Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals are of the opinion that what clothes employees wear to work should not be considered as an important aspect from the employers. Instead, they should focus more on their quality of work because that is what really matters. From my perspective, I express a partial level of endorsement towards this idea due to some reasons that will be elucidated in this essay.
On the one hand, allowing employees to have freedom to dress the way they want could bring about tangible benefits. In this day and age, the ability to work creatively is highly valued by companies due to the fact that robots and AI have done all the normal and daily work. Based on recent research, it is indicated that by letting employees choose attire up onto their favour, it can boost creativity and enhance the overall productivity of single individuals, thanks to the comfort in the way they can make decisions about their own clothes. By giving permission to employees on what they wear, their creativity soars exponentially, thereby helping the companies to provide novel products and services.
On the other hand, the role of wearing uniform should be emphased as an important part of employees, especially with companies with a lot og client-facing roles. The perception of professionalism is hugely presented by the dresscode of the employees. By giving attention to this factor, companies and organizations can boost their merit in front of their customers, letting them feel a sense of professionalism and worthy of believing in the services which are given to them by the workers. Thus, leading to further persuading of clients and improving the sales of the companies. For example, when a lawyer dresses inappropriately, they may not get the trust from their customers, causing lack awareness of the real situation because people are not likely to tell them the whole story. These small details can significantly affect the productivity of their partnerships as a whole.
In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on the determining of whether the focus of employees should be on the quality and productivity or in the way they choose their dresscode, I believe that striking a balance between all aspects is the optimal approach. While dressing comfortably can boost workers’ creativity and productivity, the chosen attire must ensure that it represents a spirit of professionalism that is vital in client-facing roles.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some individuals are of the opinion that what clothes employees wear to work should not be considered as an important aspect from the employers." -> "Some individuals believe that the attire employees wear to work should not be considered a significant aspect by employers."
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and uses "as an important aspect from the employers," which is grammatically incorrect. The revised version corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning.

2. "Instead, they should focus more on their quality of work because that is what really matters." -> "Instead, they should prioritize their work quality, as this is what truly matters."
   Explanation: The original phrase is informal and vague. The revision uses more formal language and clarifies the importance of work quality.

3. "I express a partial level of endorsement towards this idea" -> "I partially endorse this view"
   Explanation: The original phrase is verbose and awkward. The suggested revision simplifies and formalizes the expression.

4. "due to some reasons that will be elucidated in this essay" -> "for reasons that will be discussed in this essay"
   Explanation: "Elucidated" is somewhat formal but less common in academic writing. "Discussed" is more typical and clear in academic contexts.

5. "allowing employees to have freedom to dress the way they want" -> "granting employees the freedom to dress as they prefer"
   Explanation: "Have freedom to" is informal and vague. "Granting the freedom to" is more precise and formal.

6. "it can boost creativity and enhance the overall productivity of single individuals" -> "it can enhance creativity and overall productivity among individuals"
   Explanation: "Single individuals" is awkward and incorrect in this context. "Among individuals" is the correct phrase.

7. "up onto their favour" -> "to their liking"
   Explanation: "Up onto their favour" is incorrect and unclear. "To their liking" is the correct idiomatic expression.

8. "their creativity soars exponentially" -> "their creativity increases significantly"
   Explanation: "Soars exponentially" is an exaggeration and less formal. "Increases significantly" is more measured and appropriate for academic writing.

9. "the role of wearing uniform should be emphased" -> "the importance of wearing uniforms should be emphasized"
   Explanation: "Emphased" is a typo and incorrect. "Emphasized" is the correct form.

10. "og client-facing roles" -> "in client-facing roles"
    Explanation: "Og" is a typographical error. "In" is the correct preposition.

11. "boost their merit in front of their customers" -> "enhance their reputation among their customers"
    Explanation: "Boost their merit" is unclear and informal. "Enhance their reputation" is a more precise and formal expression.

12. "leading to further persuading of clients" -> "leading to further persuading clients"
    Explanation: "Persuading of clients" is grammatically incorrect. "Persuading clients" is the correct form.

13. "lack awareness of the real situation" -> "lack of awareness of the true situation"
    Explanation: "Lack awareness" is grammatically incorrect. "Lack of awareness" is the correct phrase.

14. "not likely to tell them the whole story" -> "unlikely to reveal the full story"
    Explanation: "Tell them the whole story" is informal and vague. "Reveal the full story" is more precise and formal.

15. "dressing comfortably can boost workers’ creativity and productivity" -> "dressing comfortably can enhance workers’ creativity and productivity"
    Explanation: "Boost" is slightly informal for academic writing. "Enhance" is more suitable for formal contexts.

16. "the chosen attire must ensure that it represents a spirit of professionalism" -> "the chosen attire must convey a sense of professionalism"
    Explanation: "Ensure that it represents" is verbose and awkward. "Convey a sense of" is more concise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding whether employers should care about employee dress. The author presents a partial agreement, which aligns with the task’s requirement to express an opinion. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent of agreement or disagreement. The phrase "partial level of endorsement" is vague and could be clarified to strengthen the response.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly state their position on the spectrum of agreement or disagreement at the beginning of the essay. For instance, specifying whether they lean more towards one side or the other would provide clearer guidance for the reader. Additionally, directly addressing the implications of this stance in the conclusion would reinforce the essay’s coherence.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position, but the use of phrases like "partial level of endorsement" introduces ambiguity. The argument is somewhat diluted by the lack of a strong, definitive stance. While the writer presents both sides, the conclusion suggests a balance without reiterating the specific position taken earlier.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should consistently use assertive language throughout the essay. Instead of saying "I express a partial level of endorsement," they could state, "I agree to some extent that…" This would help in reinforcing their viewpoint. Additionally, reiterating their main argument in the conclusion with a definitive statement would enhance clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the benefits of creative dressing and the importance of professionalism in client-facing roles. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For example, while the essay mentions research on creativity, it does not provide specific studies or data to substantiate this claim. Similarly, the example of a lawyer could be expanded to illustrate the consequences of inappropriate dress more vividly.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or studies that back up their claims. For instance, citing a particular study that links dress code to productivity would enhance credibility. Additionally, elaborating on examples with more context or detail would help to paint a clearer picture for the reader.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the relevance of dress code in the workplace. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the mention of AI and robots, while relevant to the argument about creativity, diverts slightly from the core issue of dress code. This could confuse the reader about the main point being made.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central question of the essay. It may be helpful to outline the main ideas before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions about unrelated topics would help keep the essay concise and focused.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a balanced view. With clearer positioning, stronger support for ideas, and improved focus, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally organized logically, with the first body paragraph discussing the benefits of allowing freedom in dress, while the second addresses the importance of uniforms in client-facing roles. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; the shift from discussing creativity to professionalism feels somewhat abrupt. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" signals a contrast but does not adequately bridge the ideas.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that link the ideas more explicitly. For example, you might say, "While freedom in dress can enhance creativity, it is equally important to recognize the role of uniforms in establishing professionalism." This would help the reader understand the relationship between the two arguments more clearly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant details and examples. However, the first paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that encapsulates the main point about creativity and productivity.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea. For example, the first paragraph could begin with, "Allowing employees the freedom to choose their attire can significantly enhance creativity and productivity." This sets a clearer expectation for the reader and reinforces the paragraph’s focus.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "For example." These devices help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied; for instance, the phrase "due to the fact that" is somewhat wordy and could be replaced with simpler alternatives like "because" for improved clarity and conciseness.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using a mix of conjunctions, referencing, and substitution. For example, instead of repeatedly using "due to the fact that," you could use "as" or "since." Additionally, incorporating phrases like "Moreover," or "Conversely," can help to enhance the flow of ideas and make connections clearer.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "tangible benefits," "creativity soars exponentially," and "spirit of professionalism." These expressions show an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive language, particularly with the word "employees," which appears frequently. Additionally, phrases like "the way they want" could be more varied to enhance lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "employees," you might use "staff," "workers," or "team members." Additionally, incorporating more varied expressions for "dress" (e.g., "attire," "clothing," "garb") can enhance the essay’s lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "up onto their favour" is awkward and unclear. Furthermore, "the perception of professionalism is hugely presented by the dresscode" could be more clearly articulated as "the dress code significantly influences perceptions of professionalism."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on clarity in expression. Review phrases for awkwardness and consider rephrasing them for better coherence. For example, instead of "up onto their favour," you could say "according to their preferences." Additionally, ensure that the terms used accurately reflect the intended meaning, such as replacing "hugely presented" with "greatly influenced."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "emphased" (should be "emphasized") and "og" (should be "of"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing specifically on spelling. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing software can also help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common terms related to the topic can build confidence and reduce mistakes.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focus on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy to enhance overall clarity and effectiveness in communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For example, phrases like "the ability to work creatively is highly valued by companies" and "by giving permission to employees on what they wear" show an effective use of subordinate clauses. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced and developed. The phrase "By giving attention to this factor" is similar to earlier phrases, which can detract from the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider varying the ways in which ideas are introduced. Instead of repeatedly using "By giving" or "On the one hand," try incorporating different transition phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely." Additionally, integrating more passive voice constructions or participial phrases could enhance the complexity of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, "the way they want could bring about tangible benefits" lacks a comma before "could," which can confuse readers. Additionally, the phrase "the role of wearing uniform should be emphased" contains a spelling error ("emphasized") and a subject-verb agreement issue, as "uniform" should be pluralized to "uniforms." There are also minor errors such as "a lot og client-facing roles," where "og" should be "of."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay for spelling and grammatical mistakes. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify errors before submission. Additionally, practicing sentence diagramming or rewriting sentences can help reinforce correct grammar usage. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that all terms are spelled correctly. Regularly reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will also enhance clarity and effectiveness.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the noted weaknesses will help elevate the score further. Focus on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision through careful proofreading and practice.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals believe that the attire employees wear to work should not be considered a significant aspect by employers. Instead, they should prioritize the quality of their work, as this is what truly matters. From my perspective, I partially endorse this view for reasons that will be discussed in this essay.

On the one hand, granting employees the freedom to dress as they prefer could bring about tangible benefits. In today’s world, the ability to work creatively is highly valued by companies, especially since robots and AI have taken over many routine tasks. Recent research indicates that allowing employees to choose attire to their liking can boost creativity and enhance overall productivity, thanks to the comfort that comes from making personal choices about their clothing. By giving employees the freedom to decide what they wear, their creativity increases significantly, thereby helping companies provide innovative products and services.

On the other hand, the importance of wearing uniforms should be emphasized, particularly in companies with many client-facing roles. The perception of professionalism is largely conveyed through the dress code of employees. By paying attention to this factor, companies can enhance their reputation among their customers, instilling a sense of professionalism and trust in the services provided by their workers. This can lead to further persuading of clients and ultimately improving sales. For example, when a lawyer dresses inappropriately, they may struggle to gain the trust of their clients, leading to a lack of awareness of the true situation, as people are unlikely to disclose the full story. These small details can significantly affect the productivity of their partnerships as a whole.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on whether the focus of employees should be on the quality of their work or on their dress code, I believe that striking a balance between both aspects is the optimal approach. While dressing comfortably can enhance workers’ creativity and productivity, the chosen attire must convey a sense of professionalism that is vital in client-facing roles.