Many things can influence the academic achievement and emotional growth of a student. In this regard, peers have more of an impact than teachers do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In the contemporary world, one of the ongoing debates is whether classmates or teachers play a more influential role. From my standpoint, peers often have a stronger impact on students’ school life than tutors.
Initially, peers often share the same goals and pressures so they tend to have more influences on each other. In fact, students spend a large amount of time with their classmates, and during this time, they are likely to discuss their studies, their personal experiences and help each other to thrive further. For example, students who study in a group of friends would feel more motivated to perform well in exams than if they studied alone. Furthermore, since they face similar academic issues, they can assist each other to overcome those challenges.
Moreover, peers influence students to adopt each other’s behaviors and attitudes. I mean that people, especially teenagers are easily influenced by those around them. As an illustration, if a student’s friends are hardworking, that student is likely to develop the same work ethic. This approach also creates a competitive environment, where learners are eager to prove themselves, hence boosting their academic performances. On top of that, having peers provides students with opportunities to reflect on themselves. For instance, learners can compare their academic results and learn from their mistakes, allowing room for improvement. This comparison not only motivates student to work harder but also helps them develop a deeper understanding of their strengths and weaknesses.
To conclude, peers play a critical role academically. By sharing common goals and supporting each other, they inspire the others to grow and achieve success.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the contemporary world" -> "In the modern world"
Explanation: "Contemporary" can imply a focus on the present moment, whereas "modern" encompasses a broader time frame, which is more suitable for discussing ongoing trends and debates in education.
"one of the ongoing debates" -> "one ongoing debate"
Explanation: The phrase "one of the ongoing debates" is grammatically correct but can be simplified to "one ongoing debate" for a more concise and direct expression in academic writing.
"From my standpoint" -> "From my perspective"
Explanation: "From my standpoint" can be seen as slightly informal and less precise. "From my perspective" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase.
"peers often have a stronger impact" -> "peers frequently exert a greater influence"
Explanation: "Exert a greater influence" is more formal and precise than "have a stronger impact," aligning better with academic style by emphasizing the active role of peers in influencing students.
"tend to have more influences on each other" -> "tend to exert more influence on one another"
Explanation: "Exert more influence on one another" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the sentence, making it more suitable for academic writing.
"students spend a large amount of time" -> "students spend considerable time"
Explanation: "A large amount of time" is somewhat vague; "considerable time" is more precise and formal, fitting better in an academic context.
"help each other to thrive further" -> "assist each other in advancing"
Explanation: "Assist each other in advancing" is more formal and precise, replacing the colloquial "help each other to thrive further."
"students who study in a group of friends" -> "students who study with friends"
Explanation: "In a group of friends" is redundant; "with friends" is more concise and appropriate for formal writing.
"I mean that people, especially teenagers are easily influenced" -> "It is evident that individuals, particularly teenagers, are easily influenced"
Explanation: "I mean that" is informal and conversational; "It is evident that" is more formal and suitable for academic discourse. Additionally, "individuals" is more formal than "people," and "particularly" is preferred over "especially" in formal writing.
"As an illustration" -> "For example"
Explanation: "As an illustration" is slightly redundant and less common in academic writing; "For example" is a standard transitional phrase that serves the same purpose effectively and is more commonly used in formal texts.
"boosting their academic performances" -> "enhancing their academic performance"
Explanation: "Boosting" is somewhat informal and imprecise; "enhancing" is more formal and appropriate for academic contexts, and "performance" should be singular to match the subject-verb agreement.
"having peers provides students with opportunities" -> "having peers offers students opportunities"
Explanation: "Provides" is correct but can be simplified to "offers" for a more direct and formal tone, which is preferred in academic writing.
"learners can compare their academic results and learn from their mistakes" -> "students can compare their academic results and learn from their mistakes"
Explanation: "Learners" is less specific and slightly informal; "students" is the standard term in academic contexts, and it maintains the formal tone of the essay.
"motivates student to work harder" -> "motivates students to work harder"
Explanation: "Student" should be plural to agree with the subject "learners," and "students" is the correct term in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating the author’s position that peers have a stronger influence on students than teachers. The introduction sets the stage for this argument, and the body paragraphs provide supporting evidence. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the role teachers play, even if the stance is that peers are more influential. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could briefly mention the impact of teachers in the introduction and then refute this in the body paragraphs. This would create a more balanced argument and show a deeper engagement with the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that peers are more influential. The use of phrases like "From my standpoint" and "To conclude" reinforces this stance. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to ensure that the reader clearly follows the argument without confusion.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should use transitional phrases to link ideas more effectively. For example, using phrases like "In addition to this" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument and reinforce the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the shared goals among peers and the influence of peer behavior on academic performance. Each point is supported with relevant examples, making the argument compelling. However, some ideas could be further extended to deepen the analysis. For instance, the discussion on competitive environments could include potential drawbacks, such as stress or anxiety.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should aim to elaborate on key points by discussing counterarguments or potential negative aspects of peer influence. This would not only extend the ideas but also demonstrate critical thinking.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of peer versus teacher influence, with all points relevant to the argument. There are no significant deviations from the topic, which is commendable. However, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the main points made in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and enhance the conclusion, the author should briefly reiterate the key arguments made in the essay before restating the final position. This will reinforce the essay’s coherence and ensure that the reader is left with a clear understanding of the argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the author can elevate the essay to an even higher level of sophistication and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that peers have a more significant influence on students than teachers. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph logically builds on the previous one. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the shared experiences and goals among peers, while the second body paragraph shifts focus to behavioral influences. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "One of the primary ways peers influence academic achievement is through shared goals and collaborative study habits." This would provide a stronger roadmap for the reader.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, making it easy for the reader to digest the information. However, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the main points discussed in the body paragraphs, reinforcing the argument made throughout the essay.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly reiterating the key points made in the body paragraphs. For instance, you could mention how peer motivation, behavioral influences, and self-reflection collectively underscore the importance of peers in academic success. This would not only reinforce your argument but also provide a satisfying closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "initially," "moreover," and "for example," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. These devices effectively guide the reader through the essay. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to enhance the richness of the text. For example, the phrase "on top of that" could be replaced with alternatives like "in addition" or "furthermore" to avoid repetition.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "consequently" to show cause and effect or "in contrast" when discussing opposing views. Additionally, varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more engaging reading experience.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively presenting a well-structured argument. By implementing the suggested improvements, the clarity and impact of the essay can be further enhanced.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "influential," "motivated," "competitive environment," and "academic performances." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the terms "peers" and "students," which appear frequently throughout the essay. This limits the lexical variety and can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "peers," you could use "classmates," "colleagues," or "fellow students." Additionally, incorporating more varied expressions related to academic achievement and emotional growth, such as "academic success," "personal development," or "social influences," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "assist each other to overcome those challenges" could be more effectively expressed as "help each other overcome challenges." The phrase "the others" in the conclusion is vague and could be more specific, such as "their peers."
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choice to enhance clarity and precision. Review sentences to identify areas where more specific language can be used. For example, instead of saying "students can compare their academic results," you might say "students can evaluate their academic performance," which conveys a clearer meaning.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "student" instead of "students" in the phrase "motivates student to work harder." Additionally, "performances" is used correctly, but the singular form "performance" would be more appropriate in this context.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Consider using spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud to catch any errors. Practicing commonly misspelled words and reviewing the correct forms of nouns and verbs can also help enhance spelling skills.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "students who study in a group of friends would feel more motivated" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys the idea. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as starting multiple sentences with "peers" or "students," which can lead to a monotonous reading experience.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting with "students" or "peers," you could use phrases like "In many cases," "It is often observed that," or "Many learners find that." Additionally, incorporating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences or passive voice, could enhance the overall range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, the phrase "students’ school life than tutors" could be more clearly expressed as "students’ school life than that of tutors." Additionally, the sentence "I mean that people, especially teenagers are easily influenced by those around them" is missing a comma after "teenagers," which disrupts the flow.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to punctuation, particularly with clauses. Ensure that commas are used correctly to separate clauses and phrases. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can also be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for clarity and coherence can help identify awkward phrasing or grammatical inconsistencies before submission.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, you can aim for a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern world, one ongoing debate is whether classmates or teachers play a more influential role in a student’s academic achievement and emotional growth. From my perspective, peers frequently exert a greater influence on students’ school life than tutors.

Initially, peers often share the same goals and pressures, so they tend to exert more influence on one another. In fact, students spend considerable time with their classmates, and during this time, they are likely to discuss their studies, personal experiences, and assist each other in advancing. For example, students who study in a group of friends are more motivated to perform well in exams than if they studied alone. Furthermore, since they face similar academic challenges, they can support each other in overcoming those obstacles.

Moreover, peers influence students to adopt each other’s behaviors and attitudes. It is evident that individuals, particularly teenagers, are easily influenced by those around them. For instance, if a student’s friends are hardworking, that student is likely to develop the same work ethic. This dynamic also creates a competitive environment, where learners are eager to prove themselves, thereby enhancing their academic performance. On top of that, having peers offers students opportunities to reflect on themselves. For example, learners can compare their academic results and learn from their mistakes, allowing room for improvement. This comparison not only motivates students to work harder but also helps them develop a deeper understanding of their strengths and weaknesses.

To conclude, peers play a critical role in academic achievement and emotional growth. By sharing common goals and supporting each other, they inspire one another to grow and achieve success.