Average carbon emissions per person, 1967-2007

The line graph delineates how much exhausted fumes, counted in metric tonnes, were sent out by an individual in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy, and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.
Overall, the average amount of exhausted gas from a person in the United Kingdom and Sweden witnessed a declining trend which had a negative relation compared to that of the others. In addition, the figure for carbon dioxide discharged individually in the United Kingdom consistently had by far the highest throughout the period. It is also clear that there was an erratic fluctuation witnessed in the trend of the average data for emitted gas by each Italian person.
The amount of released carbon dioxide per person in the United Kingdom started at approximately 11, after which it witnessed a gradual and continuous decrease to shy of 9 in the final year of the period. Similarly, the figure for Sweden slightly increased from 8 to 10 which was its peak between 1967 and 1977, then sharply dwindling to just under 6 after 30 years.
4 metric tonnes of exhausted fumes by an individual were sent out in Italy in 1967, which subsequently doubled drastically to 8 metric tonnes in 2007. A similar change, but to a lesser extent, can be seen in the figure for Portugal, which exploded from north of a metric tonne to about 6 metric tonnes during the time in question.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"exhausted fumes" -> "exhaust emissions"
Explanation: "Exhaust emissions" is a more precise and commonly used term in environmental science, conveying the idea of gases released from vehicles or industrial processes.
"counted in metric tonnes" -> "measured in metric tonnes"
Explanation: "Measured" is a more accurate term in this context, as it implies a systematic assessment of quantity, whereas "counted" suggests a more informal or simplistic approach.
"witnessed a declining trend which had a negative relation compared to that of the others" -> "exhibited a declining trend that was inversely related to that of the other countries"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal alternative to "witnessed," and "inversely related" provides a clearer, more precise description of the relationship between the trends.
"the figure for carbon dioxide discharged individually in the United Kingdom consistently had by far the highest throughout the period" -> "the carbon dioxide emissions per capita in the United Kingdom consistently remained the highest throughout the period"
Explanation: "Emissions per capita" is a more precise term that clearly indicates the measurement is per individual, and "remained" is a more formal verb choice than "had."
"there was an erratic fluctuation witnessed in the trend of the average data for emitted gas by each Italian person" -> "there were erratic fluctuations observed in the trend of average carbon dioxide emissions per capita in Italy"
Explanation: "Observed" is a more formal term than "witnessed," and "carbon dioxide emissions per capita" provides clarity regarding what is being measured.
"the amount of released carbon dioxide per person in the United Kingdom started at approximately 11, after which it witnessed a gradual and continuous decrease to shy of 9" -> "the carbon dioxide emissions per capita in the United Kingdom began at approximately 11 metric tonnes, followed by a gradual and continuous decrease to just below 9 metric tonnes"
Explanation: "Began" is more formal than "started," and "just below" is clearer and more precise than "shy of."
"which was its peak between 1967 and 1977" -> "which represented its peak between 1967 and 1977"
Explanation: "Represented" is a more formal and precise verb choice that enhances the academic tone.
"sharply dwindling to just under 6 after 30 years" -> "sharply declining to just below 6 metric tonnes after 30 years"
Explanation: "Declining" is a more formal term than "dwindling," and specifying "metric tonnes" maintains consistency with previous measurements.
"which subsequently doubled drastically to 8 metric tonnes in 2007" -> "which subsequently increased significantly to 8 metric tonnes in 2007"
Explanation: "Increased significantly" is a more precise and academically appropriate way to describe the change, avoiding the informal "doubled drastically."
"exploded from north of a metric tonne to about 6 metric tonnes during the time in question" -> "increased dramatically from over one metric tonne to approximately 6 metric tonnes during the specified period"
Explanation: "Increased dramatically" is a more formal and precise expression than "exploded," and "over" is a clearer term than "north of." "Specified period" is more formal than "time in question."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview with information appropriately selected. The essay presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but details may be irrelevant, inappropriate or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the amount of released carbon dioxide per person in the United Kingdom started at approximately 11, after which it witnessed a gradual and continuous decrease to shy of 9 in the final year of the period. However, the graph shows that the amount of released carbon dioxide per person in the United Kingdom started at approximately 4, after which it witnessed a gradual and continuous decrease to shy of 8 in the final year of the period.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate information about the data presented in the graph. The essay could also be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the trends in the data. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons for the decline in carbon emissions per person in the United Kingdom and Sweden, or the reasons for the increase in carbon emissions per person in Italy and Portugal.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the overview provides a concise summary of the trends observed. However, while cohesive devices are used, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences appears mechanical or slightly faulty. For example, phrases like "which subsequently doubled drastically" could be clearer. Additionally, paragraphing is present but could be more logically structured to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the clarity and variety of cohesive devices used. This includes ensuring that transitions between ideas are smooth and logical. Improving paragraph structure by clearly defining the central topic of each paragraph and maintaining a consistent flow of ideas will also help. Lastly, reducing redundancy and ensuring that referencing is clear will strengthen coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, effectively conveying the main trends and data from the line graph. Terms such as "delineates," "exhausted fumes," and "erratic fluctuation" indicate an attempt to use less common vocabulary. However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice, such as "exhausted gas" instead of "exhaust gases" or "emissions," and "witnessed a declining trend" could be phrased more naturally. Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "dwindling" which could be more appropriately replaced with "declining." These errors do not impede communication but do detract from the overall lexical sophistication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of sophisticated vocabulary with greater precision. They should also aim to minimize inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help in achieving a more natural flow. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors will further strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., "the average amount of exhausted gas from a person in the United Kingdom and Sweden witnessed a declining trend which had a negative relation compared to that of the others"), these errors do not significantly impede communication. The writer shows an understanding of the task and presents information clearly, but the overall grammatical control is inconsistent.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by reducing errors in sentence structure and punctuation. Incorporating a wider variety of complex sentences with correct usage would also help. Additionally, ensuring that all ideas are expressed clearly and concisely, without awkward phrasing, will improve the overall coherence and fluency of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the average carbon emissions per person, measured in metric tonnes, in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy, and Portugal from 1967 to 2007.

Overall, the average carbon emissions per person in the United Kingdom and Sweden exhibited a declining trend, contrasting with the increasing patterns observed in the other countries. Additionally, the carbon dioxide emissions per individual in the United Kingdom consistently remained the highest throughout the period. It is also evident that there were erratic fluctuations in the trend of average emissions per person in Italy.

In the United Kingdom, carbon dioxide emissions per person began at approximately 11 metric tonnes, followed by a gradual and continuous decrease to just below 9 metric tonnes by the end of the period. Similarly, emissions in Sweden increased slightly from 8 to 10 metric tonnes, peaking between 1967 and 1977, before sharply declining to just under 6 metric tonnes after 30 years.

In Italy, the amount of carbon dioxide emitted per person started at 4 metric tonnes in 1967, which subsequently doubled to 8 metric tonnes by 2007. A similar trend, though to a lesser extent, is observed in Portugal, where emissions surged from just over 1 metric tonne to about 6 metric tonnes during the same period.