In many countries, people decide to have children later in life. What are the reasons for this development? Is it a positive or negative development?

In many countries, people decide to have children later in life. What are the reasons for this development?

Is it a positive or negative development?

In many countries, there is a noticeable trend of people choosing to have children later in life. This development can be attributed to several factors, and it raises questions about whether it is a positive or negative trend for society. I firmly belive that having children later in life facilitates family life.

On the one hand, early childbearing for young people can lead to many potential difficulties. One significant reason for the delay in parenthood is the emphasis on career goals. Many young individuals, especially fresh graduates, dedicate their time to establishing their careers and expanding their knowledge. They often prioritize professional growth over starting a family, as the responsibilities of child-rearing can be seen as burdensome at this stage. Additionally, the high costs associated with raising children in modern society play a crucial role. Couples today face substantial financial obligations, including childcare services and education expenses. As a result, many decide to wait until they achieve financial security before considering parenthood.

While there are valid concerns about delayed parenthood, such as potential health issues for older mothers and their children, the advancements in medical science provide a counterpoint. Women who delay childbirth may encounter fertility problems and increased risks of health issues for their offspring, such as Down syndrome and autism. However, advances in the medical field, including IVF treatments and improved dietary and lifestyle choices, can mitigate some of these risks. On the positive side, older parents often benefit from greater financial, professional, and educational stability. This stability can lead to a more nurturing environment for children, as parents are better equipped to provide for their needs. Furthermore, mature parents typically possess enhanced childcare skills, resulting in a more supportive upbringing for their children.

In conclusion, while there are both advantages and disadvantages to this trend, the benefits of greater stability and preparedness often outweigh the potential drawbacks. As society continues to evolve, it is essential to consider the broader implications of parenting decisions in a changing world.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In many countries, there is a noticeable trend of people choosing to have children later in life." -> "In numerous countries, there is a prevalent trend of individuals delaying parenthood."
   Explanation: Replacing "noticeable trend of people choosing to have children" with "prevalent trend of individuals delaying parenthood" refines the language by using a more precise term ("prevalent") and a more formal noun ("individuals").

2. "I firmly belive" -> "I firmly believe"
   Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "belive" to "believe" ensures grammatical accuracy and professionalism in academic writing.

3. "having children later in life facilitates family life" -> "delayed parenthood enhances family life"
   Explanation: Replacing "having children later in life" with "delayed parenthood" uses a more specific and formal term, and "enhances" is a more precise verb than "facilitates" in this context.

4. "early childbearing for young people" -> "early parenthood among young individuals"
   Explanation: "Early parenthood among young individuals" is more formal and precise than "early childbearing for young people," aligning better with academic style.

5. "dedicate their time to establishing their careers" -> "devote themselves to establishing their careers"
   Explanation: "Devote themselves" is a more formal expression than "dedicate their time," which is slightly informal and vague.

6. "burdensome at this stage" -> "overwhelming at this stage"
   Explanation: "Overwhelming" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "burdensome" in this context, emphasizing the intensity of the challenges.

7. "substantial financial obligations" -> "significant financial burdens"
   Explanation: "Significant financial burdens" is a more formal and precise phrase than "substantial financial obligations," which is somewhat vague.

8. "Women who delay childbirth may encounter fertility problems" -> "Women who delay childbirth may experience fertility challenges"
   Explanation: "Experience fertility challenges" is a more formal and precise way to describe the issues faced by women delaying childbirth.

9. "mitigate some of these risks" -> "reduce some of these risks"
   Explanation: "Reduce" is a more direct and formal term than "mitigate," which can be seen as slightly less direct in this context.

10. "older parents often benefit from greater financial, professional, and educational stability" -> "older parents frequently enjoy enhanced financial, professional, and educational stability"
    Explanation: "Frequently enjoy enhanced" is more formal and precise than "often benefit from greater," and "enhanced" is a more academic term than "greater."

11. "a more supportive upbringing for their children" -> "a more nurturing environment for their children"
    Explanation: "A more nurturing environment" is a more precise and formal phrase than "a more supportive upbringing," which is somewhat colloquial.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt. It identifies reasons for the trend of delayed parenthood, such as career prioritization and financial concerns, and discusses the implications of this trend, weighing both positive and negative aspects. For instance, the mention of financial stability and enhanced parenting skills as advantages showcases a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response further, the essay could benefit from a more explicit exploration of the societal implications of delayed parenthood. For example, discussing how this trend affects population demographics or social structures could provide a deeper analysis and a more rounded answer.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that supports the trend of having children later in life, stating that it facilitates family life. This position is consistently reinforced throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, where the author emphasizes the benefits of stability and preparedness.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, it could be strengthened by explicitly acknowledging the counterarguments presented. For instance, after discussing the potential health risks associated with delayed parenthood, a more robust rebuttal could be included to reinforce the author’s stance, thereby enhancing the overall coherence of the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the prioritization of career and financial stability. Each point is supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of IVF treatments and the nurturing environment provided by older parents. This demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and effective idea development.
  • How to improve: To further extend the ideas, the author could incorporate more specific examples or statistics to substantiate claims. For instance, citing studies on the outcomes of children raised by older parents versus younger parents could add depth and credibility to the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing both the reasons for delayed parenthood and its implications without deviating into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument and maintains relevance to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To ensure continued focus, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly link back to the prompt. For example, reiterating the connection between career goals and the decision to delay parenthood at the beginning of the second paragraph would reinforce the essay’s coherence and focus.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more explicit connections to the prompt and providing additional supporting evidence, the author could elevate the essay to an even higher level of sophistication.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and states the writer’s position. The body paragraphs are structured effectively, with the first paragraph discussing reasons for delaying parenthood and the second addressing both the concerns and benefits of this trend. Each paragraph flows logically into the next, maintaining a coherent narrative. For example, the transition from discussing career priorities to financial considerations is smooth, reinforcing the central theme.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization further, consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For instance, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence summarizing the points made and hinting at the next paragraph’s focus on health issues could strengthen the connection between ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which aids readability and comprehension. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant details. The introduction and conclusion are also well-defined, framing the discussion appropriately. However, the second body paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the health concerns and the other on the benefits of delayed parenthood, allowing for a more balanced exploration of both sides.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single, focused idea. Consider starting a new paragraph when introducing a new aspect of the discussion, such as the health risks versus the advantages of stability. This will help maintain clarity and allow for a more in-depth analysis of each point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "Additionally," and "However," which guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively signal contrasts and additions, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied transitions and connectors, which would enhance the flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating phrases such as "Furthermore," "Conversely," or "In contrast" to create a more dynamic and engaging narrative. Additionally, using synonyms or rephrasing ideas can help avoid repetition and maintain the reader’s interest. For example, instead of repeatedly using "many" to describe young individuals or couples, alternatives like "numerous" or "a significant number" could be employed.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization, effective paragraphing, and a good use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using terms like "emphasis on career goals," "financial obligations," and "nurturing environment." These phrases enhance the clarity and depth of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "delay" and "parenthood" could be substituted with synonyms such as "postponement" or "child-rearing" to avoid redundancy.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of saying "high costs associated with raising children," you might say "significant financial burdens linked to child-rearing." This will not only diversify your vocabulary but also keep the reader engaged.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the responsibilities of child-rearing can be seen as burdensome" could be interpreted as overly subjective. The term "burdensome" may not fully capture the complexities of parenting, which can also be rewarding. Additionally, "advancements in medical science" is a broad term; specifying which advancements (e.g., "fertility treatments" or "genetic screening") would enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: Aim for more specific vocabulary that conveys your ideas more clearly. Instead of "burdensome," consider using "challenging" or "demanding," which are more neutral and can encompass both the difficulties and rewards of parenting. Additionally, when discussing medical advancements, specify the types of advancements to provide a clearer picture.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a minor spelling error: "belive" should be "believe." This error, while small, can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing. The rest of the essay demonstrates a strong command of spelling, with no other noticeable errors.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing your essay, take a moment to read it aloud or use spell-check tools to catch any typographical errors. Additionally, familiarizing yourself with commonly misspelled words can help prevent similar mistakes in the future.

Overall, while the essay displays a solid command of vocabulary, focusing on variety, precision, and spelling accuracy will help elevate the lexical resource score further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "Many young individuals, especially fresh graduates, dedicate their time to establishing their careers and expanding their knowledge" effectively conveys multiple ideas within a single sentence. Additionally, the essay incorporates conditional structures, as seen in "While there are valid concerns about delayed parenthood, such as potential health issues for older mothers and their children, the advancements in medical science provide a counterpoint." This variety enhances the overall readability and sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with the subject, you could begin with adverbial phrases or subordinate clauses to create more dynamic sentence openings. Additionally, using rhetorical questions or direct address could engage the reader more effectively.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "I firmly belive" contains a spelling error ("belive" should be "believe"). Punctuation is mostly correct, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and items in a list. However, the sentence "However, advances in the medical field, including IVF treatments and improved dietary and lifestyle choices, can mitigate some of these risks" could benefit from a clearer structure to enhance comprehension.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to spelling and ensure that all words are correctly written. Additionally, consider reviewing complex sentences for clarity; breaking them into shorter sentences can sometimes enhance understanding. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reading high-quality writing can also help reinforce correct usage and punctuation.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the writer can further enhance the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In many countries, there is a noticeable trend of individuals opting to have children later in life. This development can be attributed to several factors, and it raises questions about whether it is a positive or negative trend for society. I firmly believe that delayed parenthood enhances family life.

On the one hand, early parenthood among young individuals can lead to numerous potential difficulties. One significant reason for the delay in parenthood is the emphasis on career goals. Many young people, especially fresh graduates, devote themselves to establishing their careers and expanding their knowledge. They often prioritize professional growth over starting a family, as the responsibilities of child-rearing can feel overwhelming at this stage. Additionally, the significant financial burdens associated with raising children in modern society play a crucial role. Couples today face substantial financial obligations, including childcare services and education expenses. As a result, many decide to wait until they achieve financial security before considering parenthood.

While there are valid concerns about delayed parenthood, such as potential health issues for older mothers and their children, advancements in medical science provide a counterpoint. Women who delay childbirth may experience fertility challenges and increased risks of health issues for their offspring, such as Down syndrome and autism. However, advances in the medical field, including IVF treatments and improved dietary and lifestyle choices, can reduce some of these risks. On the positive side, older parents frequently enjoy enhanced financial, professional, and educational stability. This stability can lead to a more nurturing environment for children, as parents are better equipped to provide for their needs. Furthermore, mature parents typically possess enhanced childcare skills, resulting in a more supportive upbringing for their children.

In conclusion, while there are both advantages and disadvantages to this trend, the benefits of greater stability and preparedness often outweigh the potential drawbacks. As society continues to evolve, it is essential to consider the broader implications of parenting decisions in a changing world.