4. Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

4. Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Opinions are divided regarding the ideal course of study for university students. While some people argue that students should be free to pursue their passions, others believe that students should focus on subjects that will be beneficial in the future, particularly those connected to science and technology. From my perspective, despite the advantages of science and technology disciplines, I believe that it is more beneficial for students if they can study in the course in which they are really interested.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that science and technology fields offer lucrative career paths, equipping graduates with sought-after skills in a competitive job market. Fields like engineering, computer science, and medicine drive innovation and economic growth, providing individuals with opportunities for financial stability and societal progress. Many employers require employees with up-to-date technical skills to stay competitive in the market. Furthermore, these disciplines develop critical thinking, problem-solving, and communication skills, which are essential for success in any career.
On the other hand, believe pursuing a passion-driven course of study fosters a more fulfilling and successful career. First of all, passion fuels motivation and achievement, leading students to push boundaries, think creatively, and strive for continuous improvement. A student passionate about history, for example, might uncover fresh perspectives on historical events, while an art enthusiast might develop innovative artistic techniques. Furthermore, allowing students to pursue their interests fosters intellectual curiosity and critical thinking. By exploring diverse fields, students are exposed to different perspectives, challenging assumptions and honing their problem-solving skills. Thus, this intellectual exploration can help students develop critical thinking skills, problem-solving abilities and cultivate a lifelong love of learning.
Conclusion, , from my view, while a degree in science and technology offers a promising career path, I believe that studying a subject one is passionate about is ultimately more beneficial. Passion fuels motivation and innovation, leading to greater success and fulfillment in one's chosen field.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Opinions are divided" -> "Opinions are diverse"
   Explanation: "Diverse" is a more precise term in academic writing, emphasizing the variety of perspectives without the colloquial connotation of "divided."

2. "free to pursue their passions" -> "permitted to pursue their interests"
   Explanation: "Permitted" is more formal and precise than "free," which can sound overly casual in academic contexts.

3. "study in the course in which they are really interested" -> "pursue the course in which they are genuinely interested"
   Explanation: "Pursue" is more formal and specific than "study," and "genuinely" replaces "really" to maintain an academic tone.

4. "it is undeniable" -> "it is evident"
   Explanation: "Evident" is a more formal synonym for "undeniable," fitting better in academic discourse.

5. "lucrative career paths" -> "remunerative career opportunities"
   Explanation: "Remunerative" is a more precise term that directly relates to financial gain, enhancing the academic tone.

6. "Many employers require" -> "Numerous employers demand"
   Explanation: "Demand" is a stronger, more formal verb than "require," emphasizing the necessity of these skills in the job market.

7. "up-to-date technical skills" -> "current technical expertise"
   Explanation: "Current technical expertise" is a more formal and precise phrase, suitable for academic writing.

8. "believe pursuing a passion-driven course" -> "advocate for pursuing a passion-driven course"
   Explanation: "Advocate for" is a more formal expression than "believe," aligning better with academic style.

9. "fosters a more fulfilling and successful career" -> "enhances a more fulfilling and successful career"
   Explanation: "Enhances" is a more precise verb than "fosters," which is somewhat vague and informal.

10. "passion fuels motivation and achievement" -> "passion stimulates motivation and achievement"
    Explanation: "Stimulates" is a more formal synonym for "fuels," fitting the academic tone better.

11. "push boundaries" -> "extend boundaries"
    Explanation: "Extend" is a more formal and precise term than "push," which can be seen as colloquial.

12. "strive for continuous improvement" -> "strive for ongoing improvement"
    Explanation: "Ongoing" is a more formal term than "continuous," which is slightly less precise in this context.

13. "allowing students to pursue their interests" -> "enabling students to pursue their interests"
    Explanation: "Enabling" is a more formal and precise verb than "allowing," which is somewhat casual.

14. "cultivate a lifelong love of learning" -> "nurture a lifelong passion for learning"
    Explanation: "Nurture" is a more precise verb than "cultivate" in this context, and "passion" is more specific than "love," which can be seen as overly emotional for academic writing.

15. "Conclusion,, from my view" -> "In conclusion, from my perspective"
    Explanation: "In conclusion" is the standard phrase for ending an essay, and "from my perspective" is more formal than "from my view."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views presented in the prompt. The first view is discussed in the first body paragraph, where the author outlines the advantages of studying science and technology, emphasizing career prospects and skill development. The second view is presented in the following paragraph, highlighting the benefits of pursuing passion-driven studies. The essay concludes with a clear personal opinion that aligns with the discussion. However, while both perspectives are acknowledged, the discussion of the opposing view could be slightly more balanced to enhance the overall depth.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay could include a more detailed exploration of the opposing view. For example, the author could discuss potential drawbacks of pursuing passion-driven studies, such as job market challenges or financial instability. This would provide a more nuanced discussion and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position throughout the essay, advocating for the importance of studying subjects aligned with personal interests. This position is consistently supported with relevant arguments and examples. However, the transition into the personal opinion could be more explicit to reinforce the stance taken.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author could use transitional phrases to signal shifts in perspective more clearly. For instance, explicitly stating "In my opinion" before presenting the concluding thoughts would strengthen the connection between the argument and the personal stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct viewpoint. The first body paragraph provides specific examples of fields within science and technology, while the second paragraph discusses the benefits of pursuing passions. However, some points, particularly in the second paragraph, could be further developed to provide a richer analysis.
  • How to improve: To improve the depth of analysis, the author could include more specific examples or case studies illustrating how passion-driven studies have led to successful careers. Additionally, integrating statistics or expert opinions could strengthen the arguments presented.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph directly addressing the prompt. The author does not deviate from the main discussion, which contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. However, minor grammatical errors, such as "believe" instead of "I believe," could distract from the clarity of the argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and enhance clarity, the author should proofread the essay for grammatical accuracy and coherence. Ensuring that all sentences are complete and correctly structured will help to convey ideas more effectively and maintain the reader’s engagement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates ideas, but there are opportunities for deeper exploration and refinement of clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, introducing the topic and outlining two contrasting views effectively. The first paragraph sets up the debate, while the subsequent paragraphs explore each viewpoint in detail. However, the transition between the two main arguments could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits of science and technology to the advantages of pursuing one’s passion feels somewhat abrupt. This could disrupt the reader’s understanding of how these ideas relate to each other.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two viewpoints. For instance, after discussing the benefits of science and technology, a sentence like "Conversely, there are compelling reasons to support the pursuit of passion-driven studies" could provide a clearer transition. Additionally, summarizing the key points at the end of each paragraph can help reinforce the logical progression of ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic, the second discusses the benefits of science and technology, and the third advocates for passion-driven studies. However, the conclusion lacks a clear structure and contains a grammatical error ("Conclusion, , from my view"), which detracts from the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked and structured. A simple "In conclusion," followed by a concise summary of the main arguments would enhance clarity. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas. This will make the essay easier to follow and improve readability.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For instance, the essay relies heavily on conjunctions like "and" and "but," which can lead to repetitive sentence structures. Some sentences also lack clear connections, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "however." For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Furthermore," consider using "Moreover" or "Additionally" to introduce new points. This will create a more engaging and varied writing style. Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows the previous one, using cohesive devices to clarify relationships between ideas.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall effectiveness and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "lucrative," "critical thinking," and "intellectual curiosity" effectively employed. However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "critical thinking" and "problem-solving skills," which appear multiple times without variation. This limits the lexical diversity that could enhance the essay’s overall quality.
  • How to improve: To improve lexical range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "critical thinking," you could use "analytical skills" or "evaluative thinking." Additionally, incorporating more varied expressions related to passion and career paths could enrich the vocabulary used in the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "students should focus on subjects that will be beneficial in the future" could be more specific. The term "beneficial" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with a more precise descriptor, such as "practical" or "relevant to emerging job markets."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, aim to choose words that convey the exact meaning intended. Instead of "beneficial," consider using "essential for career advancement" or "aligned with industry demands." This specificity will clarify your arguments and strengthen your overall message.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "believe" instead of "I believe" in the phrase "On the other hand, believe pursuing a passion-driven course of study." Additionally, the phrase "Conclusion, , from my view," contains a typographical error with the extra comma. These errors can detract from the professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, implement a proofreading strategy. After completing your essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, checking for any typographical or spelling errors. Utilizing spell-check tools or asking a peer to review your work can also help catch mistakes you may overlook.

By addressing these areas of improvement, you can enhance your lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "While some people argue that students should be free to pursue their passions, others believe that students should focus on subjects that will be beneficial in the future" effectively convey contrasting views. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "if they can study in the course in which they are really interested," adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as inversion or varied clause placements.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex grammatical forms, such as participial phrases or relative clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "students," try varying the subject or using introductory phrases. Additionally, practicing sentence inversion or employing more varied conjunctions could further diversify the writing style.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "believe pursuing a passion-driven course of study" is missing a subject, which should be "I believe" or "Some people believe." Additionally, the conclusion contains a punctuation error with "Conclusion, , from my view," where the comma is incorrectly placed and should be removed. Such errors can confuse the reader and disrupt the flow of the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully, focusing on subject-verb agreement and ensuring that all sentences are complete. Practicing punctuation rules, particularly with commas and conjunctions, will also help in achieving clearer expression. Consider using grammar-checking tools or peer reviews to identify and correct these errors before finalizing the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially elevating the overall band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are diverse regarding the ideal course of study for university students. While some people argue that students should be free to pursue their passions, others believe that they should focus on subjects that will be beneficial in the future, particularly those related to science and technology. From my perspective, despite the advantages of science and technology disciplines, I believe that it is more beneficial for students to pursue the course in which they are genuinely interested.

On the one hand, it is evident that science and technology fields offer lucrative career paths, equipping graduates with sought-after skills in a competitive job market. Fields like engineering, computer science, and medicine drive innovation and economic growth, providing individuals with opportunities for financial stability and societal progress. Numerous employers demand employees with current technical expertise to remain competitive in the market. Furthermore, these disciplines develop critical thinking, problem-solving, and communication skills, which are essential for success in any career.

On the other hand, I advocate for pursuing a passion-driven course of study, as it enhances a more fulfilling and successful career. First of all, passion stimulates motivation and achievement, leading students to extend their boundaries, think creatively, and strive for ongoing improvement. A student passionate about history, for example, might uncover fresh perspectives on historical events, while an art enthusiast might develop innovative artistic techniques. Furthermore, enabling students to pursue their interests nurtures intellectual curiosity and critical thinking. By exploring diverse fields, students are exposed to different perspectives, challenging assumptions and honing their problem-solving skills. Thus, this intellectual exploration can help students cultivate a lifelong passion for learning.

In conclusion, from my perspective, while a degree in science and technology offers promising career opportunities, I believe that studying a subject one is passionate about is ultimately more beneficial. Passion fuels motivation and innovation, leading to greater success and fulfillment in one’s chosen field.