The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The bar chart illustrates the consumptions in two countries in 2010.
Overall, nearly all the products in the UK had greater consumption than France, except for perfume and computers. In addition, the expenditure of two countries on cars was the highest, while the opposite was true for perfume.
To start with cars, in the UK, the number of people who use cars stood at 450,000, more than twice compared to that of perfume. Besides, the consumption of computers and cameras nearly had the same figure (350,000 and approximately 355,000), but still less than books.
In France, cars also held the highest position, which was more than computers and books, 50,000 and 100,000, respectively. In contrast, the expenditure of perfume was only a half of cars (200,000) . Moreover, we can see that cameras were not used more than other goods , in comparison with the UK, this figure in France was nearly less than three times.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"consumptions" -> "consumption"
Explanation: The singular form "consumption" is more appropriate here as it refers to the act of consuming or the amount consumed, rather than the plural "consumptions" which is grammatically incorrect in this context.
"in two countries in 2010" -> "in the UK and France in 2010"
Explanation: Adding "the UK and France" clarifies the specific countries being discussed, enhancing the specificity and clarity of the statement.
"nearly all the products" -> "most of the products"
Explanation: "Most of the products" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "nearly all," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"had greater consumption than" -> "had higher consumption than"
Explanation: "Higher" is more precise and commonly used in academic writing than "greater" when referring to quantities or amounts.
"the expenditure of two countries on cars was the highest" -> "the expenditure on cars in both countries was the highest"
Explanation: This revision clarifies that the comparison is between the two countries’ expenditures on cars, making the sentence more direct and clear.
"the number of people who use cars" -> "the number of car users"
Explanation: "The number of car users" is more concise and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "the number of people who use cars."
"more than twice compared to that of perfume" -> "more than twice that of perfume"
Explanation: Removing "that of" simplifies the phrase and maintains the formal tone.
"nearly had the same figure" -> "nearly equal"
Explanation: "Nearly equal" is more concise and academically appropriate than "nearly had the same figure," which is verbose and informal.
"but still less than books" -> "but still less than those for books"
Explanation: Adding "those for" clarifies that the comparison is to the number of books, improving the sentence structure and clarity.
"the expenditure of perfume was only a half of cars" -> "the expenditure on perfume was half that on cars"
Explanation: "Half that on cars" is a more precise and formal way to express the comparison, avoiding the informal "a half."
"not used more than other goods" -> "used less than other goods"
Explanation: "Used less than other goods" corrects the comparison to accurately reflect the data, making it clear that cameras were used less than other goods.
"this figure in France was nearly less than three times" -> "this figure in France was nearly one-third that of the UK"
Explanation: "One-third that of the UK" is a more precise and formal way to express the comparison, replacing the awkward and unclear "nearly less than three times."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main features of the chart. Instead, it recounts details mechanically, with no clear overview. The essay also presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details rather than the overall trends.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main features of the chart. For example, the essay could start by stating that the UK had higher expenditure on consumer goods than France in all categories except for perfume and computers. The essay could then go on to discuss the specific details of each category. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the data. For example, instead of saying "nearly all the products in the UK had greater consumption than France," the essay could say "the UK had higher expenditure on consumer goods than France in all categories except for perfume and computers."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the expenditures of the two countries, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the clarity of the comparisons being made. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but not effectively structured, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument logically.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing the information with a logical progression of ideas. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Additionally, improving the clarity of references and substitutions would help reduce repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey comparisons between the two countries’ expenditures, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice and phrasing (e.g., "the number of people who use cars" instead of "expenditure on cars"), which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, there are issues with spelling and word formation, such as "consumptions" instead of "consumption" and awkwardphrases like "the opposite was true for perfume." Overall, the vocabulary does not effectively convey precise meanings or demonstrate flexibility.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure that word choices are accurate and appropriate for the context. Additionally, improving control over spelling and word formation will enhance clarity. Practicing paraphrasing and using synonyms can also help to avoid repetition and elevate the overall lexical resource of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While there is an attempt to use a variety of structures, the essay contains several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the number of people who use cars stood at 450,000" could be more clearly expressed, and the comparison between expenditures lacks precision in wording. Additionally, the punctuation is inconsistent, which affects the overall readability of the text.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex structures while ensuring they are grammatically accurate.
Enhance Clarity: Rephrase awkward or unclear sentences to improve comprehension. For instance, clarify comparisons and ensure that figures are presented in a straightforward manner.
Proofreading: Carefully check for grammatical and punctuation errors to ensure that they do not detract from the overall message. Aim for more error-free sentences to demonstrate better control of grammar and punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the consumption of various consumer goods in two countries, the UK and France, in 2010.

Overall, nearly all products in the UK exhibited greater consumption than in France, with the exceptions of perfume and computers. Additionally, expenditure on cars was the highest in both countries, while perfume had the lowest expenditure.

To begin with cars, in the UK, the number of people who used cars stood at 450,000, which was more than twice the figure for perfume. Furthermore, the consumption of computers and cameras was nearly identical, at 350,000 and approximately 355,000, respectively, but both figures were still lower than that for books.

In France, cars also ranked highest, with consumption surpassing that of computers and books, which stood at 50,000 and 100,000, respectively. In contrast, expenditure on perfume was only half that of cars, at 200,000. Moreover, cameras were less popular than other goods; in comparison to the UK, this figure in France was nearly three times lower.