It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?
Some inviduals are of the claim that distinguishing between right and wrong is an essential skill for children especially when they are in young age. Personally, I partly agree with this suggestion based on some major reasons that are explained in this essay.
On the one hand, there are some persuasive rationales that support the claim that teaching for children how to know which are good or bad for them. In this day and age, child abuse is an emergency problem around the world, children who are in 3-10 years old tend to abused by sex offenders or even by their relatives so the ideal that instructing for childrens to tell the different between right or wrong is vital to protect themselves. For example, a famous rapper from America who are just incarcerated because of involving to children sexual abuse, moreover, his organize is inquire and there are more inaccepted things happened in his house.
On the other hand, despite the idealistic nature of dicerning which are good or bad for children, its actually application bring about many obstacles and problems. The way that we force a children to mature too early for their age is a crime due to children is nature and pure they deserved to be in pink. How they grow up in their childhood is responsible for their character and the way that they treat people so let them mature naturally at their right age is not a bad ideal.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Some inviduals are of the claim" -> "Some individuals claim"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The corrected version is more natural and grammatically correct, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence. -
"distinguishing between right and wrong" -> "distinguishing between right and wrong behaviors"
Explanation: Adding "behaviors" specifies what is being distinguished, enhancing the precision of the statement and aligning it with academic style. -
"especially when they are in young age" -> "especially at a young age"
Explanation: "In young age" is grammatically incorrect. "At a young age" is the correct prepositional phrase, which is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"Personally, I partly agree" -> "I partially agree"
Explanation: "Personally" is redundant in this context, and "partly" is less formal. "Partially" is more precise and suitable for academic writing. -
"some major reasons" -> "several significant reasons"
Explanation: "Some major reasons" is vague and informal. "Several significant reasons" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone. -
"teaching for children how to know" -> "teaching children how to discern"
Explanation: "Teaching for children how to know" is awkward and unclear. "Teaching children how to discern" is more direct and academically appropriate. -
"which are good or bad for them" -> "what is appropriate or inappropriate"
Explanation: "Good or bad" is overly simplistic and informal. "Appropriate or inappropriate" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic discourse. -
"child abuse is an emergency problem" -> "child abuse is a pressing issue"
Explanation: "Emergency problem" is an awkward and incorrect phrase. "Pressing issue" is a more accurate and formal term. -
"children who are in 3-10 years old" -> "children aged 3-10"
Explanation: "Who are in 3-10 years old" is grammatically incorrect. "Aged 3-10" is the correct and more formal way to express age ranges. -
"tend to abused" -> "are often abused"
Explanation: "Tend to abused" is grammatically incorrect. "Are often abused" corrects the verb tense and form, making it grammatically sound. -
"the ideal that instructing for childrens" -> "the idea of instructing children"
Explanation: "The ideal that instructing for childrens" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The idea of instructing children" corrects the grammatical errors and improves readability. -
"dicerning which are good or bad" -> "discerning what is appropriate or inappropriate"
Explanation: "Dicerning" is a spelling error. "Discerning" is the correct spelling. Also, "what is appropriate or inappropriate" is more precise and formal than "which are good or bad." -
"its actually application bring about" -> "its actual application brings about"
Explanation: "Its actually application" is grammatically incorrect. "Its actual application" corrects the possessive and verb agreement, improving the sentence structure. -
"force a children to mature too early" -> "force children to mature too early"
Explanation: "A children" is grammatically incorrect. "Children" should not be preceded by "a" when referring to the plural form. -
"children is nature and pure" -> "children are naturally pure"
Explanation: "Children is nature and pure" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Children are naturally pure" corrects the verb agreement and enhances clarity. -
"let them mature naturally at their right age" -> "allow them to mature naturally at their appropriate age"
Explanation: "Let them mature naturally at their right age" is informal and slightly vague. "Allow them to mature naturally at their appropriate age" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of teaching children the difference between right and wrong and touches on the necessity of punishment. However, it does not fully explore the second part of the question regarding what sort of punishment should be used. The discussion is limited and lacks depth, particularly in providing specific examples of appropriate forms of punishment. The response also falls short of a comprehensive analysis of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the opinion presented in the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that both parts of the question are thoroughly addressed. This could involve explicitly stating their position on the necessity of punishment and providing a clear outline of what types of punishment are appropriate, supported by examples. A more structured approach, such as dedicating a paragraph to each part of the question, would also help.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. The phrase "I partly agree" suggests ambivalence, but the subsequent arguments do not consistently reflect this stance. The discussion shifts between supporting the need for teaching right from wrong and cautioning against forcing children to mature too quickly, creating confusion about the writer’s ultimate viewpoint.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their agreement or disagreement at the beginning and reinforce this stance throughout the essay. Using transitional phrases to connect ideas and reiterate the main argument can help clarify the position. Additionally, summarizing the stance in the conclusion would provide a strong closure.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but lacks sufficient development and support. For instance, the mention of child abuse as a reason for teaching right from wrong is significant, yet it is not thoroughly explored or linked back to the necessity of punishment. The examples provided are vague and do not convincingly support the arguments made.
- How to improve: To strengthen this area, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples of effective punishment methods, discussing their potential benefits, and addressing counterarguments. Using statistics, studies, or real-life cases can also enhance the credibility of the arguments.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally deviates into less relevant territory, such as the emotional appeal regarding childhood innocence without directly linking it back to the main argument about punishment. The mention of a rapper involved in child abuse, while relevant to the topic of right and wrong, does not clearly connect to the discussion of punishment methods.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main ideas before writing to ensure that all content aligns with the topic. Additionally, avoiding overly emotional language that detracts from the main argument can help keep the essay on track.
In summary, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should aim for a more comprehensive response to both parts of the prompt, clarify their position, develop and support their ideas more robustly, and maintain a consistent focus on the topic throughout.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is hindered by unclear connections between ideas. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the importance of distinguishing right from wrong but fails to clearly link this to the necessity of punishment. The second paragraph attempts to counter the argument but does so without a clear transition, making it difficult for the reader to follow the line of reasoning.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should clearly outline the main points in the introduction and ensure each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis. Using linking phrases such as "Firstly," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion" can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their structure is not fully effective. The first body paragraph lacks a clear focus, as it mixes several ideas without adequately developing any single point. The second paragraph also suffers from a lack of clarity, as it introduces new concepts without sufficient explanation or support.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer could benefit from starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. For instance, the first paragraph could focus solely on the importance of teaching children the difference between right and wrong, while the second could discuss the implications of punishing children.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the overall flow. Phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" are present, but they are not used consistently or effectively to connect ideas. Additionally, the use of pronouns and conjunctions is often unclear, leading to confusion about what is being referenced.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Conversely," to create clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that pronouns clearly refer back to their antecedents will help maintain clarity throughout the essay.
Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the logical organization of ideas, refining paragraph structure, and enhancing the use of cohesive devices. This will lead to a more coherent and cohesive essay that effectively communicates the intended argument.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "good or bad" and "right or wrong" are overly simplistic and repetitive. The use of "some persuasive rationales" is a step towards variety, but overall, the vocabulary choices are basic and do not showcase a wider lexical range that could enhance the argument.
- How to improve: To elevate the vocabulary, the writer should incorporate more advanced synonyms and phrases. For example, instead of "good or bad," consider using "beneficial or detrimental." Additionally, exploring terms related to moral education, such as "ethical discernment" or "moral compass," would enrich the essay’s vocabulary.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, "the ideal that instructing for childrens to tell the different between right or wrong" is awkward and unclear. The phrase "the ideal that instructing for childrens" is grammatically incorrect and confusing. Similarly, "its actually application bring about many obstacles" contains errors that affect the intended meaning.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended message. For instance, instead of "the ideal that instructing for childrens," it could be rephrased to "the notion that teaching children." Additionally, ensuring subject-verb agreement and proper grammatical structures will enhance precision. Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and peer reviews can help in identifying and correcting imprecise usage.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "inviduals" (individuals), "childrens" (children), "dicerning" (discerning), and "inquire" (inquiry). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers or grammar checking software. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts. Creating a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can also be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences is prevalent, such as "Some individuals are of the claim that distinguishing between right and wrong is an essential skill for children." While there are attempts at complex sentences, such as "On the one hand, there are some persuasive rationales that support the claim that teaching for children how to know which are good or bad for them," the overall variety is insufficient. The essay relies heavily on similar sentence beginnings and lacks the use of conditional or relative clauses that could enhance the complexity of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, using conditional clauses ("If children learn the difference between right and wrong, they will be better equipped to protect themselves") or relative clauses ("Children who learn to distinguish right from wrong are less likely to fall victim to abuse") can add depth and variety to the writing. Regularly reading high-scoring IELTS essays can also provide examples of varied structures.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "distinguishing between right and wrong is an essential skill for children especially when they are in young age" lacks a comma before "especially," which is necessary for clarity. Additionally, phrases like "the ideal that instructing for childrens to tell the different between right or wrong is vital" are awkwardly constructed and contain errors such as "childrens" (should be "children") and "the different" (should be "the difference"). The misuse of articles and prepositions is also evident, such as "the idealistic nature of dicerning which are good or bad for children" where "which are" should be "which is."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on understanding subject-verb agreement and proper noun forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and awkward phrasing can help improve clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also aid in identifying mistakes before submission. Engaging in peer reviews or seeking feedback from knowledgeable individuals can provide further insights into grammatical accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some individuals claim that distinguishing between right and wrong behaviors is an essential skill for children, especially at a young age. Personally, I partially agree with this suggestion based on several significant reasons that are explained in this essay.
On the one hand, there are persuasive rationales that support the idea of teaching children how to discern what is appropriate or inappropriate for them. In this day and age, child abuse is a pressing issue around the world. Children aged 3-10 are often abused by sex offenders or even by their relatives, so the idea of instructing children to tell the difference between right and wrong is vital for their protection. For example, a famous rapper from America was recently incarcerated for involvement in child sexual abuse. Moreover, his organization is under investigation, revealing more unacceptable behaviors that occurred in his home.
On the other hand, despite the idealistic nature of teaching children to discern what is good or bad, its actual application brings about many obstacles and problems. Forcing children to mature too early is detrimental, as children are naturally pure and deserve to enjoy their childhood. How they grow up during these formative years is crucial for their character development and the way they treat others. Therefore, allowing them to mature naturally at their appropriate age is not a bad idea.
In conclusion, while it is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong, the methods used to teach them should be carefully considered to ensure their healthy development.
