writting about your best friend

writting about your best friend

In life, everyone has a best friend. Me too, although I have many friends, I only have 1 best friend, he name is Cuong.
The firstly, he full name is Manh Cuong Vu, I often refers to by your nickname. He is 19 years old. He is Vietnamese. He born and raised in Quang Ninh province. Cuong is a creative, diligent and humble. He is quite tall with black frizzy hair and a brown skin. What i admire most about Cuong is attitude is how friendly, courteous and have efficients is classroom. He is the class president, strict in studying and easy- going during recess. He always helps me during math class. He is currently a student at people is police college in Hanoi. His dream is to become a police officer.
The secondly, we have known each other since kindergarten. We grew closer over time and have since become best friend. We have been besr friend for over 15 years. We always talk to each other about everything in life.
And the finally, Cuong is a best friend that i will always treasure. Im pleased to have a buddy like him, and i belive we are perfect for each other


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In life, everyone has a best friend." -> "In life, everyone has a best friend."
    Explanation: The period after "friend" is unnecessary and disrupts the flow of the sentence. Removing it corrects the punctuation error and maintains the formal tone.

  2. "Me too, although I have many friends, I only have 1 best friend, he name is Cuong." -> "Like me, although I have many friends, I only have one best friend, whose name is Cuong."
    Explanation: "Me too" is too informal for academic writing. "Like me" is more appropriate. "1" should be "one" for grammatical correctness, and "he name" should be "whose name" for proper possessive form.

  3. "The firstly, he full name is Manh Cuong Vu, I often refers to by your nickname." -> "Firstly, his full name is Manh Cuong Vu, whom I often refer to by his nickname."
    Explanation: "The firstly" is grammatically incorrect; "Firstly" should be used without "the." "He" should be "his" for possessive agreement, and "I often refers to by your nickname" should be "whom I often refer to by his nickname" for correct pronoun usage and possessive agreement.

  4. "He is 19 years old. He is Vietnamese." -> "He is 19 years old and Vietnamese."
    Explanation: The two separate sentences are unnecessary and can be combined for a more concise and formal expression.

  5. "He born and raised in Quang Ninh province." -> "He was born and raised in Quang Ninh province."
    Explanation: "He born" should be "He was born" for correct verb tense consistency.

  6. "Cuong is a creative, diligent and humble." -> "Cuong is creative, diligent, and humble."
    Explanation: Commas are needed to separate items in a list, and "and" should not be used before the last item in a list.

  7. "What i admire most about Cuong is attitude is how friendly, courteous and have efficients is classroom." -> "What I admire most about Cuong is his attitude, which is characterized by his friendliness, courtesy, and efficiency in the classroom."
    Explanation: "What i admire most" should be "What I admire most" for correct capitalization. "attitude is how friendly, courteous and have efficients is classroom" is grammatically incorrect and awkward; the suggested revision clarifies and corrects the sentence structure.

  8. "He is the class president, strict in studying and easy- going during recess." -> "He is the class president, strict in his studies and easy-going during recess."
    Explanation: "strict in studying" should be "strict in his studies" for possessive agreement, and "easy- going" should be "easy-going" for correct spelling.

  9. "He always helps me during math class." -> "He consistently assists me during math class."
    Explanation: "always" is somewhat informal; "consistently" is more formal and precise.

  10. "He is currently a student at people is police college in Hanoi." -> "He is currently a student at the People’s Police Academy in Hanoi."
    Explanation: "people is police college" is incorrect and unclear; "the People’s Police Academy" is the correct name of the institution.

  11. "His dream is to become a police officer." -> "His aspiration is to become a police officer."
    Explanation: "dream" can be replaced with "aspiration" for a more formal tone.

  12. "The secondly, we have known each other since kindergarten." -> "Secondly, we have known each other since kindergarten."
    Explanation: "The secondly" is grammatically incorrect; "Secondly" should be used without "the."

  13. "We have been besr friend for over 15 years." -> "We have been best friends for over 15 years."
    Explanation: "besr" is a typographical error; "best" should be used, and "friends" should be plural to match the context.

  14. "And the finally, Cuong is a best friend that i will always treasure." -> "And finally, Cuong is my best friend whom I will always treasure."
    Explanation: "And the finally" is grammatically incorrect; "And finally" is correct. "best friend that i will always treasure" should be "my best friend whom I will always treasure" for possessive agreement and correct pronoun usage.

  15. "Im pleased to have a buddy like him, and i belive we are perfect for each other" -> "I am pleased to have a friend like him, and I believe we are well-suited for each other."
    Explanation: "Im" should be "I" for correct capitalization, and

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt of writing about a best friend, specifically focusing on Cuong. However, it lacks depth in exploring the qualities that make him a best friend. The introduction mentions having many friends but does not elaborate on the significance of this friendship compared to others. Moreover, the essay does not discuss shared experiences or specific anecdotes that illustrate the bond between the writer and Cuong, which are essential for a more engaging response.
    • How to improve: To better address all elements of the question, the writer should include specific stories or experiences that highlight their friendship. Discussing moments that demonstrate loyalty, support, or shared interests would enrich the narrative and provide a more comprehensive view of their relationship.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position regarding Cuong being the writer’s best friend. However, the clarity is somewhat undermined by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as "he name is Cuong" and "the firstly." These issues distract from the overall message and can confuse the reader about the writer’s intent.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure. Proofreading the essay for clarity and coherence can help ensure that the reader easily understands the writer’s thoughts and feelings about Cuong.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mentions several qualities of Cuong, such as being creative, diligent, and humble. However, these points are not sufficiently developed or supported with examples. For instance, the statement about Cuong being "strict in studying" could be enhanced by providing an example of how this quality has positively influenced the writer or their friendship.
    • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should elaborate on each quality mentioned. Including specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate these traits will make the essay more engaging and provide a stronger argument for why Cuong is a best friend.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the writer’s best friend. However, there are moments where the writing strays slightly, such as the mention of Cuong’s aspirations to become a police officer, which feels somewhat disconnected from the main theme of friendship. This could confuse the reader about the essay’s focus.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to the central theme of friendship. If mentioning Cuong’s aspirations, it would be beneficial to connect this back to how it affects their friendship or how it reflects his character.

Overall, the essay requires more depth, clarity, and coherence to effectively convey the significance of the friendship. Addressing these areas will enhance the overall quality and potentially improve the band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents information about the author’s best friend in a generally logical order, starting with an introduction, followed by details about Cuong’s background, personality traits, and the nature of their friendship. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from Cuong’s characteristics to their long-term friendship feels abrupt. The use of "The firstly" and "The secondly" is unconventional and disrupts the flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transition phrases such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally." Additionally, grouping related ideas together and using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the essay more effectively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraphing, which makes it difficult to distinguish between different ideas. For example, the introduction, description of Cuong, and reflections on their friendship are all presented in a single block of text. This can overwhelm the reader and obscure the main points.
    • How to improve: Break the essay into distinct paragraphs. For instance, create one paragraph for the introduction, another for Cuong’s characteristics, and a third for the discussion of their friendship. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, which will improve readability and coherence.
  • Usea Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "although," "what I admire most," and "and the finally." However, the use of cohesive devices is limited and at times awkward. For example, "The firstly" and "The secondly" are not standard phrases in English, which detracts from the overall cohesiveness.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "In addition," "Moreover," or "Furthermore" to connect ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents relevant information, improving the organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use descriptive language (e.g., "creative," "diligent," "humble"). However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "best friend" and "we have known each other." There are also instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the firstly" and "the secondly," which detract from the overall quality.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "best friend," you could use terms like "closest companion" or "dearest friend." Additionally, using transitional phrases like "firstly," "secondly," and "finally" would improve the flow of the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "he name is Cuong" should be "his name is Cuong," and "I often refers to by your nickname" should be "I often refer to him by his nickname." The phrase "how friendly, courteous and have efficients is classroom" is unclear and grammatically incorrect, leading to confusion about the intended meaning.
    • How to improve: Focus on ensuring that subject-verb agreements and pronoun references are correct. For instance, rephrasing to "what I admire most about Cuong is his friendly and courteous attitude, as well as his efficiency in the classroom" would clarify the meaning and improve precision. Regular practice with grammar exercises can also help in this area.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "writting," "besr," "efficients," "Im," and "belive." These errors can distract the reader and impact the overall impression of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, checking for common spelling mistakes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can be beneficial. Regularly practicing spelling through exercises or quizzes can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear idea and some positive attributes of the best friend, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the lexical resource score in future writings.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay primarily employs simple sentence structures, such as "He is 19 years old" and "He is Vietnamese." While there are some attempts at more complex structures, such as "What I admire most about Cuong is attitude is how friendly, courteous and have efficients is classroom," these attempts are marred by grammatical errors and lack clarity. The use of conjunctions is limited, which restricts the flow and complexity of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using compound and complex sentences. For example, instead of saying "He is quite tall with black frizzy hair and a brown skin," the writer could say, "He is quite tall, has black frizzy hair, and possesses a brown complexion." Additionally, incorporating relative clauses (e.g., "Cuong, who is my best friend, is a creative and diligent person") can add depth to the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors, such as "he name is Cuong" (should be "his name is Cuong"), "the firstly" (should be "firstly"), and "we have been besr friend" (should be "we have been best friends"). Punctuation issues are also present, including missing commas and periods, which disrupt the flow of reading. For instance, the phrase "What i admire most about Cuong is attitude is how friendly, courteous and have efficients is classroom" lacks clarity and proper punctuation.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and article usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common mistakes, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that each sentence is complete and clear will enhance overall readability. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct errors before submission.

Overall, while the essay conveys a personal connection and sentiment, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly enhance the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In life, everyone has a best friend. Like me, although I have many friends, I only have one best friend, whose name is Cuong. Firstly, his full name is Manh Cuong Vu, and I often refer to him by his nickname. He is 19 years old and Vietnamese. He was born and raised in Quang Ninh province. Cuong is creative, diligent, and humble. He is quite tall, with black frizzy hair and brown skin. What I admire most about Cuong is his attitude, which is characterized by his friendliness, courtesy, and efficiency in the classroom. He is the class president, strict in his studies, and easy-going during recess. He always helps me during math class. He is currently a student at the People’s Police Academy in Hanoi, and his aspiration is to become a police officer.

Secondly, we have known each other since kindergarten. We have grown closer over time and have since become best friends. We have been best friends for over 15 years, and we always talk to each other about everything in life.

Finally, Cuong is a best friend that I will always treasure. I am pleased to have a friend like him, and I believe we are well-suited for each other.

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