some argue that fashion items cost too much money. others say that is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. discuss both views and give your opinion

Nowadays, fashion is a trend in modern society, especially for young people. Many people have caught up with the popular fashion trends from famous and prestigious people in the fashion industry. However, most of those trendy fashion items cost a huge amount of money. On the other hand, there are people who think that it is a sacrifice and inappropriate.

We can easily understand why many people think that is acceptable. Appearance is our face, our style and way of dressing will be the first thing that outsiders see and that will be their impression of us. So if we want to make a good impression, we need to have a stylish and trendy, classy sense. From that style of dress, outsiders will judge whether we are a fashionable and luxurious person or not, thereby creating more opportunities for ourselves. In addition, keeping up with trends also makes people more confident about ourselves, having many common characteristics with people around us, leading to harmony and joy among people with the same interests.

Besides, the development of fashion trends means that the environment is increasingly destroyed because many types of fashion are derived from nature. The faster fashion develops, the more our environment is destroyed due to the development of industries. Not only that, excessive pursuit of fashion trends without moderation will cause a material race, many young people will compete. From these, demanding that their parents constantly buy them expensive items just to keep up with the trends.

In conclusion, fashion is still an important part of life but it is not the most important thing, you need to be selective.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "In contemporary society"
Explanation: "In contemporary society" is more formal and precise than "Nowadays," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in an academic context.
"fashion is a trend" -> "fashion trends are prevalent"
Explanation: "fashion trends are prevalent" is more specific and formal, emphasizing the widespread nature of fashion trends in a more academic tone.
"Many people have caught up with the popular fashion trends" -> "Many individuals have adopted the prevailing fashion trends"
Explanation: "adopted the prevailing fashion trends" is more formal and precise than "caught up with the popular fashion trends," which sounds informal and imprecise.
"cost a huge amount of money" -> "are extremely costly"
Explanation: "are extremely costly" is more concise and formal, avoiding the colloquial expression "a huge amount of money."
"there are people who think that it is a sacrifice and inappropriate" -> "some individuals consider it a sacrifice and inappropriate"
Explanation: "some individuals consider it a sacrifice and inappropriate" is more formal and precise, replacing the vague "there are people who think."
"We can easily understand why many people think that is acceptable" -> "It is readily apparent why many individuals find this acceptable"
Explanation: "It is readily apparent why many individuals find this acceptable" is more formal and avoids the first-person singular "We," which is less appropriate in academic writing.
"Appearance is our face, our style and way of dressing will be the first thing that outsiders see" -> "Appearance, including our facial features, style, and manner of dressing, is the first aspect that outsiders notice"
Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the original sentence, making it more precise and academically suitable.
"So if we want to make a good impression, we need to have a stylish and trendy, classy sense" -> "To make a favorable impression, one should cultivate a stylish and sophisticated aesthetic"
Explanation: "To make a favorable impression, one should cultivate a stylish and sophisticated aesthetic" is more formal and avoids the informal and repetitive "stylish and trendy, classy sense."
"keeping up with trends also makes people more confident about ourselves" -> "adhering to trends also enhances one’s self-confidence"
Explanation: "adhering to trends also enhances one’s self-confidence" is more formal and avoids the awkward and informal "people more confident about ourselves."
"having many common characteristics with people around us" -> "sharing common characteristics with those around us"
Explanation: "sharing common characteristics with those around us" is more formal and avoids the less precise "having many common characteristics."
"the development of fashion trends means that the environment is increasingly destroyed" -> "the advancement of fashion trends contributes to environmental degradation"
Explanation: "the advancement of fashion trends contributes to environmental degradation" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and overly simplistic "the environment is increasingly destroyed."
"the more our environment is destroyed" -> "the more environmental degradation occurs"
Explanation: "the more environmental degradation occurs" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact of fashion trends on the environment.
"excessive pursuit of fashion trends without moderation will cause a material race" -> "excessive pursuit of fashion trends without moderation can lead to a materialistic competition"
Explanation: "can lead to a materialistic competition" is more specific and formal, replacing the vague and unclear "a material race."
"demanding that their parents constantly buy them expensive items just to keep up with the trends" -> "pressuring their parents to constantly purchase expensive items solely to conform to trends"
Explanation: "pressuring their parents to constantly purchase expensive items solely to conform to trends" is more formal and precise, avoiding the informal "demanding" and "just to keep up with the trends."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the cost of fashion items and the importance of fashion in life. The first part discusses why some people believe high fashion costs are acceptable, emphasizing the role of appearance and social acceptance. The second part touches on the negative impacts of fashion on the environment and the materialistic pressures it creates. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced exploration of both perspectives, particularly by elaborating on the arguments against high fashion costs.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are equally developed. This can be achieved by dedicating a paragraph to explicitly discuss the arguments against high fashion costs, providing specific examples or statistics to strengthen the case.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that fashion is important but not the most critical aspect of life. However, this stance is somewhat vague and could be more explicitly stated. The conclusion suggests a need for selectivity, but it does not clearly articulate the writer’s opinion on whether the benefits of fashion outweigh its costs or vice versa.
- How to improve: The writer should clearly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the position. Additionally, integrating this opinion throughout the essay will create a more cohesive argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas about the importance of fashion and its societal implications. However, some points lack depth and supporting evidence. For instance, while the essay mentions that fashion can create opportunities, it does not provide concrete examples or data to illustrate this claim. The discussion on environmental impact is introduced but not fully developed.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with examples, anecdotes, or data. This could include discussing specific fashion trends that have impacted society or citing studies that link fashion spending to social outcomes.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing fashion’s costs and its role in society. However, some sections, particularly the environmental argument, could seem slightly tangential to the main prompt, which focuses on the cost versus the importance of fashion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. When introducing the environmental impact, it would be beneficial to tie it back to the discussion of costs, perhaps by discussing how environmental degradation could lead to increased costs in the future or affect consumer choices.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally clear and logical organization of information. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic and the two opposing views. The body paragraphs are structured to discuss each viewpoint separately, which helps in maintaining clarity. The first body paragraph explains why some people believe spending on fashion is acceptable, while the second body paragraph discusses the negative aspects of this trend. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the discussion and provides a personal opinion. However, there are some areas where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the importance of appearance and the environmental impact of fashion is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using more explicit transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the importance of appearance, a sentence like "On the other hand, the environmental impact of fashion trends cannot be ignored" would create a smoother transition. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea can help in maintaining coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a good practice. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. The introduction and conclusion are clearly delineated, and the body paragraphs are distinct in their focus. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For instance, the second body paragraph combines two different points (environmental impact and materialism) without a clear separation, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. If you need to discuss multiple points, consider breaking them into separate paragraphs or using clear sub-points within a paragraph. For example, the discussion on environmental impact and materialism could be split into two paragraphs, each with its own topic sentence and supporting details.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("However," "On the other hand," "In addition"), which help in linking ideas and maintaining the flow of the essay. These devices are used appropriately to contrast and add information. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied and sophisticated. For example, the essay relies heavily on basic conjunctions and could benefit from more advanced linking phrases.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "On the other hand," you could use phrases like "Conversely," "In contrast," or "Nevertheless" to add variety. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help in creating a more cohesive and polished essay. For example, instead of repeating "fashion trends," you could use "these trends" or "such trends" to avoid redundancy and enhance cohesion.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "trendy," "prestigious," and "impression." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "fashion trends" and "fashionable." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the richness of the essay. For example, instead of repeatedly using "fashion" and "trendy," alternatives like "style," "attire," or "apparel" could be employed.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms to diversify their vocabulary. Reading articles or essays on fashion could provide inspiration for varied expressions. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on using a broader vocabulary range can help.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay conveys the main ideas, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "keeping up with trends also makes people more confident about ourselves" mixes singular and plural forms awkwardly. The term "sacrifice" is also used without clear context, which can confuse the reader about its intended meaning.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary aligns with the context. For instance, revising the phrase to "keeping up with trends also boosts people’s confidence" would clarify the subject. Furthermore, reviewing the essay for clarity and ensuring that each term accurately reflects the intended meaning can help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "fashion is a trend" (which could be more clearly stated as "fashion is a significant trend") and "demands that their parents constantly buy them expensive items" (where "demands" might be better expressed as "leads to demands"). While the spelling of individual words is generally accurate, the overall clarity of ideas can be affected by awkward phrasing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling and overall writing quality, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on both spelling and clarity. Utilizing spelling and grammar check tools can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing with attention to sentence structure and clarity will help avoid awkward phrasing.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For instance, the use of "However, most of those trendy fashion items cost a huge amount of money" effectively contrasts two ideas. Additionally, phrases like "we can easily understand why many people think that is acceptable" show an attempt to engage with the audience. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "there are" or "we need to," which limits the overall range.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "we need to have a stylish and trendy, classy sense," you could say, "to make a good impression, it is essential to cultivate a stylish and trendy sense of fashion." Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using more transitional phrases could improve the flow and complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "it is a sacrifice and inappropriate" lacks clarity and could be better expressed. Additionally, the sentence "From that style of dress, outsiders will judge whether we are a fashionable and luxurious person or not" contains a subject-verb agreement error, as "person" should be pluralized to "people." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, revise "a fashionable and luxurious person" to "fashionable and luxurious people." Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where sentence structure could be improved for clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are clear areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the overall quality of the writing can be enhanced significantly.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, fashion trends are prevalent in contemporary society, especially among young people. Many individuals have adopted the prevailing fashion trends from famous and prestigious figures in the fashion industry. However, most of those trendy fashion items are extremely costly. On the other hand, some individuals consider it a sacrifice and inappropriate.

It is readily apparent why many individuals find this acceptable. Appearance, including our facial features, style, and manner of dressing, is the first aspect that outsiders notice, and it will shape their impression of us. So, if we want to make a favorable impression, we need to cultivate a stylish and sophisticated aesthetic. From that style of dress, outsiders will judge whether we are fashionable and luxurious individuals or not, thereby creating more opportunities for ourselves. In addition, adhering to trends also enhances one’s self-confidence, as it allows us to share common characteristics with those around us, leading to harmony and joy among people with similar interests.

Besides, the advancement of fashion trends contributes to environmental degradation because many types of fashion are derived from nature. The more fashion develops, the more our environment is harmed due to industrial growth. Not only that, but excessive pursuit of fashion trends without moderation can lead to materialistic competition, with many young people pressuring their parents to constantly purchase expensive items solely to conform to trends.

In conclusion, fashion is still an important part of life, but it is not the most crucial aspect; one needs to be selective.