The map below shows the development of a seaside village between 1995 and the present.

The two maps illustrate the changes in a seaside village from 1995 to the present day.
Overall, the village’s layout changed significantly, particularly with the removal of the forest park and the fishing port.
In the north-west of the village, there were a few houses on both sides of the road in 1995. Until now, there is a new road which is located to the west, leading to the residential areas. In addition, more houses have been built on either side of the road in the north-west. In the north-east of the map, there were a big farmland and a forest park, which were cleared and replaced with the new sports areas for golf and tennis.
To the southern part of the seaside village, restaurants and apartments have been constructed on the both sides of the road, which occupy the previous location of the shop and fish market. The fishing port was destroyed completely in the present day. In the south-east of the village, a car park has been added beside the hotel, and the adjacent cafe still remains unchanged over the period.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"illustrate" -> "depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is more formal and precise in academic writing, conveying a clearer sense of representation than "illustrate."
"the village’s layout changed significantly" -> "the layout of the village underwent significant changes"
Explanation: This revision enhances formality and clarity by using "underwent" to indicate a process and restructuring the phrase for better flow.
"Until now, there is a new road which is located to the west" -> "To date, a new road has been constructed to the west"
Explanation: "To date" is a more formal expression than "until now," and "has been constructed" is more precise and active than "there is."
"more houses have been built on either side of the road" -> "additional houses have been constructed on both sides of the road"
Explanation: "Additional" is a more formal and precise term than "more," and "constructed" is a stronger verb than "built," enhancing the academic tone.
"there were a big farmland" -> "there was a large area of farmland"
Explanation: "Large" is more appropriate than "big" in formal writing, and "area of farmland" is a clearer and more accurate description.
"which were cleared and replaced with the new sports areas for golf and tennis" -> "which were cleared and replaced by new sports facilities for golf and tennis"
Explanation: "Replaced by" is the correct preposition in this context, and "sports facilities" is a more formal term than "sports areas."
"the southern part of the seaside village" -> "the southern section of the seaside village"
Explanation: "Section" is a more precise term than "part" in academic contexts, enhancing clarity.
"on the both sides of the road" -> "on both sides of the road"
Explanation: The phrase "the both" is incorrect; "both" alone suffices and is grammatically correct.
"which occupy the previous location of the shop and fish market" -> "which occupy the former locations of the shop and fish market"
Explanation: "Former locations" is more precise and formal than "previous location," improving clarity.
"was destroyed completely in the present day" -> "has been completely destroyed"
Explanation: "Has been completely destroyed" is more concise and maintains the present perfect tense, which is appropriate for discussing changes up to the present.
"beside the hotel" -> "adjacent to the hotel"
Explanation: "Adjacent to" is a more formal and precise expression than "beside," enhancing the academic tone.
"the adjacent cafe still remains unchanged over the period" -> "the adjacent café has remained unchanged throughout this period"
Explanation: "Has remained" is more precise than "still remains," and "throughout this period" is clearer than "over the period," improving the overall flow and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses all the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the changes in the village. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the fishing port was "destroyed completely" in the present day, which is not accurate. The fishing port is simply no longer present.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate information about the changes in the village. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the changes, such as the number of houses that have been built or the size of the new sports areas. The essay should also avoid making subjective statements, such as "the fishing port was destroyed completely". Instead, the essay should focus on reporting factual information.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas in a coherent manner, showing a clear overall progression from the description of the village’s layout in 1995 to the present changes. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion is somewhat mechanical, particularly in the transitions between ideas. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for clearer logical separation of different areas discussed.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices more naturally, ensuring that transitions between ideas flow smoothly. Additionally, organizing the content into distinct paragraphs that clearly separate different aspects of the changes (e.g., residential areas, recreational facilities) would improve clarity and logical progression. More explicit referencing to the maps could also strengthen the connection between the descriptions and the visual information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It uses some less common lexical items such as "illustrate," "layout," and "constructed," which show an attempt to enhance the description. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the both sides of the road" instead of "both sides of the road," and "the previous location of the shop and fish market" could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and phrasing, such as "the big farmland" which would be more naturally phrased as "a large area of farmland." These issues do not severely impede communication but do indicate a need for improvement in precision and control.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary further and ensuring precise word choice. Practicing the

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While the writer attempts to convey the changes in the village clearly, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that occasionally hinder communication. For instance, phrases like "the both sides of the road" and "the big farmland" are not standard English usage. Additionally, there are some punctuation issues, such as missing commas, which detract from the overall clarity of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to enhance the grammatical range.
Error Reduction: Proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
Punctuation: Ensure correct punctuation usage to improve the flow and clarity of sentences.
Clarity and Precision: Use more precise language and standard expressions to avoid confusion, such as replacing "the both sides" with "both sides."

Bài sửa mẫu

The two maps illustrate the changes in a seaside village from 1995 to the present day. Overall, the village’s layout has changed significantly, particularly with the removal of the forest park and the fishing port.

In the north-west of the village, there were a few houses on both sides of the road in 1995. As of now, a new road has been constructed to the west, leading to the residential areas. Additionally, more houses have been built on either side of the road in the north-west. In the north-east of the map, there was a large farmland and a forest park, which have been cleared and replaced with new sports areas for golf and tennis.

In the southern part of the seaside village, restaurants and apartments have been constructed on both sides of the road, occupying the previous locations of the shop and fish market. The fishing port has been completely removed in the present day. In the south-east of the village, a car park has been added beside the hotel, while the adjacent café remains unchanged over the period.