The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014.

Line graph illustrates the average monthly change in the prices of three different metals in 2014 with the previous months.
Overall, prices of three metals all arised most of the year, nickel had the biggest price fluctuations compared to two others.
With an increased rate of 6% and 4% respectively, nickel’s price witnessed the biggest fluctuation in January and February. Its price continued to increase from 0,5 % to 1% in the next three months. From June to October, it started to decrease from 1% to 3% but still increased 1% in November and December after that.
Similar to nickel, zinc’s price also declined at least 1% from June to October. However, the biggest price increases for zinc occurred in February, March, and December, at 3%, 2%, and 2% respectively.
In contrast to the other two metals, copper’s price remained stable. Throughout the year, it exhibited a gain of no more than 2%, except a slight decrease of about 0,5 % from May to June.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"illustrates the average monthly change" -> "illustrates the average monthly variations"
Explanation: "Variations" is a more precise term than "change," as it implies fluctuations over time, which is more suitable for a discussion of prices.
"arised" -> "increased"
Explanation: "Arised" is not a correct form; "increased" is the appropriate verb to describe a rise in prices.
"compared to two others" -> "compared to the other two"
Explanation: "The other two" is a clearer and more grammatically correct way to refer to the other metals mentioned.
"With an increased rate of 6% and 4% respectively" -> "With respective increases of 6% and 4%"
Explanation: This phrasing is more concise and clearly indicates that the percentages refer to the increases in price.
"witnessed the biggest fluctuation" -> "exhibited the most significant fluctuations"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal term than "witnessed," and "most significant fluctuations" conveys a clearer meaning in an academic context.
"from 0,5 % to 1%" -> "from 0.5% to 1%"
Explanation: The use of a period instead of a comma is standard in academic writing for decimal representation in English.
"it started to decrease from 1% to 3%" -> "it began to decline from 1% to 3%"
Explanation: "Began to decline" is a more formal and precise way to describe a decrease in prices.
"but still increased 1% in November and December after that" -> "but subsequently increased by 1% in November and December"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is a more formal transition, and "increased by" is the correct prepositional phrase to indicate the amount of increase.
"at least 1% from June to October" -> "by at least 1% from June to October"
Explanation: "By" is the correct preposition to indicate the extent of the decline.
"the biggest price increases for zinc occurred" -> "the most substantial price increases for zinc occurred"
Explanation: "Most substantial" is a more formal and precise expression than "biggest," which is too informal for academic writing.
"remained stable" -> "remained relatively stable"
Explanation: Adding "relatively" provides a more nuanced understanding of stability, indicating that while prices did not fluctuate significantly, they may still have experienced minor variations.
"a gain of no more than 2%" -> "a maximum gain of 2%"
Explanation: "Maximum gain" is more precise and formal than "no more than," which can sound vague.
"except a slight decrease of about 0,5 %" -> "with the exception of a slight decrease of approximately 0.5%"
Explanation: "With the exception of" is a more formal phrase than "except," and "approximately" is more precise than "about."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the graph, but it does not fully extend the key features. For example, the essay states that nickel’s price "witnessed the biggest fluctuation in January and February," but it does not provide specific details about the magnitude of these fluctuations. The essay also states that zinc’s price "declined at least 1% from June to October," but it does not provide specific details about the magnitude of these declines.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the key features of the graph. For example, the essay could state that nickel’s price increased by 6% in January and 4% in February, and that zinc’s price declined by 1% in June, 2% in July, and 3% in August. The essay could also be improved by providing a more detailed analysis of the trends in the graph. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons why nickel’s price fluctuated so much in the first two months of the year, or why zinc’s price declined from June to October.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the price changes of the three metals, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to a somewhat disjointed reading experience. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and occasionally inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between ideas. Additionally, while paragraphs are present, their structure and logical flow could be improved to enhance coherence.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas. This can be done by using more varied and appropriate cohesive devices to link sentences and paragraphs effectively. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the information within is logically sequenced will also help. Additionally, providing clearer comparisons and contrasts between the metals, along with a more structured introduction and conclusion, would enhance overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the changes in metal prices, the use of vocabulary is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "arised" instead of "increased," and inaccuracies in spelling, such as "0,5 %" instead of "0.5%." These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message clearly.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and incorporate less common lexical items. Improving accuracy in word choice and spelling is essential. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using synonyms can help avoid repetition and convey more precise meanings. Engaging with more complex vocabulary related to economic trends and data analysis would also be beneficial.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily using simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate structures, frequent grammatical errors are present, particularly in the use of punctuation and article usage (e.g., "the prices of three metals all arised" should be "the prices of the three metals all rose"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. The essay lacks the variety and accuracy needed for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Variety of Sentence Structures: Incorporate more complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
Error Correction: Pay attention to common grammatical errors, particularly in verb forms (e.g., "arised" should be "rose") and punctuation (e.g., ensuring proper use of commas and periods).
Clarity and Cohesion: Ensure that each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning without ambiguity, which may involve revising awkward phrasing and ensuring proper subject-verb agreement.
Practice: Regularly practice writing essays and seek feedback to identify and correct recurring grammatical issues.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the average monthly change in the prices of three different metals in 2014 compared to previous months. Overall, the prices of all three metals rose for most of the year, with nickel experiencing the most significant price fluctuations compared to the other two.

With an increase of 6% and 4% respectively, nickel’s price witnessed the largest fluctuations in January and February. Its price continued to rise from 0.5% to 1% over the next three months. From June to October, it began to decline from 1% to 3%, but then increased by 1% in November and December.

Similarly, zinc’s price also fell by at least 1% from June to October. However, the most substantial price increases for zinc occurred in February, March, and December, at 3%, 2%, and 2% respectively.

In contrast to the other two metals, copper’s price remained stable. Throughout the year, it exhibited a gain of no more than 2%, except for a slight decrease of about 0.5% from May to June.