1. Some people argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while others believe that they cannot always expect job satisfaction and a permanent job is more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is argued by some that job security is not as important as how satisfied we feel with what we do. However, in my perspective, doing a job that frees us from unemployment and ensures have a stable income is more beneficial.
On the one hand, doing a job that we are passionate about is indeed crucial due to several primary reasons. The first reason would be to increase work productivity. It is widely true that if a person is genuinely passionate about doing his job, he will have more motivation and put every effort into completing his tasks effectively and enthusiastically. As a result, it can help raise productivity in a work environment. Moreover, people who feel satisfied with their jobs might not experience the feeling of boredom, stress, and regret when they are older. My grandmother, for example, has always regretted not following the art career that she would have loved to have had; instead, she chose to be a teacher with a stable monthly paycheck.
On the other hand, I would argue that finding a job with a stable income is a better option these days. Nowadays, in today’s cutting-throat labor market where thousands of university undergraduates face unemployment annually, it is more difficult for people to find a job let alone seek a position that makes them feel satisfied. Moreover, with an increasingly competitive labor market and the rising costs of living, it is riskier for people, especially, those who are primary breadwinners, to quit their previous jobs to look forward to new ones that offer a higher level of job satisfaction.
In conclusion, although, some argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security, I am of the opinion that we should always look for a stable job and earn a stable income these days.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is argued by some" -> "Some argue"
Explanation: Simplifying "It is argued by some" to "Some argue" maintains the formal tone while removing unnecessary words, enhancing the directness and clarity of the statement.
"in my perspective" -> "from my perspective"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is a more conventional and formal phrase in academic writing, aligning better with the expected style of the essay.
"ensures have a stable income" -> "ensures a stable income"
Explanation: Removing "have" corrects the grammatical error and improves the flow of the sentence, making it more direct and formal.
"doing a job that we are passionate about" -> "pursuing a job we are passionate about"
Explanation: "Pursuing" is a more precise verb choice than "doing" in this context, enhancing the academic tone and specificity of the language.
"It is widely true" -> "It is widely acknowledged"
Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged" is a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the colloquial "It is widely true."
"put every effort into" -> "exert every effort"
Explanation: "Exert every effort" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of making a concerted effort, fitting better in an academic context.
"help raise productivity" -> "enhance productivity"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal and precise term than "help raise," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"feeling of boredom, stress, and regret" -> "feelings of boredom, stress, and regret"
Explanation: Changing "feeling" to "feelings" corrects the grammatical number agreement, aligning with the plural subjects mentioned earlier in the sentence.
"chose to be a teacher with a stable monthly paycheck" -> "chose to become a teacher for a stable monthly income"
Explanation: "Become" is more appropriate than "be" in this context, and "income" is a more formal term than "paycheck," which is colloquial.
"finding a job with a stable income" -> "securing a job with a stable income"
Explanation: "Securing" is a more formal and precise verb than "finding," which is somewhat vague and informal for this context.
"it is riskier for people, especially, those who are primary breadwinners" -> "it is riskier for individuals, particularly those who are primary breadwinners"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "particularly" is a more formal adverb than "especially," enhancing the academic tone.
"look forward to new ones" -> "seek new opportunities"
Explanation: "Seek new opportunities" is a more formal and precise phrase than "look forward to new ones," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"I am of the opinion that" -> "I believe that"
Explanation: "I believe that" is a more direct and commonly used phrase in academic writing, replacing the slightly more verbose "I am of the opinion that."
"we should always look for a stable job and earn a stable income" -> "we should prioritize securing stable employment and a stable income"
Explanation: "Prioritize securing" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of focusing on stability in employment and income, aligning better with the academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding job satisfaction and job security, presenting arguments for each. The first paragraph introduces the debate, while the second paragraph discusses the importance of job satisfaction, citing productivity and personal anecdote as supporting points. The third paragraph counters this by emphasizing the necessity of job security, particularly in a competitive job market. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides, as the argument for job satisfaction is less developed.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and arguments for job satisfaction. This could include statistics on job satisfaction and its impact on mental health or productivity, as well as contrasting these with the consequences of job insecurity. A more thorough examination of both perspectives will lead to a more comprehensive response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of job security in the introduction and reiterates this stance in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing job satisfaction and job security could be smoother, as the shift may confuse readers about the writer’s ultimate stance.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity, the writer should use clear transitional phrases when moving between discussing the two viewpoints. Additionally, restating the thesis in the body paragraphs could reinforce the position and help guide the reader through the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both job satisfaction and job security, with some support through examples and reasoning. The mention of personal experience adds a relatable touch, but the argument for job satisfaction lacks depth and further elaboration. The points made about job security are more robust but could still benefit from additional evidence or examples.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed evidence, such as studies or expert opinions, particularly for the job satisfaction argument. This could involve discussing the long-term effects of job satisfaction on career longevity or employee retention rates.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of personal anecdotes, which may not directly support the broader argument about job satisfaction versus job security.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and anecdotes directly relate back to the central argument. It may be helpful to explicitly connect personal experiences to the broader themes of job satisfaction and security, reinforcing their relevance to the discussion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, further development of ideas, improved transitions, and a more balanced exploration of both perspectives would enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs that discuss both views, and a conclusion that summarizes the writer’s opinion. The argument flows logically from the introduction to the conclusion. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively outlines the benefits of job satisfaction, while the second body paragraph presents a counterargument emphasizing job security. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from discussing job satisfaction to job security feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two opposing views. For example, phrases like "Conversely," or "On the other hand," can help signal a shift in perspective more clearly. Additionally, providing a brief summary of the previous point before introducing the next can create a more cohesive narrative.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs explore the two views, and the conclusion wraps up the discussion. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each body paragraph to clearly outline the main point being discussed. For instance, in the first body paragraph, a topic sentence like "Job satisfaction plays a crucial role in enhancing employee productivity and overall well-being" would immediately inform the reader of the paragraph’s focus. This clarity will help reinforce the structure and purpose of each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "on the one hand," which effectively guide the reader through the argument. These devices help in linking ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which may lead to a repetitive feel in some sections.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "moreover," you could use "in addition," "furthermore," or "also." Additionally, using pronouns and demonstrative adjectives (e.g., "this," "these") can help refer back to previously mentioned ideas, enhancing cohesion. Incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices will enrich the essay’s overall coherence and make the argument more engaging.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs. By refining transitions, strengthening topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "job satisfaction," "job security," "cutting-throat labor market," and "stable income." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "stable job" and "stable income," which could be varied to enhance the essay’s lexical richness.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "stable," you could use "secure," "reliable," or "consistent." Additionally, integrating more varied expressions related to job satisfaction and security could enhance the overall lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "doing a job that frees us from unemployment" could be misleading; it suggests that job satisfaction directly prevents unemployment, which may not be the case. Additionally, the phrase "the feeling of boredom, stress, and regret" could be more effectively expressed as "feelings of boredom, stress, and regret," which would clarify that these are emotions experienced by individuals.
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choices to ensure clarity and precision. For instance, instead of "doing a job that frees us from unemployment," consider "securing employment that provides financial stability." This not only clarifies the intent but also enhances the overall quality of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with no major errors that impede understanding. Words like "productivity," "unemployment," and "regret" are spelled correctly, which reflects a solid grasp of standard English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, consider engaging in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch any minor errors that may have been overlooked.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and the application of spelling strategies. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "It is argued by some that job security is not as important as how satisfied we feel with what we do" showcases a complex structure. Additionally, phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduce contrasting viewpoints. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the second paragraph, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex constructions, such as conditional sentences or passive voice. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "It is argued that," you might vary this with "Many believe that" or "Some contend that." Additionally, try to mix up the length of sentences to create a more dynamic flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "ensures have a stable income" should be corrected to "ensures that we have a stable income." Additionally, the phrase "although, some argue" incorrectly uses a comma after "although," which disrupts the sentence flow. There are also minor issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "people, especially, those who are primary breadwinners," where the commas are unnecessary and disrupt the sentence’s clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors like subject-verb agreement and punctuation misuse. Practice identifying and correcting these errors in your writing. Additionally, consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to catch mistakes that may be overlooked during self-editing. Focusing on sentence clarity and coherence will also enhance the overall quality of the writing.

By addressing these areas for improvement, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued by some that job satisfaction is not as important as how secure we feel in our employment. However, from my perspective, pursuing a job that frees us from unemployment and ensures a stable income is more beneficial.

On the one hand, doing a job that we are passionate about is indeed crucial for several primary reasons. The first reason is that it can significantly enhance work productivity. It is widely acknowledged that if a person is genuinely passionate about their job, they will have more motivation and exert every effort to complete their tasks effectively and enthusiastically. As a result, this can help raise productivity in a work environment. Moreover, individuals who feel satisfied with their jobs are less likely to experience feelings of boredom, stress, and regret as they grow older. My grandmother, for example, has always regretted not pursuing the art career she would have loved; instead, she chose to become a teacher for a stable monthly income.

On the other hand, I believe that securing a job with a stable income is a better option in today’s world. In the current cutting-throat labor market, where thousands of university graduates face unemployment annually, it is increasingly difficult for individuals to find a job, let alone seek a position that provides them with satisfaction. Furthermore, with an increasingly competitive labor market and the rising costs of living, it is riskier for individuals, particularly those who are primary breadwinners, to quit their current jobs in hopes of finding new ones that offer a higher level of job satisfaction.

In conclusion, although some argue that job satisfaction is more important than job security, I believe that we should prioritize securing stable employment and a stable income in today’s economic climate.