If a product is good or it meets people’s needs, people will buy it, so advertising is unnecessary and no more than entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is noticed that higher-quality products can attract more customers; however, advertising plays a crucial role in informing these people about the coexistence or unique features. Despite some advantages, I strongly disagree with the idea that advertising is nothing but entertainment.
There are several reasons why products can still meet people's needs without popularizing. Firstly, in this modern era, people have the opportunity to access a wealth of information online. This enables them to research products, read reviews, and compare prices by themselves without being annoyed by advertising. If a product is truly superior, it will likely stand out in these online forums and attract customers without the need for extensive advertising. Additionally, excessive advertising can sometimes be counterproductive. Consumers may become overwhelmed by the constant bombarding of marketing messages, leading to advertising fatigue. This can diminish the effectiveness of advertising campaigns and even damage a brand’s reputation.
Proponents who disagree with the ideas state the following reasons. First of all, widespread advertising can raise awareness of a product, especially new ones. Without advertising, consumers may be unaware of the product’s availability, leading to missed opportunities. Moreover, advertising can build brand loyalty. A strong brand with powerful advertising can create a positive perception of a product, even if it’s not significantly different from competitors. This can impulse these consumers to constantly repeat purchases and even recommend them to others. Furthermore, this form can equip consumers with adequate information about products and their benefits, helping them make the appropriate choice.
In conclusion, while advertising may sometimes seem intrusive, it serves a vital purpose in a competitive marketplace, stronger than through word-of-mouth marketing. It is inaccurate to claim that advertising is unnecessary and use only for entertaining purpose when it helps to inform customers, and build brands better for their needs.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is noticed that" -> "It is observed that"
Explanation: "It is observed that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a statement based on evidence or general knowledge, aligning better with academic style.
"higher-quality products can attract more customers" -> "higher-quality products tend to attract more customers"
Explanation: Adding "tend to" softens the statement, making it less absolute and more academically appropriate by acknowledging the potential variability in consumer responses.
"informing these people about the coexistence or unique features" -> "informing consumers about the coexistence or unique features"
Explanation: Replacing "these people" with "consumers" generalizes the subject, which is more appropriate in formal writing, and avoids the informal tone of "these people."
"I strongly disagree with the idea that" -> "I strongly disagree with the notion that"
Explanation: "Notion" is a more formal synonym for "idea," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"nothing but entertainment" -> "solely for entertainment purposes"
Explanation: "Solely for entertainment purposes" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "nothing but."
"people have the opportunity to access" -> "individuals have access to"
Explanation: "Individuals have access to" is more formal and concise, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"being annoyed by advertising" -> "being bombarded by advertising"
Explanation: "Being bombarded by" is a more vivid and precise term that better conveys the overwhelming nature of excessive advertising, fitting the context better.
"stand out in these online forums" -> "emerge in these online discussions"
Explanation: "Emerge" is a more formal verb than "stand out," and "discussions" is a more precise term than "forums" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"without the need for extensive advertising" -> "without the need for extensive advertising efforts"
Explanation: Adding "efforts" clarifies that the discussion is about the extent of advertising, making the phrase more specific and formal.
"can sometimes be counterproductive" -> "can occasionally be counterproductive"
Explanation: "Occasionally" is a more precise adverb than "sometimes," which is more commonly used in academic writing to describe less frequent occurrences.
"can impulse these consumers" -> "can impel these consumers"
Explanation: "Impel" is the correct verb form for influencing or driving consumers to action, whereas "impulse" is a noun and incorrect in this context.
"use only for entertaining purpose" -> "used solely for entertainment purposes"
Explanation: "Used solely for entertainment purposes" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the statement.
"build brands better for their needs" -> "enhance brand recognition for their needs"
Explanation: "Enhance brand recognition" is a more precise and formal way to describe the improvement of brand awareness, aligning better with academic language standards.

These changes refine the vocabulary and tone of the essay to better suit an academic context, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that advertising is merely entertainment. It discusses the role of advertising in informing consumers and building brand loyalty, which are relevant points. However, the essay could have more explicitly acknowledged the opposing viewpoint regarding the sufficiency of product quality alone in driving sales, providing a more balanced exploration of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline the opposing argument in more detail before refuting it. This could involve discussing specific scenarios where high-quality products succeed without advertising, thereby demonstrating a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that advertising is unnecessary. The use of phrases like "I strongly disagree" establishes a firm stance. However, there are moments where the transition between supporting and counterarguments could be clearer, potentially leading to some confusion about the main position.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should use signposting language to guide the reader through the argument. For example, phrases like "On the contrary" or "In support of my argument" can help delineate the writer’s stance more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the role of online information and the potential for advertising to create brand loyalty. Each point is supported with examples, such as the concept of advertising fatigue. However, some ideas, particularly the benefits of advertising, could be more thoroughly developed with specific examples or case studies to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on key points by providing concrete examples or statistics that illustrate the effectiveness of advertising. For instance, citing a specific brand that successfully utilized advertising to build consumer awareness could enhance the argument’s credibility.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the role of advertising in relation to product quality. However, there are instances where the discussion could drift slightly, such as the mention of "advertising fatigue," which, while relevant, could be more tightly linked to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the central thesis. It may be helpful to revisit the prompt periodically during the writing process to ensure that all arguments remain aligned with the main question.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument, improvements can be made in balancing opposing viewpoints, clarifying the position, providing more detailed support for ideas, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that advertising is merely entertainment. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are structured to present both sides of the argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the advantages of products meeting needs without advertising, while the second body paragraph presents counterarguments in favor of advertising. However, the transition between points could be smoother; some ideas feel slightly disjointed, which can disrupt the reader’s understanding of the logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "On the other hand," "Furthermore," "In contrast") can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer delineation of its main points, as it currently feels a bit cluttered with multiple ideas presented in quick succession.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down the second body paragraph into smaller sections or using bullet points for clarity. Each point should ideally start with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. This will make the argument more digestible and reinforce the overall structure of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Additionally," and "In conclusion." These help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the essay relies heavily on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "advertising can" appears multiple times, which detracts from the overall fluidity of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases (e.g., "Moreover," "In addition," "Conversely"). Additionally, varying sentence structures can enhance cohesion; for instance, using relative clauses or participial phrases can create more complex and engaging sentences. This will not only improve the flow but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, while the essay presents a coherent argument and is structured reasonably well, focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraphing, and a broader range of cohesive devices will elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with terms like "coexistence," "advertising fatigue," and "brand loyalty." These words contribute to the clarity and depth of the argument. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of "advertising" multiple times in close proximity, which could be varied with synonyms like "marketing" or "promotion."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "advertising," you could use "promotional strategies" or "marketing efforts." Additionally, integrating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "consumer behavior" or "market dynamics," could elevate the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "the coexistence or unique features" is somewhat vague. It could be clearer if it specified what coexistence refers to in this context. Additionally, the term "impulse" in "can impulse these consumers" is incorrectly used; the correct form should be "impel" or "drive."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and specificity in word choice. Instead of "coexistence," consider using "distinctive attributes" or "unique selling points." Review the essay for any instances where a word may not fit the intended meaning and replace it with a more appropriate term.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall readability. However, there is a minor issue with the phrase "use only for entertaining purpose," which should be "entertaining purposes" to maintain grammatical correctness.
- How to improve: To ensure spelling accuracy, it is beneficial to proofread the essay carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help catch minor errors. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for Lexical Resource, focusing on enhancing vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy will help elevate the score in future submissions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "Despite some advantages" and "In conclusion" effectively transitions between ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "This enables them to research products, read reviews, and compare prices by themselves without being annoyed by advertising" is somewhat lengthy and could be broken down for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This" or "Moreover," try beginning with dependent clauses or using different transition words. Additionally, incorporating more complex sentences that combine ideas could enhance the overall flow and sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are a few notable errors. For instance, the phrase "the coexistence or unique features" is unclear and could be better articulated. Additionally, the sentence "This can impulse these consumers to constantly repeat purchases" uses "impulse" incorrectly; the correct form should be "impel." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could improve clarity, such as before "especially new ones" in the sentence "First of all, widespread advertising can raise awareness of a product, especially new ones."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on identifying and correcting common errors, such as incorrect word forms and unclear phrases. Regularly review grammar rules, particularly regarding verb forms and sentence clarity. For punctuation, practice using commas to separate clauses and enhance readability. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation issues.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is observed that higher-quality products tend to attract more customers; however, advertising plays a crucial role in informing consumers about the coexistence or unique features of these products. Despite some advantages, I strongly disagree with the notion that advertising is merely entertainment.

There are several reasons why products can still meet people’s needs without extensive promotion. Firstly, in this modern era, individuals have access to a wealth of information online. This enables them to research products, read reviews, and compare prices independently, without being bombarded by advertising. If a product is truly superior, it will likely stand out in these online discussions and attract customers without the need for extensive advertising efforts. Additionally, excessive advertising can occasionally be counterproductive. Consumers may become overwhelmed by the constant bombardment of marketing messages, leading to advertising fatigue. This can diminish the effectiveness of advertising campaigns and even damage a brand’s reputation.

Proponents who disagree with this perspective offer several reasons. First of all, widespread advertising can raise awareness of a product, especially new ones. Without advertising, consumers may be unaware of a product’s availability, leading to missed opportunities. Moreover, advertising can enhance brand recognition for their needs. A strong brand with powerful advertising can create a positive perception of a product, even if it is not significantly different from competitors. This can impel these consumers to make repeat purchases and even recommend the product to others. Furthermore, advertising can equip consumers with adequate information about products and their benefits, helping them make appropriate choices.

In conclusion, while advertising may sometimes seem intrusive, it serves a vital purpose in a competitive marketplace, often stronger than word-of-mouth marketing alone. It is inaccurate to claim that advertising is unnecessary and used solely for entertainment purposes when it helps to inform customers and build brands better suited to their needs.