Many things can influence the academic achievement and emotional growth of a student. In this regard, peers have more of an impact than teachers do. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The academic achievement and emotional growth of a student can be impacted by a wide array of factors. In this regard, some argue that peers have more of an effect than teachers do. However, I only align partially with the statement, as although there are certain significant impacts on students through competiton in learning and connections among students, it also leads to some negative effects, such as peer pressure and less cooperation among students.

To begin with, there are some tangible reasons why peers have more significant effects on academic performance and success among students. It is clear that score rankings in a class can trigger motivation for students to compete with other classmates aimed at gaining higher rankings. As a result, these students strive to learn and hone themselves so that they can outperform peers, contributing to students’ academic success. Additionally, beyond the academic factor, peers also affect emotional growth of individuals. A study shows that adolescents can control tempers and cooperate by interacting. Indeed, students will feel more comfortable sharing the stories about their ordinary life and learning than sharing with elderly people such as their teachers or parents, easily receiving the understanding and sympathy together.

However, peer influence is not without its downsides. In fact, high levels of competition can lead to psychological pressure, causing stress and anxiety that may negatively impact students' mental health and academic outcomes. In this day and age, moreover, peer pressure also puts more mental strain on students, making them demotivated in learning. Additionally, this competition may create division and reduce the willingness to cooperate. Clearly, excessive competition may undermine the sense of community, making students less willing to collaborate and share knowledge.

In conclusion, while peers can offer certain significant benefits in promoting academic success and emotional thrive, this can cause adverse effects to them such as stress and anxiety as well as division and less cooperation. Therefore, it will be more beneficial if students can strike a balance for peers’ influences.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"a wide array of factors" -> "a diverse range of factors"
Explanation: "A diverse range of factors" is more precise and academically appropriate than "a wide array of factors," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"I only align partially with the statement" -> "I partially agree with the statement"
Explanation: "I partially agree with the statement" is a more direct and formal way to express partial agreement, avoiding the colloquial tone of "I only align."
"competiton in learning" -> "competition in learning"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "competiton" to "competition" ensures accuracy and professionalism in academic writing.
"it also leads to some negative effects" -> "it also yields several negative effects"
Explanation: "Yields" is a more formal verb than "leads," and specifying "several" instead of "some" adds precision.
"score rankings in a class" -> "class rankings"
Explanation: "Class rankings" is a more concise and formal term than "score rankings in a class."
"aimed at gaining higher rankings" -> "aimed at achieving higher rankings"
Explanation: "Achieving" is a more precise and formal verb than "gaining" in this context, aligning better with academic style.
"strive to learn and hone themselves" -> "strive to improve their skills and knowledge"
Explanation: "Improve their skills and knowledge" is a clearer and more specific description than "learn and hone themselves," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"A study shows that adolescents can control tempers and cooperate by interacting" -> "Research indicates that adolescents can regulate their emotions and cooperate through interaction"
Explanation: "Regulate their emotions" is a more precise term than "control tempers," and "through interaction" is more formal than "by interacting."
"feel more comfortable sharing the stories about their ordinary life" -> "feel more at ease discussing their everyday lives"
Explanation: "At ease discussing their everyday lives" is a more formal and precise way to express comfort in sharing personal stories.
"easily receiving the understanding and sympathy together" -> "readily receiving understanding and sympathy"
Explanation: "Readily" is more formal than "easily," and removing "together" corrects the awkward phrasing.
"In this day and age" -> "currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more concise and formal alternative to the colloquial "in this day and age."
"making them demotivated in learning" -> "leading to demotivation in their learning"
Explanation: "Leading to demotivation in their learning" is more formal and avoids the awkward construction of "making them demotivated in learning."
"emotional thrive" -> "emotional growth"
Explanation: "Emotional growth" is the correct term, whereas "thrive" is not typically used in this context.
"adverse effects to them" -> "adverse effects on them"
Explanation: "On them" is the correct preposition for indicating the impact of something on someone or something else.
"strike a balance for peers’ influences" -> "balance the influence of peers"
Explanation: "Balance the influence of peers" is a more direct and formal way to express the idea of achieving a balance in peer influence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative impacts of peers on academic achievement and emotional growth. The writer acknowledges that peers can motivate students through competition and emotional support, while also recognizing the downsides such as peer pressure and reduced cooperation. However, the statement "I only align partially with the statement" could be clearer in articulating the extent of agreement or disagreement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position on the extent of agreement or disagreement at the beginning and reiterate it in the conclusion. A more definitive stance would clarify the argument and provide a stronger framework for the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, indicating partial agreement. However, the nuances of this position are not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, the introduction suggests a balanced view, but the conclusion implies a stronger emphasis on the negative effects without clearly reiterating the initial stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently link back to their initial statement throughout the essay. Using transitional phrases like "While I acknowledge the benefits…" can help maintain clarity. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the position more decisively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the influence of peers, such as competition leading to motivation and emotional support among students. However, some points lack depth. For example, while the mention of competition is relevant, it could be further developed with specific examples or studies to strengthen the argument. The emotional growth section could also benefit from more detailed explanations or real-life examples.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more specific examples or data to support their claims. This could involve citing studies or providing anecdotes that illustrate the points made. Additionally, elaborating on how these influences manifest in real educational settings would enhance the essay’s persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the influence of peers versus teachers. However, some sentences could be more directly related to the prompt. For instance, the discussion of emotional growth could be more explicitly tied to how peers compare to teachers in this regard.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the influence of peers as compared to teachers. Using clear topic sentences for each paragraph that reflect the essay’s main argument can help keep the discussion aligned with the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic, but refining the clarity of the position, deepening the analysis, and ensuring consistent relevance to the prompt will enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the influence of peers on academic achievement and emotional growth. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining the dual nature of peer influence. The body paragraphs are logically structured, with the first paragraph focusing on the positive impacts of peers and the second addressing the negative aspects. For example, the transition from discussing competition to emotional growth is smooth, maintaining a logical progression of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas and paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the positive impacts of peers, a transitional sentence could explicitly state that while these benefits exist, there are also significant drawbacks, thereby guiding the reader more clearly through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. The first body paragraph discusses the positive influences of peers, while the second addresses the negative consequences. This separation helps in maintaining clarity. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it currently blends into the final thoughts without a clear separation from the preceding arguments.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked and summarizes the key points made in the essay. Additionally, consider starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea of that paragraph, which will help reinforce the structure and guide the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "however," "additionally," and "in fact," which help in connecting ideas and maintaining coherence. These devices are used effectively to contrast points and introduce new ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied expressions of contrast and addition, which would enhance the overall fluidity of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating phrases like "on the other hand," "furthermore," or "conversely." Additionally, using pronouns and demonstrative adjectives (e.g., "this," "these") can help refer back to previously mentioned ideas, creating a more cohesive narrative. For instance, when discussing the negative effects of peer competition, explicitly linking it back to the earlier mention of competition could strengthen the connection.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions could elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the argument, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "tangible reasons," "psychological pressure," and "motivation." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "academic success" and "emotional growth," which appear multiple times without variation. This limits the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "academic success," you could use "scholastic achievement" or "educational attainment." Additionally, incorporating more varied expressions for "emotional growth," such as "personal development" or "emotional maturity," would diversify the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "connections among students" could be more accurately described as "peer relationships" or "social bonds." The term "ordinary life" is vague and could be replaced with "everyday experiences" for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on specificity in word choice. When discussing concepts, aim for terms that convey exact meanings. For instance, instead of saying "certain significant impacts," specify what those impacts are, such as "positive influences on motivation and collaboration." This will enhance clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "competititon" (should be "competition") and "thrive" (should be "thriving"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a break and then read it again to catch any mistakes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or writing practice applications can help identify and correct spelling errors before submission.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focus on expanding vocabulary, enhancing precision, and ensuring spelling accuracy to strengthen overall writing quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "However, I only align partially with the statement, as although there are certain significant impacts…" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys nuanced opinions. Additionally, phrases like "To begin with" and "In conclusion" help to organize thoughts clearly. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "Additionally" or "In fact," which can lead to a monotonous reading experience.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more introductory phrases or clauses that differ from the current patterns. For instance, using participial phrases or varying the order of subject and verb can create more dynamic sentences. Experimenting with different ways to express similar ideas can also help in achieving greater diversity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, "competititon" is a typographical error that should be corrected to "competition." Additionally, the phrase "students’ academic success" is correctly punctuated, showing an understanding of possessive forms. However, there are some awkward constructions, such as "students will feel more comfortable sharing the stories about their ordinary life," which could be more fluidly expressed as "students will feel more comfortable sharing stories about their everyday lives."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully to catch typographical errors and awkward phrasing. Additionally, practicing the formation of complex sentences can help in reducing errors related to sentence structure. Engaging in exercises focused on common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles, can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will further enhance the quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The academic achievement and emotional growth of a student can be influenced by a diverse range of factors. In this regard, some argue that peers have a more significant impact than teachers do. However, I partially agree with this statement, as although there are certain notable effects on students through competition in learning and connections among peers, it also yields several negative effects, such as peer pressure and reduced cooperation among students.

To begin with, there are tangible reasons why peers can have a more substantial effect on academic performance and success among students. It is clear that class rankings can trigger motivation for students to compete with their classmates aimed at achieving higher rankings. As a result, these students strive to improve their skills and knowledge to outperform their peers, contributing to their academic success. Additionally, beyond the academic aspect, peers also play a crucial role in the emotional growth of individuals. Research indicates that adolescents can regulate their emotions and cooperate through interaction. Indeed, students often feel more at ease discussing their everyday lives with their peers than with adults such as teachers or parents, readily receiving understanding and sympathy in return.

However, peer influence is not without its downsides. In fact, high levels of competition can lead to psychological pressure, causing stress and anxiety that may adversely affect students’ mental health and academic outcomes. Currently, peer pressure also places additional mental strain on students, leading to demotivation in their learning. Furthermore, this competition may create divisions and reduce the willingness to cooperate. Clearly, excessive competition may undermine the sense of community, making students less inclined to collaborate and share knowledge.

In conclusion, while peers can provide significant benefits in promoting academic success and emotional growth, this influence can also result in adverse effects such as stress, anxiety, division, and reduced cooperation. Therefore, it would be more beneficial for students to balance the influence of their peers.