As a part of education, students should spend a period of time living in another country to learn its language and culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Opinions are divided on whether students should live abroad for a short time to improve their language skills and widen their cultural horizons. I believe they should not, because although it may bring about certain benefits, its associated drawbacks far outweigh them.

Admittedly, there are some potential positives on an individual level. For language acquisition, exposing themselves to international environment could make it easier than ever for students to make rapid progress in their language skills. This is because they have to use foreign languages in their daily lives as well as learn this from native speakers, facilitating fluency in speaking and writing skills or even adept in multiple languages. Beyond that, this practice offers students insight into the country's culture. For instance, by immersing themselves in local customs and traditions, students can gain a deeper understanding of cultural practices such as social etiquette, fostering respect for the differences between countries

However, despite the aforementioned advantages, staying in another country could be disadvantageous concerning students' health and their families. Regarding the former, being away from their families at a young age can make students more vulnerable to homesickness and culture shock. Consequently, this can lead to mental health issues including anxiety and depression, contributing to reducing the educational trips' effectiveness. Another challenge is that the cost of trips abroad is often exorbitantly expensive. This could impose considerable financial burden on students' families, especially the financially disadvantaged ones, thus undermining their family budgets for other essential needs such as food and health care, leading to a decline in their standard of living.

In conclusion, while I acknowledge that there may be some potential benefits for students to living abroad to learn its language and culture, it could be detrimental regarding undermining students' mental health as well as their family budgets. Based on the presented arguments, I strongly disagree with this proposal.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divided" -> "There is a divergence of opinion"
Explanation: "There is a divergence of opinion" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea that opinions are varied, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"live abroad for a short time" -> "spend a brief period abroad"
Explanation: "Spend a brief period abroad" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial tone of "live abroad."
"its associated drawbacks" -> "the associated drawbacks"
Explanation: Using "the" instead of "its" corrects the possessive pronoun error, as "drawbacks" is a plural noun and requires the definite article "the."
"exposing themselves to international environment" -> "exposure to an international environment"
Explanation: "Exposure to an international environment" is more formal and grammatically correct, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"could make it easier than ever" -> "could facilitate"
Explanation: "Could facilitate" is more formal and academically appropriate than the colloquial "make it easier than ever."
"fluency in speaking and writing skills or even adept in multiple languages" -> "fluency in both speaking and writing skills and proficiency in multiple languages"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the meaning and avoids the awkward construction of "or even adept in," which is not grammatically correct.
"beyond that, this practice offers students insight into the country’s culture" -> "furthermore, this practice provides students with insight into the country’s culture"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "beyond that," and "provides" is more precise than "offers" in this context.
"fostering respect for the differences between countries" -> "cultivating an appreciation for cultural differences"
Explanation: "Cultivating an appreciation for cultural differences" is more specific and academically precise than "fostering respect for the differences between countries."
"staying in another country could be disadvantageous concerning students’ health and their families" -> "residing in another country may have adverse effects on students’ health and their families"
Explanation: "May have adverse effects" is a more formal and precise way to express potential negative consequences, and "residing" is more formal than "staying."
"being away from their families at a young age can make students more vulnerable to homesickness and culture shock" -> "separation from their families at a young age may render students more susceptible to homesickness and culture shock"
Explanation: "Render" and "susceptible" are more formal and precise terms, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"the cost of trips abroad is often exorbitantly expensive" -> "the cost of international travel is frequently prohibitively expensive"
Explanation: "Prohibitively expensive" is a more precise and formal term than "exorbitantly expensive," and "international travel" is a more formal term than "trips abroad."
"impose considerable financial burden" -> "impose a significant financial burden"
Explanation: "A significant financial burden" is a more precise and formal expression than "considerable financial burden."
"undermining their family budgets for other essential needs" -> "undermining their family budgets for other essential expenses"
Explanation: "Expenses" is a more specific and formal term than "needs" in this context, aligning better with academic style.
"Based on the presented arguments, I strongly disagree with this proposal" -> "Based on the presented arguments, I strongly oppose this proposal"
Explanation: "Oppose" is a more formal and precise verb than "disagree," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the potential benefits and drawbacks of students living abroad for educational purposes. The introduction clearly states the author’s position of disagreement, and the body paragraphs provide a balanced view by acknowledging the positives before elaborating on the negatives. The mention of language acquisition and cultural understanding as benefits is relevant and well-articulated. However, the response could have benefited from a more explicit connection between the drawbacks and the overall argument against living abroad.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could explicitly link the drawbacks back to the main argument in each paragraph. For instance, after discussing the benefits, a sentence could be added to clarify how these positives do not outweigh the negatives, reinforcing the stance throughout the essay.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea of students living abroad. The stance is evident from the introduction and is consistently reiterated in the conclusion. However, while the position is clear, the transition between acknowledging benefits and emphasizing drawbacks could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly contrast the benefits with the drawbacks. For example, phrases like "Despite these advantages" or "However, the risks involved" could help guide the reader more clearly through the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas, including the benefits of language acquisition and cultural immersion, as well as the drawbacks of mental health issues and financial burdens. Each point is supported with examples, such as the mention of homesickness and the financial implications for families. However, some ideas could be further developed for greater depth.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer could provide more detailed examples or statistics related to mental health issues faced by students abroad or specific financial challenges. This would not only extend the argument but also enhance its persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay stays largely on topic, focusing on the implications of living abroad for students. The writer does not deviate from the central theme, maintaining relevance throughout. However, there are moments where the discussion of benefits could be perceived as too lengthy relative to the drawbacks, which might distract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer could consider limiting the length of the benefits section or ensuring that each benefit is immediately followed by a corresponding drawback. This would create a more balanced discussion and keep the reader oriented towards the main argument against living abroad.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some adjustments in clarity, depth, and balance, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the proposal of students living abroad, with a logical progression from the introduction to the conclusion. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s stance effectively. The body paragraphs are structured to first discuss the potential benefits of living abroad, followed by a detailed examination of the drawbacks. This organization helps the reader follow the argument, although the transition between the benefits and drawbacks could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to link the two body paragraphs more explicitly. For example, after discussing the benefits, a phrase like "However, it is important to consider the potential drawbacks" could provide a clearer transition and reinforce the contrast in the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic and the writer’s viewpoint, the second discusses the benefits, and the third addresses the drawbacks. However, the concluding paragraph could be more distinct in summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only restates the writer’s position but also briefly summarizes the main arguments presented in the body. This will reinforce the overall structure and provide a clearer closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Admittedly," "However," and "Consequently," which help to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded further to enhance the flow of the essay. For instance, the use of more varied linking words and phrases could improve the transitions between sentences and ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating phrases such as "On the other hand," "In contrast," or "Furthermore" to introduce new points or counterarguments. This will not only enhance the essay’s cohesion but also demonstrate a broader vocabulary and understanding of linking expressions.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of coherence and cohesion, but with some refinements in transitions, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices, it could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "cultural horizons," "language acquisition," and "exposing themselves to an international environment" reflect a good command of language. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "students" could be replaced with synonyms like "learners" or "pupils" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students," you might say "young learners" or "individuals pursuing education." This will not only diversify your vocabulary but also make your writing more engaging.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "make rapid progress in their language skills" is clear, yet the term "adept" in "adept in multiple languages" could be more effectively expressed as "become proficient in multiple languages," which conveys a clearer meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on ensuring that your word choices convey the exact meaning you intend. Consider revising phrases that may lead to ambiguity. For example, instead of saying "facilitating fluency in speaking and writing skills," you could specify "enhancing fluency in both spoken and written communication."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no significant errors that detract from the overall clarity. Words like "exorbitantly" and "vulnerable" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a strong grasp of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading step in your writing process. Reading your essay aloud can help catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and practice them to enhance your overall spelling proficiency.

In summary, while the essay showcases a solid command of vocabulary and spelling, there are opportunities for improvement in lexical variety and precision. By diversifying word choices and ensuring precise vocabulary usage, you can enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "This is because they have to use foreign languages in their daily lives as well as learn this from native speakers, facilitating fluency in speaking and writing skills or even adept in multiple languages" effectively convey intricate ideas. The use of conditional structures, such as "if students live abroad," also adds depth. However, some sentences could benefit from more varied introductory phrases or clauses to enhance fluidity and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases or using different conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "this" or "however," you could use phrases like "In contrast," or "Moreover," to create a more dynamic flow. Additionally, experimenting with passive voice or inversion could add further complexity to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "exposing themselves to international environment," which should be "an international environment." Additionally, the sentence "contributing to reducing the educational trips’ effectiveness" could be clearer; it might be better phrased as "which contributes to a reduction in the effectiveness of educational trips." Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of commas could be improved in places to enhance clarity, particularly in longer sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on ensuring that articles (like "a" or "the") are used correctly. Regularly reviewing common grammatical structures and their correct usage can also help. For punctuation, practice breaking down longer sentences into shorter ones where appropriate, or using commas to separate clauses more effectively. Reading your essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where clarity could be improved.

By addressing these areas, you can further enhance your essay’s grammatical range and accuracy, potentially achieving an even higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on whether students should spend a brief period abroad to enhance their language skills and broaden their cultural horizons. I believe they should not, because although it may bring about certain benefits, the associated drawbacks far outweigh them.

Admittedly, there are some potential positives on an individual level. For language acquisition, exposure to an international environment could facilitate rapid progress in students’ language skills. This is because they are required to use foreign languages in their daily lives and learn directly from native speakers, which can lead to fluency in both speaking and writing skills as well as proficiency in multiple languages. Furthermore, this practice provides students with insight into the country’s culture. For instance, by immersing themselves in local customs and traditions, students can gain a deeper understanding of cultural practices such as social etiquette, cultivating an appreciation for cultural differences.

However, despite the aforementioned advantages, residing in another country could have adverse effects on students’ health and their families. Being away from their families at a young age may render students more susceptible to homesickness and culture shock. Consequently, this can lead to mental health issues, including anxiety and depression, which can diminish the effectiveness of educational trips. Another challenge is that the cost of international travel is frequently prohibitively expensive. This could impose a significant financial burden on students’ families, especially those who are financially disadvantaged, thus undermining their family budgets for other essential expenses such as food and healthcare, leading to a decline in their standard of living.

In conclusion, while I acknowledge that there may be some potential benefits for students spending time abroad to learn a language and experience a new culture, it could be detrimental in terms of undermining students’ mental health as well as their family budgets. Based on the presented arguments, I strongly oppose this proposal.