Nowadays, most people try to balance between work and other part of lives. Unfortunately not many achieve this balance. What are the problems of this? Suggest some solutions to solve the problem?

It is true that striking a work-life balance is one of the most challenging tasks for many people. Several problems have resultes from this tendency and thay should be tacked by a number of effective sollutions from the individuals.
From my point of view, there are two main reason why people can not manage their work life and personal life qually. The main issue that excessive workload. Many employees have to cope with the needs and target of company, lead to work long hours, and added responsibilities. Therefore, They will do not have time for leisure and personal plans. Another problem is that workers are paid low wages for their managers leading to insufficient funds for their living expenses. From there, people work many other jobs or work overtime to have more income.
Since such issues are serious, organizations and individuals should immediately take steps to address these problems. The first solution would be for companies should consider the personal needs of every worker and paid for them a suitable salary level. In this way, they can secure their material life to make ends meet. The second measure would be that job-holders need time menagement skills better to ensure balance between productive work and personal life. Therefore, individuals can accomplish their task eficiently and create space for their personal lives.
In conclusion there are various negative consequences of keeping a balance both career and their life and appropriate steps need to be taken to tackle these problems.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"striking a work-life balance" -> "achieving a balance between work and personal life"
Explanation: "Achieving a balance between work and personal life" is a more formal and precise phrase that better fits the academic context, avoiding the idiomatic expression "striking a balance."
"Several problems have resultes from this tendency" -> "Several problems have resulted from this tendency"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "resultes" to "resulted" ensures grammatical accuracy and maintains the formal tone of the essay.
"thay" -> "they"
Explanation: "Thay" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "they" for grammatical correctness.
"tacked by a number of effective sollutions" -> "addressed by a number of effective solutions"
Explanation: "Addressed" is the correct verb to use in this context, replacing "tacked," which is incorrect and unclear. Also, "sollutions" should be spelled as "solutions" for accuracy.
"there are two main reason" -> "there are two main reasons"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error from "reason" to "reasons" to match the plural subject.
"can not manage their work life and personal life qually" -> "cannot manage their work and personal lives equally"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the correct form of "can not" in formal writing, and "work and personal lives" is grammatically correct, replacing "work life" which is an awkward and incorrect phrase.
"The main issue that excessive workload" -> "The main issue is excessive workload"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical structure to "is" for subject-verb agreement and removing the unnecessary "that" for clarity.
"lead to work long hours, and added responsibilities" -> "leads to working long hours and additional responsibilities"
Explanation: "Leads" corrects the verb tense to match the singular subject "issue," and "working" and "additional" are more precise terms than "work" and "added."
"They will do not have time" -> "They do not have time"
Explanation: Removing "will" corrects the tense to the present, which is more appropriate for a general statement about ongoing conditions.
"workers are paid low wages for their managers" -> "workers are paid low wages by their managers"
Explanation: "By" is the correct preposition to use in this context, indicating the source of the wages.
"leading to insufficient funds for their living expenses" -> "resulting in insufficient funds for their living expenses"
Explanation: "Resulting in" is a more formal and precise way to describe the causal relationship.
"work many other jobs or work overtime" -> "work multiple jobs or work overtime"
Explanation: "Multiple jobs" is a more formal and precise term than "many other jobs."
"companies should consider the personal needs of every worker and paid for them a suitable salary level" -> "companies should consider the personal needs of every worker and pay them a suitable salary level"
Explanation: "Pay" corrects the verb tense to match the present, and "them" is the correct pronoun to use after "pay."
"need time menagement skills better" -> "need better time management skills"
Explanation: "Better" should precede "time management skills" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"accomplish their task eficiently" -> "accomplish their tasks efficiently"
Explanation: "Tasks" should be plural to match the context, and "efficiently" corrects the spelling error.
"create space for their personal lives" -> "create space for their personal life"
Explanation: "Life" should be singular to match the singular subject "personal life."
"there are various negative consequences of keeping a balance both career and their life" -> "there are various negative consequences of balancing both career and personal life"
Explanation: "Balancing" is the correct verb form, and "personal life" should be used instead of "their life" for grammatical correctness and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by identifying problems related to work-life balance and suggesting solutions. However, it does not fully explore the problems or provide a comprehensive range of solutions. For example, while it mentions excessive workload and low wages, it fails to elaborate on how these issues manifest in daily life or their broader implications. Additionally, the suggested solutions are somewhat vague and lack depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should clearly outline multiple problems and provide specific examples or scenarios illustrating these issues. Furthermore, expanding on the solutions with actionable steps or strategies would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general stance on the importance of addressing work-life balance but lacks a consistent and strong position throughout. Phrases like "from my point of view" indicate a personal opinion, yet the essay does not consistently reinforce this viewpoint with strong arguments or a clear narrative.
- How to improve: The writer should establish a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines their position. Each paragraph should then relate back to this thesis, reinforcing the argument and ensuring that the reader understands the writer’s perspective.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented but not sufficiently extended or supported. For instance, the mention of excessive workload is a good starting point, but the essay does not delve into how this affects mental health or productivity. Similarly, the solutions are mentioned but not elaborated upon, making them feel superficial.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to develop each idea more fully. This can be achieved by providing examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. Additionally, discussing the implications of the problems and the effectiveness of the proposed solutions would strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on work-life balance issues. However, there are moments where the focus is lost, particularly in the transition between problems and solutions. The phrase "Since such issues are serious" lacks a strong connection to the preceding content, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph logically flows from one to the next. Using clear topic sentences and transitions will help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, revisiting the prompt at the end of each paragraph can help reinforce relevance.

Overall, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should aim for a more thorough exploration of the topic, ensuring that each part of the prompt is addressed in detail, while maintaining a clear and consistent position throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing problems and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing problems to solutions is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph outlines two problems but does not explicitly link them to the solutions proposed in the following paragraph. This can confuse the reader regarding how the solutions directly address the stated problems.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences that explicitly connect each problem to its corresponding solution. For example, after stating the problems, you could introduce the solutions with phrases like "To address the issue of excessive workload, companies should…" This would create a more cohesive link between the problems and solutions.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could be more clearly delineated. The first body paragraph discusses two problems but could benefit from separating them into two distinct paragraphs for clarity. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each issue and its implications.
- How to improve: Consider structuring the body into three paragraphs: one for each problem and one for solutions. This would provide a clearer framework for the reader and allow for a more thorough discussion of each point. For instance, the first paragraph could focus solely on excessive workload, while the second addresses low wages.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "therefore" and "since," to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, which can affect the overall fluidity of the essay. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the main issue that excessive workload," which detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "consequently." Additionally, ensure that sentences are grammatically correct and clearly articulated. For example, revise "the main issue that excessive workload" to "the main issue is excessive workload." This will improve clarity and cohesion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a stronger overall coherence and cohesion score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication. For instance, terms like "work-life balance," "excessive workload," and "low wages" are relevant but somewhat basic. The phrase "many employees have to cope with the needs and target of company" could be enhanced by using more varied expressions such as "demands of the workplace" or "organizational expectations."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "work," consider alternatives like "employment," "occupation," or "professional commitments." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, the phrase "the main issue that excessive workload" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. It should read, "the main issue is excessive workload." Additionally, "paid low wages for their managers" is confusing; it would be clearer as "paid low wages by their employers."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on sentence structure and ensure that subjects and verbs agree. Practicing sentence rephrasing and peer reviewing can help identify and correct imprecise language. Furthermore, using contextually appropriate phrases will enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "resultes" (results), "thay" (they), "sollutions" (solutions), "qually" (equally), "menagement" (management), and "eficiently" (efficiently). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular writing practice, along with feedback from others, can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use relevant vocabulary, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("It is true that striking a work-life balance is one of the most challenging tasks for many people.") and compound sentences ("Many employees have to cope with the needs and target of company, lead to work long hours, and added responsibilities."). However, the use of complex sentences is limited, which reduces the overall grammatical range. For example, the phrase "the main issue that excessive workload" is incomplete and lacks a verb, which affects clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "The main issue that excessive workload," it could be revised to "The main issue is that excessive workloads prevent employees from achieving a work-life balance." Additionally, varying the use of passive voice and conditional sentences can also add depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "resultes" should be "resulted," "thay" should be "they," and "sollutions" should be "solutions." The phrase "lead to work long hours" is incorrect; it should be "leading to long working hours." Furthermore, there are punctuation errors, such as the missing comma in "In conclusion there are various negative consequences" which should read "In conclusion, there are various negative consequences."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading to catch spelling mistakes and ensure subject-verb agreement. Practicing sentence construction can help in forming complete and grammatically correct sentences. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and periods, will enhance clarity and readability. It may be beneficial to read the essay aloud to identify awkward phrasing and grammatical errors.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, addressing these grammatical and structural weaknesses will significantly improve the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true that achieving a balance between work and personal life is one of the most challenging tasks for many people. Several problems have resulted from this tendency, and they should be addressed by a number of effective solutions from individuals and organizations.

From my point of view, there are two main reasons why people cannot manage their work and personal lives equally. The main issue is excessive workload. Many employees have to cope with the demands and targets of their companies, which leads to working long hours and additional responsibilities. Therefore, they do not have time for leisure and personal plans. Another problem is that workers are paid low wages by their managers, resulting in insufficient funds for their living expenses. Consequently, people often work multiple jobs or take on overtime to increase their income.

Since such issues are serious, organizations and individuals should immediately take steps to address these problems. The first solution would be for companies to consider the personal needs of every worker and pay them a suitable salary level. In this way, they can secure their financial stability and make ends meet. The second measure would be for job-holders to develop better time management skills to ensure a balance between productive work and personal life. Therefore, individuals can accomplish their tasks efficiently and create space for their personal lives.

In conclusion, there are various negative consequences of balancing both career and personal life, and appropriate steps need to be taken to tackle these problems.