Q: The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries worldwide, social media is increasingly popular and has become an integral part of modern society. Along with that development, the use of social media is escalating, superseding face-to-face interactions. However, there are both pros and cons to this issue. In my opinion, this phenomenon offers numerous benefits. In this essay, I will examine both sides and try to draw some conclusions.

Let’s begin by examining the benefits of using social media. One significant advantage that we have to talk about is that social media enables global connectivity among relatives and friends. Through social media, as long as internet connectivity is available, even two people halfway around the world can still communicate effectively. Therefore, social networks help people stay in touch with important people despite the distance. Second, in recent years, particularly since the COVID-19 pandemic, online courses have become increasingly popular, facilitating online participation in courses. In addition, social networks enable individuals to acquire new skills, including enhanced communication strategies for real-life interactions.

However, besides the benefits, social networks also bring harm. First, individuals may become victims of cyberbullying on social media, which constitutes a form of online harassment. In addition, excessive social media use may lead individuals to neglect real-life relationships and solely focus on social media, thereby affecting their mental health and well-being.

In conclusion, there are both good points and downsides for using social media. Through social networks, people can communicate widely and learn many different wonderful things, but they cannot avoid unnecessary dangers such as fraud. In my opinion, people should use social networks to interact with the things they really need and not abuse them, as well as be alert to bad situations.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In many countries worldwide" -> "Across numerous countries"
Explanation: "Across numerous countries" is a more precise and formal way to express the global scope, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"social media is increasingly popular and has become an integral part of modern society" -> "social media has become increasingly popular and integral to modern society"
Explanation: Reordering the words improves the flow and clarity of the sentence, making it more direct and formal.
"the use of social media is escalating, superseding face-to-face interactions" -> "the use of social media is escalating, thereby supplanting face-to-face interactions"
Explanation: "thereby" adds a causal connection, enhancing the clarity and formality of the sentence, and "supplanting" is a more precise term than "superseding" in this context.
"offers numerous benefits" -> "provides numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Provides" is a more formal synonym for "offers," aligning better with academic style.
"we have to talk about" -> "it is essential to discuss"
Explanation: "It is essential to discuss" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial tone of "we have to talk about."
"as long as internet connectivity is available" -> "as long as internet connectivity is available"
Explanation: This is a minor correction to ensure parallel structure and maintain the formal tone.
"help people stay in touch with important people" -> "facilitates maintaining connections with significant individuals"
Explanation: "Facilitates maintaining connections with significant individuals" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.
"online courses have become increasingly popular" -> "online courses have gained increasing popularity"
Explanation: "Gained increasing popularity" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase.
"facilitating online participation in courses" -> "enabling online participation in courses"
Explanation: "Enabling" is a more precise verb in this context, suggesting a direct facilitation of participation.
"social networks enable individuals to acquire new skills" -> "social networks empower individuals to acquire new skills"
Explanation: "Empower" is a stronger, more formal verb that conveys a sense of capability and agency, enhancing the academic tone.
"including enhanced communication strategies for real-life interactions" -> "including enhanced communication strategies for real-life interactions"
Explanation: This is a minor correction to maintain parallel structure and enhance the formal tone.
"besides the benefits, social networks also bring harm" -> "in addition to the benefits, social networks also pose harm"
Explanation: "Pose harm" is a more precise and formal way to express the negative effects of social networks.
"individuals may become victims of cyberbullying" -> "individuals may become susceptible to cyberbullying"
Explanation: "Susceptible to" is a more precise and formal term than "victims of," which can imply a passive and helpless state.
"excessive social media use may lead individuals to neglect real-life relationships" -> "excessive social media use may lead individuals to neglect their real-life relationships"
Explanation: Adding "their" clarifies the possessive relationship, enhancing the precision and formality of the sentence.
"thereby affecting their mental health and well-being" -> "thereby impacting their mental health and well-being"
Explanation: "Impact" is a more formal synonym for "affect," aligning better with academic style.
"people should use social networks to interact with the things they really need" -> "individuals should utilize social networks to engage with essential content"
Explanation: "Utilize" and "engage with essential content" are more formal and precise, improving the academic tone of the recommendation.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of social media in relation to face-to-face interaction. The introduction clearly states the intention to examine both sides, which is a positive aspect. However, the conclusion does not explicitly state whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, which is a crucial element of the prompt. The essay mentions both sides but lacks a definitive stance on the overall question.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position in the conclusion, clearly indicating whether they believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This can be achieved by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs and then making a clear, assertive statement about the overall assessment.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that favors the benefits of social media, but this position is somewhat diluted by the equal focus on disadvantages. While the introduction mentions that the author believes in the numerous benefits, this sentiment is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The conclusion also introduces ambiguity by discussing both sides without a clear preference.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their opinion throughout the essay. This can be done by using phrases like "Despite these disadvantages, I believe…" or "While acknowledging the drawbacks, the benefits clearly outweigh them because…". This will help reinforce the author’s stance and provide a more cohesive argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the advantages and disadvantages of social media. The advantages, such as global connectivity and online learning, are well articulated. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For instance, while the mention of the COVID-19 pandemic is relevant, it could be further developed with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. The disadvantages are mentioned but could also benefit from more detailed exploration.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more specific examples and evidence for each point made. This could include citing studies on the impact of social media on mental health or providing statistics on the prevalence of cyberbullying. Additionally, elaborating on how social media can enhance communication strategies would provide amore thorough examination of the advantages.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of social media on face-to-face interaction. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the mention of "acquiring new skills" feels somewhat tangential to the main argument about social media replacing face-to-face interaction.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central theme of the prompt. It may be helpful to create an outline before writing to ensure that each paragraph ties back to the main question. If a point does not directly support the argument regarding the replacement of face-to-face interaction, it may be better to omit it or reframe it to align more closely with the topic.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, enhancing clarity, support, and focus will help elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are well-organized, with the first focusing on the advantages of social media and the second addressing its disadvantages. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily. For instance, the transition from discussing global connectivity to online courses is smooth and relevant, maintaining a coherent flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between points. For example, when transitioning from the benefits of connectivity to online courses, a phrase like "In addition to connectivity, social media also facilitates…" could strengthen the connection between these ideas. Furthermore, a clearer conclusion that summarizes the key points discussed would reinforce the overall argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into advantages and disadvantages. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it somewhat blends into the final body paragraph without a clear separation.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is distinctly separated from the body paragraphs. A clear paragraph break and a more definitive summary of the main points would enhance clarity. Additionally, consider starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which would further guide the reader through the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a good range of cohesive devices, such as "however," "in addition," and "therefore," which effectively link ideas within and between sentences. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. For example, the use of "however" effectively contrasts the benefits discussed in the first body paragraph with the drawbacks in the second.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied transitions and connectors. For instance, using phrases like "on the other hand," "conversely," or "furthermore" can enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, avoid over-reliance on certain phrases; instead, aim for a mix of simple and complex connectors to improve the overall flow and sophistication of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using cohesive devices. With some refinements in transitions, paragraph structure, and the use of varied cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "integral," "global connectivity," and "cyberbullying." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "social media" and "real-life interactions." While the writer attempts to use varied expressions, the overall lexical variety is limited.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "social media," alternatives like "digital platforms," "online networks," or "virtual communication" could be used. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "interpersonal relationships" or "digital engagement," would elevate the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "cyberbullying" and "online harassment," which accurately convey the intended meaning. However, there are instances of vague language, such as "wonderful things" in the conclusion, which lacks specificity and could confuse the reader about what is meant.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to replace vague terms with more specific descriptors. For example, instead of "wonderful things," the writer could specify "educational resources" or "cultural exchanges." This would provide clearer insights into the advantages of social media.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no significant errors that impede understanding. Words like "integral," "facilitating," and "communication" are spelled correctly, which reflects a solid grasp of basic spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is mostly correct, the writer should continue to practice spelling, especially with more complex vocabulary. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or engaging in spelling exercises can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, reading more extensively can expose the writer to correct spelling in context, which can further improve their spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining strong spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "As long as internet connectivity is available, even two people halfway around the world can still communicate effectively" effectively convey detailed ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional phrases ("as long as") and comparative structures ("both pros and cons") adds variety. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and the incorporation of more advanced structures, such as inversion or more sophisticated relative clauses.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could practice using different types of clauses and phrases. For example, beginning sentences with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Although social media has its benefits, it also poses significant risks") or using participial phrases (e.g., "Having connected with friends online, many individuals find themselves neglecting face-to-face interactions") can add depth and complexity to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors present. For example, the phrase "social media enables global connectivity" is grammatically correct and effectively communicates the idea. However, there are minor issues with punctuation and sentence clarity, such as the comma splice in "Through social networks, people can communicate widely and learn many different wonderful things, but they cannot avoid unnecessary dangers such as fraud." This could be improved by breaking it into two sentences or using a semicolon.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, the writer should focus on identifying and correcting comma splices and run-on sentences. Practicing the use of semicolons and conjunctions can help in creating clearer, more concise sentences. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules regarding clauses and phrases will enhance overall clarity. For instance, revising the sentence mentioned above to "Through social networks, people can communicate widely and learn many wonderful things. However, they cannot avoid unnecessary dangers such as fraud." would improve its clarity and grammatical structure.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation will further elevate the writing quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

In many countries across the globe, social media has become increasingly popular and integral to modern society. Along with this development, the use of social media is escalating, thereby supplanting face-to-face interactions. However, there are both advantages and disadvantages to this issue. In my opinion, this phenomenon provides numerous benefits. In this essay, I will examine both sides and attempt to draw some conclusions.

Let’s begin by discussing the benefits of using social media. One significant advantage is that social media facilitates maintaining connections with relatives and friends across the world. Through social media, as long as internet connectivity is available, even two people halfway around the globe can communicate effectively. Therefore, social networks empower individuals to stay in touch with significant people despite the distance. Second, in recent years, particularly since the COVID-19 pandemic, online courses have gained increasing popularity, enabling online participation in courses. In addition, social networks empower individuals to acquire new skills, including enhanced communication strategies for real-life interactions.

However, in addition to the benefits, social networks also pose harm. First, individuals may become susceptible to cyberbullying on social media, which constitutes a form of online harassment. Furthermore, excessive social media use may lead individuals to neglect their real-life relationships and focus solely on online interactions, thereby impacting their mental health and well-being.

In conclusion, there are both positive aspects and downsides to using social media. Through social networks, people can communicate widely and learn many valuable things, but they cannot avoid unnecessary dangers such as fraud. In my opinion, individuals should utilize social networks to engage with essential content and not abuse them, while also remaining vigilant about potential risks.