The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did no physical exercise in 2005. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph gives information about the percentages of Australian men and women who did not engage in physical exercise in 2005, divided into seven age groups.

Overall, men generally exercised more than women in Australia among the surveyed age groups, and people from both genders tended to participate in physical activities less as they aged.

Regarding the two youngest groups, 19% of men in the 15-24 group did no physical exercise, compared to 28% of women with the same tendency, marking a 9% difference between the two genders. A similar trend, but to a smaller extent, was seen in the 25-34 group, with the respective figures for men and women being 24% and 29%.

Turning to the two oldest groups, the proportion of men aged over 75 doing no physical exercise was 50%, lower than the figure for women in the same age group (59%), displaying the same disparity as the 15-24 group. Meanwhile, the difference between the two genders was less significant in the 65-74 group, where the figures for men and women who did not engage in physical activities were 40% and 45%, respectively.

As for the remaining groups, the percentages of women doing no physical exercise in the 35-44, 45-54, and 55-64 age groups were similar, at around 34%. While the proportion of 35-44-year-old men with the same habit was equal to that of women in the same age group, the figures for men in the 45-54 and 55-64 groups were slightly higher than those for their female counterparts, at 35% and 37%, respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"did not engage in physical exercise" -> "did not participate in physical exercise"
Explanation: "Participate" is a more precise term in an academic context, emphasizing active involvement rather than a passive form of engagement.
"men generally exercised more than women" -> "men generally exhibited higher levels of physical activity than women"
Explanation: "Exhibited higher levels of physical activity" is more formal and specific than "exercised more," enhancing the academic tone.
"the same tendency" -> "a similar pattern"
Explanation: "A similar pattern" is more precise and formal than "the same tendency," which can be vague in academic writing.
"marking a 9% difference" -> "resulting in a 9% disparity"
Explanation: "Resulting in a 9% disparity" is a more formal and precise way to express the difference, aligning better with academic language.
"the proportion of men aged over 75 doing no physical exercise" -> "the proportion of men aged over 75 who did not engage in physical exercise"
Explanation: Using "who did not engage in physical exercise" maintains consistency with earlier phrasing and enhances clarity.
"displaying the same disparity as the 15-24 group" -> "reflecting a similar disparity as observed in the 15-24 group"
Explanation: "Reflecting a similar disparity" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone of the sentence.
"less significant" -> "less pronounced"
Explanation: "Less pronounced" is a more precise term that conveys the idea of a difference being smaller in magnitude, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"the percentages of women doing no physical exercise" -> "the percentages of women who did not engage in physical exercise"
Explanation: Maintaining consistency with the earlier phrasing enhances clarity and formality.
"the same habit" -> "the same behavior"
Explanation: "Behavior" is a more formal and precise term than "habit," which can imply a casual or informal context.
"slightly higher than those for their female counterparts" -> "marginally higher than those of their female counterparts"
Explanation: "Marginally" is a more formal term that conveys a subtle difference, improving the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the key features of the bar chart. The essay also makes relevant comparisons between the data for men and women. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more detailed analysis of the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the data. For example, the essay could discuss the specific differences in the percentages of men and women who did not engage in physical exercise in each age group. The essay could also discuss the overall trend in the data, such as the fact that the percentage of people who did not engage in physical exercise increased with age.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas with clear progression throughout. It presents a central topic within each paragraph, effectively comparing the data for men and women across different age groups. However, while cohesive devices are used appropriately, there are instances of slight overuse, particularly in the transitions between comparisons. The paragraphing is generally clear, but there are moments where the flow could be improved for better coherence.

How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer could focus on varying the use of cohesive devices to avoid any perception of overuse. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next would strengthen the overall coherence. More explicit linking phrases could also help clarify the relationships between ideas and improve the overall readability of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary that allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the information from the bar chart. The use of terms such as "participate," "disparity," and "proportion" indicates an awareness of less common lexical items. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the same tendency" which could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, while the essay is generally coherent, there are minor errors in phrasing that detract from the overall lexical sophistication.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary and ensure that less common lexical items are used accurately. Additionally, refining sentence structures to enhance clarity and coherence would be beneficial. Paying attention to collocation and ensuring that word choices are precise will also help in achieving a more sophisticated level of lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The writer shows good control of grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors present. The overall clarity of the essay is maintained, and the comparisons made between different age groups and genders are effectively communicated. However, there are occasional inaccuracies in sentence structure and phrasing that prevent a higher score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the complexity and variety of sentence structures used throughout the essay. Additionally, minimizing minor grammatical errors and ensuring that all sentences are clear and precise will contribute to a more polished final product. More sophisticated vocabulary and varied connectors could also improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The graph provides information about the percentages of Australian men and women who did not engage in physical exercise in 2005, categorized into seven age groups.

Overall, men generally exercised more than women in Australia among the surveyed age groups, and individuals from both genders tended to participate in physical activities less as they aged.

Regarding the two youngest groups, 19% of men in the 15-24 age group did not engage in physical exercise, compared to 28% of women in the same category, marking a 9% difference between the two genders. A similar trend, albeit to a lesser extent, was observed in the 25-34 age group, with the respective figures for men and women being 24% and 29%.

Turning to the two oldest groups, the proportion of men aged over 75 who did not engage in physical exercise was 50%, lower than the figure for women in the same age group (59%), reflecting the same disparity as the 15-24 group. Meanwhile, the difference between the two genders was less pronounced in the 65-74 age group, where the figures for men and women who did not participate in physical activities were 40% and 45%, respectively.

As for the remaining groups, the percentages of women not engaging in physical exercise in the 35-44, 45-54, and 55-64 age groups were similar, at around 34%. While the proportion of 35-44-year-old men with the same inactivity was equal to that of women in the same age group, the figures for men in the 45-54 and 55-64 age groups were slightly higher than those for their female counterparts, at 35% and 37%, respectively.