Many people believe that all cities and towns should have large public spaces. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that all cities and towns should have large public spaces.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent times, people have held different views about the significance of huge shared spaces for the general public. I am totally convinced that these zones should be featured in every urban area for the sake of residents’ mentality and physicality.
To begin with, public spaces such as parks and gardens are a massive boon for local people's mental health. Since urban dwellers have to face a considerable amount of sedentary work all day, they have a tendency to go jogging in some public zones to reduce their stress if green spaces are already available in their neighborhoods. For example, research points out that people living in close proximity to parks exercise to improve their mental well-being, twice as frequently as their nature-deprived counterparts. Therefore, urbanites could reduce negative emotions, promote positive social interactions, and even feel a greater sense of meaning in life.
Moreover, public zones can enhance urban residents’ physical health. to illustrate, urban vegetation can absorb harmful airborne particulates and other pollutants produced by fossil fuel-powered transport and industry, thereby lowering the risk of respiratory issues such as asthma, COPD, and so on. Besides, it has been proven scientifically that doing regular exercise in green spaces can help improve the immune system, build muscle strength, and combat common health problems such as obesity and cardiovascular diseases
In conclusion, it is of paramount importance to deploy sizeable public zones in residential areas so that the citizenry can experience a multitude of advantages regarding both inner and outer well-being.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In recent times" -> "Recently"
   Explanation: "Recently" is a more concise and formal alternative to "In recent times," which is slightly redundant and less commonly used in academic writing.

2. "huge shared spaces" -> "large public spaces"
   Explanation: "Large public spaces" is more precise and formal than "huge shared spaces," which is somewhat vague and informal.

3. "for the sake of residents’ mentality and physicality" -> "for the benefit of residents’ mental and physical well-being"
   Explanation: "For the benefit of residents’ mental and physical well-being" is more specific and academically appropriate than "for the sake of residents’ mentality and physicality," which uses less formal terms and awkward phrasing.

4. "a massive boon" -> "a significant benefit"
   Explanation: "A significant benefit" is more formal and precise than "a massive boon," which is colloquial and less specific.

5. "have a tendency to go jogging" -> "tend to engage in jogging"
   Explanation: "Tend to engage in jogging" is more formal and precise than "have a tendency to go jogging," which is slightly informal and less direct.

6. "twice as frequently" -> "more frequently"
   Explanation: "More frequently" is a more straightforward and formal alternative to "twice as frequently," which can be seen as redundant.

7. "negative emotions" -> "negative emotions and feelings"
   Explanation: Adding "feelings" clarifies that the term "emotions" encompasses a broader range of psychological states, enhancing the precision of the statement.

8. "promote positive social interactions" -> "foster positive social interactions"
   Explanation: "Foster" is a more formal and precise verb than "promote" in this context, suggesting a more deliberate and nurturing action.

9. "even feel a greater sense of meaning in life" -> "even experience a greater sense of purpose in life"
   Explanation: "Experience a greater sense of purpose in life" is more specific and academically appropriate than "feel a greater sense of meaning in life," which is slightly vague and informal.

10. "can enhance urban residents’ physical health" -> "can improve urban residents’ physical health"
    Explanation: "Improve" is a more direct and formal verb than "enhance" in this context, aligning better with the academic style.

11. "to illustrate" -> "for example"
    Explanation: "For example" is a more standard transitional phrase in academic writing than "to illustrate," which can be seen as less formal.

12. "urban vegetation" -> "urban greenery"
    Explanation: "Urban greenery" is a more specific and formal term than "urban vegetation," which is broader and less precise.

13. "lowering the risk of respiratory issues" -> "reducing the risk of respiratory diseases"
    Explanation: "Reducing the risk of respiratory diseases" is more specific and medically precise than "lowering the risk of respiratory issues," which is less formal and vague.

14. "doing regular exercise" -> "engaging in regular exercise"
    Explanation: "Engaging in regular exercise" is more formal and precise than "doing regular exercise," which is somewhat informal.

15. "build muscle strength" -> "strengthen muscles"
    Explanation: "Strengthen muscles" is a more direct and formal expression than "build muscle strength," which is slightly awkward and less commonly used in academic writing.

16. "combat common health problems" -> "address common health issues"
    Explanation: "Address" is a more formal and precise verb than "combat," which can imply a more aggressive or confrontational approach, not suitable for the context of health management.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of large public spaces in urban areas. The introduction presents a strong thesis, asserting that these spaces are essential for residents’ mental and physical health. The body paragraphs provide relevant examples and arguments that support this stance, such as the mental health benefits of parks and the physical health advantages of urban greenery. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would enhance the depth of the argument.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, consider briefly discussing potential counterarguments, such as the costs of maintaining large public spaces or the argument that urban areas may prioritize housing or commercial development over public spaces. This would demonstrate a more balanced approach and strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for the inclusion of large public spaces in urban settings. The use of phrases like "I am totally convinced" establishes a strong personal stance. Each paragraph reinforces this position, focusing on the benefits of public spaces. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to enhance coherence.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, use transitional phrases that connect ideas more fluidly. For instance, when moving from discussing mental health to physical health, a phrase like "In addition to mental well-being, public spaces also play a crucial role in…" would help guide the reader and reinforce the essay’s cohesive argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, with specific examples and research findings that substantiate claims about the benefits of public spaces. The mention of studies regarding exercise frequency among residents near parks adds credibility. However, some points could be further elaborated to enhance their impact, such as providing more detailed statistics or examples of cities that have successfully integrated public spaces.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, consider including more detailed examples or case studies. For instance, discussing a specific city that has implemented successful public space initiatives could provide a more compelling argument. Additionally, integrating more statistical evidence would strengthen the claims made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay stays largely on topic, focusing on the benefits of public spaces for mental and physical health. Each paragraph relates back to the central thesis, maintaining relevance throughout. However, there are minor instances where the discussion could be tightened, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the mention of pollutants, while relevant, could be more directly tied back to the benefits of public spaces.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, ensure that every point made directly supports the thesis. When introducing new concepts, such as pollution, explicitly connect them back to how public spaces mitigate these issues. For example, clarify how the reduction of pollutants directly contributes to the physical health benefits of having green spaces.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong reasoning and a clear position, meriting a band score of 8. With some adjustments in addressing counterarguments, improving transitions, providing more detailed examples, and tightening focus, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of large public spaces, structured around two main points: mental health benefits and physical health benefits. Each point is introduced with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively discusses mental health, providing a logical flow from the problem of sedentary lifestyles to the benefits of public spaces. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between mental and physical health is somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider adding a transitional sentence at the end of the first body paragraph that links mental health to physical health. For example, you might say, "In addition to mental well-being, public spaces also play a crucial role in promoting physical health among urban residents."

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph begins with a lowercase "to illustrate," which disrupts the flow and indicates a lack of attention to detail in paragraph structure.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph starts with a capital letter and maintains a formal tone. Additionally, consider using a concluding sentence in each body paragraph that summarizes the main point and reinforces the connection to the overall argument. This will help to solidify the structure and enhance clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs several cohesive devices effectively, such as "to begin with," "moreover," and "for example," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the transition between ideas feels somewhat mechanical.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases to link ideas. For example, instead of repeating "public zones" in the second paragraph, you could use "these spaces" or "such areas." Additionally, using phrases like "furthermore" or "in addition" can help to create a more varied and engaging flow.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially reaching a band score of 9.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "significance," "urban area," "boon," and "vegetation." These choices show an ability to use varied language effectively. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more diverse or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "public spaces such as parks and gardens" is somewhat repetitive; varying the terms used for public spaces could enhance the richness of the vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "public spaces," you could alternate with "recreational areas," "communal zones," or "green environments." This will not only diversify your vocabulary but also keep the reader engaged.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, such as "sedentary work," which aptly describes the lifestyle of urban dwellers. However, there are moments of imprecision, such as the phrase "for the sake of residents’ mentality and physicality." The term "physicality" is less common and may not convey the intended meaning as effectively as "physical health" or "well-being."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on selecting words that clearly convey your intended meaning. Instead of "physicality," consider using "physical health" or "well-being," which are more widely understood and directly relevant to the context. Additionally, ensure that all terms used are appropriate for the context of the discussion.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with only minor errors. For instance, "to illustrate" should start with a capital ‘T’ as it begins a new sentence. This small oversight can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, implement a proofreading strategy before finalizing your essay. Reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked when reading silently. Additionally, consider using spell-check tools or apps that can assist in identifying and correcting spelling mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a band score of 7, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Since urban dwellers have to face a considerable amount of sedentary work all day, they have a tendency to go jogging in some public zones to reduce their stress if green spaces are already available in their neighborhoods." This sentence effectively combines multiple ideas, showcasing the writer’s ability to construct complex thoughts. Additionally, the use of varied sentence openings, such as "To begin with," "Moreover," and "In conclusion," enhances the flow and coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the length of sentences. For example, you could combine shorter sentences to create more complex ones or break up longer sentences for better readability. Additionally, experimenting with different sentence types, such as rhetorical questions or conditional clauses, could add depth to the argument.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "to illustrate" at the beginning of a sentence should be capitalized as it follows a period. Additionally, the sentence "it has been proven scientifically that doing regular exercise in green spaces can help improve the immune system, build muscle strength, and combat common health problems such as obesity and cardiovascular diseases" is well-structured but could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate the list of health problems more distinctly.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to capitalization rules and punctuation, especially when starting new sentences or lists. Practicing the correct use of commas in complex sentences can also improve clarity. Furthermore, reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can help minimize errors. Consider proofreading the essay to catch any overlooked mistakes and ensure that punctuation supports the intended meaning.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the argument, but there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, people have held differing views about the significance of large public spaces for the general public. I am fully convinced that these areas should be integrated into every urban environment for the benefit of residents’ mental and physical well-being.

To begin with, public spaces such as parks and gardens are a significant benefit for local people’s mental health. Since urban dwellers often face a considerable amount of sedentary work throughout the day, they tend to engage in jogging and other activities in these public zones to alleviate their stress when green spaces are available in their neighborhoods. For example, research indicates that people living in close proximity to parks engage in exercise to improve their mental well-being twice as frequently as their nature-deprived counterparts. Therefore, urbanites can reduce negative emotions and feelings, foster positive social interactions, and even experience a greater sense of purpose in life.

Moreover, public zones can improve urban residents’ physical health. To illustrate, urban greenery can absorb harmful airborne particulates and other pollutants produced by fossil fuel-powered transport and industry, thereby reducing the risk of respiratory diseases such as asthma and COPD. Additionally, it has been scientifically proven that engaging in regular exercise in green spaces can strengthen muscles, enhance the immune system, and address common health issues such as obesity and cardiovascular diseases.

In conclusion, it is of paramount importance to establish large public spaces in residential areas so that the citizenry can experience a multitude of advantages regarding both mental and physical well-being.