Some say that sports phay an important in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Although, some people that sports play an essential role in life, ,a variety of people say that it is just an entertainment act,..But in my oppinion it also plays an crucial role in everyone’s life.
Regarding the issue of "sports are important activities", It’s my belief that health is the most necessary activity , so that point of view is quite true for me because playing sports can improve health, keep fit with some sports such as football, basketball, volleyball, … have high team spirit so it will be easy to practice each person's ability to work in groups. For me, I often play a sport after school with my classmates for entertainment and to strengthen friendship, specifically volleyball.
But there is a counter-view that says that sports are just recreational activities. Maybe some people in the group play golf to increase their business exposure and networking with many other businesses or those who use aerobics as a small part of sports to relieve stress at work or have no limit, so they only consider sports as recreational activities.
I consider sports an essential part of life. Because it contributes to improving the health and physical condition of the body. It also helps improve the quality of sleep. Sports help tone muscles. For overweight people, it helps lose weight; for people who are not overweight, it helps lose weight. Everyone benefits from being able to educate themselves in sports and be active.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Although, some people that sports play an essential role in life," -> "Although some people believe that sports play an essential role in life,"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks a verb and is grammatically incorrect. Adding "believe" corrects the sentence structure and clarifies the subject’s opinion.
",a variety of people say that it is just an entertainment act,.." -> "many people argue that it is merely an entertainment activity,"
Explanation: Replacing "a variety of people say" with "many people argue" enhances the formality and specificity of the statement. "Merely" is more precise than "just," and "activity" is more appropriate than "act" in this context.
"But in my oppinion it also plays an crucial role in everyone’s life." -> "However, I believe it also plays a crucial role in everyone’s life."
Explanation: "However" is a more formal transition than "But," and "I believe" is more appropriate than "in my opinion" in academic writing. "A crucial role" is grammatically correct compared to "an crucial role."
"Regarding the issue of "sports are important activities", It’s my belief that health is the most necessary activity," -> "Regarding the assertion that sports are important activities, I contend that health is the most essential activity,"
Explanation: "Regarding the assertion" is more formal than "Regarding the issue of." "I contend" is more assertive and academic than "It’s my belief," and "essential" is more precise than "necessary."
"so that point of view is quite true for me" -> "this perspective is indeed valid for me"
Explanation: "This perspective" is more formal than "that point of view," and "indeed valid" is more academically appropriate than "quite true."
"playing sports can improve health, keep fit with some sports such as football, basketball, volleyball,…" -> "engaging in sports can improve health and maintain fitness through activities such as football, basketball, and volleyball,"
Explanation: "Engaging in sports" is more precise than "playing sports," and "maintain fitness" is more formal than "keep fit." Also, using "and" instead of "with" corrects the grammatical structure.
"have high team spirit so it will be easy to practice each person’s ability to work in groups." -> "foster teamwork, making it easier for individuals to develop their collaborative skills,"
Explanation: "Foster teamwork" is more specific and formal than "have high team spirit," and "develop their collaborative skills" is more precise than "practice each person’s ability to work in groups."
"Maybe some people in the group play golf to increase their business exposure and networking with many other businesses or those who use aerobics as a small part of sports to relieve stress at work or have no limit, so they only consider sports as recreational activities." -> "Some individuals in the group engage in golf to enhance business exposure and networking, while others use aerobics as a stress-relieving activity or for general health, thus viewing sports as recreational pursuits,"
Explanation: "Some individuals" is more formal than "Maybe some people," and "engage in" is more precise than "play." "Enhance" and "networking" are more specific than "increase" and "networking with." "Stress-relieving activity" is more formal than "stress at work or have no limit," and "general health" clarifies the purpose of aerobics.
"I consider sports an essential part of life." -> "I regard sports as an essential aspect of life,"
Explanation: "Regard" is more formal than "consider," and "aspect" is more precise than "part."
"Because it contributes to improving the health and physical condition of the body." -> "Because it contributes to enhancing the health and physical well-being of the body,"
Explanation: "Enhancing" is more formal than "improving," and "physical well-being" is a more precise term than "physical condition."
"It also helps improve the quality of sleep." -> "It also enhances the quality of sleep,"
Explanation: "Enhances" is more formal than "helps improve," and the phrase is more concise.
"For overweight people, it helps lose weight; for people who are not overweight, it helps lose weight." -> "For individuals who are overweight, it facilitates weight loss; for those who are not overweight, it promotes weight management,"
Explanation: "Facilitates" and "promotes" are more formal than "helps," and "weight management" is a more precise term than "lose weight."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding the importance of sports in society. However, it lacks a balanced discussion. The first half of the essay primarily supports the view that sports are essential, while the counter-argument is not explored in sufficient depth. Phrases like "some people that sports play an essential role" and "a variety of people say that it is just an entertainment act" indicate an attempt to present both sides, but the lack of detail and examples weakens the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay should provide more specific examples and details for both perspectives. For instance, when discussing the leisure aspect, it could mention specific sports that are primarily recreational and elaborate on their societal roles. Additionally, including statistics or studies that support each viewpoint could strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does convey a personal opinion that sports are essential, but this position is not consistently maintained. The phrase "it is just an entertainment act" suggests a dismissal of the counter-argument, yet the essay does not clearly articulate why the author believes sports are more than just leisure. The transition between discussing both views and presenting a personal opinion is abrupt, leading to confusion about the overall stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using transitional phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help reinforce the author’s stance. Additionally, summarizing both views before stating a personal opinion can clarify the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to the importance of sports, such as health benefits and teamwork. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the mention of "improving health" is vague and could benefit from specific examples, such as how certain sports contribute to cardiovascular health or mental well-being.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the author should elaborate on each point with examples and explanations. For instance, discussing how playing team sports fosters collaboration skills or how individual sports can enhance personal discipline would provide depth. Additionally, using clear topic sentences for each paragraph can help structure the argument more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the role of sports in society. However, there are instances where the focus shifts, particularly when discussing personal experiences without directly linking them back to the broader societal implications. For example, the mention of playing volleyball with classmates, while relevant, detracts from the overall argument about the societal role of sports.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that personal anecdotes tie back to the main argument. Instead of simply stating personal experiences, the author could explain how these experiences reflect broader societal views on sports. Additionally, avoiding excessive detail on personal activities can help keep the essay aligned with the prompt.

In summary, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the author should aim for a more balanced discussion of both views, maintain a clear and consistent position, provide detailed support for ideas, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the topic. Additionally, addressing the word count issue is crucial, as being under the required word limit can significantly impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, discussion of both views, and a conclusion that reflects the writer’s opinion. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by abrupt transitions between ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing the importance of sports for health to the counter-argument about sports as leisure is somewhat jarring. The use of phrases like "But there is a counter-view" could be better integrated to enhance the flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the division of ideas could be more effective. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas about the importance of sports without clear separation, making it harder for the reader to follow. The second paragraph introduces the counter-argument but does not clearly delineate it from the main argument.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. For example, the first paragraph could solely address the benefits of sports, while the second could discuss the leisure perspective. A concluding paragraph summarizing the main points and reiterating the writer’s opinion would also enhance clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "but" and "because," to connect ideas. However, the range is limited, and the use of cohesive devices is sometimes repetitive. For instance, the phrase "for me" appears multiple times, which can detract from the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "for instance." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, varying sentence structures can help maintain reader interest and improve cohesion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions. Phrases like "essential role," "improve health," and "strengthen friendship" show an understanding of key concepts. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive, particularly in the discussion of sports and health, which limits the overall richness of the language. For example, the term "sports" is used excessively without synonyms or alternative phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. Instead of repeatedly using "sports," alternatives like "athletic activities," "physical pursuits," or "games" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "promote well-being" or "foster social connections" would diversify the vocabulary and enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "entertainment act" is vague and does not accurately convey the idea of sports as a recreational activity. Similarly, the expression "it helps lose weight; for people who are not overweight, it helps lose weight" is contradictory and unclear.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. Instead of "entertainment act," a more precise term like "recreational activity" or "leisure pursuit" would be appropriate. Additionally, clarifying statements about weight loss by specifying that sports can help maintain a healthy weight for those who are not overweight would enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "phay" instead of "play," "oppinion" instead of "opinion," and "a crucial role" instead of "an crucial role." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, taking a moment to read through it carefully can help catch and correct spelling mistakes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or practicing spelling commonly used words in the context of the essay topic can reinforce correct spelling habits.

By focusing on these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource for future IELTS essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "I consider sports an essential part of life" is straightforward but lacks complexity. Additionally, the use of phrases like "it is just an entertainment act" and "sports are just recreational activities" reflects a repetitive structure that does not engage the reader effectively.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "Sports help tone muscles," the writer could say, "While sports help tone muscles, they also provide numerous other health benefits." Engaging with varied sentence beginnings and structures will enhance the overall flow and sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "Although, some people that sports play an essential role in life" is incorrect; it should be "Although some people believe that sports play an essential role in life." Additionally, there are multiple instances of misplaced commas, such as in "Although, some people…" and "it is just an entertainment act,..". The use of ellipses is also inappropriate in formal writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on understanding the correct use of conjunctions and relative clauses. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on sentence structure and punctuation, can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors, such as ensuring commas are used correctly and avoiding unnecessary punctuation marks, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic texts can also help the writer internalize proper grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear opinion, enhancing the range of grammatical structures and improving accuracy in grammar and punctuation will significantly elevate the writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

Although some people believe that sports play an essential role in life, many others argue that it is merely an entertainment activity. However, I believe that sports also play a crucial role in everyone’s life.

Regarding the issue of whether sports are important activities, I hold the view that health is the most vital aspect of life. This perspective is indeed valid for me because engaging in sports can improve health and maintain fitness through activities such as football, basketball, and volleyball, which foster teamwork and make it easier for individuals to develop their collaborative skills. Personally, I often play volleyball with my classmates after school for entertainment and to strengthen our friendships.

On the other hand, there is a counter-view that sports are just recreational activities. Some individuals in the group engage in golf to enhance business exposure and networking, while others use aerobics as a stress-relieving activity or for general health, thus viewing sports as merely leisure pursuits.

I regard sports as an essential aspect of life because it contributes to enhancing the health and physical well-being of the body. It also enhances the quality of sleep. Sports help tone muscles; for individuals who are overweight, it facilitates weight loss, while for those who are not overweight, it promotes weight management. Everyone benefits from being able to educate themselves in sports and remain active.