The diagrams below show the existing ground floor plan of a house and a proposed plan for some building work. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the existing ground floor plan of a house and a proposed plan for some building work.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The two maps illustrate various changes to the current layout of a house and their plan to design in the future.

Overall, the stairs at the existing floor plan have extended bigger and it will form a spiral shape. However, the internal door of the kitchen will relocate to another side.

In the current plan, the stairs only occupy one part of the right side, while in the proposed plan extend and change the shape to spiral. The internal doors on the top relocated to another side and placed in the kitchen. Moreover, the stairs in the proposed map were replaced by two internal doors in the present map.

Furthermore, in addition to the kitchen will also include the kitchen furniture. In the proposed changes, there will be just one internal wall while the current layout has two internal walls. In the design proposal, there will no longer be a storage under the stairs and disappear in the map. Because a lot of things got removed so the living room and kitchen got slightly bigger.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The two maps illustrate various changes to the current layout of a house and their plan to design in the future." -> "The two maps depict various alterations to the current layout of a house and their intended design plans for the future."
Explanation: Replacing "illustrate" with "depict" and "design in the future" with "intended design plans for the future" enhances the formality and specificity of the language, aligning it more closely with academic style.
"the stairs at the existing floor plan have extended bigger" -> "the stairs in the existing floor plan have become larger"
Explanation: "Extended bigger" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Become larger" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"it will form a spiral shape" -> "it will take the form of a spiral"
Explanation: "Take the form of" is a more precise and formal expression than "form a shape," which is somewhat colloquial.
"the internal door of the kitchen will relocate to another side" -> "the internal door of the kitchen will be relocated to a different side"
Explanation: "Will relocate" is a more formal and precise verb phrase than "will relocate to another side."
"the stairs only occupy one part of the right side" -> "the stairs occupy only one side of the current layout"
Explanation: "Only occupy one part of the right side" is unclear and informal. "Occupy only one side of the current layout" is clearer and more formal.
"extend and change the shape to spiral" -> "extend and transform into a spiral"
Explanation: "Transform into a spiral" is more precise and academically appropriate than "change the shape to spiral."
"placed in the kitchen" -> "positioned within the kitchen"
Explanation: "Positioned within the kitchen" is more specific and formal than "placed in the kitchen."
"the stairs in the proposed map were replaced by two internal doors in the present map" -> "the stairs in the proposed design were replaced by two internal doors in the current plan"
Explanation: "Design" and "plan" are more precise terms than "map," which is less formal and less specific in this context.
"In the proposed changes, there will be just one internal wall" -> "In the revised design, there is only one internal wall"
Explanation: "Revised design" is more specific and formal than "proposed changes," and "is only" is more concise than "will be just."
"In the design proposal, there will no longer be a storage under the stairs and disappear in the map" -> "In the design proposal, storage under the stairs will be eliminated, and the feature will no longer appear on the map"
Explanation: "Will be eliminated" and "will no longer appear" are clearer and more formal than "disappear in the map," which is awkward and unclear.
"Because a lot of things got removed so the living room and kitchen got slightly bigger" -> "As several elements were removed, the living room and kitchen have expanded slightly"
Explanation: "As several elements were removed" is more formal and precise than "Because a lot of things got removed," and "have expanded" is more formal than "got bigger."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the changes to the house. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features, such as the changes to the stairs and the kitchen. However, some details are irrelevant or inaccurate, such as the statement that the living room and kitchen got slightly bigger.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the most significant changes and providing more accurate information. For example, the essay could state that the stairs have been redesigned and now occupy a larger area of the house. The essay could also provide more specific details about the changes to the kitchen, such as the addition of kitchen furniture.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are significant issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to describe the changes between the current and proposed floor plans, the logical flow is disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear references. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, leading to repetitive statements and confusion about the relationships between ideas. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly structuring the essay with distinct paragraphs that each present a single idea or aspect of the comparison. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help clarify the relationships between points. Additionally, ensuring that references to elements in the diagrams are clear and consistent will aid in maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in the house layout, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the stairs at the existing floor plan have extended bigger" and "the internal doors on the top relocated to another side," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, there are issues with spelling and word formation, such as "disappear in the map." Overall, the essay lacks the sophistication and precision required for higher band scores.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, and ensure accurate word choice and collocation. Incorporating synonyms and varying sentence structures can help improve fluency and flexibility. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and word formation errors will contribute to clearer communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences; however, many of these attempts are inaccurate. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and sentence fragments, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. For instance, phrases like "the stairs at the existing floor plan have extended bigger" and "there will no longer be a storage under the stairs" exhibit grammatical inaccuracies. While the writer attempts to convey comparisons between the current and proposed plans, the overall clarity is compromised due to these errors.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice using a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Verb Tenses: Ensure that verb tenses are used appropriately to describe changes (e.g., using "will be" instead of "will relocate").
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation to improve clarity and flow, particularly with the use of commas and conjunctions.
Proofreading: Review the essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing before submission to enhance overall accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The two maps illustrate various changes to the current layout of a house and the proposed design for future renovations.

Overall, the stairs in the existing floor plan have been enlarged and will take on a spiral shape. Additionally, the internal door of the kitchen will be relocated to a different position.

In the current plan, the stairs occupy only one part of the right side, whereas in the proposed plan, they extend and change shape to a spiral. The internal doors at the top have been moved to another side and placed within the kitchen. Furthermore, the stairs in the proposed map have been replaced by two internal doors present in the current layout.

Moreover, the kitchen will also include kitchen furniture in the proposed changes. In the new design, there will be just one internal wall, while the current layout features two internal walls. In the proposal, the storage space under the stairs will be eliminated, resulting in its absence from the map. As many elements have been removed, the living room and kitchen will appear slightly larger.