinery use and unemployment.
"The first affected object is employee especially manual laborer." -> "The first group affected is employees, particularly manual laborers."
Explanation: "Object" is incorrectly used here; "group" is more appropriate. Also, "especially" is not necessary and can be replaced with "particularly" for a more formal tone.
"Lack of employment is immediately impact to economy and national GDP." -> "Unemployment directly impacts the economy and national GDP."
Explanation: "Lack of employment" is awkward and unclear; "unemployment" is the correct term. Also, "is immediately impact" is grammatically incorrect; "directly impacts" is the correct form.
"According in recent survey, the rate of criminal is go up rapidly in last 2 years." -> "According to recent surveys, the crime rate has increased rapidly over the past two years."
Explanation: "According in" is grammatically incorrect; "According to" is the correct preposition. Also, "the rate of criminal" is incorrect; "crime rate" is the correct term. "Go up" is informal; "increased" is more formal.
"This has put pressure on the government, and forced the state to pay unemployment benefits to the people." -> "This has placed significant pressure on the government, compelling it to provide unemployment benefits to citizens."
Explanation: "Put pressure" is somewhat informal; "placed significant pressure" is more precise. "Forced the state" is less formal; "compelling it" is more appropriate for academic writing.
"machinery during operation will cause air pollution and harm to the environment." -> "machinery in operation can cause air pollution and harm to the environment."
Explanation: "Will cause" implies certainty, which may not be accurate; "can cause" is more accurate and less absolute. Also, "harm to the environment" is redundant; "harm to" is sufficient.
"Therefore, this trend become outdated in the future and humans will use it for more necessary purposes." -> "Therefore, this trend will become outdated in the future, and humans will utilize it for more essential purposes."
Explanation: "Become outdated" is grammatically incorrect; "will become outdated" corrects this. "More necessary purposes" is redundant; "more essential purposes" is more precise.
"Up to now, technology not only stop in manufacture industries but also expand to services." -> "Up to now, technology has not only stopped in manufacturing industries but also expanded to services."
Explanation: "Not only stop" is grammatically incorrect; "has not only stopped" corrects this. "Expand" should be "expanded" to match the past tense of "has stopped."
"It’s no surprise that many restaurants in China are using robots to replace waiters to bring food for customers." -> "It is no surprise that many restaurants in China are using robots to replace waiters to serve customers."
Explanation: "It’s" is a contraction; "It is" is more formal. "Bring food for customers" is redundant; "serve customers" is more concise.
"The Convenience and inconvenience is depend on customers." -> "The convenience and inconvenience depend on customer preferences."
Explanation: "The Convenience and inconvenience is depend" is grammatically incorrect; "The convenience and inconvenience depend" corrects this. "On customers" is vague; "on customer preferences" specifies the basis of the convenience and inconvenience.
"Government can improve the situation by opening more sectors related to machinery operation." -> "Govern

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing problems caused by the replacement of human labor with machinery, such as unemployment and environmental issues. However, it does not fully explore the second part of the question regarding how these problems can be dealt with. The solutions proposed are vague and lack depth, such as mentioning "opening more sectors related to machinery operation" without elaborating on how this would effectively address the issues raised.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that both parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. This can be achieved by clearly outlining specific problems and providing detailed, actionable solutions for each problem. For instance, after discussing unemployment, the writer could suggest specific training programs or government initiatives that could help mitigate this issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. While it acknowledges the negative impacts of technology on employment and the environment, it also includes statements that seem to downplay these issues, such as suggesting that the trend of using machinery will become outdated. This inconsistency can confuse the reader about the author’s stance on the overall impact of technology.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. This can be done by consistently linking back to the main argument in each paragraph and ensuring that all points made support the central thesis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as unemployment and environmental concerns, but these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For example, the claim about rising crime rates due to unemployment is mentioned but not substantiated with data or examples. Additionally, the discussion about robots in restaurants lacks depth and fails to connect back to the main argument effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could include citing statistics, referencing studies, or providing real-world examples that illustrate the problems and solutions discussed.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally strays into less relevant areas, such as the mention of robots in restaurants without clearly linking it back to the main argument about the problems caused by technology. The transition between ideas can also be abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt and contributes to the overall argument. Clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader and reinforce the connection to the main topic. Additionally, transitions between ideas should be smooth and logical to enhance coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing problems and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is somewhat hindered by abrupt transitions between ideas. For example, the shift from discussing unemployment to environmental issues lacks a clear connection, which can confuse readers about the main argument. The introduction outlines the essay’s intent but could benefit from a more explicit roadmap of the points to be discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by using linking phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely") that clarify the relationship between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, some paragraphs could be more developed. For instance, the paragraph discussing the impact of unemployment on the economy introduces several ideas but lacks depth in exploring each point. The use of examples is present but could be more detailed to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach in paragraph development. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and examples. For instance, when discussing unemployment, include specific statistics or studies to illustrate the economic impact more vividly. This will not only enhance the depth of the argument but also improve coherence within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" and "therefore," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed due to a lack of appropriate linking words. For example, the phrase "this trend become outdated in the future" could benefit from a clearer connection to the previous sentence to enhance flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Consider using devices that indicate contrast (e.g., "however," "nevertheless"), addition (e.g., "moreover," "furthermore"), and cause-effect relationships (e.g., "as a result," "consequently"). This will help create a smoother reading experience and strengthen the connections between ideas throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in vocabulary, such as "modern devices," "high-rate unemployment," and "economic imbalance." However, the range is limited, and several phrases are repetitive or awkwardly constructed, such as "the influence of replacement" and "the machines require fossil fuels." The use of phrases like "strong change" and "argue problems" lacks sophistication and clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of "strong change," consider using "significant transformation." Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating idiomatic expressions can help elevate the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the first affected object is employee" which should be "the first affected group is employees." The phrase "the rate of criminal is go up rapidly" is also incorrect; it should be "the rate of crime has increased rapidly." Such inaccuracies can confuse the reader and detract from the overall argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences for clarity and correctness. For example, instead of "the machines require fossil fuels," a more precise phrase could be "machinery relies heavily on fossil fuels." Regularly consulting a thesaurus and practicing paraphrasing can also aid in developing precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "lead" instead of "leads," "obviously" misused in context, and "the rate of criminal" instead of "the rate of crime." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Engaging in regular writing exercises can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay meets some basic lexical requirements, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("Technology is more and more popular in modern life.") and compound sentences ("This has put pressure on the government, and forced the state to pay unemployment benefits to the people."). However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, which can lead to a monotonous reading experience. For instance, phrases like "The increase of machinery lead to high-rate unemployment" and "On the other hand, the machines require fossil fuels" show a lack of complex structures that could enhance the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "The increase of machinery lead to high-rate unemployment," you could say, "As the increase of machinery leads to high-rate unemployment, many workers find themselves struggling to adapt to the changing job market." Additionally, using varied sentence openings can help maintain reader interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that hinder clarity. For instance, "It clearly that technology’s appearance creates a strong change in human life" is missing a verb (should be "It is clear that…"). Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "The increase of machinery lead to high-rate unemployment," where "lead" should be "leads." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect spacing (e.g., "according in recent survey , the rate of criminal is go up rapidly"), also detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay carefully. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and the correct use of articles. For punctuation, ensure that commas are used to separate clauses and items in a list correctly. Practicing grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical structures can also help solidify understanding. Additionally, reading more academic texts can provide insight into proper sentence construction and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, improving the variety of sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Technology is increasingly prevalent in modern life. It is evident that the advent of technology has significantly impacted human life. Modern devices are replacing human labor in daily activities, leading to contentious issues. This essay will discuss and analyze the effects of this replacement and propose suitable solutions.

The increased use of machinery has led to high rates of unemployment, particularly in situations requiring manual labor. The first group affected is employees, especially manual laborers. Many businesses clearly prefer to hire staff with degrees rather than those who are merely physically fit. The lack of employment directly impacts the economy and national GDP. According to recent surveys, the crime rate has increased rapidly over the past two years. This rise is a result of unemployment and economic imbalance. Consequently, this has placed significant pressure on the government, compelling it to provide unemployment benefits to citizens.

On the other hand, machines require fossil fuels such as gas, coal, and oil, which are gradually being exhausted. Additionally, machinery in operation can cause air pollution and harm the environment. Nowadays, countries around the globe are encouraged to use alternative resources to fossil fuels to mitigate the negative impact on Earth. Therefore, this trend may become outdated in the future, and humans will utilize technology for more essential purposes.

Up to now, technology has not only stopped in manufacturing industries but has also expanded to services. China has already integrated robots into this sector for a long time. It is no surprise that many restaurants in China are using robots to replace waiters in serving food to customers. While this innovation has its merits, the robots often lack the hospitality that human servers provide, and they can be slow to operate. Clearly, the convenience or inconvenience of this technology depends on customer preferences.

The government can improve the situation by opening more sectors related to machinery operation. For instance, mechanical engineering is also very popular. Similarly, training a high-quality workforce can create more opportunities for people and help them adapt to the changing job market.