Some people think that schools should rewards students who show the best academic results while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both ways and give your own opinion

There is a compelling debate among schools whether rewarding students with the highest academic performance or students making improvements in learning is the best option. The writer of this essay strongly agrees with the first statment because learners with exellent score are deserved to receive awards and this will enhance the motivation among others, despite the encouragement for improved students.
It must be acknowledged that every exam is like a competition, and the winners have to make a huge effort and work hard to stand at the top level. Rewarding them will create a range of feelings, from excitement to a sense of satisfaction for what they have achieved. In contrast, in some situations, some of the top students will be upset and lose the motivation to study if the school does not reward them with suitable prize. Therefore, best students who receive awards not only enhance their emotions but also avoid losing target.
This is, however, a group of individuals argue that learners who show improvement in their academic results should be given prize as an encouragement. Just knowing that the schools appreciate their efforts will support students determination's which make them study harder. It is a good way to encourage some student to better their scores at school. his may be true but not all improvements should be considered if the schools do not want to reward the majority of the classes.
The writer contends that students granted rewards will be ideal role models in the class and create motivation among their peers. Students, especially ambitious ones, will be encouraged to try harder to stand at the top level with their classmate. This not only improve the learners' academic results but also provide a healthy competition.
In conclusion, regarding the excellence of students with suitable awards will bring benefit to their emotions and other Learners as well This essay has shown that the best student deserve to be granted rewards.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is a compelling debate among schools" -> "There is a significant debate among educational institutions"
Explanation: Replacing "schools" with "educational institutions" broadens the scope to encompass a wider range of educational settings, enhancing the formality and precision of the statement.
"rewarding students with the highest academic performance" -> "recognizing students with the highest academic achievements"
Explanation: "Recognizing" is more formal and precise than "rewarding," and "achievements" is a more academic term than "performance."
"learners with exellent score" -> "students with excellent scores"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error in "exellent" to "excellent" and changing "score" to "scores" corrects the grammatical number agreement and enhances the formality.
"deserved to receive awards" -> "entitled to receive awards"
Explanation: "Entitled" is more formal and precise than "deserved," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"this will enhance the motivation among others" -> "this will foster motivation among peers"
Explanation: "Foster" is a more precise verb than "enhance" in this context, and "peers" is a more formal term than "others."
"every exam is like a competition" -> "each examination is akin to a competition"
Explanation: "Akin to" is a more formal phrase than "like," and "examination" is more precise than "exam."
"the winners have to make a huge effort" -> "the winners must exert considerable effort"
Explanation: "Must exert considerable effort" is more formal and precise than "have to make a huge effort," which is somewhat colloquial.
"Rewarding them will create a range of feelings" -> "Awarding them will elicit a range of emotions"
Explanation: "Awarding" is more specific to the context of giving prizes, and "elicit" is more academically appropriate than "create" for describing the effects of emotions.
"some of the top students will be upset" -> "some top students may become disheartened"
Explanation: "Become disheartened" is a more formal and precise way to describe the emotional impact on students.
"best students who receive awards" -> "top-performing students who receive awards"
Explanation: "Top-performing" is a more specific and formal term than "best," which is vague and informal.
"avoid losing target" -> "avoid losing focus"
Explanation: "Losing focus" is a more precise and commonly accepted term in academic writing than "losing target," which is less standard.
"a group of individuals argue" -> "some argue"
Explanation: "Some" is more concise and appropriate for academic writing than "a group of individuals," which is redundant.
"students determination’s" -> "students’ determination"
Explanation: Correcting the possessive form "determination’s" to "determination" fixes a grammatical error and improves readability.
"his may be true" -> "this may be true"
Explanation: Correcting "his" to "this" fixes a pronoun error, ensuring grammatical accuracy.
"not all improvements should be considered" -> "not all improvements should be recognized"
Explanation: "Recognized" is more specific and formal than "considered" in this context, aligning better with academic language.
"regarding the excellence of students with suitable awards" -> "regarding the recognition of students with outstanding achievements"
Explanation: "Recognition of students with outstanding achievements" is more precise and formal than "regarding the excellence of students with suitable awards."
"This essay has shown that the best student deserve to be granted rewards" -> "This essay has demonstrated that the top-performing students are deserving of recognition"
Explanation: "Demonstrated" is more formal than "shown," and "are deserving of recognition" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea than "deserve to be granted rewards."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether schools should reward high achievers or those who show improvement. The first part discusses the merits of rewarding top performers, emphasizing motivation and emotional satisfaction. The second part acknowledges the perspective of rewarding improvements but does so in a somewhat limited manner. The writer mentions that recognizing improvements can encourage students but does not fully explore this viewpoint.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should provide a more balanced discussion of both perspectives. This could involve elaborating on the benefits of rewarding improvements with specific examples or scenarios, thereby giving equal weight to both sides before clearly stating their own opinion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear in favor of rewarding high achievers. However, the expression of this stance is somewhat muddled by the way the counterargument is presented. For instance, the phrase "this is, however, a group of individuals argue" lacks clarity and disrupts the flow of the argument. The conclusion reiterates the writer’s opinion but does not effectively summarize the discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should use more definitive language and structure their argument more cohesively. Clear transitions between points and a more structured conclusion that summarizes both sides before restating their opinion would strengthen the overall clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the emotional benefits of rewarding top students and the motivational aspect of recognizing improvements. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat superficial. For example, the claim that rewarding top students enhances motivation is made but not deeply explored with examples or evidence. Additionally, the discussion on improvements lacks depth, only mentioning that it could encourage some students without elaborating on how this might manifest.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate their points. For instance, discussing a scenario where a student improved significantly and how that recognition impacted their future performance would add depth. Similarly, providing statistics or studies that support the benefits of rewarding improvements could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate over rewarding high achievers versus those who improve. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of the emotional impact on top students, which could be more directly linked to the main argument. The phrase "if the schools do not want to reward the majority of the classes" introduces an unrelated concern about fairness that distracts from the main topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of rewards for academic performance versus improvement. Avoiding tangential comments and ensuring that each paragraph clearly ties back to the prompt will help maintain relevance throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, improvements can be made in balancing the discussion, clarifying the position, providing deeper support for ideas, and maintaining focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the debate on whether to reward high-achieving students or those showing improvement. The introduction sets the stage, and each paragraph attempts to address different perspectives. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the benefits of rewarding top students to the argument for rewarding improvements feels abrupt, lacking clear linking phrases that would guide the reader more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that summarize the main point. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "Conversely," "Furthermore") can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which is a strength. However, some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be better organized. For example, the second paragraph discusses both the benefits of rewarding top students and the potential negative impact on their motivation, which could be split into two distinct paragraphs for clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for one main idea per paragraph. Start a new paragraph when introducing a new point or perspective. This will not only make the essay easier to read but also allow for deeper exploration of each argument. For instance, separate the discussion of emotional benefits from the potential downsides of not rewarding top students.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "therefore," which help connect ideas. However, there is a noticeable repetition of certain phrases and a lack of variety in cohesive devices. For example, the phrase "this is, however," is used in a way that feels somewhat forced and could be replaced with alternatives for better flow.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a broader range of linking words and phrases. For instance, consider using "in addition," "for instance," "as a result," and "consequently" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to enhance clarity rather than disrupt the flow of the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "compelling debate," "academic performance," and "motivation." However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice. For example, the phrase "students making improvements" is repeated, and synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the essay’s lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "reward" and "students," consider alternatives like "recognition," "scholars," or "learners." This will not only enrich the vocabulary but also make the writing more engaging.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are notable imprecisions. For example, "the winners have to make a huge effort" could be more effectively expressed as "the top performers must exert considerable effort." Additionally, phrases like "best students" and "suitable prize" lack clarity and could be more specific.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary. Instead of "best students," consider "top achievers" or "highest performers." Clarifying what constitutes a "suitable prize" would also strengthen the argument. Providing specific examples of rewards could enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "exellent" (excellent), "statment" (statement), and "prize" (should be pluralized as "prizes" in some contexts). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or use spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and keeping a list of frequently used vocabulary can help improve spelling skills. Reading more academic texts can also expose the writer to correct spelling in context.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement that can elevate the lexical resource score. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and correcting spelling errors, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "It must be acknowledged that" and "This is, however, a group of individuals argue that" indicates an attempt to incorporate more complex structures. However, the overall range is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly constructed, such as "this will enhance the motivation among others" and "the winners have to make a huge effort." The lack of varied conjunctions and transition phrases also contributes to a repetitive tone.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using a variety of sentence types, including more complex sentences that incorporate subordinate clauses. For example, instead of "Rewarding them will create a range of feelings," a more complex structure could be, "By rewarding them, schools can create a range of feelings, including excitement and satisfaction." Additionally, incorporating varied transition phrases can help improve the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For instance, "the writer of this essay strongly agrees with the first statment" contains a spelling error ("statment" should be "statement"), and "exellent" should be "excellent." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "students making improvements in learning is the best option," where "students" is plural but "is" is singular. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect capitalization (e.g., "Learners" in "other Learners"), further hinder readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for spelling and grammatical errors before submission. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can also help identify mistakes. Additionally, practicing subject-verb agreement and ensuring that singular and plural forms are correctly matched will enhance overall grammatical accuracy. Regularly reading well-structured essays can also provide insight into proper punctuation and grammar usage.

In summary, while the essay shows an attempt to engage with the topic and present arguments, the limitations in grammatical range and accuracy significantly affect the overall quality. By diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a significant debate among educational institutions regarding whether to reward students with the highest academic achievements or those who show improvements in their learning. The writer of this essay strongly agrees with the first statement because students with excellent scores are entitled to receive awards, and this will foster motivation among their peers, despite the encouragement for improved students.

It must be acknowledged that each examination is akin to a competition, and the winners must exert considerable effort and work hard to reach the top level. Rewarding them will elicit a range of emotions, from excitement to a sense of satisfaction for what they have achieved. In contrast, in some situations, some top students may become disheartened and lose motivation to study if the school does not reward them with suitable prizes. Therefore, top-performing students who receive awards not only enhance their emotions but also avoid losing focus.

However, some argue that learners who show improvement in their academic results should be given prizes as encouragement. Just knowing that schools appreciate their efforts will support students’ determination, which can motivate them to study harder. This may be true, but not all improvements should be recognized if schools do not want to reward the majority of the class.

The writer contends that students granted rewards will be ideal role models in the classroom and create motivation among their peers. Students, especially ambitious ones, will be encouraged to try harder to stand at the top level alongside their classmates. This not only improves the learners’ academic results but also provides healthy competition.

In conclusion, regarding the recognition of students with outstanding achievements, suitable awards will benefit their emotions and those of other learners as well. This essay has demonstrated that the top-performing students are deserving of recognition.