In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words

In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words

In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past, this trend stems from the disere to enjoy a quiet space and reflect one’s life, It’s also due to busy life and not wanting to pay attention to other
On the affirmative side, It helps them have a peaceful life, without having to worry about everyone around them who can ruin their life in a short distance. help them improve their spiritual life, reduce the risk of depression, At the same time, they have more time to take care of yourself. However, choosing to live alone have many bad side, they won't be able to share their thoughts and stories, no one will cooperate with they and help if they encounter difficulties in life. When you are sick or encounter problems that you cannot control, who will help you?
In conclusion, although living alone can help us feel more peaceful and free, perhaps we should still have people by our side who always accompany us such as family and friends.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past" -> "In certain nations, a greater number of individuals are opting to reside alone currently compared to the past"
   Explanation: The phrase "In certain nations" is more precise and formal than "In some countries," and "a greater number of individuals" is more formal than "many more people." Additionally, "currently" is more appropriate in academic writing than "nowadays."

2. "this trend stems from the disere to enjoy a quiet space and reflect one’s life" -> "this trend is attributed to the desire to enjoy a quiet space and reflect on one’s life"
   Explanation: "Is attributed to" is a more precise and formal expression than "stems from," and "reflect on" is the correct prepositional phrase for the context.

3. "It’s also due to busy life and not wanting to pay attention to other" -> "It is also due to the busy nature of life and the lack of interest in interacting with others"
   Explanation: "The busy nature of life" is a more formal way to describe the busyness of life, and "the lack of interest in interacting with others" is more precise than "not wanting to pay attention to other."

4. "It helps them have a peaceful life, without having to worry about everyone around them who can ruin their life in a short distance" -> "It enables them to lead a peaceful life, free from the concerns of those around them who could potentially disrupt their lives in a short time"
   Explanation: "Enables them to lead a peaceful life" is more formal than "helps them have a peaceful life." "Free from the concerns of those around them" is more precise than "without having to worry about everyone around them," and "could potentially disrupt their lives in a short time" is more formal and accurate than "can ruin their life in a short distance."

5. "choosing to live alone have many bad side" -> "choosing to live alone has several drawbacks"
   Explanation: "Has several drawbacks" is a more formal and precise way to describe the negative aspects of living alone, replacing the informal and grammatically incorrect "have many bad side."

6. "they won’t be able to share their thoughts and stories, no one will cooperate with they and help if they encounter difficulties in life" -> "they will not be able to share their thoughts and stories, nor will anyone cooperate with them or offer assistance if they encounter difficulties in life"
   Explanation: "Will not be able to" and "nor will anyone" are more formal and grammatically correct than "won’t be able to" and "no one will." "Cooperate with them or offer assistance" is more formal and precise than "cooperate with they and help."

7. "When you are sick or encounter problems that you cannot control, who will help you?" -> "When one becomes ill or faces uncontrollable problems, who will provide assistance?"
   Explanation: "One becomes ill" is a more formal way to refer to illness, and "faces uncontrollable problems" is more precise than "encounter problems that you cannot control." "Provide assistance" is more formal than "help you."

8. "perhaps we should still have people by our side who always accompany us such as family and friends" -> "perhaps it is still beneficial to have individuals by our side who consistently support us, such as family and friends"
   Explanation: "It is still beneficial" is a more formal expression than "perhaps we should still have," and "consistently support us" is more precise than "always accompany us."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of living alone. However, it lacks depth in exploring these points. For instance, while it mentions the benefits of a peaceful life and spiritual improvement, it does not provide specific examples or elaborate on how these benefits manifest in daily life. Similarly, the negative aspects are mentioned but not sufficiently developed, leaving the reader wanting more detail on the implications of isolation.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should clearly outline the positive and negative impacts of living alone with specific examples. For instance, they could discuss how living alone might lead to increased independence or how it can foster loneliness, providing personal anecdotes or statistics to support these claims.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat unclear position. While it acknowledges both sides of the argument, the conclusion leans towards the positive aspect of living alone without firmly establishing a clear stance throughout the essay. Phrases like "perhaps we should still have people by our side" indicate indecision, which can confuse the reader about the author’s true viewpoint.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should choose a definitive stance (either positive or negative) and reinforce this throughout the essay. They could use topic sentences in each paragraph to clearly state their viewpoint and ensure that all supporting details align with this position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat underdeveloped. While the author mentions benefits like peace and spiritual improvement, these ideas are not extended or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the statement about reducing the risk of depression is made without explanation or evidence, which weakens the argument.
  • How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. They could include research findings or personal experiences that illustrate the points being made. Each idea should be fully fleshed out in its own paragraph, with clear connections to the overall argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of living alone. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly when discussing the negative aspects. The phrase "who can ruin their life in a short distance" is vague and does not directly relate to the main topic of living alone, which can detract from the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the topic of living alone. They should avoid vague statements and instead provide concrete examples that illustrate how living alone affects individuals’ lives. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring all points are relevant.

In summary, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on developing their ideas more thoroughly, maintaining a clear position, and ensuring that all points are relevant to the topic. Additionally, addressing the word count requirement will also be crucial for achieving a better score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic structure, introducing the topic and providing both positive and negative aspects of living alone. However, the organization is somewhat disjointed. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits to the drawbacks is abrupt, lacking a clear logical progression. The introduction could better set the stage for the discussion by outlining the main points that will be addressed. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the key arguments made in the body paragraphs.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using a clear outline before writing. Start with an introduction that briefly states the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, clearly linked to the overall argument. Use transitional phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "Conversely") to guide the reader through the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the structure is not effective. The first paragraph is overly long and contains multiple ideas that could be separated into distinct paragraphs. The second paragraph discusses both positive and negative aspects without clear separation, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument.
  • How to improve: Implement a clear paragraph structure: one paragraph for the introduction, one for the positive aspects, one for the negative aspects, and one for the conclusion. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. This will improve clarity and coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "at the same time," but they are limited and sometimes misused. For example, the phrase "however" is used to introduce a negative point but lacks the necessary context to connect it smoothly to the previous positive point. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are missing, leading to abrupt shifts in ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "furthermore," "in contrast," "for instance"). Ensure that each device is used appropriately to connect ideas logically. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion, leading to a more effective and persuasive argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with phrases like "peaceful life," "spiritual life," and "busy life" being effective in conveying the author’s points. However, terms such as "bad side" and "ruin their life" lack sophistication and could be expressed with more nuanced vocabulary. The use of "disere" is a misspelling of "desire," which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the author should incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of "bad side," consider using "drawbacks" or "disadvantages." Additionally, replacing "ruin their life" with "negatively impact their well-being" would elevate the language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "help them improve their spiritual life" is vague and could be better articulated. The phrase "take care of yourself" is also informal and lacks clarity in the context of the essay’s argument.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the author should aim for clearer and more specific language. Instead of "spiritual life," consider "personal development" or "emotional well-being." The phrase "take care of yourself" could be refined to "focus on personal health and well-being." This will help convey the intended message more effectively.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "disere" instead of "desire" and "have" instead of "has" in "choosing to live alone have many bad side." These mistakes can detract from the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the author should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that provide feedback on written work. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch and correct errors. Creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic command of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary, refining word choices for clarity, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the author can enhance their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, the sentence "It helps them have a peaceful life, without having to worry about everyone around them who can ruin their life in a short distance" is a compound sentence but could be more effectively structured with subordinate clauses to add depth. Additionally, the use of phrases like "choosing to live alone have many bad side" indicates a lack of subject-verb agreement and complexity.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "It helps them have a peaceful life," you could say, "By choosing to live alone, individuals can create a peaceful environment that allows them to focus on personal growth." This not only adds variety but also enhances clarity and sophistication.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "this trend stems from the disere to enjoy a quiet space" has a spelling mistake ("disere" should be "desire") and lacks proper punctuation; it should be split into two sentences or connected with a conjunction. Additionally, the phrase "help them improve their spiritual life, reduce the risk of depression" is a fragment and lacks a subject. The use of capitalization in "It" at the beginning of a sentence after a comma is incorrect, indicating a misunderstanding of punctuation rules.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation. For example, "choosing to live alone have many bad side" should be corrected to "choosing to live alone has many downsides." Additionally, practicing sentence combining exercises can help improve fluency and coherence. Consider using grammar resources or software tools that provide feedback on writing to identify and correct mistakes before finalizing your essay.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In some countries, a greater number of individuals are opting to live alone nowadays compared to the past. This trend is attributed to the desire to enjoy a quiet space and reflect on one’s life. It is also due to the busy nature of life and the lack of interest in interacting with others.

On the positive side, living alone enables individuals to lead a peaceful life, free from the concerns of those around them who could potentially disrupt their lives. This lifestyle can help improve their spiritual well-being and reduce the risk of depression. Additionally, those who live alone often have more time to focus on self-care and personal development.

However, choosing to live alone has several drawbacks. Individuals may find that they are unable to share their thoughts and stories with anyone, and there may be no one to cooperate with them or offer assistance if they encounter difficulties in life. When one becomes ill or faces uncontrollable problems, who will provide support? Perhaps it is still beneficial to have individuals by our side who consistently support us, such as family and friends.

In conclusion, although living alone can help us feel more peaceful and free, it is important to recognize the value of companionship and support from loved ones. Balancing solitude with meaningful relationships may lead to a more fulfilling life.