the effects of rapid population growth and proposes solutions to mitigate its negative impacts.

In many recent years, the dramatically population growth has a lot of detrimental effects on not only people, but also society. This essay will illustrate these effects of this phenomenon and some suggestions.
In light of population growth, the natural resources are becoming run out. People need more materials for their life, works and industries. An example that can be easily seen is that in some outskirts of many urban, there is usually lacked of water and electric, especially in developing countries, leads to not enough supplies and decrease living standard. Beside that, environment is also damaged. People cut the forests for accommodation places and factories. When lacking of forests, flood and deforestation are inevitable consequences.
The second main reason is about infrastructures and facilities. The development of technology and science is not as high as the population growth creates a lot of results. Schools are not enough for students, hospitals can not support well and fast, traffic jams are usually happened. They are really terrible for any countries in the world.
To maintain the quality of life, government should implement some effective rules such as family plans, the birth-rate. Besides that, they should also invest money for facilities and technological projects to make the country prosperous. About citizens, they have to self-aware these effects, and improve knowledges to live more friendly with environment and become well-qualified workers in the future.
In conclusion, the rapid population growth makes some challenges for both people and society. If people can together work and control it, the high living standard is possible, and the country can develop more and more.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In many recent years" -> "In recent years"
Explanation: The phrase "in many recent years" is redundant. Simplifying it to "in recent years" maintains the intended meaning while enhancing the formal tone.
"the dramatically population growth" -> "the dramatic population growth"
Explanation: "Dramatically" is an adverb and should not be used as an adjective. "Dramatic" is the correct form to modify "population growth."
"has a lot of detrimental effects" -> "has numerous detrimental effects"
Explanation: "A lot of" is informal and vague; "numerous" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"not only people, but also society" -> "not only individuals but also society"
Explanation: "People" is too informal and general; "individuals" is more specific and formal.
"the natural resources are becoming run out" -> "natural resources are being depleted"
Explanation: "Becoming run out" is an awkward and incorrect construction. "Being depleted" is the correct and formal expression.
"People need more materials for their life, works and industries" -> "Individuals require more resources for their daily lives, workplaces, and industries"
Explanation: "People" is too informal; "individuals" is more precise. "Works" is vague; "workplaces" is more specific. "Life" is too broad; "daily lives" is more accurate.
"An example that can be easily seen is that" -> "An illustrative example is"
Explanation: "An example that can be easily seen is that" is verbose and informal. "An illustrative example is" is concise and maintains formality.
"there is usually lacked of water and electric" -> "there is often a shortage of water and electricity"
Explanation: "Lacked of" is grammatically incorrect; "a shortage of" is the correct phrase. "Electric" should be "electricity" for clarity.
"leads to not enough supplies and decrease living standard" -> "results in inadequate supplies and a decrease in living standards"
Explanation: "Leads to not enough supplies" is awkward and informal; "results in inadequate supplies" is more precise. "Decrease living standard" should be "a decrease in living standards" for grammatical correctness and formality.
"Beside that" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Beside that" is informal and vague; "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing.
"People cut the forests for accommodation places and factories" -> "Forests are cleared for residential and industrial purposes"
Explanation: "People cut the forests" is too simplistic and informal; "Forests are cleared" is more formal and precise. "Accommodation places" is vague; "residential purposes" is specific.
"When lacking of forests, flood and deforestation are inevitable consequences" -> "When forests are depleted, flooding and deforestation become inevitable consequences"
Explanation: "When lacking of forests" is grammatically incorrect; "When forests are depleted" corrects this. "Are inevitable consequences" should be "become inevitable consequences" for consistency in verb tense.
"The development of technology and science is not as high as the population growth creates a lot of results" -> "The development of technology and science lags behind the rapid population growth, resulting in numerous challenges"
Explanation: "Is not as high as" is awkward and unclear; "lags behind" is a more precise and formal way to express the comparison. "Creates a lot of results" is vague; "resulting in numerous challenges" is specific and formal.
"Schools are not enough for students" -> "Schools are insufficient for the student population"
Explanation: "Are not enough for students" is informal and vague; "are insufficient for the student population" is more precise and formal.
"hospitals can not support well and fast" -> "hospitals are unable to provide adequate and timely support"
Explanation: "Can not support well and fast" is informal and awkward; "are unable to provide adequate and timely support" is more formal and clear.
"traffic jams are usually happened" -> "traffic congestion is frequently encountered"
Explanation: "Are usually happened" is grammatically incorrect; "is frequently encountered" corrects the verb tense and formality.
"They are really terrible for any countries in the world" -> "This is detrimental to any country"
Explanation: "They are really terrible" is informal and emotional; "This is detrimental" is more objective and formal.
"government should implement some effective rules such as family plans, the birth-rate" -> "governments should implement effective policies such as family planning and birth control"
Explanation: "

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the effects of rapid population growth, such as the depletion of natural resources and the strain on infrastructure. However, while it mentions solutions, these are somewhat vague and not thoroughly developed. For instance, the suggestion of "family plans" lacks specificity regarding what these entail, and the mention of investing in facilities and technology is broad without concrete examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline the negative impacts of population growth and provide detailed, specific solutions. For example, discussing particular family planning policies or technological innovations that could alleviate the issues would strengthen the essay’s response to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a general stance against rapid population growth and its negative effects. However, the position could be clearer. Phrases like "the rapid population growth makes some challenges" could be more assertive. The conclusion suggests a collaborative effort but does not firmly restate the writer’s position on the necessity of addressing these challenges.
- How to improve: The writer should consistently reinforce their position throughout the essay. Using more definitive language and restating the main argument in the conclusion would help clarify their stance. For example, explicitly stating that "immediate action is required to mitigate these challenges" would provide a stronger, clearer position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the effects of population growth, such as resource depletion and infrastructure strain. However, the support for these ideas is often underdeveloped. For instance, the mention of "traffic jams" lacks an explanation of how this directly relates to population growth, and the examples provided are not sufficiently elaborated upon.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to expand on each idea with more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing specific instances of how population growth has led to traffic congestion in a particular city would provide stronger support. Additionally, integrating statistics or studies could enhance the credibility of the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of population growth and proposing solutions. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the section discussing citizens’ responsibilities. The phrase "improve knowledges" is vague and somewhat off-topic, as it does not directly relate to the main argument about population growth.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the effects of rapid population growth and the proposed solutions. Clarifying the responsibilities of citizens in a way that ties back to the main topic would help keep the essay on track. For instance, instead of a general statement about self-awareness, the writer could specify how citizens can actively participate in family planning initiatives or community awareness programs.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing natural resource depletion to infrastructure challenges feels abrupt. The essay does introduce relevant points, but the connections between them are not always clear, which can disrupt the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that summarize the main point. Additionally, use transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely") to guide the reader through the argument and clarify how each point relates to the overall thesis.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, some paragraphs could be more focused. For example, the second paragraph mixes several ideas about resource depletion and environmental damage without a clear separation. This can make it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. Consider breaking the second paragraph into two: one focusing on resource depletion and another on environmental issues. This will help maintain clarity and allow for more in-depth discussion of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "beside that" and "the second main reason," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used incorrectly or awkwardly. For instance, "beside that" should be "besides that," and "usually lacked of water" should be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "for example," "as a result," and "in contrast." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used correctly to enhance clarity. Practicing with a list of cohesive devices and their appropriate contexts can help improve this aspect of writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, enhancing the logical organization, focusing paragraphs on single ideas, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "detrimental effects," "natural resources," and "infrastructures." However, there are instances where word choice is limited or repetitive, such as the repeated use of "growth" and "effects." The phrase "the dramatically population growth" is awkward and suggests a lack of fluency in vocabulary usage.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "growth," alternatives like "increase," "expansion," or "surge" could be utilized. Additionally, using phrases like "adverse impacts" instead of "detrimental effects" would diversify the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are notable inaccuracies. For instance, "the dramatically population growth" should be "the dramatic population growth," indicating a misunderstanding of adjective use. The phrase "there is usually lacked of water and electric" is also imprecise; it should be "there is usually a lack of water and electricity."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical structures and ensure that adjectives and nouns agree. Practicing sentence construction and reviewing grammar rules can aid in achieving greater accuracy. Additionally, using a thesaurus to find more precise terms can help in avoiding vague language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "infrastructures" (should be "infrastructure"), "electric" (should be "electricity"), and "self-aware" (should be "self-aware"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, utilize spell-check tools, and proofread their work carefully before submission. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial. Reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, the sentence "People need more materials for their life, works and industries" is straightforward but lacks complexity. Additionally, phrases like "the dramatically population growth" contain grammatical errors and awkward constructions, which detract from the overall effectiveness.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences. This can be achieved by using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., "although," "because") to connect ideas. For instance, instead of saying "People cut the forests for accommodation places and factories," the writer could say, "Although people need to cut down forests for accommodation and factories, this practice leads to severe environmental consequences." Regularly reading high-scoring IELTS essays can also provide examples of varied structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "the dramatically population growth" should be "the dramatic population growth," indicating a misuse of the adverb "dramatically." Additionally, "there is usually lacked of water and electric" is incorrect; it should be "there is usually a lack of water and electricity." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas, also affect readability, as seen in "traffic jams are usually happened," which should be "traffic jams usually happen."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. Practicing grammar exercises that target common errors can be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding commas and conjunctions, will enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and grammatical mistakes, allowing for corrections before final submission.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant ideas, significant improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Regular practice and targeted feedback will be essential for development in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, the dramatic population growth has had numerous detrimental effects on not only individuals but also society. This essay will illustrate the effects of this phenomenon and propose some suggestions to mitigate its negative impacts.

In light of population growth, natural resources are being depleted. Individuals require more resources for their daily lives, workplaces, and industries. An illustrative example is that in some outskirts of many urban areas, there is often a shortage of water and electricity, especially in developing countries. This leads to inadequate supplies and a decrease in living standards. Furthermore, the environment is also damaged. Forests are cleared for residential and industrial purposes. When forests are depleted, flooding and deforestation become inevitable consequences.

The second main issue pertains to infrastructure and facilities. The development of technology and science lags behind the rapid population growth, resulting in numerous challenges. Schools are insufficient for the student population, hospitals are unable to provide adequate and timely support, and traffic congestion is frequently encountered. These issues are detrimental to any country.

To maintain the quality of life, governments should implement effective policies such as family planning and birth control. Additionally, they should invest in facilities and technological projects to foster prosperity. Citizens must also become self-aware of these effects, improving their knowledge to live more harmoniously with the environment and becoming well-qualified workers in the future.

In conclusion, the rapid population growth presents significant challenges for both individuals and society. If people can work together to manage this issue, a higher living standard is achievable, and the country can continue to develop.