The pie charts compare ways of accessing the news in Canada and Australia.

The charts illustrate how many ways to find the informations in 2 countries : Canada and Australia
Overall , information from TV and online accounted for the highest percentage in both charts , while the proportion of news found on the radio was the least significant.
The percentage of Canadians receiving news from TV had the highest share ( about 40%) , while the figure for Australians was 3% less than that of people from Canada. Conversely ,over a half of Australians get news online , while 36% of Canadians access news from online platforms .
Regarding remaining categories , the ratio of news found in print media was twice as high as the figure for Australia , about 14% rather than 7%. A minority of people from Canada accessed information from radio, while only 2% in Australia .In addition , the information was not specified accounted for a small proportion in both countries, at about 3% in Canada and 2% in Australia .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"how many ways to find the informations" -> "the various methods of obtaining information"
Explanation: "How many ways" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "The various methods of obtaining information" is more precise and formal. Additionally, "informations" is incorrect; "information" is an uncountable noun.
"the proportion of news found on the radio was the least significant" -> "the proportion of news obtained from the radio was the lowest"
Explanation: "Least significant" is vague and subjective. "Lowest" is a clearer, more objective term. Additionally, "obtained from" is more precise than "found on."
"the percentage of Canadians receiving news from TV had the highest share" -> "the percentage of Canadians obtaining news from television represented the highest proportion"
Explanation: "Receiving news from TV" is informal; "obtaining news from television" is more formal. "Represented the highest proportion" enhances clarity and precision.
"the figure for Australians was 3% less than that of people from Canada" -> "the figure for Australians was 3% lower than that for Canadians"
Explanation: "3% lower" is more concise than "3% less than that of people from Canada." The phrase "that for Canadians" is clearer and avoids unnecessary repetition.
"Conversely, over a half of Australians get news online" -> "Conversely, more than half of Australians obtain news online"
Explanation: "Over a half" is awkward; "more than half" is more natural. "Obtain" is a more formal alternative to "get."
"the ratio of news found in print media was twice as high as the figure for Australia" -> "the ratio of news obtained from print media was double that of Australia"
Explanation: "Twice as high as the figure for Australia" is less concise than "double that of Australia." "Obtained from" is more formal than "found in."
"A minority of people from Canada accessed information from radio, while only 2% in Australia" -> "A minority of Canadians accessed information from the radio, while only 2% of Australians did"
Explanation: "People from Canada"is less precise than "Canadians." The addition of "did" at the end clarifies the comparison.
"the information was not specified accounted for a small proportion" -> "the unspecified information accounted for a small proportion"
Explanation: "Was not specified" is awkward; "unspecified" is a more concise and formal descriptor.
"at about 3% in Canada and 2% in Australia" -> "approximately 3% in Canada and 2% in Australia"
Explanation: "At about" is less formal than "approximately," which is more suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the key features of the pie charts. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features, and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the ratio of news found in print media was twice as high as the figure for Australia, about 14% rather than 7%." This is not accurate, as the percentage of Canadians who get news from print media is 14%, while the percentage of Australians who get news from print media is 7%.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed comparisons between the two countries. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of Canadians who get news from online platforms is 36%, while the percentage of Australians who get news from online platforms is 52%. The essay could also provide more specific information about the key features of the pie charts, such as the fact that the percentage of Canadians who get news from TV is 40%, while the percentage of Australians who get news from TV is 37%.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the data from Canada and Australia, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which affects the clarity of the relationships between ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the ideas are presented in a way that does not clearly delineate separate points or categories.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help in linking ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that information is presented in a logical order will contribute to a stronger overall structure. Finally, practicing paragraphing techniques to separate distinct ideas will improve clarity and organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the main ideas regarding the pie charts, the use of vocabulary is repetitive and lacks variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "informations" instead of "information," and awkward phrases like "the information was not specified." Additionally, there are issues with spelling and punctuation that may cause some difficulty for the reader, such as inconsistent spacing and missing commas.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including synonyms and more precise terms. They should also focus on correcting grammatical errors and improving sentence structure for clarity. Incorporating less common lexical items and ensuring accurate word choice will help convey ideas more effectively. Lastly, proofreading for spelling and punctuation errors will improve overall readability.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences, but accuracy is often lacking. There are several grammatical errors, such as "the informations" (should be "information"), "the figure for Australians was 3% less than that of people from Canada" (awkward phrasing), and "the information was not specified accounted for a small proportion" (missing conjunction). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. While the essay does convey the main ideas, the frequent grammatical mistakes and the limited range of structures prevent it from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To improve the score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences accurately. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing would enhance clarity. Practicing the use of varied sentence forms and ensuring that all sentences are grammatically correct will also contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The charts illustrate the various ways of accessing news in two countries: Canada and Australia. Overall, information from TV and online sources accounted for the highest percentages in both charts, while the proportion of news found on the radio was the least significant.

The percentage of Canadians receiving news from TV had the highest share (about 40%), while the figure for Australians was 3% lower than that of Canadians. Conversely, over half of Australians obtain news online, compared to 36% of Canadians who access news through online platforms.

Regarding the remaining categories, the proportion of news found in print media was twice as high in Canada as in Australia, at about 14% compared to 7%. A minority of Canadians accessed information from the radio, while only 2% of Australians did so. Additionally, the unspecified category accounted for a small proportion in both countries, at about 3% in Canada and 2% in Australia.