You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

It is believed that there are some aspects of people's living condition needing to be paid attention and enhanced by scientists. I strongly agree with that opinion, in this essay I will discuss to make clear this statement.

Generally, there are profusion of challenges to scientists such as people's health and the impacts of global warming. On the one hand, people's health issues required to be solved more effectively by science. This means experts have to discover efficient treatments to diseases. To wit covid 19, there are many victims due to this academic and professors had to work day by day to invent the vaccines to prevent and ceased the pandemic. Besides, they do not only create the treatments to issues but also research a number of supplementary products to support people's lives. For instance, to accrue the quality of immune system and decrease the popularity of chance of getting sick of somebody.

Furthermore, they should attend on the impact of global warming. In recent days, the intensification of industrial areas, transportation and human activities are the main reasons of climate changes. They make people’s lives more polluted, the CO2 are grew up too and this leads to a lack of energy sources for community activities. To preclude this drawback, experts have to invent many kinds of renewable energy like solar power, wind energy,…Specifically, in Viet Nam, some beaches have the wind turbines which provide electricity to population’s activities.

In conclusion, most of inventions researched by scientists which have substantial impacts on people’s lives and we cannot deny that thanks to them, our lives have improved both in terms of health and the global living environment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is believed that" -> "It is widely acknowledged that"
   Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a general opinion or belief in academic writing, enhancing the tone and credibility of the statement.

2. "aspects of people’s living condition" -> "aspects of people’s living conditions"
   Explanation: The plural form "conditions" is more appropriate here as it refers to multiple aspects of living conditions, aligning with the plural context of the sentence.

3. "needing to be paid attention and enhanced" -> "requiring attention and enhancement"
   Explanation: "Requiring attention and enhancement" is a more formal and concise way to express the need for improvement, which is more suitable for academic writing.

4. "I strongly agree with that opinion" -> "I strongly concur with this view"
   Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and "this view" is more precise than "that opinion," which is somewhat informal and vague.

5. "discuss to make clear" -> "explore to elucidate"
   Explanation: "Explore to elucidate" is a more academically precise phrase that better conveys the intent of clarifying or explaining a topic in a formal context.

6. "profusion of challenges" -> "multiplicity of challenges"
   Explanation: "Multiplicity" is a more formal term than "profusion," which can sound slightly informal and vague in this context.

7. "people’s health issues required to be solved" -> "health issues necessitate resolution"
   Explanation: "Necessitate resolution" is a more formal and concise way to express the need for addressing health issues, improving the academic tone.

8. "discover efficient treatments" -> "develop effective treatments"
   Explanation: "Develop" is more specific and appropriate in the context of scientific research and innovation, whereas "discover" implies finding something that already exists.

9. "covid 19" -> "COVID-19"
   Explanation: Proper nouns should be capitalized, and "COVID-19" is the standard term used in formal and academic contexts.

10. "do not only create the treatments to issues but also research a number of supplementary products" -> "not only develop treatments for these issues but also research various supplementary products"
    Explanation: "Develop" is more precise than "create," and "various" is more appropriate than "a number of" to describe the diversity of products being researched.

11. "to accrue the quality of immune system" -> "to enhance the immune system"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more direct and precise verb than "accrue," which is typically used for accumulating or adding value to something, not improving functionality like the immune system.

12. "decrease the popularity of chance of getting sick of somebody" -> "reduce the likelihood of illness"
    Explanation: "Reduce the likelihood of illness" is a clearer and more formal way to express the intended meaning, avoiding the awkward and incorrect phrasing of "decrease the popularity of chance of getting sick of somebody."

13. "attend on the impact" -> "address the impact"
    Explanation: "Address" is the correct verb for dealing with or responding to issues, whereas "attend on" is incorrect and unclear in this context.

14. "the intensification of industrial areas, transportation and human activities are the main reasons of climate changes" -> "the intensification of industrial activities, transportation, and human activities are the primary causes of climate change"
    Explanation: "Primary causes" is more precise and formal than "main reasons," and "climate change" should be singular to match the singular subject "the intensification."

15. "the CO2 are grew up too" -> "CO2 levels have increased"
    Explanation: "CO2 levels have increased" is a more accurate and formal way to describe the rise in carbon dioxide levels, correcting the grammatical error in the original phrase.

16. "preclude this drawback" -> "mitigate this drawback"
    Explanation: "Mitigate" is the correct term for reducing the severity or impact of a problem, whereas "preclude" means to prevent or exclude, which is not the intended meaning here.

17. "invent many kinds of renewable energy" -> "develop various forms of renewable energy"
    Explanation: "Develop" is more specific and appropriate in the context of scientific innovation, and "various forms" is more precise than "many kinds," which is somewhat informal and vague.

18. "wind energy" -> "wind power"
    Explanation: "Wind power" is the standard term used in formal and academic contexts, whereas "wind energy" is less specific and slightly informal.

19. "which provide electricity to population’s activities" -> "which supply electricity to community activities"
    Explanation: "Supply" is more precise than "provide" in this context, and "community activities" is a more formal and appropriate term than "population’s activities."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by agreeing with the statement that the primary aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. It discusses health issues and global warming as two significant areas where science plays a crucial role. However, while the essay identifies these areas, it lacks a nuanced exploration of the extent to which science should prioritize these aims compared to other potential objectives. For instance, it could have considered the balance between scientific advancement for knowledge’s sake and practical applications.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly discuss the extent of their agreement or disagreement with the statement. This could involve weighing the importance of improving lives against other scientific goals, such as exploration or innovation, to provide a more comprehensive answer.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position of agreement with the statement, but it occasionally falters in maintaining this clarity. Phrases like "I strongly agree with that opinion" establish a clear stance, yet the subsequent discussion could benefit from more explicit connections back to this position. For example, the introduction could more clearly outline the two main points that will support this stance.
  • How to improve: The writer should consistently link back to their main argument throughout the essay. Using transitional phrases that reiterate their position can help maintain focus. Additionally, restating the thesis in the conclusion can reinforce the clarity of the position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as health improvements and renewable energy, but the development of these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, while the example of COVID-19 vaccines is pertinent, it could be elaborated further to illustrate the impact of scientific advancements on public health more deeply. Similarly, the discussion of global warming lacks specific examples of scientific interventions that have been successful.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point. This could include statistics, case studies, or historical references that demonstrate the effectiveness of scientific efforts in improving lives. Additionally, exploring counterarguments could enrich the discussion and show a deeper engagement with the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on how science can improve lives through health and environmental issues. However, there are moments where the language becomes unclear or convoluted, which could distract from the main argument. For example, phrases like "the CO2 are grew up too" detract from the clarity of the message.
  • How to improve: The writer should focus on clarity and coherence in their language. Simplifying complex sentences and ensuring grammatical accuracy will help maintain focus on the topic. Additionally, proofreading for clarity before submission can help eliminate distracting errors that may divert attention from the main argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, enhancing the depth of analysis, clarity of position, and coherence of language will help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the importance of science in improving people’s lives, which is commendable. The introduction outlines the writer’s agreement with the statement, and the body paragraphs address two main areas: health and global warming. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing health issues to global warming feels abrupt. The ideas within paragraphs are generally coherent, but the overall structure could benefit from clearer topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that clearly state the main idea. Additionally, utilize transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "On the other hand") to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. This will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, which is a positive aspect. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For example, the first body paragraph mixes several ideas without clear delineation, making it harder to follow. The second body paragraph, while focused, could benefit from further development and examples.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. Additionally, consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs to avoid overcrowding. For instance, the discussion on health could be split into two paragraphs: one focusing on the need for treatments and another on supplementary products.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "besides," which help to connect ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For example, phrases like "to wit" and "to preclude this drawback" are less common and may disrupt the flow for some readers. Additionally, there are instances where the connection between sentences could be clearer.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "for example," "in contrast," "moreover," and "therefore." This will enhance the fluidity of the essay. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately and contributes to the clarity of the argument. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help improve their effectiveness.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, focusing on the organization, paragraph structure, and variety of cohesive devices will elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "profusion," "intensification," and "renewable energy." However, the range is somewhat limited, as many phrases are repetitive or lack variety. For instance, the phrase "people’s lives" is used multiple times without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical sophistication.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "people’s lives," alternatives like "individual well-being," "human existence," or "societal conditions" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more varied adjectives and adverbs would enrich the essay’s language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the impacts of global warming" is somewhat vague; specifying the types of impacts (e.g., "environmental degradation" or "extreme weather events") would clarify the argument. Additionally, the use of "to wit" is somewhat formal and may not fit the context appropriately.
  • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Instead of "to wit," consider simpler phrases like "for example" or "such as." Moreover, ensure that terms are used in context; for instance, "academic" should be replaced with "academics" or "scientists" when referring to individuals in the field.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "accrue" (should be "improve" or "enhance"), "ceased" (should be "cease"), and "the CO2 are grew up too" (should be "the CO2 levels have increased"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing software can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary can enhance overall writing quality. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly could also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will help elevate the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "On the one hand, people’s health issues required to be solved more effectively by science" showcases a complex structure. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar pattern, which can make the writing feel repetitive. Additionally, some sentences are awkwardly constructed, such as "the CO2 are grew up too," which detracts from clarity.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses effectively. For instance, instead of saying "they do not only create the treatments to issues but also research a number of supplementary products," you could say, "In addition to creating treatments for various health issues, scientists also research supplementary products that enhance quality of life." Practicing the use of different conjunctions and varying sentence lengths will also help improve the overall flow of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "the impacts of global warming" is correctly used, but "the CO2 are grew up too" is incorrect; it should be "the CO2 levels have increased." Additionally, the phrase "to accrue the quality of immune system" is awkward and should be revised to "to improve the quality of the immune system." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also appear, particularly in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and affect readability.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises focused on these areas can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors before submission can help catch mistakes. For instance, adding commas before conjunctions in compound sentences or after introductory phrases can improve clarity and flow.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical structures, there is a need for greater variety and accuracy. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical and punctuation accuracy will significantly enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that there are several aspects of people’s living conditions requiring attention and enhancement by scientists. I strongly concur with this view; in this essay, I will explore to elucidate this statement.

Generally, there is a multiplicity of challenges facing scientists, such as health issues and the impacts of global warming. On the one hand, health issues necessitate resolution through effective scientific intervention. This means experts must develop efficient treatments for diseases. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, many individuals suffered, prompting researchers and academics to work tirelessly to invent vaccines to prevent and ultimately cease the spread of the virus. Moreover, they not only develop treatments for these issues but also research various supplementary products to enhance people’s lives. For example, they aim to improve the quality of the immune system and reduce the likelihood of illness.

Furthermore, scientists should address the impact of global warming. In recent years, the intensification of industrial activities, transportation, and human activities have been the primary causes of climate change. These factors contribute to increased pollution, and CO2 levels have risen significantly, leading to a depletion of energy sources for community activities. To mitigate this drawback, experts must develop various forms of renewable energy, such as solar power and wind energy. Specifically, in Vietnam, some coastal areas have installed wind turbines that supply electricity to community activities.

In conclusion, the inventions and research conducted by scientists have substantial impacts on people’s lives. We cannot deny that, thanks to their efforts, our lives have improved significantly in terms of health and the global living environment.