Task 2. Many things can influence the academic achievement and emotional growth of a student. In this regard, peers have more of an impact than teachers do. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the role of peers in shaping students' academic success and emotional development has become a topic of significant debate. While teachers undeniably play an important role in education, I strongly agree that peers have a more substantial impact on students' achievements and personal growth.
Initially, when it comes to academic success, the influence of peers can be profound. Students often feel motivated to excel when they are surrounded by competitive classmates. For instance, a survey conducted among high school students revealed that many attributed their improved study habits and higher grades to the desire to outperform their peers. This competitive environment encourages students to put in extra effort, engage in group studies, and seek help from one another. The drive to succeed in relation to their peers can create a powerful incentive, often pushing students to achieve more than they would in isolation.
Besides that, peers play a crucial role in emotional development. Adolescents are at a stage where relationships significantly influence their behavior and feelings. Interaction with friends helps students learn how to manage their emotions, resolve conflicts, and cooperate with others. A study highlighted that adolescents who had strong friendships tended to display better emotional regulation, as they learned to control their tempers and collaborate through shared experiences. This ability to build relationships is essential for their growth, helping them develop social skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.
In conclusion, while teachers provide foundational knowledge and guidance, the impact of peers on academic achievement and emotional growth is undeniable. The motivation to compete academically and the support found in peer relationships are critical factors that shape a student's educational journey and personal development. Therefore, I strongly agree that peers have a greater influence in these areas.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In recent years" -> "In the recent years"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "years" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more formal and precise.
"the role of peers" -> "the roles of peers"
Explanation: Changing "role" to "roles" acknowledges that peers can have multiple roles in shaping students’ development, enhancing the accuracy of the statement.
"I strongly agree" -> "I firmly believe"
Explanation: Replacing "strongly agree" with "firmly believe" shifts the tone to a more academic and assertive expression, suitable for formal writing.
"have a more substantial impact" -> "exert a more significant influence"
Explanation: "Exert a more significant influence" is a more formal and precise way to describe the effect of peers on students, aligning better with academic style.
"feel motivated to excel" -> "are motivated to excel"
Explanation: Changing "feel" to "are" corrects the verb form to match the passive construction, enhancing grammatical accuracy.
"surrounded by competitive classmates" -> "surrounded by classmates who are competitive"
Explanation: Adding "who are" clarifies that the classmates are competitive, improving the sentence structure and precision.
"put in extra effort" -> "exert additional effort"
Explanation: "Exert additional effort" is a more formal and precise term, suitable for academic writing.
"engage in group studies" -> "participate in collaborative studies"
Explanation: "Participate in collaborative studies" is more specific and formal, emphasizing the collaborative aspect of peer interaction.
"seek help from one another" -> "seek assistance from one another"
Explanation: "Assistance" is a more formal synonym for "help," enhancing the academic tone of the text.
"Besides that" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Besides that."
"Interaction with friends" -> "Interactions with peers"
Explanation: "Interactions with peers" is more specific and formal, focusing on the academic context of peer relationships.
"display better emotional regulation" -> "demonstrate improved emotional regulation"
Explanation: "Demonstrate improved emotional regulation" uses more formal vocabulary and is more precise in describing the outcome of peer relationships.
"control their tempers" -> "manage their emotions"
Explanation: "Manage their emotions" is a more precise and formal way to describe emotional regulation, avoiding the colloquial "control their tempers."
"collaborate through shared experiences" -> "collaborate through shared experiences"
Explanation: This is a redundant repetition, and removing it maintains the formal tone without redundancy.
"Therefore, I strongly agree" -> "Therefore, I firmly believe"
Explanation: Replacing "strongly agree" with "firmly believe" maintains the formal tone and aligns with the academic style of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating the author’s position that peers have a more substantial impact on academic achievement and emotional growth than teachers. The introduction sets the stage for this argument, and each body paragraph supports this claim with relevant examples. For instance, the discussion on how competitive classmates motivate students academically and the role of friendships in emotional regulation directly relates to the prompt’s focus on the influence of peers versus teachers.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the role teachers play in the educational process. While the author mentions teachers in the introduction and conclusion, a more balanced discussion that includes specific examples of how teachers contribute to academic and emotional development would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position is clear and consistent throughout the essay. The author states their agreement with the prompt in the introduction and maintains this stance in the body paragraphs. The use of phrases like "I strongly agree" reinforces the author’s viewpoint. Additionally, the conclusion succinctly reiterates the main argument, ensuring that the reader understands the author’s perspective.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could strengthen its argument by addressing potential counterarguments. Acknowledging the importance of teachers, even briefly, would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and enhance the overall argument by showing why the author still believes peers have a greater impact.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the influence of peers, with relevant examples such as surveys and studies that illustrate the points made. The examples are well-chosen and effectively extend the argument, providing a solid foundation for the claims.
- How to improve: To further develop ideas, the author could include more varied examples or data to support their claims. For instance, incorporating statistics or studies that quantify the impact of peer influence on academic performance or emotional growth would add depth to the argument. Additionally, discussing how peer influence might vary across different contexts (e.g., cultural or socioeconomic factors) could enrich the analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph relating back to the central argument regarding the influence of peers versus teachers. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the author maintains relevance in their examples and discussions.
- How to improve: To ensure continued focus, the author should be cautious of introducing too many ideas in a single paragraph. While the essay is well-structured, ensuring that each point is directly tied back to the main argument can help maintain clarity. Additionally, using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can reinforce the focus on the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-supported argument. By incorporating a more balanced view of the role of teachers, addressing counterarguments, and providing additional supporting evidence, the essay could achieve an even higher level of sophistication in its argumentation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the argument, stating the position clearly. Each body paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument—academic success in the first paragraph and emotional development in the second. This separation allows for a coherent development of ideas. For example, the transition from discussing academic motivation to emotional growth is smooth, maintaining the reader’s understanding of the overarching argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For instance, a transitional sentence at the end of the first body paragraph could foreshadow the discussion on emotional development, such as, "In addition to academic influences, peers also significantly affect emotional growth." This would create a stronger connection between the two main points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, and the body paragraphs are well-structured, each beginning with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. The use of examples within the paragraphs supports the claims made, enhancing clarity and focus.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is strong, consider varying the length and structure of sentences within paragraphs to create a more dynamic reading experience. For example, integrating shorter sentences for emphasis after longer, complex sentences can help highlight key points and maintain the reader’s engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a good range of cohesive devices, such as "initially," "besides that," and "in conclusion," which effectively guide the reader through the argument. These devices help to clarify relationships between ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay. The use of examples also serves as a cohesive element, linking theoretical claims to practical evidence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied transitional phrases. For example, instead of repeating "besides that," alternatives like "furthermore" or "additionally" could enhance the essay’s sophistication. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help maintain cohesion without redundancy, such as referring back to "students" as "they" in subsequent sentences.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, meriting a Band Score of 8. With minor adjustments in transitions and sentence variety, it could reach an even higher level of sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively using terms such as "significant debate," "profound," "competitive environment," and "emotional regulation." These choices enhance the clarity and sophistication of the argument. However, there are moments where more varied synonyms could have been employed to avoid repetition, particularly with the word "peers," which appears multiple times.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "peers," alternatives like "classmates," "friends," or "fellow students" could be integrated. Additionally, expanding the use of academic vocabulary related to emotional and social development would further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "academic success" and "emotional development" clearly conveying the intended meanings. However, the term "competitive classmates" could be perceived as slightly vague; it might imply a negative connotation that isn’t necessarily intended.
- How to improve: To improve precision, consider clarifying terms that may have multiple interpretations. For example, instead of "competitive classmates," you might say "motivated peers" to emphasize a positive influence. Additionally, ensure that all vocabulary choices align closely with the context to avoid ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "motivation," "influence," and "development" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: While spelling is strong, maintaining this accuracy is crucial. To ensure continued success, consider implementing a routine of proofreading your work for any overlooked errors, even in familiar vocabulary. Engaging in spelling exercises or using tools like spell check can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy will further elevate the quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Students often feel motivated to excel when they are surrounded by competitive classmates" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "the drive to succeed in relation to their peers can create a powerful incentive," showcases the writer’s ability to articulate hypothetical scenarios. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the use of simple declarative sentences, which could be enhanced.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and varied introductory phrases. For example, starting sentences with adverbial clauses ("While teachers provide foundational knowledge…") can add complexity. Additionally, using inversion for emphasis (e.g., "Never have students felt more motivated…") could enhance the essay’s sophistication.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "the impact of peers on academic achievement and emotional growth is undeniable" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys the main argument. Punctuation is mostly accurate, with commas used appropriately to separate clauses. However, there are a few instances where additional commas could enhance clarity, such as in the phrase "the motivation to compete academically and the support found in peer relationships are critical factors that shape a student’s educational journey and personal development," where a comma before "and" could clarify the list.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for minor errors and ensuring that punctuation enhances clarity. Practicing the use of commas in complex sentences and reviewing common grammatical structures can help solidify these skills. Additionally, reading more academic texts can provide insights into effective punctuation and grammatical usage in context.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation. By implementing the suggested strategies, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency in their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, the roles of peers in shaping students’ academic success and emotional development have become a topic of significant debate. While teachers undeniably play an important role in education, I firmly believe that peers exert a more significant influence on students’ achievements and personal growth.

Initially, when it comes to academic success, the influence of peers can be profound. Students are often motivated to excel when they are surrounded by classmates who are competitive. For instance, a survey conducted among high school students revealed that many attributed their improved study habits and higher grades to the desire to outperform their peers. This competitive environment encourages students to exert additional effort, participate in collaborative studies, and seek assistance from one another. The drive to succeed in relation to their peers can create a powerful incentive, often pushing students to achieve more than they would in isolation.

Furthermore, peers play a crucial role in emotional development. Adolescents are at a stage where relationships significantly influence their behavior and feelings. Interactions with friends help students learn how to manage their emotions, resolve conflicts, and cooperate with others. A study highlighted that adolescents who had strong friendships tended to demonstrate improved emotional regulation, as they learned to control their tempers and collaborate through shared experiences. This ability to build relationships is essential for their growth, helping them develop social skills that will benefit them throughout their lives.

In conclusion, while teachers provide foundational knowledge and guidance, the impact of peers on academic achievement and emotional growth is undeniable. The motivation to compete academically and the support found in peer relationships are critical factors that shape a student’s educational journey and personal development. Therefore, I firmly believe that peers have a greater influence in these areas.